She Called Him Comrade
by SnowGoose
Summary: A month before graduation Dimitri left Rose. Years later he reassigned to the academy specifically to train a very special Novice. Once there he has to face Rose and the mistakes he made. This is not the typical D left R story. Dimitri POV
1. Returning

_**She Called Him Comrade.**_

**Summery**  
A month before graduation Dimitri left Rose to take Tasha's offer. Years later he reassigned to the academy specifically to train a very special Novice. Once there he has to face Rose and the mistakes he made.

The night in the cabin happened and so did the attack on the school. Rose saw Mason but couldn't hear him. Dimitri was never taken and turned. Rose hadn't fully opened up to Dimitri about all the strange things that being shadow kissed has done to her; so he doesn't have as clear understanding that she is different.

I have said that I wont post this till after I finish So what now but since I am not sure how much longer I will be writing that one I decided to go ahead and post chapter one. This is an alternate timeline so you may see some reoccurring characters. Thank you to Rangarose for being my Beta. Please read her story Life changes sometimes.

I do not own VA But that which is mine I share with you.

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**Chapter 1: Returning **

**Dimitri's POV**

I sat there looking out the window of the court Jet thinking about everything that has happened in the last seven years. When I left St. Vladimir's Academy I left much more than a prestigious job guarding the last Dragomir. I left half of my heart and soul, I left my Roza. Before I had met Rosemarie Hathaway; my only focus was being a guardian. Even when I was guarding my best friend Ivan, and work was also fun I didn't let women distract me from protecting my charge. If he had not made me take a day off then he might still be alive. I retreated into myself after Ivan's death. I was assigned to St Vladimir's and given the task of finding Princess Vasilisa Dragomir and her best friend Novice Rosemarie Hathaway. The pair had run away a year and a half before and no one had yet been able to locate them. I threw myself into the task of tracking down their almost nonexistent paper trail. I didn't socialize with the other guardians. I worked my shifts and spent my spare time looking for the girls.

My world changed the night I captured them. The first time I saw Rose was when I was spying at the bedroom window of the house they were suspected of living in. Rose had jumped out of bed and gone to the princess's side just before the princess had begun to scream. She began to sooth the princess, calming her from her nightmare. What I saw her do next amazed and repulsed me at the same time. Rosemarie or as I would soon refer to her, Roza, tilted her head and exposed her neck to her friend. I know that they didn't have access to feeders but to see her offer herself was almost beyond the call of duty. I was mesmerized by her beauty and her selflessness. Shortly after, I was privileged to see the depth of her bravery as she fought against me, a fully fledged Guardian, while she was surrounded by eleven others. She had to have known that she didn't stand a chance of winning but she fought till the princess silently told her to stop. I remembered the stories my grandmother had told me about the great Guardians and how they had a bond to their charges. I watched how the girls interacted and I suspected that these two girls were bonded; if bonds are really possible that is. (Yeva and I didn't see eye to eye on her superstitious, future vision nonsense.)

When we returned to the academy and Headmistress Kirkova threatened to expel Rose I knew I had to intervene. Somehow I ended up agreeing to Mentor Rose and help her catch up to her classmates. This decision changed my life more than any other before. The more time I spent with Rose the more I fell deeply in love with her. She was like my oxygen under water.

My feelings for her were exploited by Viktor Dashkov in an attempt to prevent us from coming to the princess's aid. Thankfully we broke his lust charm in time to rescue Lissa. After that both Rose and I tried to hold back our feelings for each other but it was sometimes impossible. I came so close to losing her when she and 4 others were held captive by Stigoi. I couldn't imagine a world without her. Even if we could only be guarding partners, I wanted to stay by her side forever.

Things changed between us the night of the infamous attack on the school. That night when Rose had taken way too much darkness through her bond with Lissa; I dropped my guard and let Roza know how worried I was for her. I let her know I loved her with all my heart. She accepted my love and found the strength to let go of the darkness. Her eyes offered me her love and for the first time I really accepted it. It was in that one look that I was changed. I felt as if I had given her my soul and in exchange I received hers. That night we made love for the first time. The electric energy that seemed to flow between us anytime we touched must have intensified because anywhere our skin touched hummed with energy.

That night I made plans that would allow us to date each other once she graduated. She would continue on as Lissa's Guardian but I would transfer to court so that I would be near them and Roza and I would not be putting the Princess in jeopardy. Those next months had been the happiest in my life. Rose and I let Kirkova and Alberta know about our relationship and to our surprise they already knew. We were not allowed to be open about our relationship till after graduation but that was ok with us. We knew that once we were out as a couple then we would have to face the scrutiny of others but that was something that we both agreed we could face together. We had to continue with our trainings and every once in a while Alberta would check on us to make sure we were training and not doing some other kind of 'exercise'.

After Rose's 18th birthday we were allowed two full days a week for 'training' outside of the wards. On those 'training' days I took her camping all over the beautiful state of Montana. I loved spending time with Roza, and I was able to teach her some survival skills when we were camping. I was surprised how fast she learned and within just a few weeks we only took a back pack and sleeping bags. God, how I loved our camping trips! We would use branches and make ourselves a lean-to instead of pitching a tent, and make love for hours. I have to admit sometimes I would sneak into her room at night. In those two and a half months my Roza and I made love twenty seven times and I remember each and every encounter. Over the seven years since I left I have relived them in my mind countless times.

I sighed. I have so many happy memories of my life here. I have to be honest with myself and admit that my very worst memory happened at St. Vladimir too. A little less than a month before graduation when Roza and I would finally be able to be a couple and be open about our relationship; I left her. It was the biggest mistake I could ever have made.

My mind automatically flashed to the catalyst for my decision. Rose had been acting funny for a few days. I tried to ask her what was wrong but she would just smile at me with a strange look on her face like she was excited about something but worried about how I would react to it. A few days later I got a clue when out of the blue Lissa asked me how I felt about having children. I was honest with her and told her.

"I have always wanted children of my own but since Rose and I can't have children then I don't want them."

"What If Rose got pregnant."

As Dhampirs we are told from an early age that it is our responsibility to make sure to continue our race. As a result it is not socially acceptable for Dhampirs to have a relationship or marry other Dhampirs. Still some couples chose to be together any way. To relieve their relationship from scrutiny; many woman will purposely get pregnant by a Moroi. The thought of Rose allowing any other man touch her made my blood boil and my heart hurt.

"If Rose got pregnant then I would know that she cheated on me." My voice sounded much harsher than I meant for it to and the princesses eyes grew big and she looked like she was about to cry.

"Rose would never cheat on you. She loves you more than you know. Sometimes I am jealous of how much she loves you." Lissa almost whispered to me. As she turned I saw her wipe a tear from her face.

Later when I snuck into Roza's room her mind seemed to be somewhere else. When we made love that night she didn't seem to be into it so I stopped and just held her. After a moment of holding her she began to sob. I held her till she fell asleep. I listened as she began to talk through some fitful dream. She never said any coherent sentences but she said the word baby almost a dozen times. She also said both comrade and Dimitri several times.

It occurred to me that maybe she really wanted to have a baby. She is still very young and her Guardian career hasn't even started but perhaps she felt the call to mother hood already. I loved and still love Roza but I couldn't stand by and watch her get pregnant by some random Moroi or worse. I know Adrian Ivashkov would be more than willing to provide stud services. It hadn't slipped my attention that Adrian has been paying special attention to her lately. I also didn't want to stand in Roza's way if she wanted a child. I made the only decision I thought I could at the time. I called Tasha Ozera and told her that I needed to take her up on her offer.

The couple of days later Alberta came up to me; she had been very standoffish since I told her about my decision to guard Tasha. She has worked here since rose started school 14 years ago. To her Rose was the daughter she never had. She also knew that I had not yet told Roza about my decision.

"Guardian Belikov I need to have a word with you?"

"Yes Alberta."

"Lord Ivashkov and the Princess are going to court this weekend. They are leaving in a half an hour. Rose will be going with them so I have to inform you that you're 'training day' will have to be canceled. Also I was wondering if you would delay your flight till after they come back. She gets back at 3 am Sunday. Maybe you could wait till sunup? I think Rose might have something she wants to talk to you about." Alberta sounded like she really wanted me to stay but I knew that It would be easier to leave if I didn't have her watching me go.

"I am sorry but I can't postpone my departure but if it's important Chris has Tasha's number and Rose has my cell number." Alberta shook her head and walked away mumbling something about me being no better than a Royal Moroi by leaving her after I had my fun and how I am making a huge mistake.

I did go to see her off and as the others boarded the plane Rose ran to me and jumped into my arms. I held her tight and took in her sent for the last time. We kissed each other passionately. When we pulled away she cupped my face.

"Dimitri I want you to know that I love you and no matter what happens; I love you and only you. You own my heart Comrade."

In the back of my mind I wondered if Rose was planning on conceiving a child with Ivashkov. Perhaps she already had and she just didn't know how to tell me. I love her so much but I just couldn't stand the thought of her carrying his child.

"I love you too Roza." I let her down and watched her board the plane. I went back to my room and wrote her a letter.

Dear Roza

I know that you want a child and most likely Ivashkov will be the one to help you conceive one. I love you so much and I want you to be happy. I won't stand in your way but I could not raise a child who was not mine. I have decided to guard Tasha. I wished you well in your life I know that you will be a great Guardian and a great Mother. I still love and care for you so much more than you could possibly know. If you need me I am a phone call away.

Love your Comrade.

I left the note on her pillow where I was sure she would find it. On Saturday morning at 7pm I boarded my plane and left my heart in Montana.

Life with Tasha was easy. We had been friends for ten years and I cared about her has a friend. She had known about my relationship with Roza and she had asked why I left but she respected my privacy when I told her I didn't want to talk about it. Every once in a while she would suggest that I call Roza and try to make-up with her. Mostly Tasha was a loyal friend who was there for me.

Nearly a year into guarding her she asked me if I would father children with her. This was a hard decision for me because I really wanted children but I had given up on the idea when I fell in love with Roza. I knew that I had given up any chance of ever being with Rose again and most likely she had already moved on.

After a couple of months of thinking about it I agreed. One night Tasha and I had a romantic dinner and we tried to get intimate together but thoughts of my Roza kept me from actually having sex. Tasha was having trouble getting into it with me because though we had always had an attraction; she realized that she really saw me more like a brother.

She still wanted a child so Tasha decided on using a medical procedure that humans do when they have trouble conceiving. Tasha made an appointment for us at a human clinic. There was a Moroi doctor on staff there who would be personally taking our case. Tasha had to go through a round of hormone treatments that would make many eggs mature instead of just one or two that would normally happen. Then she had to have a procedure to harvest her eggs. I was given a cup and told to go into the other room and fill it with a sperm sample. Thinking of the first time I had snuck into Roza's room and held her in my arms all night; I filled the cup. The Doctor examined a drop of my sample under a microscope and said that my sperm count and motility were good. When they tried to put my sperm sample together with Tasha's eggs my swimmers wouldn't work. I guess it was not meant for me to have children. Tasha went through artificial insemination using human donor sperm.

She gave birth to a little boy that she named Connor Jacob Ozera. Conner was the closest I would ever come to having a child. I loved him more than I could have imagined. It made me feel guilty to love him because I realized that I could have loved any child that my Roza had. If I had known about artificial insemination then I could have suggested it so that Rose could have a child without having to sleep with anyone but me.

As easy as life with Tasha may have been I was not truly happy. I missed my Roza. I avoided her at her trials and graduation even though I had gotten an invitation from Alberta to participate in both her trials and graduation ceremony. Within weeks of my move I called a friend of mine who worked at court. I asked him if he had seen Rose around court. He told me that he hadn't but he would ask around. A few weeks later Kristov called me back. He told me that Lissa had declined the queen's offer to live at Court and go to Lehigh. In a desperate attempt to keep the last Dragomir close she compromised with her and allowed her and her Guardians to live close to court in a mansion owned by Adrian Ivashkov. He told me that Rose he had noticed that Rose never came to court with Lissa but that Guardian Eddie Castile (Eddie had been assigned to Christian) and Guardian Janine Hathaway would accompany them. He did find out that Rose Guarded Lissa along with Janine when Lissa went to school or anywhere out of court. He asked me why I was interested and I gave him some crap about being interested about how my former student was doing. He told me that he still kept tabs on one of his former students too and that he would let me know anything new. I received a call from him again a few days later. Apparently Janine and Adrian had found out that he was snooping around and he was threatened to stop. He was also given a message for me. "If you really care to know how she is doing then you should call her or better yet come see her yourself. But if you do you better be ready to stay no matter what you see or hear."

Christian and Tasha kept in contact with each other but he never said anything about Roza nor would he answer any questions that Tasha asked. A few times Chris and Eddie came for a visit but they never spoke of her. They didn't speak much to me at all.

Three and a half years after I had left Rose, Christian and Princess Lissa were married. Tasha, Connor and I flew back to court for the wedding. I was so nervous because this might be the first time I had seen Roza since her Trials and graduation. I had hid from her then because I was too much of a coward to face her. Rose is the Princess's best friend; I fully expected Rose to be in the wedding party but instead she was one of the guardian's standing against the wall. I tried not to stare at her she was beautiful. Her face and body were no longer the body of the eighteen year old I last saw. Instead she was completely a woman. She was scanning the room and her eyes met mine briefly. Pain and betrayal flashed in her eyes. Her eyes fell on Conner who was standing on my lap looking at the procession behind me. Her eyes softened and I saw love and sadness as she looked at a point behind me. I turned my attention back to the wedding when Tasha made a sound of aw. I looked behind me and gasped.

The flower girl walked down the aisle and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She looked like a mini Rose. Her long dark brown hair was braided in a style that Rose used to sometimes do on her own hair. She had a small braid just behind her each of ears that held just the front and top hairs. The two braids were brought together into a single braid in the back. The rest of her hair was down in soft curls. She had skin that was just a shade lighter but it held the same tone as Roza. She had Roza's eyebrows and lips. If she had been younger I would have thought that she could have been Roza's child but she was too old. The little flower girl must have been about five years old. She flashed a smile at the guardians along the wall. Her smile could light up a room.

I wanted to talk to Roza at the reception but she was nowhere to be seen. Tasha tried to find out information from Christian but Christian would not tell her anything about Rose. When I asked; he and Lissa told me that Rose asked them not to say anything about her other than that she was doing well and she hoped that we were too. I tried to find out information from Kristov at court but he told me that most of Rose's file was confidential and kept in the care of the queen herself. The only thing he was able to tell me was that Rose had earned eight more Molnija marks since graduation. I was shocked to hear this. Most guardians can go years between encounters with Strigoi. To hear that my Roza had encountered that many Strigoi made me shiver with worry for her. I was also proud of her. She had turned into even more of a badass guardian than I imagine myself to be.

Over the next three years I was lucky if I got even a snip-it of information about Rose. I know that she is still Guarding Liss but that she is also working on something else and she answers only to the queen about it. I know that Lissa is now teaching at St Vladimir's and if she is there then so is my Roza.

A few days ago I was told that I was being reassigned and that the queen herself would tell me what my assignment would be. I packed all my belongings and left Tasha and Conner for court. I was heartbroken to leave them. Tasha was like family to me, I loved her like a sister. Connor I loved like my own. I knew that they would be ok. The guardian that was assigned to them was known to be one of the best. Also over two years ago Tasha had begun to date someone who I actually approved of. He loved her and treated her well and he also loved Connor. His name was Jonathan Conta and he and Tasha are engaged to be married on Valentine's Day. It pained me to know that I might be replaced in Conner's life.

Queen Tatiana had a private meeting with me and when I say private I mean private. Normally there would be at least three guardians standing behind her and she would have one of her advisers seated next to her. There was no one else in the room but the Queen and I. I went over the conversation again in my head.

**Flashback**

"Guardian Belikov I thank you for coming. I do realize that I have pulled you away from your family and for that I am truly very sorry. I have a task for you that is, of the upmost importance to me. Seven years ago you mentored Rosemarie Hathaway and today she is probably the best Guardian there is. I have another novice that is in need of mentoring. She is a very special person to me and it is my wish that you take the task of mentoring her."

"I would be happy to accept the honor. May I ask where I will be working?"

"She is a student at St. Vladamir's" My heart began to pound hard. Yes I miss Roza, and I long to see her, but after all these years I don't feel that I have the right to be in her life anymore.

"You're Highness might I ask, why have me mentor this girl; Guardian Hathaway is working there and as you have said she is probably the best guardian."

"Guardian Hathaway has been mentoring her but there are extenuating circumstances that prevent Guardian Hathaway from being able to mentor Annemarie on a regular basis. Between her administrative duties and the work she does for me her time is quite limited. She also has quite a lot of personal responsibilities that I do not wish to pull her from."

I was finally getting some information about my Roza. I knew enough not to ask about anything the queen might have her working on or anything regarding her personal life; but I could possibly learn more about her work at the school

"Administrative duties?"

"Well due to the number of kills she has made and her….. 'Remarkable' skills she is now the Captain of the guardians. Though tradition mandates that she take the position as captain she would not fully take the job away from Guardian Petrov so she shares administrative duties with her. I have to say that it is a partnership that works out quite well."

I wanted to keep asking her questions but I sensed that this was all she would answer.

"When do I leave for the Academy?"

"Your Flight leaves at 5:00 PM. I want you there before sundown. When you get there Guardian Petrov and Headmistress Kirkova will brief you. Then you are to observe Annemarie. Rose…. Guardian Hathaway will introduce you to her and after that you will begin your sessions."

END FLASHBACK

I wonder she is still single? Does she have any children? Could she ever forgive me?

The plane began its decent breaking me out of my reverie. The plane circled over the school. I noticed that there was a new road that led from the airplane hangar past a gate at the property line; the road lead north through another gate to a small compound that looked a lot like a small school. This was something totally new. My thought about it were cut short. Through the trees in the south west corner where our cabin should have been I spotted the roof of a very large house like structure. I sighed thinking that maybe it was a good thing that I wouldn't be able to go and reminisce about the first time I made love to Rose. It was going to be hard enough to face her again. She was probably with someone now. Tasha and I were good friends and I was for all intense purposes father to her son, but she never could replace My Roza.

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**POP QUIZ**

1. Do you think Dimitri was right that Rose wanted to have a baby?

2. Tasha seems to want Dimitri to make up with Rose. Do you think she was being genuine?

3. Why did Dimitri's swimmers not work with Tasha's egg? (if you read So What Now you might know the answer.)

4. Why wasn't Rose in Lissa's wedding party? Who was the Little Girl?

5. What is Rose doing for the Queen?

6. What do you think the smaller school like compound is and why is it attached to the School's landing strip?

7. Why is there a large house standing where the cabin should be?

I like to do Pop Quizzes at the end of my chapters. This gives you a reason to review and I love to read what you thought. sometimes my questions might give you insight into where the story is going or what I thought was interesting. Any way I would love if your do the quiz but any review is welcome.

Suzanna AKA SnowGoose


	2. Hello Alberta

January 18, 2011 I have spent most of my weekend reading all your stories. I have to say that I think you guys are all such great writers and I thank you for sharing your stories with us.

I thought I might worn you that some of the questions I asked you will not be answered for quite a few chapters.

There are things that Dimitri is going to have to figure out about what has happened to Rose during the 7 years since he left. Rose herself will not give him answers but she never really lies to him ether. Others are not willing to give him easy answers ether so it will take a while for him to begin to figure things out.

You need to know that He never really understood everything about the bond and in this story he is not apt to understand things that are no easily proven though science.

Thank you to Rangarose for being my beta, please read her story. Thank You Apocalyptic Angel for being such a supportive niece and goddaughter.

I do not own VA but that which is mine I share with you

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Chapter 2: Hello Alberta

Alberta was waiting for me to when I disembarked the plane. Her Guardian mask was in place and I groaned internally. I look up to Alberta and I know that I disappointed her when I left.

"Hello and Good morning Guardian Belikov how was your flight?"

"Well the flight was ok but there were lots of ghosts of my past visiting me in the form of memories."

"Yes I am sure that there were. I am afraid that there are more waiting for you here." Her voice was still a bit cool but there was a hint of sympathy in it.

"Alberta after the way I mucked things up I am surprised that you are being so polite to me."

"Rosemarie asked those of us who knew about your past not to hold it against you. So I am trying."

"That is extremely kind of her considering how I left things." My heart began to pound again. I wondered if there could be a light at the end of the tunnel.

"Rosemarie has grown and changed over the last seven years. She has a remarkable capacity for compassion. She knows that the reassignment was going to be very difficult for you."

"How is she? Is she here? Do you think she will talk to me?" I realized that I lost control and shut my mouth. Alberta looked at me and her eyes told me that I over stepped a boundary. When she spoke her voice was a little cooler.

"Guardian Belikov I am sure she would prefer that we not talk about her. At the moment she is on assignment from the queen. She is my co Captain of the Guardians so she will have to speak to you but I am sure that she would prefer to keep any interaction between you on a professional level." She pulled a note out of her pocket and handed it to me.

"Take a few minutes and then meet me in Kirkova's office." I hoped beyond hope that the note was from Roza. I unfolded the note and found Alberta's neat script.

Guardian Belikov  
Tasha Ozera called while you were still in transit.  
She would like for you to call as soon as possible.  
Conner wants to talk to his daddy before bed.

PS. Congratulations on being a father.  
Alberta

I pulled out my cell phone which had been off for the duration of the flight. I waited while it turned on then hit home on the speed dial.

"Ozera Residence."  
"Tasha it's me."  
"Oh Thank goodness you called so soon." I could hear her muffle the phone before calling Conner.  
"Daddy!"  
"Hello My Big Boy! Are you being good for mommy?"  
"Yeah I am being good. Are you being good too daddy?"  
"Yes Conner Daddy is being good. I miss you and I love you."  
"I love you too daddy." I wiped a tear from my eye.  
"Give mommy the phone and go lay down on your bed. Mommy will be there in a few minutes to tuck you in." I hear him handing over the phone and then hear the sound of his feet; as he runs to his room.  
"Dimka thank you for calling we miss you so much."  
"I miss you too. I never thought that this would be so hard. I know that what we have isn't a romantic relationship but I miss you and Conner so much already. Jonathan Conta is a great guy and I am happy for the both of you but I am afraid that he is going to take my place in Conner's heart."  
"Dimka you're his father; no one can take your place."

I paused briefly gathering my thoughts.

"I've been sent back to St Vladimir's …She's here you know. I never considered coming back here again. And I never really thought I would work with her. I don't even know how to face her." I felt another tear role down my cheek. I wiped it away with my hand.  
"Dimka, Breath. Wait till you are in your room tonight to break down. For now you have to be brave. Things happen for a reason and maybe this is happening so that you can find your way back to her. I am willing to bet that she still loves you but she is also going to be very hurt so you have to take your time with her."  
"Thank you, Tasha. I have to go to a meeting but I will call you soon."  
"Ok bye for now and good luck Dimka."

I flipped my phone closed and thought about my family. It was only 6:30 pm here but in Mane where Tasha and I had moved to a year ago it would be 8:30 and I would normally have gotten Connor ready for bed and tucked him in. Walking on the beach with him in the evenings listening to him tell me about his day was always my favorite way to get him to wind down for the night. Then I would read to him, he loved the funny way that I spoke for the characters in his story books. I am going to miss the way his blue eyes shine when he calls me daddy.

The familiar wave of guilt washed over me. I realize once again that I left Roza because I was jealous. I was jealous that she wanted something I couldn't give her. I was jealous that she might be willing to ask someone else to give her a child. I was especially upset that the person she was most likely to conceive with was Adrian. Though it is not something I like to talk about I am Adrian's half brother. I don't think that Adrian even knows but the fact still bugged me a little. Strange thing is that over the years I have begun to think that maybe he would be the only man I would have been able to accept leaving her with. I think he does genuinely care for her.

Even though she and he both flirted constantly he seemed to actually respect the relationship that I had with her. In fact he tried to convince me not to leave. It happened early in the day Rose had gone with Lissa and Adrian to court. I was on shift walking the wards and trying not to think about what I was going to do the next day. I heard someone walk up to me and I turned to look.

"Can I do something for you Lord Ivashkov?"

"Yes as a matter of fact. Could I speak to you for a moment?" I nodded and stood at ease.

"I know what you have been thinking and I need to tell you that you are wrong. Rose loves you and only you. You have a special connection that is indescribable. But if you don't open up your mind and stop thinking in black and white you are going to miss out on something truly miraculous."

"There is nothing miraculous about a Dhampir girl getting knocked up by a Moroi guy. I guess that you are a much better choice than that Zeklos kid." I took a breath. "Look I really want her to be happy but I just can't watch her have a child with someone else. How could I love some other man's child? How can I be with a woman who has a child I don't want?"

"Belikov you are such a close minded ass and I feel sorry for you. You don't deserve Rose. You don't deserve the gift she has for you. One day you may realize how very wrong you are. When that day comes you will have to live with the reality of what **you** let go. The time you lose can never be gotten back." With that he walked away.

That was the last time I spoke to him. Here I am, seven years later and I have to admit that he was so right. If I could have let go of my jealousy and opened my heart and mind than we could have looked into our options. If she did decide to become a mother I could have loved her child because it was hers. There is no way that I can go back in time and change what I have done. I wasn't worthy of Roza or the gift of her love.

A breeze blew past my face cooling the tears that had gone unnoticed. I wiped them away and tried to put up my Guardian mask as I entered the administration building. I tried not to think about the day I brought The Princess and Rose back to the academy. I had to chuckle at myself for thinking that I understood how my Roza felt coming back after having run away. Only she ran away to protect her best friend from some unseen danger. I ran away from the best thing. I ran away from my love because I was afraid of being hurt. Kirkova's office door was open and I tapped on the doorframe.

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**POP QUIZ**

1. Why do you think Rose wanted Alberta and the others who knew about them Not to hold it against him?

2. How do you think the other guardians and faculty will treat him?

3. Dimitri is nervous about working with Rose. How do you think she will react towards him when she gets back from her assignment?

4. Dimitri thinks back to when he brought Rose and Lissa back after they ran away and says he understands how they felt. Do you think it is a fare comparison.

5. Most of you believe the little flower girl at Lissa's wedding was Annemarie. How old do you think Annemarie will look now if she looked around five then?

Please complete your quiz and pass them to the front of the class using the review button

Snowgoose


	3. It's Confidential

January 20, 2011

Thank you for all the reviews. I love them and they have made me very happy.

I really think I might need to warn you all. When it comes to Dimitri realizing the relationship between Annemarie and Rose or (Himself), he is not stupid; but he is ignorant of the possabilities. In this story he has a very scientific mind and things that are super natural are very difficult for him to accept as real. From his point of view there is no possible way that Annemarie could be Rose's child, let alone his. Please don't hate me but you will understand later. And YES the truth will be revealed in time.

I do not own VA but that which is mine I happily share with you.

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**Chapter 3: It's Confidential.**

Kirkova's office door was open and I tapped on the doorframe.

"Come in Guardian Belikov. Please have a seat." Alberta was sitting in one of the two seats in front of the desk, I took the other.

"Good morning Headmistress Kirkova, Alberta." I looked around the room. I remembered the night I brought the girls back to school. That day had changed my life so much. I had a feeling that this day was going to be another life changing day.

"Guardian Belikov I am glad that you accepted the assignment. I could not think of a better Mentor for this particular student. Annemarie requires someone with patience but who will not coddle her. It is very important that she learn proper technique and discipline. Guardian Hathaway is her current mentor but unfortunately she is away from the academy sometimes up to a week every month and when she is here she has a number of other responsibilities. It was important that we find the right person and I suggested you. Guardian Hathaway agreed that you would be the best choice however she was very reluctant to take you from your family."

I feel another stab of guilt. Rose knows that Tasha had a child and she obviously thinks that Connor is mine. I really hope that she doesn't hate me as much as I hate myself.

"I must admit I am very curious to meet this girl. She must be very special since Queen Tatiana herself asked me to mentor her."

Kirkova picked up a very thin folder and handed it to me. It looked much too thin to be a student file.

"You have no idea how special she is. I would have to guess the fact that she is special to Lord Adrian Ivashkov might have some bearing with the Queen as well."

"Adrian Ivashkov?" I frowned. Part of me was still upset because I felt as if he stole Roza from me. I have to face the reality. I gave my Roza away. I never fought for her. In fact I never even waited to find out if I needed to fight for her.

I opened the file. On the first page was a picture that took my breath away. The face that looked back at me could have been a picture of a very young Rose Hathaway. The eyes were a little different in color and shape but her brow and mouth were so much like my Roza. Even the slightly sarcastic glint in her eye reminded me of Roza. I stifle a sigh and turn the page. What I find on the personal information page does nothing but completely confound me.

**First Name:** Annemarie **Middle Name:** B._ **Last Name:** withheld (Please used Donnelley)

**Age:** Actual age withheld. Approximate age 11 **Date of Birth:** February 18 (year withheld)

**Gender****: **Female **Place of birth: **Gramville Community, PA. USA. **Race:** Dhampir (Technically)

**Mother:** Name Withheld **Father:** Name Withheld

**Emergency contacts**: Guardian Hathaway, Adrian Ivashkov, Lissa Ozera Dragomir, Christian Ozera Dragomir. 

**Grade Level:** Academic level ranges from 7-9 Novice training ranges from 9-10

**Dorm:** Not applicable.

**Other Information:** Annemarie is not to leave campus without the company of her Guardian Mikhail Tanner and the permission of Guardian Hathaway. When working with Annemarie it is important to understand that her age is actually quite younger than she appears. She is a very sweet child and is usually eager to prove herself. However she is also willful and stubborn at times. She is very sensitive and tends to lose control of her emotions. It is extremely important that she learn self control. It is also very important to be in a calm frame of mind when working with Annemarie due to the fact that she is very sensitive to the emotions of others. Annemarie will sometimes have special training with Guardian Hathaway. Though Guardian Belikov will be her Primary mentor he is to report weekly to Guardian Hathaway to discuss her progress.

"Ellen, Alberta is this, a joke? Half of her information is missing and the rest doesn't make sense."

"No it is not a joke. I am sorry that there is so much information withheld but I am afraid that the queen herself asked that it be so. She asked that any information that can be used to Identify Annemarie's family be withheld."

"Ok I won't even ask why so much is being withheld but some of this just makes no sense at all. First of all how can she be technically a Dhampir? You list an approximate age of 11; then in the additional information it says that she is "quite younger than she appears"? Her grade level is all over the place between 7th-10th grades. Most 11yr olds are in the 6th grade."

"Annemarie is truly a very special and unique child. There are certain things about her that are not easily explained. Observe her with an open mind. Think along the lines of all the strange things that the shadow kissed and spirit wielders can do. She grew and aged at an accelerated rate for the first part of her life. This is going to be the first year that she has attended classes with other children. Up until now she has been privately tutored and trained. Her class schedule will reflect her abilities in each subject."

"She's a Dhampir with a sanctioned Guardian. Even with a high ranking royal parent she wouldn't qualify for a guardian under the current rules. So how did she get assigned a guardian?"

Alberta turned to me. Her guardian mask was completely down and the concern she had for my student was clear on her face.

"As Kirkova has said; Annemarie is a very special child. She will have abilities that will make her very dangerous to Stigoi. Because of this the Stigoi want her dead. In fact the day she was born her mother was attacked by Strigoi who tried to take the child by cutting into the poor woman. The mother's friends managed to fight the Strigoi and save both her and Annemarie. There have been several attempt on them both ever since. She has not been outside of the wards without at least 3 guardians in years. She has Guardian Tanner who is her sanctioned guardian and she has Nikolai and Ivan who are un-promised guardians that her grandfather hired for her."

I swallowed back the sorrow I felt for this sheltered little girl. I try to calm myself with the last question I had.

"This says not applicable where it should say her dorm number. If she doesn't live in a dorm then where does she live?"

"Guardian Hathaway takes care of a number of children who do not have families. Some are children of Guardians who have been taken or killed and some were given to the Academy to be razed as she had. Most are too young to live in the dorms. The Queen has had a home built on campus for Rose and the children. This is where Annemarie lives."

I looked back at her picture feeling dumbfounded. This child who looked so much like my Roza baffled me. I thought about the Strigoi hunting her and it made me feel angry and protective. It has always been in my nature to be protective but knowing that this girl was under Roza's care; made me want to protect her even more, for Roza.

Alberta stood up and seeing the movement I got to my feet. Kirkova dismissed us and we left her office heading to the guardian building. As we walked I could not hold my curiosity any more.

"Is she married? Did she ever have the child she wanted to have?" To my surprise she answered me.

"Adrian has stood by her side and been a true friend to her. He always loved her and there was a point in time that he tried to win her heart but in the end she decided that it would be best if they were just good friends. He is still her devoted friend. Over the years she has gone on dates but she has not had any lasting relationships. The fact that she doesn't let her dates get very far has earned her the nickname of Virgin Rosemarie. Of course they would never call her that to her face. If you want to know if she had a child you will have to ask her about it yourself. I will tell you that things did not go the way she had hoped that they would. She has endured a lot of heartache over it." I wonder what the hell that is supposed to mean.

"Alberta I suspected that she was already pregnant when I left. Did she miscarry?" Alberta's mask slipped for a second and I could tell she was angered by my confession and she wanted to let me have it.

"Dimitri Belikov you suspected she was pregnant but you didn't stay to find out. Why would you do that to a woman who you swore your love to?" Her voice was hard and her shaking hands were in fists.

"I was afraid of the answer. The idea of Ivashkov or anyone else touching her that way was more than I could bear. How could I stay with her when every time I saw her child I would be reminded that someone other than me had made love to her." Her anger and disappointment was still clear on her face but she held back and continued to converse with me.

"Do you regret your decision?" I could not help but sigh.

"I lost so much when I left her. She was and still is the only woman I have ever loved. I haven't been the same without her. According to Tasha I lost my spark. I wonder about her constantly. Did she ever marry and have the child that she wanted? Is she happy? Does she hate me as much as I hate myself? I left because I didn't want to see her conceive a child with another man but I wanted her to be able to have a child if she wanted to. I didn't want her to have to give up motherhood for me. The funny thing is that I didn't think I could ever love a child who wasn't mine." I chewed my lip for a moment. "Connor is not biologically my child yet I couldn't love him more if he was really mine. He has brought me so much Joy that sometimes the hole I have in my heart doesn't hurt so much….. I just wish I had learned that lesson before I left the other half of my soul."

Alberta stayed quiet just listening. I am grateful that she is letting me talk. Tasha is my best friend but sometimes it was hard to share my feelings about My Roza with her. Alberta and I walked in silence for a few moments and I knew that I should just stay quiet but my heart ached to find out more about Roza. I thought about how my new student looked so much like my Roza.

"Is Annemarie related to Rose?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Alberta, I'm not blind. They look so similar they could be sisters. I heard her mother has had another child but Annemarie looks too old to be a three year old no matter what the profile says about her being much younger than she appears. She doesn't look like Janine so I was wondering if perhaps they are cousins." Alberta outright laughed at me. I shot her a look and she quickly sobered up.

"Sorry, I am not permitted to tell you what relation they are but I can tell you that they are related. I laughed because I won the bet. Rosemarie didn't think you would see the resemblance at all until you saw them together and I thought you would see it right away."

"Why would she think I wouldn't see it till I see them together?"

"It has been seven years since you last saw her. She said that she could barely remember the faces of some of the students she went to school with most of her life; why would you remember a student you only taught for seven months."

"She was so much more than just a student to me and she knows that. I see her every day in my mind. Her face is etched into my heart."

"Do you honestly expect her to believe that she was anything more than another student? It is easier for her to think that she was just another student then acknowledge that she was just a notch on your belt." I froze in my tracks. My hands balled at my sides. She stopped and faced me.

"How dare you say that she was a notch on my belt?" I felt myself tremble with anger. Through her guardian mask I could see rage build in her eyes.

"I am not the one who said it. The day you left Rose said it. Every so often she says it again." My heart sank. My poor Roza, what have I done to her.

"Does she hate me? I wouldn't blame her if she hates me because I hate myself."

"Rosemarie is a remarkable woman and she has found it in her heart to forgive you. I know that she has wished you happiness. However I would not try to think that she is over it. She is a complete conundrum on one hand she is the most giving and loving person that anyone could meet. The devotion she has to the children in her care is fierce. Her love is something almost palpable in its strength. She has a very tight knit circle of friends most of which she has known since she was still in school. To those who she is close to, she can be warm and friendly."

"But?"

"Well on the other hand she is super professional. She keeps her guard up almost all the time and many think that she is a bit cold. She doesn't let people get too close to her; physically or emotionally. There are a few people who she is still close to; most of them as I said, have been her friends since when she was in school. As you can imagine nearly every male teacher and guardian here with the exception of the ones who are married or already in a relationship; have asked to go on a date with her at some point or another. She is very beautiful and despite her professionalism if you get her to let her guard down the real Rose is still in her, buried deep. Unfortunately she doesn't let anyone get close enough to pull down her walls. It is only with her closest friends that she is herself but even then it is not all the time. When she is with the children she is most herself."

I suppressed my jealousy at those who dared to go out with my Roza. I had to remind myself that I left her. She had every right to go out with others. I wanted her to find happiness and I guess I had assumed that she would have ended up with Adrian.

"If she wasn't interested, then why agree to go on dates? Why has she closed her self off to all but her closest friends? The Rose I remember was vivacious and flirtatious. She made friends with people easily despite her hot temper and sarcastic remarks."

"She consented to dates because she was looking for something that she just couldn't find. Why is she closed off? The short answer is that she is afraid to let people in. She has a hard time trusting almost everyone."

I feel another wave of guilt. I know that I am the reason she has lost the ability to trust. I decided to change the subject.

"Annemarie must be a good fighter if she is in Novice classes that are 3-4 years ahead of her peers."

"She is a very good fighter. She still can't pin down any of her instructors but she can hold her own with her classmates despite the fact that they are all much taller and heavier than her. I do think that I should warn you that she is learning two different types of techniques. She is learning the traditional novice techniques and she is learning something different in private lessons with Guardian Hathaway."

Alberta was quiet the rest of the way to her office. I took this as a cue to stay quiet even though my mind was a whirl with thoughts and questions.

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**POP QUIZ**

1. Annemarie's last name is withheld but he is asked to use Donnelley. If you have read So What Now could you tell me what is so significant about that Last Name? Hint the answer is in chapter 33 and 36 and a few places after that. If you haven't read the other story don't worry; Annemarie will give you the answer in a few more chapters.

2. Why do you think that her student profile says she is Technically a Dhampir?

3. Annemarie is very well guarded. Do you think that it is necessary to have 3 guardians even when she is living at the academy?

4. Alberta tells Dimitri the story of Annemarie's tragic birth. How do you think that this effected her mother?

6. Rose really doesn't expect Dimitri to see the resemblance between her and Annemarie even to the point of making a bet with Alberta. Why do you think that she felt so adamantly about it?

Don't worry if you don't know the answers. This story is an alternate timeline to my first story So What Now. There are a lot of things that are unchanging elements of that story will resurface her tool. If you haven't read it and don't feel like reading it that is ok. I will eventually explain things here that have already been explained there. I like to hear what you think so even if you don't know the answers feel free to take the quiz or just review because it make me happy.

Snowgoose AKA Suzanna


	4. Obsevations

January 23, 2011

Just a note to start with . For those who have read So What Now, in that story Mikhail Tanner had committed suicide after killing Sonya Karp (I misspelled it as Carp in SWN) but In this story He had been unsuccessful in finding her and she is still Strigoi. Rose befriended him while she and Lissa were at court and she asked for him to be assigned to Annemarie, sparing him from a life in the records room.

My Father's 84th Birthday was this weekend and we celebrated with him. He is doing good and may be coming Home on Valentine's Day so Yeah! I myself turned 39 two weeks ago Yikes! And Life goes on.

I want to thank My niece Theresa AKA (The Apocalyptic Angel) for being so supportive with my writing. A Big Thank you to Rangarose for being my beta. You Rock!

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**Chapter 4: Observations**

We reached Alberta's office and standing outside of it was a Guardian that I was not familiar with.

"Mikhail, how are you this morning?" Alberta smiled at him and he returned it but his smile never really went to his eyes. His hazel eyes seemed to have a permanent hint of sorrow.

"I'm good I just left the cottage house a few min ago. Annemarie just woke up so I have about hour before I have to go back for her."

"I think that should be plenty of time." She looked at me. "Guardian Tanner is Annemarie's sanctioned guardian and he will explain Annemarie's schedule to you. Guardian Tanner this is Guardian Belikov and he will be Marie's mentor." She turned and walked into her office. I offered my hand to Guardian Tanner and he shook it.

"It is nice to meet you. Please pardon my rudeness but are you by any chance the same Dimitri Belikov that Rosemarie once dated?" Wow that was kind of rude. How did he know about me and Roza? The year we were together He was out hunting his girlfriend who willingly turned Strigoi.

"Yes I am. Are you the same Mikhail Tanner who dated Sonya Carp?" The pain in his eyes intensified.

"I am." I felt guilty immediately.

"I am sorry Guardian Tanner. I shouldn't have gone there. I guess I was surprised that you knew about the relationship I once had with Guardian Hathaway."

"Well your past history with her isn't something that she talks openly about. As Annemarie's Guardian I live in the Cottage with Rosemarie and the children. My living quarters are on the bottom floor not far from hers; I have heard her talk in her sleep. I don't think she would be happy with me for asking you about it. I guess I let my curiosity get the better of me. It was unprofessional of me to ask. I am sorry to have mentioned it."

Part of me wants to know what it is she says about me in her sleep. I think better of it and decide to change the subject.

"So tell me about Annemarie."

We went to the staff dining hall to eat breakfast while we talked. Mikhail spent the next half an hour explaining her current schedule and how it would be changing once she began her lessons with me. I could tell that he was very fond of Annemarie and he often referred to her as Marie. He explained that only the people she was closest to were allowed call her Marie. After sharing some more information about her sensitivity and temper he left to go back to the cottage house and walk her to class.

When he left I looked around the room to see if I could see any familiar faces. Yuri and Stan had just gotten up and walked out of the room. I didn't bother going after them, I am sure that I will bump into them some time soon.

In a quiet corner of the room I saw a pair of jade green eyes staring off into nowhere. The front of her hair was clipped up in a barrette but the back of it cascaded down her back and shoulders. Though I recognized the blank look on her face I was surprised to see it on her. I cleared my tray I took only my mug of hot chocolate and went over to sit at her table. She took no notice of me as I sat down. A few minutes later she blinked her eyes. She jumped a few inches into the air when she saw me sitting in front of her. When I spoke I couldn't keep the concern out of my voice. Rose usually didn't slip into Lissa's head when she was in public. At times when the princess was in upset or in danger Rose would get sucked in without her control.

"I am sorry to frighten you Princess. I won't ask what she is doing I just want to know if she is safe."

"Damn it Belikov you scared the crap out of me. Yes she is safe now. How did you know that she was in any danger?"

"I remember when she would get sucked into your head. My guess is that the bond has strengthened?"

"Yes it happened when Rose was….. Well it happened after graduation." She was about to say something but caught herself before she said it.

"Was there a catalyst?" She squirmed a bit in her seat. She closed her eyes and I could tell she was talking to Rose thought the bond. I sighed internally knowing that I was not going to get an answer.

"All I can say is that it was a good thing that the bond goes both ways now. Also Rose thanks you for your concern but she says that it is not your place to worry about her. Your concern now should be getting to Annemarie's class to observe her." I pulled out my pocket watch and looked at the time.

"Yes I suppose she is right. It was nice to see you again princess. Please tell Christian and the girls that I said hi."

Lissa and Christian were always polite to me but I always felt a bit of resentment from both of them. After they were married they came to visit Tasha once a year. Rose was never with them and they never said much about her. I was really glad to see Lissa; she is a connection to my Roza.

I stood up and began to leave but Lissa grabbed hold of my hand. I turned to see her standing next to me. Her eyes were wide with worry.

"I know that you still love her and you probably are hoping for a second chance. Don't. What you did cut her to her soul. She has been changed by it in so many ways and even though she seems strong; she is more vulnerable than she ever was when you last knew her. You of all people in this world are the most dangerous person to her. If you hurt her again….. It really could kill her."

"I would rather die myself, than hurt her." Lissa let my hand go. Looking at my pocket watch I began to jog to the lower campus. The whole way there I think about everything that Alberta told me about Roza. I add to that the little that Guardian Tanner and Princess Vasilisa have said. Guilt consumes me. I want to take her into my arms and erase the last seven years. I want to take back everything. I know that nothing I do or say will change the past. Nothing I do will fix the damage I have done.

I reached Annemarie's class and slip into the back of the room. She is seated just in front of me. Already I can see that she is pouting about something. There is a red headed Moroi boy standing up reading from the book. When he is done Annemarie stuck her hand up with enthusiasm only to resume pouting when the teacher called the girl standing behind the boy. Very soon it was obvious that the teacher was going row by row but Annemarie didn't want to wait her turn. When it was legitimately her turn she refused to read. I was amazed by her behaviour because it reminded me of the children Connor's age.

Over the next two days I noticed that she had very little patience for waiting her turn. When other children teased her for acting like a baby she would try to kick or punch them. I say try because more often than not Guardian Tanner would catch her flying limb and stop her from harming the other children. There was no doubt in my mind that Annemarie was academically placed in the correct classes but most of the time her behavior reminded me of a kindergartner.

Her behaviour was even more noticeable in the guardian courses she had on the upper campus. The teenagers there had very little patience for her tantrums and Stan had even less though I did notice that he had an underlying fondness for the girl. In the combat classes she defiantly held her own. It was during her combat classes that she really reminded me of my Roza. She fought like Roza. I did see the compassion that Ellen and Alberta spoke of. I saw her stand up for other children who were being picked on. Also when someone in her combat classes was injured she would always insist on inspecting the injury and placing a hand or even a kiss on it; well as long as it was not in a more personal aria.

From what I could tell she was not a bad child but you could see the effect of not being fully socialized with other children. I wondered how on earth I was going to teach her patience and self control.

I called Tasha that night.

"Hello Ozera residence"

"Tasha it's me."

"Dimka, how are things going?"

"Not good. From what I can tell I am going to have a hard time with my student. In some ways she is so much like Rose but mostly she is a polar opposite. When I started with Rose she may have lacked self control but she was so mature. She understood what it meant to be a guardian. This girl is extremely immature. I can see the potential in her to be a great guardian one day but I don't know how I can make her grow up."

"Have you talked to Rose yet?"

"No but I have an appointment with her tomorrow. I am so nervous. Tasha when I left I destroyed the woman I loved and I am afraid to see what I left behind. On one hand I hear that she is the best guardian that the queen has in her troops and yet on the other hand I hear how she is too hurt to trust people. That the once friendly, sarcastic, vivacious, girl is now a cold, professional woman. She is only warm and open with her closest friends and the children."

"That is so sad. I am sorry that she has changed so much but maybe with you there she will warm up. Maybe she will give you another chance."

"Lissa begged me not to pursue her. She said that even though Rose seems so 'strong that she is even more vulnerable than she was seven years ago and that if I hurt her again it could kill her.' Tasha I don't understand what she meant but I know that she was being very serious."

"Well Dimka don't rush into things no matter how much you might want to. Give Rose time to learn to trust you again. I know how much you love her and I remember how much she loved you. I can't promise that you will be able to be together again but maybe you can be friends."

"Great, if I am lucky I might be able to be friends with the love of my life."

"Sorry Dimka, it's the best I can give you right now."

"I know, thanks for listening to me vent about this. Hey when Conner gets back from school tell him I called and that I love him. Have a good day Tasha."

"Good night to you Dimka. Get your rest I bet your going to need it."

I decided to set out my clothes for tomorrow. For what it's worth I want to look good for her tomorrow. It took a while but sleep eventually found me and dreams I have not had in years came to me like ghosts from the past.

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**POP QUIZ**

Guardian Tanner tells Dimitri that Rose's room is on the bottom floor of the cottage house. Why do you think she would be down on the first floor instead or up on the second with the children?

What do you think was the catalyst that allowed Rose and Lissa's bond to go both ways?

Why was Rose in danger?

Why did Lissa tell that if he hurt Rose again, it could kill her. (No, Rose never tried to hurt herself after he left.)

Now that you got a peek at Annemarie what do you think of her?

Why do you think Annemarie is so insistent on checking out the injuries of her classmates? The hint for this one is in So What Now, Annemarie and Theresa share a common trait though they are not the same child.

How do you think Dimitri will teach her the control she needs to learn?

**Please Read and Review.** I have gotten so many of you add me to their alerts and favorites lists and I thank you, it tells me that you like my work. I would Love it if you review and let me know what you like and think.

Suzanna AKA SnowGoose


	5. Vivid Dreams

January 29, 2011

Hi hope you all have had a good week. I know you were all hoping to get to the meeting with Rose but Dimitri still has a bit more self tourcher in the form of some dreams; or more correctly Re-dreaming some old dreams. I hope you like this chapter. Oh and for those who are wondering if I will be writing any chocolate mousse scenes (I don't like to compare making love to Lemons), Yes there will be Chocolate! But there is a twist, Most of all the Chocolate in this story will be in the from of Dimitri's memories of the past.

I do not own VA or any of its original characters, but since they like to talk to me I like to write it down. That which comes from my own deranged mind, I happily share with you.

Suzanna

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**Chapter 5: Vivid Dreams**

I tossed and turned all night. I dreamed of Rose and the dreams disturbed me. The funny thing is that they were really more like the memories of the dreams I used to have back when I first left. These dreams had been different from others because they felt more tangible than my usual dreams. Even the memories of them were more tangible.

I had dreamt the first one just about two months after I left. I had been having a normal dream about nothing in particular when my dream faded and I found myself beside a fire pit. There was the lake near the cabin….our cabin. I sat down with a sigh. Thoughts of all the happy times with Rose filter thought my head.

"Comrade, can we talk?" I turned to see my Roza.

"Sure Roza, come sit with me." She looked nervous.

"Comrade, I need to tell you something and I need you to listen to me with an open mind please." I nodded and she continued.

"I am pregnant and the baby is yours." She looked into my eyes pleadingly. I closed my eyes. I couldn't even look at her.

"That is impossible. I could expect this kind of lie from anyone else but from you, Rose."

"I am not lying! This is your baby inside me. I'm different than other Dhampirs; I am even different than other shadow kissed." She grabbed my hand and pressed it on her lower belly. I could feel a small but firm bump under my hand. I felt so betrayed. I knew it was just a dream but to think that Rose would play games with me like this. The real Rose knows that even if it could be possible to conceive there would most likely be disastrous results if science tried to create a child from two Dhampirs.

"A Dhampir Can Not Conceive with ANOTHER DHAMPIR! Rose you know this."

I pulled my hand away and walked off. I could hear her sobbing and part of me wanted to go back and apologize for hurting her but I was too hurt by her lie to give in. A few minutes later the dream faded and I woke up.

A couple of months after the first dream I had another. This dream interrupted one I was already having. I had been having a dream about the night I found Rose and Lissa. We were in the plane and I was trying to talk to Rose. The plane faded away and the next thing I knew I was sitting in a doctor's office. Every detail felt so real I almost believed I was in a real doctor's office. Rose was on a table and the doctor was rubbing a probe on the outside of Rose's swollen belly.

"The baby is a bit small rose but she looks healthy. I feel confident that your baby will be just fine." I looked at the monitor where the image of baby could be seen. I felt anger at the Moroi who had dared to touch my Roza.

"She? I am having a girl." Tears formed in Roses eyes. She turned to me with a sad smile on her face. "Comrade, we are having a healthy Girl. She is yours and I want you to help me name her."

"This is not my child. Dhampirs can't conceive with other Dhampirs. Please stop trying to pass this off as mine."

"Dimitri, please believe me! She is yours and we need you. I need you."

"Don't come running to me; go to the man who did this. Let me live in peace so I can move on."

The dream faded and I woke up crying. Oh how I had wished that the Rose in my dream was telling me the truth. How I wished that by some God given miracle, it was my child she was carrying.

The last dream took place two years after I had left. I was dead tired from working myself extra hard. I was trying to burn off the excess stress I had been feeling. It was the second anniversary of the day I left my Roza. I missed her terribly. Months ago Tasha and I started going to a fertility clinic and I had found out that my sperm don't work. So Tasha got inseminated with some human's sperm. She got pregnant right away with the donor specimen. I was feeling horrible because I was supposed to be able to have kids with a Moroi but apparently even that was not going to happen. I could only hope that my Roza was happy. Maybe she had the baby she had wanted and maybe Ivashkov was brave enough to marry her. He seems like the type who would marry a Dhampir if only to piss off other Royals.

I let my thoughts fall away along with my clothing and I fell into bed. I must have been asleep before my head hit the pillow. I found myself in a park during daylight. Rose was sitting on a bench watching the children play. I sat with her she turned to me and her face was full of worry. She gave me a strange look. Then I remembered that for a time I had changed my appearance. She reached up to touch my hair. It was cut short and I had grown a beard that I kept trimmed neatly. She let her hand fall back to her lap and again she turned to the children at play.

"Roza, you look so worried."

"Comrade, I need your help."

"What's wrong Rose?" Her face began to crumple into a sob but she pulled herself together and put her guardian mask firmly in place.

"I did have a baby and she is beautiful and special. But there is so much happening right now that I don't know if I can handle it without your help. I have been changing; there is so much depending on me now. Our….. She stopped and bit her lip. She looked back to the children at play for a moment then back to me before she spoke again. My little girl is in danger. I have had to fight so many Strigoi that I don't feel safe anymore. She grows so fast I feel like I've lost out on her babyhood."

"Where is the child's father?"

When I asked this; her sad eyes looked so deeply into mine. I felt as if she was begging me for something. After a moment or two; her eyes closed. She then focused on her hands; which were busy fiddling with her chotki.

"He left me before I could tell him that I was carrying his baby."

"Did you try to contact him?" She nodded. I could tell she was hurting so badly.

"He doesn't believe me." I tried to hold her but she pulled away from me.

"Comrade, can you come back and help me?" I shook my head.

"First of all this is a dream. If the real Rose needed me she knows that she could call me. I would be there in a heartbeat. and….." I paused, how could I tell her about Tasha's baby? Tasha hadn't even told Christian yet.

"Second? What is the other reason you won't come?"

"Tasha is eight months pregnant and I can't leave her." Even if it was just a dream and even if it is not My child that Tasha was carrying; it was hard for me to tell Rose that Tasha and I were expecting a child.

She looked away back at the playground. I thought I saw Ivashkov pushing a child on the swings. I couldn't tell for sure if it was him because both he and the child had their backs to me. At first Roza sounded like she was going to hyperventilate. She closed her eyes and took several slow deep breaths. Within a minute her guardian mask was fully in place again.

"I won't bother you anymore." I cringed when I heard how devoid of emotions her voice was.

"I love you Roza I always will."

"I am not Roza anymore. The girl you used to call Roza is dead."

She faded away and so did the park but the last thing to fade was the child on the swing. She turned to look behind her and the last thing I saw was Roza's sad expression on the child's face. Her tear filled, chocolate brown eyes reminded me so much of a little Viktoria but so many of her features looked like Roza.

I had remembered each of these dreams though I hadn't had one like them in years. In fact after the third one I never had another again. Even though they were just dreams they had haunted me just as much as the day I left. I didn't like to think about them. I took a deep breath and pushed my thoughts and old dreams aside.

* * *

**POP QUIZ**

1. What was the purpose of the dreams?

2. Who was the orchestrator or the dreams?

3. In both the goodbye letter and the third dream Dimitri says that Rose could call him if she needed him. Why do you think in 7 years she never picked up a phone and called?

4. When he woke up Dimitri pushes his dreams aside. Why do you think he doesn't give them any more weight then any other dream?

**BONUS QUESTION**  
OK next chapter is Dimitri's Meeting with Rose so here is your chance to be Yeva and give me a prediction...

What will Happen during the meeting, how will Rose behave towards Dimitri?

Please Review and let me know what you think?

Suzanna


	6. Guardian Hathaway

January 30, 2011

This chapter is very important to me and I really hope you all like it. This is your first real peek at the woman that Rose has become. I am thinking of posting the POV's of this story as outtakes. I will let you know what I decide

I do not own VA or its original characters. That which comes from my own slightly insane mind I happily, share with you.

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**Chapter 6: Guardian Hathaway**

This was an important day and I didn't want to mess up. I looked at the clock. 5:00 PM. I got up and dressed for my morning workout. The walk to the gym was nice. The sun was still up and it was warm. Overhead I heard a jet beginning it's decent, I looked up to see it circling down; winding its way to the landing strip. I wondered briefly who could be arriving to the school. I let the thought go and worked out for an hour. There was nothing in the gym that didn't remind me of her. So many sweet memories; I allowed myself to dwell on the good times.

My workout done I ran to my room so that I can get showered and changed. I was nervous and didn't want to eat anything but the fact that I was going to be starting my training sessions with Annemarie it would be best if I had a little bit to eat. In the staff room I got a bagel with cream cheese and some tea. I looked around the room for a table and spotted Mikhail at one.

Though none of the guardians and staff who I used to work with has been overtly rude to me, none go out of their way to speak with me. I have actually found Guardian Alto looking at me with distain whenever our eyes have met. Mikhail was at least somewhat friendly with me.

"Do you mind if I sit here."

"Go ahead. It doesn't bother me."

"You don't normally eat in here. So what brings you here today?"

"I'm just giving Guardian Hathaway, some privacy for family bonding."

"Oh."

"She just got in about an hour and a half ago."

He picked up a paper and started reading. I ate my breakfast while looking around. I had a western in my pocked but I just didn't feel like reading it. A few tables away Lissa sat down but this time she was not alone. Christian had his arm wrapped around her. I noticed a small baby bump low on her belly. Moroi usually have a difficult time conceiving a child; in less than five years of marriage Lissa is on her third pregnancy. Over the years I have noticed that Chris has filled out. His physique is almost as buff as a guardian. Edison Castel was with them and so was the blond girl who had made Rose's first few months back in school, a living hell. Mia…. Yes it was Mia Rinaldi. After everything that had happened in Spokane Rose and Mia had become friends. I was surprised to see that Mia was also well muscled. Two other buff looking Moroi men joined the table.

"Hey, Tanner, who are the guys over there with the Dragomirs. I recognize Mia Rinaldi and Edison Castel but not the other two."

"Well Mia is a Castel now and the blond is Angus O'shea and the one with light brown hair is Jake Baddica."

"All week Lissa has dined alone but today she has a full table."

"Yeah the rest have been gone on business."

I looked at my watch. I had 15 minutes to get to my meeting with Rose.

"I gotta go. Have a good day."

"Yeah you too." We both got up and headed out he turned to the direction of the cottage house and I headed to Rose's office.

Her door was ajar and she was on the phone. Her guardian mask was only partly up and her voice was professional but warm. I tapped on her door. When she looked up and saw me her mask instantly settled into place. She motioned for me to take a seat. She turned and looked at the wall as she spoke. I waited for her to finish her call; meanwhile I looked around her office. There were pictures of children around her walls and her desk. There was a picture of Annemarie and a little boy of about 6. He had dark copper brown hair and butterscotch colored eyes. Rose and Adrian were both in the picture with them. It pained me to see him in the picture with her. There was nothing in the picture to suggest anything more than friendship but I still envied him that. I wondered who the little boy was. Next to that was a picture of Roza with a Graduate. The young girl held her diploma in front of her. I stifled a gasp when I read the name on it. Emma Marie Hathaway. I wonder if she is a cousin. The girl is stunning in her own way; she has dark blond hair and hazel eyes. She is short for a Dhampir.

I looked at Rose; she was dressed in a purple and white pinstripe blouse with a soft lavender sweater over. She wore a silver chain necklace that hung down just past her clavicle bone where a round moonstone nestled against her shirt. Her long hair was braided down her back. Despite her cold expression she was still devastatingly beautiful. I tried not to listen to her conversation but I couldn't help myself. Not that I understood any of it.

"The daytime strategy worked well but I can't say that it was more effective than the nocturnal hunt. Hunting during the day did give us the element of surprise but it also put us at a disadvantage when they got a few human to break the wards we put up around camp. We reverted to the nocturnal hunt after the first day."

She paused to listen.

"Yes we all fine and safe. Oh she told you about that? It was a close call, I was a bit distracted as you could well imagine but I got my head screwed on straight and back in the game in time."

Another pause.

"Packs 3, 7, 9, and 10 have reported in and each has been successful. Between them they have six transformations. Packs 2, 4, and 8 did not make contact and will be coming in empty handed. Packs 5 and 6 are going to be out one more day; I will call as soon as they report."

Rose paused again to listen to the caller. She gave a short, soft laugh before giving her reply. For a moment her mask was completely gone and she smiled.

"Yes we will be there at 8 pm on Friday November,10th. Josh is chomping at the bit to see his uncle Bobby. You should see him he has been counting the days off on a calendar. I will see you then…. Have a good day your highness."

I had already been thoroughly confused by her conversation as it was but to find that she had been talking to Queen Tatiana was surprising. I knew that Rose worked for the Queen but still it was odd to see that she was friendly with her. I remembered that when Queen Tatiana had asked me to come here she seemed fond of Rose. Seven years ago their relationship was one of mutual hate.

Who was Josh, could he have been one of the children in her care or was it her son. I thought the names of everyone in the Ivashkov family; I couldn't remember a Bobby or Robert anywhere in the Ivashkov family. Rose turned to me with her mask in place. Despite all my guilt and her cold professionalism; I really felt happy to see her. I found myself giving her a full smile, the one I always reserved for her and her alone.

"Good morning Roza. It's nice to see you again." Crap I meant to call her Rose. I know after everything she would not want me to call her Roza. To my surprise her face showed no reaction to the name.

"Good morning to you as well Guardian Belikov. I must ask that you not refer to me as Roza or Rose. I go by Guardian Hathaway or Rosemarie now." Her face and voice didn't hold any emotion. She was the perfect example of cool professionalism.

"I will keep that in mind Rosemarie."

"Guardian Belikov I assume that you have taken notes over the past few days." I nodded. "May I see them?"

I handed her my leather binder. I instantly regretted keeping my notes in it. Tasha had given it to me before I left. Inside the front cover in nice little slots were three pictures. Rose opened the cover when she saw the pictures she closed her eyes for a moment. She opened her eyes and examined the pictures.

The first one was a family portrait that we had taken over the summer. Tasha and I sat on bench. We were posed so close that our legs were pressed together making a seat for Connor. She and I had one arm wrapped around each other and one around Connor. The smile on my face didn't quite reach my eyes but that was common for me now.

Rose's eyes moved down to the second picture. Tasha had taken it when Connor and I were playing together. I had thrown him up in the air and he was still in mid flight. His black hair was flying every which way. Even though it was a profile picture of us both you could see his ice blue eyes sparkling at me. My own brown eyes were sparkling back. It was one of the rare moments of true happiness.

When Rose looked at the third picture she reached out and touched it involuntarily. It was a picture I had taken of her on one of our campouts. We had found a little waterfall while hiking and looking for the perfect place to set up camp. We pitched our Lean-to close to the waterfall. In the picture Rose was standing in the pool of water at the bass of the waterfall. It had been a hot that weekend and she took off her shoes and shirt then jumped into the water wearing just her shorts and sports bra. I had taken several pictures but the one with her laughing while the cold water crashed down on her was my favorite.

Rose put her finger on her image softly touching the stomach. I almost forgot that she had been seriously injured just days before that trip. Her protective gear had failed in her improvised weapons class. She had been impaled by a chair leg. She had a large puncture wound and internal bleeding. If not for Eddie Castel and his running for Lissa, and the medical training I got with Ivan; Rose would not have made it. I cleared the wound of debris and Lissa was able to heal both the internal wounds and the puncture before Dr. Olendzki was able to get her to the clinic.

I thought about that particular camping trip a lot. We had so much fun together that time. We also made love many times. It was the last time we were able to enjoy our special training days. The next week Roza had mouthed off to Stan and pushed him a bit too far. As punishment the next training day was canceled the week after, she had to study for a big exam in Stan Alto's class. Roza got sick with stomach flu the third week after. Then Ivashkov started to hover around her I got upset and we argued about it. We didn't go out that weekend but we did stay in our cabin and make up. Around then is when Rose started to act strange. I figured out that she wanted to have a baby and I decided to leave. We never went on another camp out. Instead she went to court with Ivashkov and Lissa. And I made the biggest mistake of my life. I left her to go guard Tasha.

With her finger still on the picture she closed her eyes again and sighed. It was a sad wistful kind of sigh. When she opened her eyes her mask was again cool and professional. She read my notes. Before closing my book and handing it back to me.

"Guardian Belikov I do think that you may be the best person to mentor Annemarie. However if you do not think you can help her then tell me now. I will arrange it so that you can go back to your family."

"I appreciate the offer to send me back but I will stay and do the job I was asked to do. It may be a challenge but I think I can help her. She is not the first challenging student I have taught." I smiled at her. She didn't return my smile.

"This assignment will last until Annemarie is ready to leave the academy and it may take several years. Will you be able to be parted from your family for that long? Still her voice and face held cool professionalism. There was no trace of any true emotion. Years ago I would have been able to read her eyes but somehow even those were now masked from me.

"I will see them at Christmas and at Tasha's wedding in February. When I was assigned here Tasha and I decided that next fall Connor will begin kindergarten here at St. Vladimir's. Tasha and her husband will move to Missoula so that she can be close to Connor. I know that Annemarie is important to you so I am prepared to stay as long as I am needed."

She looked into my eyes. I dropped my walls and let her in. I don't know what she was looking for or what she found. Her mask never faltered.

"Very well Guardian Belikov I will bring Annemarie to the gym for her first session at fourth hour…"

Before she could finish and excuse me; a guardian walked in carrying a wooden box. She looked at him expectantly.

"Huntress, You're elements have re-infused your charms. I have brought theirs for you to re-infuse." He set the box down on her desk. "Packs 5 and 6 have called in. They had banded together and have made two transformations. They will be bringing them in by sunup."

Rose looked at him impassively, holding his gaze for several minutes. At one point he looked over at me as if just realizing I was there. He turned around to face her again and his shoulders slumped a little and his cheeks brightened with embarrassment.

"I am Sorry Guardian Hathaway I should have been more aware of my surroundings. I will be more careful in the future." He turned to face me.

"It is nice to meet you guardian Belikov. My name is John Michaels." He put his hand out and I shook it.

"You are both dismissed. Belikov please close the door behind you."

She opened the box as I walked out. I got a clear view of the contains inside the box. There were five sets of wrist cuffs. Each set had a different symbol etched into its front. The first was a flame. The second was a cloud with swirling lines running behind it. The third pair looked like waves of water. Mountains and a tree decorated the fourth pair and the last was a dove with lots of rays of light beaming out of it. There was a small round moonstone in the outer edge of each cuff making it look as if each symbol was a night scene. They were about two inches wide and, each pair looked as if they were made to fit closely against the wrist of the owner. I closed the door as if I hadn't seen anything. I turned to question guardian Michaels but he was already gone.

* * *

**POP QUIZ**

1. What kind of Business were Christian and company up too.

2. Lissa is on her third pregnancy, if it is supposed to be hard for Moroi to conceive, how is it that she has no problem? (Sorry it is a crossover answer for So What Now. I know I do a lot of those but well it is the story that all the others in my alternate timeline stories are based on.)

3. Why was Rose so effected by the sight of her picture?

4. Do you think there is something significant about that camping trip?

5. What was going on when Rosemarie and Guardian Michaels were looking at each other without talking?

6. What is the significance of the bracelets? (Again this is a SWN question but if you don't remember it's ok. It has to do with Something Bridget Donnelley told Rose to do during a dream walk. It was not mentioned often.)

Ok here is your chance to tell me what you think. What do you think of Rose? Did she behave the way that you expected? How do you think Annemarie will behave with Dimitri?

**PLEASE REVIEW and feed my addiction**

**Suzanna**


	7. Meeting Annemarie

February 9, 2011

Sorry it took me so long to post another chapter but I was using this post as a reward to myself for finishing another chapter of So What Now I have finished chapter 59 and sent it to my wonderful Beta, Rangarose. This is my treat; I get to post this chapter. For those who have complained about the chapters being too short this one is a bit longer.

I do not own VA but that which comes from my nutty mind and the voices within it, I happily share with you. OOOh by the way my crazy voices have me working on yet another story in my Alternate timeline series. When I have about 50 pages written then I will begin to post.

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**Chapter 7: Meeting Annemarie**

I have so many questions and I need answers. I decided to go to Alberta. On the wall between Rose's Office and Alberta's is a large Chart showing the class schedules and guard shifts of every guardian. Right now Alberta was teaching a Moroi self defense class with Christian Ozera. Damn that isn't going to work. I searched the board for someone who might be willing to talk to me. Edison Castel was on duty walking the perimeter.

I jogged out to and began running along the wards. I didn't find Guardian Castel instead I was cut off by the last person I really wanted to see; Adrian Ivashkov. I doubt he would tell me anything but I can give it a try.

"Dimitri have you seen Eddie Castel? I am supposed to give him a message from Rosemarie."

"No I haven't. Adrian, can I ask you something?"

"You can ask brother. I might or might not be able to answer you." Brother? Does he know? I will save that question for another day.

"I was just in a meeting with Rose, first she was on the phone talking about hunting packs. Then a guardian walked in with a box of bracelets. He called her Huntress. It looked like she had a conversation with him in her head. Like the Princess used to do with her. What's going on?"

"I am not allowed to talk about the work she is doing for my Aunt; but if Rosemarie let that all go on in front of you then I would just pay attention to the little things. As for the conversations in her head; again pay attention to the little things. You might find that she has transformed into something quite amazing. In fact I think it would be best if you not ask her or anyone else anything about her. Make observations and eventually you will find the answers to your questions. At some point when you have figured out all the biggest questions; come back to me and I will fill in the blanks."

Though his face had been serious all through our conversation; it got a bit sadder.

"Dimitri, it's probably best if you try to think of her as Rosemarie and not Rose or Roza. She associates both Rose and especially Roza with who she was back then; to her that girl is dead."

"Understood, I will try to keep it in mind. Thank you for talking to me, you're the first person to call me by my first name since I got here. I better get going classes are about to start."

"Before you go I want to say that I am glad you are here. Perhaps working together with Annemarie will be a healing experience for both of you." He reached out and touched my shoulder. Then he let it fall and walked away.

I observed in Annemarie's classes as usual. This time I counted every time she had a tantrum. I was formulating a way for me to teach her patience. I left her third hour class twenty minutes early so that I could get set up for our training session. I set out the mats and a dummy then headed the locker room to change.

There was no sign of my student so sat down on the mat and began to meditate. I had just gotten into a state of relaxation when I felt her near me. (After all of these years I can still feel Rose's presence.) I stayed in my meditative state for a few more minutes. When I opened my eyes I saw both Annemarie and Rose…. Rosemarie sitting with their eyes closed in meditation. I couldn't help the sigh that escaped me. I felt whole and content; this is how it could have been if I never left.

Rosemarie opened her eyes and gave me a very small sad smile before letting her mask fall into place. This time she left some expression in her face. Her eyes rested on Annemarie. The child's eyes opened and looked first to Rose then to me and back again. She gave me a skeptical, quizzical look. Rose actually gave a laugh and shook her head. The way that Rose looked at Annemarie was full of love and warmth. After a few more moments of silent exchange Rose spoke.

"Guardian Belikov this is Annemarie. She promises to behave herself for you. Annemarie this is Guardian Dimitri Belikov and he is going to be your mentor. Listen to him and he will have a lot to teach you."

Annemarie gave her a hug and said something that I didn't understand at first. Then I realized that they were speaking Turkish. I remember from when I used to teach Rose that her father is Turkish but he lives in Russia most of the time. Other than that I knew nothing about him.

"Birlikte bugün öğle olabilir?" Rose shook her head sadly.

"Ben paketi ile görüşmek zorunda. Ama ben önce eğitim sonra almak olacaktır." Rose kissed her forehead before walking away.

Ivan Zeklos was my best friend and first charge. He was from Greece and he had a thing for learning languages, among other things. Since I was the only person who could keep up with him academically, I was his study partner so I learned to speak fairly well in Greek, Italian, Turkish, French and Romanian; along with Klingon but that was just for fun. English we learned at the academy since the court was in the United States. I didn't understand everything they said but what I did understand Annemarie asked Rose if they were eating lunch together. Rose said that she had a meeting. It's been a long time since I last spoke Turkish but I think I might brush up on it.

"Ok Annemarie how many laps do you usually do for Guardian Hathaway?" I knew that the number for an 11 yr old should be about 10 but I wanted to know if she would be honest.

"If I behave myself it is 12 laps but if I have been naughty she makes me do 2 more. I think you are going to have me running a lot more." She gave me a scowl

"Well here is the thing. I have noticed that you don't like to wait your turn in line or in other classes. So every time you don't wait your turn that is going to cost you a lap. Every time you throw a tantrum and try to hurt a classmate that will cost you two laps. For this morning you would owe me six extra laps but I am going to be nice and only make you do three extra." Her scowl darkened.

"Now if you are good all week and you don't have the extra laps then I promise to give you a fun work out on Friday. Does that sound fair to you?" She mumbled something under her breath before answering.

"Sigh… Ok … Fine."

"Now let's go run your laps." She gave me a look of surprise as we jogged out to the track

"Guardian Alto doesn't run with me when he subs for my m... mentor Guardian Hathaway."

"Stan Alto is your sub? No wonder they asked me to come here to mentor you." She laughed so hard that she slowed down. "Pick it up Donnelley!" She scowled again but picked up her pace.

"I hate that last name. It isn't really my last name. They have me using it but it isn't mine and I hate it. Bridget Donnelley was a great woman but I'm not her and I don't want to be like her. I don't want my life to be all about hunting."

"Who's Bridget Donnelley?" I let my guardian mask down and when she looked at me I let my curiosity show though my smile. She looked up at me with a frustrated look on her face.

"She was like… this super guardian. I guess you can say she is my great, great, great, great, great, great, Great Grandmother. I'm not supposed to talk about it." She sounded frustrated and sad.

"Ok well if you aren't supposed to talk about it maybe we can talk about something else while we run. Or if you would rather not talk at all that is ok too."

"Let's just run for a while I guess." I nodded and continued to jog alongside her. For an eleven year old she was small; so her full out run was a fast jog for me.

"Annemarie you don't have to run at full speed the whole time. We are going for endurance and distance; if you start out at full speed you are going to wear out too fast."

"I know that. I won't go full speed till the last lap."

"Ok then. I will let you set the pace." We continued on and at the last lap she shot out much faster than I would have expected her little legs capable of. Once we were done I had her do some core strengthening exercises then ten minutes of sparing. Her technique is good. I could see that Rosemarie had to have trained her because I recognized my own techniques; but I could tell that she has also been learning something very different.

"Annemarie how is the regular novice training different from the techniques that Guardian Hathaway has taught you?"

"I'm not supposed to talk about it too much." She gave me the same frustrated look she had earlier.

"If you are not supposed to talk about it; then that is ok." We continued to spar but she got a funny look on her face.

"Pretend to be a Strigoi and I will show you."

She backed away from me for a moment and closed her eyes. I waited for a few minutes but she kept her eyes closed. I lunged at her but even with her eyes closed she sidestepped. I attacked again and again. She blocked and spared with me but instead of trying to keep me away from her while looking for the opening to 'stake' me; she kept me relatively close. She was good and thought I was a bit easy on her she was still giving me a bit of a hard time. At a moment when I thought I had her; she reached out and pressed her hand against my chest. It wasn't directly at my heart but I felt a small charge and fell back out of surprise. It didn't hurt but I could imagine that if there was more power in the charge it could have.

"Oh I am sorry!" She rushed up to me with worry and fear on her face. "I didn't mean to do that for real; I am sorry. Did I hurt you? Please don't tell on me."

"I'm ok. Don't worry I won't tell anyone. But maybe we should stick to traditional training." I gave her a smile and looked at the clock. "Why don't you go change and I will walk you to your lunch?"

"Ok" We both ran off to the locker rooms to change. When I was done she still wasn't out so I took out my book and waited for her.

"What are you reading? I like to read too."

"The title of this one is called Brimstone; it is a story about the old west."

"I'm starting on the Little House series." I put my book away and listened to her chatter on about the book she was reading and the ones that she has read. Half way to the commons Mikhail came up to us.

"I was just about to get you. So Marie how was your first training with Guardian Belikov?"

"Really good; he didn't yell at me like Alto does."

"That's good, though you know Stan is just a grouch but he loves you. I have to talk to Guardian Belikov for a moment. Have a good lunch sweetie." I expected her to walk away but she just stepped a few feet away then waited while I spoke with Guardian Tanner.

"Hey Belikov I have to go finish up with something. Can you guard her for maybe 30 minutes?"

"Sure Mikhail, do what you need to do. I will take care of her you go ahead and take the whole lunch hour." He gave me a nod and a small a smile, before running off to the guardian building.

I expected Annemarie to walk off ahead like most kids would and do her own thing. Instead she kept her stride alongside me. She kept talking with me while she gathered a tray of food.

"Guardian Belikov, aren't you going to get something to eat?"

"I am guarding you right now." She rolled her eyes.

"We are in an academy and because I am here; believe me the wards are well maintained. They even have more magic than Court, so you can relax a little and get some lunch." She handed me a tray and began to put food on it.

"Hang on princess, I can choose my own food." She giggled when I called her princess. It was nice to see her smile. One thing I had noticed during my observations was that she is often sad and serious.

"Darn I was hoping for a chocolate doughnut." She looked over at the small tray of left over pastries from this morning.

"Did you know that Guardian Hathaway likes Chocolate Doughnuts?" Annemarie gave me a funny face when I said this.

"She used to but she only eats them once a year. She says that it is because they are bad for you but I know it is because they remind her of someone. It hurts her to think about him so she avoids things that remind her of him... I don't want to talk about it anymore."

It gave me another pang of guilt to hear that Rose no longer enjoys the food she once loved and it is because of me that she no longer does. When we would go camping I always made sure that I packed half dozen doughnuts for our breakfast. Annemarie looked at me and when she did I felt like she was trying to read me. I set my thoughts of Rose aside and let Annemarie choose the table; she went to a quiet corner. We ate in comfortable silence. It was a bit strange watching her eat. She had refined table manners for the most part but she ate more than any kid her size would normally eat. She also finished it quicker than I thought she would. In that way she reminded me so much of my Roza.

I noticed something strange on the arm of her sweater. With my free hand I pulled it off. She watched as I gave it a quizzical look.

"Cat hair; don't bother trying to get it all off. Everything I own is full of it. I am always getting scolded for letting the cat sleep in my drawers. But it is Mocha's favorite place to sleep when I am not home."

"You have a cat?" I couldn't hide the disbelief from my voice. Animals hate Dhampirs. The last time I was near a cat it hissed at me from across the street.

"They are my m…..Mentor's cats. I mean they are Guardian Hathaway's cats. We have two. Their names are Misty and Mocha Latte. Misty is a Russian Blue and Mocha Latte is a lilac point Siamese."

"Animals don't like Dhampirs?"

"They like m…me and Guardian Hathaway." I noticed that though she has never shown the tendency to stutter before she has stuttered three times already today. I wonder if I make her nervous.

"Do you mind if I work on my homework?"

"Feel free to." I took her tray and mine giving her room to spread out. She pulled out her math book. I continued to sit with her since she seemed to expect me to but instead of relaxing I stayed on guard.

"Guardian Belikov, do you think you could help me with this? Math is my worst subject. I don't see why they are making me take it anyway. It's not like a guardian needs it."

I think math was the only subject that I ever struggled with. Ivan and I were the smartest kids in our grade, I was his friend and study partner from 4th grade on. We both finished our academic work two years before any of our class. His father had to arrange for us to begin collage courses while still at St Basil's so that I could finish my training for Guardianship. I was smart but when it came to advanced math he was the only one who could make me understand it. I chuckled to myself. I seem to remember Rose hated math as well. I used to tutor her like Ivan had tutored me.

"Sure I can help you. I used to help my best friend when we were in school. (Ok so it was the other way around, but the end result is that I am quite good now.) Do you realize that guardians use math all the time especially in a fight. Let's see what you're working on and maybe I can help you understand what I mean."

We became engrossed in the math lesson at first she had a bit of trouble understanding the concept but when I started changing the example into guardian terms it clicked.

"Ok so there is a Strigoi 400 yards away, if it takes him 5 seconds to cross 100 yards how many seconds do you have to prepare for the attack?"

"I would have 20 seconds but I only need 3 so I can spend 17 seconds getting my Moroi to safety." She sounded just as cocky as Roza did.

"Very good but that is an easy one. Ok so you are now battling with the Strigoi. He is about to punch you in your stomach. He is 2 feet away from you. His hits are about 80 miles per hour. How much time do you have to block?"

"Belikov don't you think that is a bit hard?" Even though there was almost no emotion in her words hers was the sweetest voice. I turned around and as I did, Annemarie jumped up and hugged Rose. They had a silent exchange, the way that Rose's eyes warmed when looking into Annemarie's eyes made me think of the way she and I would look at each other during quiet moments.

"She wanted me to have lunch with her but I had a meeting with some collogues. Thank you for staying with her and helping her with math." Her voice was a little warmer when she spoke to me.

"It was my pleasure. I can see why people love her the way they do." I smiled at Annemarie. She blushed and smiled back at me.

* * *

**POP QUIZ**

1. Do you think Adrian really had to deliver a message to Eddie or do you think he intentionally sought out Dimitri? If so Why?

2. Ok I will tell you that Rosemarie and Annemarie were having a conversation telepathically. What do you think Annemarie said that made Rosemarie laugh?

3. What do you think of Dimitri's Plan to modify Annemarie's behavior with the Fun workout day? What do you think he has in mind for the fun days? (The only minor Dimitri ever had any interest in was Rose so please don't go there.) Do you think the extra laps V/S Fun workouts will work?

4. Annemarie knows her last name is not Donnelley. What do you think it is? Do you think Annemarie knows what her real last name is?

5. Why does Annemarie not want to be like Bridget Donnelley?

6. What the blank happened when she showed Dimitri how her training with Rose differs from regular novice training? This is a So what now answer, if you have not read that it's ok. Take a guess

7. Three times Annemarie stammers while talking with Dimitri, why do you think that is?

8. Rose has cats. Why do animals like her now when they hated her before? Sorry this is a So What Now answer.

9. What do you think of the interaction between Rosemarie and Annemarie?

Sorry the pop quiz is so long. I guess I have to say that this is a favorite chapter for me because it is the first time we get all three of them together. PLEASE PLEASE review and let me know what you think. I am hopelessly addicted to Reviews like a feeder is to the endorphin high. Please feed my addiction.

Suzanna


	8. Scars

February 19, 2011

Well hello all. I hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day. My dad came home on the 14th. He was doing great but last night we hit a bump in the road. It sounds like he will be fine and back home soon.

My Beta reader is moving house this weekend and was not able to beta for me because I am too impatient to wait. I hope you like it anyway.

I do not own VA but that which comes from my slightly deranged mind I happily share with you

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**Chapter 7: Scars**

After my first week Annemarie and I fell into a pattern. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I would eat lunch with her and help her with her homework. This gave Guardian Tanner a chance to get his things done or have lunch in the staff dining hall. It took three weeks before Annemarie earned a special fun work out. Guardian Tanner and I took her to the elementary campus playground. Tanner and I took turns competing with her. We tried to see who could swing the highest and how long we could keep it up. We timed how long it took us to get across the monkey bars. She showed us some gymnastic tricks she could do on the balance beam. I taught her some Russian jump rope songs that my sisters used to sing. I was surprised to find out that she speaks Russian fluently.

As the weeks passed I made aware other routines as well. Every other week Rose, Adrian, Christian, Mia, Eddie, Angus O'shea, and Jake Baddica would leave for the weekend. The coincidence was that Christian, Mia, Angus and Jake are all Elemental Defense teachers. On the Fridays that they are out their classes and Lissa's spirit class join the novices in combat training. They would be gone from just before sunrise on Thursday night and return before school started on Monday. I asked once where they went but Tanner only said that it was between them and the Queen.

A few weeks into our training I happen to notice some scars that ran across both of Annemarie's arms and part of one of her legs. There had been an attack recently where a guardian had to fight a Strigoi in water, the guardian lost his life. I asked Rosemarie if I could incorporate water training in with the other training Annemarie and I did. She agreed and we scheduled use of the pool once every two weeks. Usually she wore long sweat pants and an over sized tee shirt for our regular training. This day she wore a one piece swimsuit under her tee shirt. When she got to the pool she pulled off the over shirt and that is when I saw her scars. She must have expected me to say something because she automatically went into an explanation. I had nearly forgotten what Alberta had told me the day they gave me her file.

"When I was still in my mommy's tummy three Strigoi crashed the car that she was riding in. The people she was guarding were ok but in the commotion the Strigoi grabbed her and took her away from her charge and the other guardians. She tried to fight them but because her tummy was so big and she was already in labor, almost ready to have me; she couldn't fight them off. One bit her to make her even weaker. Then he took her stake from her hands and even though it burned him and made him bleed, he used her stake to cut her belly. They wanted to take me from her. Her charge and her friends saved us. One of them used fire to distract the Strigoi while my grandmother and another guardian staked them.

She looked at her scars. "Aunty Lissa and Adrian tried to heal the scars but because of the Strigoi blood both me and my mother still have them."

I tried to ask her more questions about her mother but she said "I don't want to talk about it". I dropped the subject. Though I am very curious as to what relation she is to Rosemarie; in all truth it doesn't really matter. Like with Connor; I love her for who she is and even though she is not my child I have found myself wishing she was and almost thinking of her as such.

I can't say that Rose ever really started to warm up to me. During our weekly meetings she was always the cool professional. She was never rude or unkind, but I never felt like she was the same girl I once knew. She did begin to let her mask down just a little. Any time that I hinted to something from the past she would ether give me a hint of a small sad look or take no notice at all. At times when I would mention how similar she and Annemarie are she would almost always give me a look that was between a small sad smile, frustration and indecision. As time passes I have found myself thinking of her as Rosemarie. It hurts me to realize that the vivacious girl is gone and may never return.

On Thursday November 10th I was notified that I would not be working with Annemarie due to her leaving for court Friday morning. My curiosity got the better of me that morning. I woke up early and took a walk. Soon I found myself near the airstrip. There was a court jet on the tarmac and Adrian was standing outside the plane. Embarrassed by my behavior I was just going to continue to walk on.

"Hey Dimitri" Adrian was waving me over. Not wanting to be rude I went to talk to him.

"Good morning Lord Ivashkov." He gave me an odd look before giving me a very big smile.

"Cut the crap Dimitri, I know you are my older half brother. Unless we are in a formal situation just call me Adrian. Hell even then I might prefer if you just call me by my name."

"Adrian, you are sober. I think you have been sober every time I have talked to you since my return. Have you quit smoking also? You don't reek of clove cigarettes." I know I was being blunt but he seemed to prefer it.

"I was wondering when you would notice. I have been completely sober for the last seven years. I can even be around alcohol and cigarettes without having any desire to imbibe in the slightest."

"I thought you drank to deal with the effects of spirit?"

"I did but somehow Rose started to take my shadows away as she does for Lissa. She has found a way to exorcize the shadows from herself after absorbing any spirit wielder's shadows. So I get to practice spirit without going crazy. Rosemarie isn't going to go nuts now ether."

"Can I ask how this happened?"

"No but add it to your list." He gave me a sly smile. Then he focused on something behind me.

I turned to see Rose walking up to the airstrip. Walking with her were seven children. I recognized Annemarie right off. She let go of Rosemarie's hand and came running up to us; I thought she was going to greet me but she jumped into Adrian's arms.

"Slow down little Dhampir; we have a whole flight to talk." I realized that she must have been talking to him in her mind. She did it to me once just the other day when she caught herself having a tantrum. She asked me if she was going to have to do an extra lap and lose her fun training. I heard her clear as a bell even though her mouth never moved. I find it interesting that both she and Rosemarie seem to both possess the ability of telepathy. After hugging her he let her down on the ground.

I looked over at Rose and her group of children. I recognized the little boy in the picture with Annemarie, Rose and Adrian. He was holding Rosemarie's other hand. He too ran up to Adrian but he ran up shouting. It sounded like he said Daddy. Adrian smiled at him and caught him midflight. I looked at the boy and at Adrian. There was no resemblance between them. The boy had fair skin and was slender. His hair was the color of dark copper and his eyes were rich butterscotch. Adrian's hair was dark but there was a hint of bronze when he was in direct sun, and his eyes are the color of emeralds.

"Josh, say hi to my mentor. His name is Guardian Belikov but I call him Woody."

I rolled my eyes. After the first week of training she had begun to call me Woody. With my fascination with the old west and my leather duster she decided I needed a cowboy name. She also told me she likes Toy Story. I tried to get her to call me Guardian Belikov or even Dimitri but I couldn't shake her of it. She is so much like Rosemarie used to be that I gave up and now I let her use the nick name.

I gave her a nickname too, well two nicknames actually. When she is reminds me of Roza I call her Princess. But most of the time she is so unique that I wanted to give her something more original than princess. She is feminine and delicate looking but I know when she is older she will be quite deadly. I call her Lady Bug. Lady bugs protect delicate flowers from destructive aphids. One day my Lady bug will protect others from Strigoi.

"Hello Guardian Belikov, My name is Joshua Harrison Hathaway."

He gave me his hand and I shook it. My heart beat wildly but I held on to my guardian mask. I looked up to Rose who was looking right at me. This boy looked to be about the right age of a child she could have had after I left. He looked a little like Rose but he looked more Like Janine. I let down my mask with Rose; I wanted to be honest with her. I was sad that she did go on to have a child since it meant that she must have slept with someone. At the same time I was relieved that she was able to have what she wanted. If this little boy was part of my Roza then I wanted to know him. Well honestly I am interested in knowing all the children she cares for. Because they are important to her, they are important to me.

"Hello Joshua, it's nice to meet you. Maybe one of these days you, Annemarie, and I could do something together."

"Can the rest of the kids come too?"

"Yes of course, I think it would me more fun with more kids. There is a lake within the wards and we could go fishing and have a cook out over a camp fire. Does that sound good to both of you?"

I looked to Annemarie and to Josh. They both had big excited smiles and were nodding. I looked to Rosemarie. She gave me a funny look that I couldn't quite decipher

"So Josh would you introduce me to your other brothers and sisters?" Adrian let him down and he ran back to Rose.

"This is Aiden Harper he is 4." For a four year old Aiden was quit big. He still had a baby face and he had his thumb in his mouth.

"Karalin is almost 3 she is Aiden's sister." She had big eyes that were the same blue gray as her brother's. Her hair was a lighter shade of blond. She held on to a well loved doll.

"Brian Jonson is going t be five soon." Brian had curly black hair and bright blue eyes. He looked a lot like my Connor. I wonder if one of his parents was an Ozera.

"Sarah and Suzan Dashkov are twins and they are 3." The other three children were obviously Dhampirs whereas the twins showed all the earmarks of a Moroi. They were tall and very thin. Their skin was so light that it was literally the color of a porcelain teacup and they had the same Jade color eyes that the Dashkov and Dragomir families both share.

I followed him around and shook hands with each child as he introduced them. I could feel Rose watching me; part of me wanted to look at her but I felt it would be rude to the children if I did. I didn't realize how close I was to Rose till I stood up. She was right next to me still looking at me with that indescribable expression.

"Your children are beautiful Rosemarie. I hope you don't mind that I promised to do something with them before discussing it with you."

"I am thankful to anyone who will help me entertain them. We can discuss the details when I get back."

Her mask was down but still she was more professional than friendly with me. Our eyes locked. I don't know what she saw in my unmasked face but sadness and betrayal flash through hers briefly. My heart burned with remorse, and longing. She closed her eyes and took in a cleansing breath. When she opened her eyes she had a look of resolve on her face. She tuned to the children.

"Ok everyone let's get on the plane. I promised Auntie Tatiana that we would be there at 8:00 PM and you know how I like to be early."

She ushered them up the stairs. Before boarding Annemarie ran up and hugged me. I couldn't help but pick her up and swing her in the air.

"I am going to miss you little lady bug. Have fun and behave."

"I will Woody, I promise. I will try to wait my turn and I won't attack if I get mad."

"I will ask Guardian Tanner and if you were good we will have a fun training day when you return."

"Yippy!" she squealed then she boarded the plane. Rose smiled brightly at Annemarie as she ran up the stairs. She looked back at me with that indescribable look, for a second she gave me a small genuine smile before disappearing through the hatch.

I watched the plane taxi down the runway. As it took to the air I heard her voice.

"_Dimitri, I am not ready yet but I promise one day we will talk."_

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POP QUIZ

1. Ok now that you know what the fun training days are what do you think? The metal image of two guardians playing on swings with an eleven yr old made me laugh.

2. Did you notice that Annemarie speaks perfect Russian?

3. Where do you think Rose and the others are going every other week?

4. For those who read So What Now you might know from chapter 55 that there is great significance with the scars that Tasha had in that story and the similar ones that Annemarie and her mother have. How do you think that might play out in this story?

5. Who is Josh? What is his relation to Rose and Adrian?

6. What did you think of Dimitri planning an outing with Rose's children?

you think he will follow through?

8. Will Rose follow through on her promise to talk soon?

Please pass your quizzes to the front by hitting the reply botton.

Suzanna


	9. Searching For Clues

March 10,2011

Sorry if this chapter is not up to par with the rest. It has been hard to get my voices to back track and re write stuff that was written a long time ago. I know that this chapter is going to leave you with a lot of questions but hopefully Dimitri will figure it out soon.

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**Chapter 8: Searching for Clues.**

As the weekend wore on my curiosity about Rosemarie, and her ties to Annemarie and Joshua grew. Eventually late Sunday evening I decided to indulge my curiosity. The records room in the administration building was open to all teachers and guardians. It held the personal files of the staff as well as students. It was well passed noon and the sun was high but it still didn't take the chill out of the November air. Wrapping my duster around me tighter and mentally thanking Tasha for the scarf she packed for me, I walked into the admin building as if I was here for official reasons; and not just to satisfy my curiosity

First I looked for the file of Hathaway, Rosemarie. It was thick as I remembered it to be. It had been subdivided by year. I opened it to a familiar spot; the year I received her file for the purpose of finding her and Lissa. The picture of a fifteen year old runaway stared back at me. It was striking how much this picture resembles my ladybug and yet there were still so many differences. There was a certain familiarity in the contrasting features but I couldn't place where I knew them. I flipped a few pages and found a picture of her taken a few days after I caught them. My God she was beautiful. I wanted to reach back to the past and hold her in my arms.

With a sigh I moved forward to the months we dated and after. My notes on her progress were there but there was no mention of our special training days or anything that could be indicative of our relationship. Not once was there any indication that she was ever caught with another man. I looked through each and every page for the next two years and not once was it mentioned that she had ever had a child.

There were some incident reports regarding each of her Molnija marks, the last one occurring just over two years ago. I was shocked to see that she had earned 16 in all. In the last 7 years I have only had to fight one. Other than that I realized that a lot was missing from the last half of her file. That must be what is kept in the Queen's personal files.

Next I went to the student files and looked up Hathaway, Joshua Harrison. His file was not as convoluted as the one I had been given for Annemarie but it lacked information. His birth certificate was missing. The profile form listed Rose as his mother and it mentioned two sisters but not the names and ages.

This was frustrating. I didn't have enough information to confirm or deny whether or not Joshua was the child of Rosemarie. I saw nothing in him that even hinted of her and she didn't offer any explanation for why he was named Hathaway. He looks a bit like Janine, perhaps she was his mother and instead of dumping him on the academy the way she had Rose; she sent him to live with Rose. But if Rose is his sister then why would the profile list her as his mother. I went to the computer at the other end of the room.

Personal files were kept in hardcopy and in the court data base. I entered my clearance code. I have a level four guardian clearance but that should be enough to access Janine's file.

Hathaway, Janine Iris: Born January 7 1972.  
Graduated from: St Columban's Academy, Ireland 1991  
1991 Assigned to David Amaducci  
1992 Assigned to Gregorio Zleski.  
2010 Assigned to an undisclosed Royal

Retired in 2014

Children: Rosemarie Hathaway Born April 20, 1992  
Abigail Hathaway Born September 29, 2014  
Loren Hathaway Born July, 1 2015

**Marks**

1. Promise  
15. Molnija  
3. Zvezda

1. Paca  
19. Grian  
23. Gealach

Guardian Hathaway has led an exemplary career and is currently working privately with Rosemarie and Emma Hathaway on a classified project.

Special Notes:

Janine Hathaway has been decorated with the distinction of a First level Guardian for protecting her charge and saving the life of a pregnant guardian on February 24, 2011. In the process Guardian Hathaway was forced to stake her brother Jeremy Hathaway and her young cousin Justin Harrison; both men had been turned Strigoi and were in the process of attacking the pregnant guardian. She has earned My complete trust.  
Queen Tatiana Ivashkov.

Wow my heart goes out to Janine. I can't imagine what it would be like for me to have to kill one of my cousins let alone one of my sisters. I have no clue what the last three listings on the Marks were. I don't recognize the language and I have never known of any marks other than the first three. As fascinating as her file is I could find nothing indicating how Annemarie and Joshua are related to Rose. I suspected that Annemarie was her sister but that has been shown false unless they are related by father rather than mother. Nowhere in Janine's file does it mention who the father of her children are. Rumor has it she married Rose's father and is working freelance guarding the mobster Zmay.

I know it is wrong of me to want to know given that I am the one who walked away. I could not help the curiosity. I accepted that Josh must be Rosemarie's son but who is his father and why is he not here with her? I wonder if she would accept that I want to help her with the kids; all of them.

After I left the room I felt ashamed of myself. Even if those files are public record I violated not just Rosemarie's privacy but that of her mother and her son as well. When I got back to my room I called home. Jonathan's voice answered.

"Tasha Ozera's residence, how may I help you?"  
"Um Jonathan, is Tasha, there?"  
"Oh, sorry man, she's out with Connor."  
"Ok, well tell her I called and tell Little Man that I love him and miss him."  
"No problem. He misses you too. In fact he can't stop talking about visiting his Daddy for Christmas."  
"I can't wait to see him ether. Guess I will see you then too."

We said good bye and hung up. I got ready for bed and just as I was settling in for the night my phone rang. I answered it without even looking at the caller ID, thinking it was Tasha.

"Hello T…." I got cut off by a very pissed off old lady. She spoke to me in English but her heavy Russian accent laced every syllable.  
"I saw what you did Dimka and I am very ashamed of you. How dare you do that! I know you don't believe in my abilities but I must tell you that you are on the precipice of learning that there is a whole world beyond what you KNOW. There is a chance for you to regain what you have lost. If you allow yourself to see beyond the black and white you will see the truth. When you were very little you had the gift too, but you let it go, find it."

And then she hung up leaving me feeling shocked and confused. Yeva almost never calls me. The last time she called me was when I made the decision to leave Roza. When Tasha and I have brought Connor to visit my family she is polite to Tasha and loving to Connor but she has never let me forget that I made the biggest mistake of my life by leaving.

The first time we visited I half expected her to reject Connor; she didn't. Instead she told me that even though he is not biologically mine she knows he is mine by love. Well her exact words were a bit more cryptic as always. "Love has made you a father. Your child is waiting for your love. Love can also make a child yours. You have made this child yours by your love."

I fell asleep that night wishing that Rose would allow me the chance to love her again. I know I could accept her children as mine. Part of me already does. I know I have a family with Conner and Tasha, even with her marrying Jonathan. But my heart longs to be with Roza; it has since the moment I chose to leave.

~~~o*o~~~

I heard the jet over head as I headed off to my morning workout. Rosemarie and the children must be back. The academy had felt lonely without them. I raced through my morning workout eager to get to my meeting with Rose. I dressed quickly and ran to the dining hall on my way to see her.

I leaned against the wall holding the tray hoping she will like my surprise. I felt her, even before she turned the corner. Oh how I had missed this all these years, it made me happy to know that some of our old connection still exists.

She rounded the corner and she took my breath away. This morning she wore a light gray cowl neck sweater, a long dark gray wrap around skirt and soft gray suede boots. She wore her moonstone necklace so that it lay on the hollow of her neck which was mostly covered by the loose folds of the sweater. She wore a belt made of broad flat silver links. Over it all she wore a knitted duster.

The way she dresses now is so different than how she did when she was younger. As a student she dressed in a much more provocative way. She didn't dress slutty, well not always, but she dressed to attract attention to her beautiful body. Now the best way to describe her style was classy. There is no way of hiding her beautiful figure which has only improved over time. She is much more conservative now. I have noticed that she always wears cloths that cover her arms and often her legs too. The collars of her tops almost always cover her neck or else she wears a scarf.

Her hair is much longer now than it was before; in fact it is so long that her thick braid wraps from the back of her head around her shoulder and down just past her navel. If her braid is that long I could only imagine how long it is when it is loose.

"You're early, Belikov." She eyed the sack and disposable mugs on the tray as she opened her office door.

"Yes, well I thought it would be nice to share breakfast with you if you don't mind." I followed her in and proceeded to set the food out for each of us, while she took off her duster and hung it with her purse on the pegs near the door.

She looked a bit uncomfortable when she turned to see two chocolate doughnuts and a hot chocolate on her desk.

"Um thank you, I don't usually indulge in those things anymore but since you took the trouble."

She sat down and tore off a bite of doughnut. Closing her eyes she brought it to her mouth and chewed it thoughtfully. She then took a sip of the hot chocolate.

"Mm this didn't come from the machine in the dining hall did it?"

"Nope." I smiled. "I talked them into making it myself. I know no machine could make it the way you like it; twice the cocoa mix and not quite as hot."

She nodded and looked at me for a moment with her mask down. She had a look of longing, the same longing I had; it was a longing for the past and what could have been. Then betrayal, loneliness and acceptance crossed her face before her mask slid back into place.

"Well Guardian Belikov, I have to say that you are doing a remarkable job of teaching Annemarie to be patient and to control her temper. I am afraid that due to her tragic birth and well unique childhood she has grown up quite spoiled. She didn't learn to take turns and share with other children because until recently she never had too. Don't get me wrong she is a loving, generous and caring child by nature but when she gets it in her head that something is hers and she wants it all her good traits go out the window and she throws tantrums worse than I am sure ether of her parents ever did. But I guess that given that she is the child of her parents she should have the best and the worst of their traits."

Again she dropped her mask and for a moment she had that look that pleaded with me. If I knew what she was asking of me I would give it to her in a heartbeat. Before I could say anything her mask was back up and she continued.

"As I have said you have done a remarkable job. You would have been proud of her behavior. All during our time at court she was polite and patient and she waited her turn. Queen Tatiana asked that I convey her praise for your good work."

"Well thank you and please convey my thanks to her as well." She nodded.

"As for this outing with the children since it is getting so late in the season would you rather wait till spring?"

"Roza, you know waiting that long would feel like a broken promise to the children. If you don't mind I would like to plan something for this weekend. Perhaps not fishing since I would be afraid of getting the little ones wet but we could certainly use the fire pit by the lake and have a cookout and play games."

"It is Rosemarie or Guardian Hathaway; I told you, years ago, that the girl you used to call Roza is dead." She said this in a sad, whisper. Her eyes were closed and she held her head in her hand with her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. Rosemarie took a moment to calm herself and place her mask firmly in place again.

"I appreciate that you want to get to know Annemarie as a person and not just as your student. I also appreciate any help I can get entertaining the children. Come to the fire pit on Saturday at 3 am. That should give you enough time before their bedtime. I just ask that you remember that she is much younger than she appears and if you hurt her feelings I will destroy you. She trusts you, she believes you will be there for her, don't fail her again. Your dismissed Guardian Belikov."

She picked up her phone and refused to acknowledge me any farther. Stunned I left her office, feeling horrible and confused. She said that she had told me years ago that Roza was dead but it was Adrian who told me just a couple months ago. As for betraying Annemarie I think she is speaking just as much about herself as she is about my ladybug. After what I have done to my Roza I can never allow that to happen to my ladybug, the thought of seeing her spirit killed the way that Roza's was. I would rather die than do that again.

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Pop Quiz

1. Why do you think that Dimitri actually stooped so low as to go searching though the records?

2. Who is Joshua really? How is he related to Rose?

3. What do you think will happen at Christmas when Tasha, Jonathan and Conner come to visit?

4. What was the meaning of Yeva's call?

5. What did Yeva mean when she said that "Love has made You a father. Your child is waiting for your love. Love can make a child yours. You have made this child Yours by your Love" ?

6. Why do you think that Rose dresses as conservatively as she does?

7. What does Rosemarie mean when she said Don't fail her AGAIN? Is she really talking about Annemarie or herself or perhaps both?

Please review. I have had a lot of stress in my life with my dad and then my computer problems that I was having.

**Reviews make me happy so please Please PLEASE REVEIW**

**Calling through the Bond "Review come on You know you want to"**

**Adrian giving you his sexy smile and using compulsion. _"You will review and make Suzanna happy so she will make time to write."_**

Thank you Lissa and Adrian. I know why Rose loves you guys.


	10. Practice

March 28, 2011

There is a nice Hot Gooey Slice of Chocolate Lava Cake in here for you. It is a bit graphic but I hope you won't mind. You are going to get to see Rose crack a little in this chapter too. Thank you to my wonderful Beta, Rangarose, who catches the mistakes I make when writing between 11 pm and 3 am. Please read her story **Life Changes Sometimes. www dot fanfiction dot net/s/6641050/1/**

For any of you wondering how my dad is doing he is much better but he needs to get in a more positive mindset if he is ever going to get himself walking again. Any prayer or positive energy you can send his way would be appreciated.

I do not own VA but that which comes to my Squirrelly brain I share with you. Because the Voices told me to :D

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**Chapter 9: Practice**

I left Rosemarie's office reeling, I was so upset. I had wanted to surprise her with the doughnuts. I had to beg the kitchen staff to let me back there to make the hot chocolate myself. I was expecting…. Well I am not sure what I was expecting but I was hoping to see her eyes sparkle the way they used to when I would surprise her with her favorite chocolate glazed, devil's-food, cake, doughnuts and hot chocolate that I made myself. If anything she looked uncomfortable.

And the conversation, argh, that was awful. I wanted to slap myself for calling her Roza. She has told me enough times to call her Rosemarie. What the hell did she mean that she told me Years ago that the girl I knew as Roza was dead. Until I came back here I had not spoken to her since the day she went to court with Lissa and Adrian. Our last words to each other were words of love. I remember a week after I arrived here I bumped into Adrian and he told me and I quote; "Dimitri, it's probably best if you try to think of her as Rosemarie and not Rose or Roza. She associates both Rose and especially Roza with who she was back then; to her that girl is dead." Yet somehow I feel as if I have heard her say this to me before.

Then there is what she said about me not hurting Annemarie again. I have never done anything to hurt her. I love my ladybug and I would never hurt her. I know Rosemarie has no reason to trust me because I have hurt her in the past though I truly didn't want too. But why would she say what she said?

My mind just kept going back and forth trying to understand what all happened in there. I tried to keep focused on what was going on in Annemarie's classes; if I know what she is learning I can help her with her homework. Unfortunately with thoughts of Rosemarie and our conversation my mind kept wandering. Several times Annemarie would look over at me with a look of concern and sadness. As we walked from her Moroi History class to Guarding technique, Stan's class, Ladybug surprised me with a question.

"Why are you feeling like that?"

"Like what, Ladybug?" She closed her eyes thoughtfully for a moment.

"Sorry, really sad and hate, hate is a very strong emotion. You have to be very careful with hate."

"How, do you know what I am feeling?"

"I can feel what other people are feeling sometimes. Not always, just when they are really having strong feelings. It is easier with people I am close to like my sister, brother and mom, but I can feel other people when they are really very upset or happy."

"Do you feel my emotions a lot?" She lifted her right eyebrow when I asked. This brought a smile to my face. Roza always wanted to be able to do this and though she has apparently learned to lift one brow higher than the other, they both still rise. Rosemarie, I have to think of her as Rosemarie.

"Woody, you are an open book sometimes. Your face and even your eyes might not show anything but underneath you can be a storm. Thing is I might be able empathic but I am not able to brush minds or read memories, so I don't know why you are feeling the way you are."

She scrunched up her face. "Woody, do you Hate M… my other mentor? You feel this way sometimes when you talk to or about her?"

"Oh Ladybug, I don't Hate Guardian Hathaway, I care for her very much. We used to be friends. I feel sorry because I was stupid and I hurt her, I'm very sad because I miss our friendship but I know she doesn't trust me anymore, and I am angry at myself for hurting her. Sometimes I even hate myself for hurting her the way I did."

"I guess that explains why she feels the way she does. I have asked her before but she says she will tell me when I am older." My heart clenched.

"Does she hate me too?"

"No, not at all but she feels hurt, sad, angry, frustrated and well the strongest feelings confuse me, I can't figure them out. There are other people whose feelings spike when they are around you."

"Oh?"

"Stop Sign doesn't like you very much."

"Stop sign?"

"Guardian Alto, in Spanish the word Alto has two meanings. It is the word for high like something is up high. Está alto. The other is STOP like on the stop signs."

By this time we were already at Stan's class. Our conversation ended and she went to her desk while I went to the back of the room. I was sufficiently distracted and able to focus again. I had forgotten that Annemarie's file had stated that she was very sensitive to the emotions of other's. I guess I am going to have to work on my emotional control a bit more.

After her training session we had lunch together. She told me that she was worried about Josh. He rarely gets to see his Uncle Bobby and it had been hard for him to say goodbye. During the conversation she rambled a bit but I have to admit I let her prattle on because I saw it as an opportunity to learn about Rosemarie's son. I learned that Uncle Bobby is an Ivashkov. Not only is he an Ivashkov but Adrian is his brother. I didn't know that Adrian had any brothers. I don't remember any Robert within my father's Moroi family at all. I had assumed if Adrian and Rose had a child he would have married her. At least he is active in his son's life. I wonder if he would be ok with me taking part in Josh's life.

It was hard to keep my emotional control during the rest of the afternoon. I didn't want to make Annemarie worry about me but at one point during her last class I found myself thinking back to the day we said goodbye.

Rose ran to me and jumped into my arms. I held her tight and took in her scent for the last time. We kissed each other passionately. When we pulled away she cupped my face, I could still feel the warmth of her soft yet callused hands. Her dark chocolate eyes looked so deeply into mine.

"Dimitri I want you to know that I love you and no matter what happens; I love you and only you. You own my heart Comrade."

I remember how her soft voice almost pleaded with me to believe her. I may have owned her heart but I am sure she must have taken it back when she read my goodbye letter.

I quickly wiped a tear that rolled silently down my Guardian mask. When I looked up I saw Annemarie looking back at me over her shoulder. It was like a punch in the gut. She looks so much like Roza but something in those subtle differences pulled at me. She wore a sad expression as if she just experienced my meltdown with me. I felt as if I had déjà vu.

I rained in my emotions as best I could for the last few minutes of class. I was glad that Guardian Tanner was off working on something else and was not here to witness my emotional break. I walked her out to the quad where she was to meet with Tanner.

"Woody, sit down with me for a minute." I did as she asked and as soon as I was seated she put her arms around me giving me a hug. I felt as if I was wrapped in love and friendship. A sense of peace came over me. "You needed one of my special hugs. Go to your room and read. It makes me feel better; I bet it will help you."

~~*~~O~~*~~

Something about Ladybug's hug calmed me for the rest of the day. As I settled down for the night I began to think about my day again. I feel very troubled by the things that Rose said; it doesn't make sense that they should ring so true to me but something about them does. The memory of Ladybugs sad face also tugged at me in a way I could not begin to describe.

I tried to call Tasha but her machine said that she has gone to her soon to be mother in law's house for Thanksgiving and will be back on Monday. Thanksgiving is an American, human holiday that s celebrated on the 3rd Thursday in November. It is only Monday now but I remember her saying she was going to be spending a week with Jonathan's parents.

Giving up on sleep for now I changed into my workout clothes. I ran the parameter of the school before heading to the gym. As I neared I noticed that the doors were open. Its 12:15 pm, who would be in the gym at this hour? Guardians worked out between the hours of 9 am and 10:30; after that it was locked till six pm. Only the Guardians who mentor students are given a key so that they can hold early morning sessions as early as five.

I paused outside the door to listen. Inside it sounded like a Training session. I could hear taunts and grunts. The sound of guardians hitting and blocking was familiar but I heard other noises too. I stepped a bit farther in letting my curiosity get the better of me. I was amazed at what I saw. There were at least 30 people practicing. I watched as the five Moroi who always disappear with Rose on her assignments, fought alongside Eddie and five other Guardians. A quick count told me that there were about twenty guardians on the opposing team. I didn't recognize all of the Guardians to be school Guardians; in fact I was surprised to see a few of them because I had heard rumors of them being taken and turned. Yet still there were others whom I have never met. It didn't appear to matter where the "Strigoi team" members were staked if a clear hit was made with a stake they would back off. The Moroi were using their magic when needed to help guardians but they too also fought with the stakes.

My eyes were drawn to Roza. She was in the middle of it all fighting against Yuri. Yuri is a very good fighter and he was the only one how could beat me almost half the time. The first thing that struck me was how beautiful she is. Her long mahogany hair was braided and she wore some kind of silver clip at the base with chains of silver braided into it leading down to the end where another clip held it in place. She wore a silver cuff anklets and bracelets and on her neck she wore what looked like an adaption of her cuffs with a moonstone just over the hollow of her neck. Looking at her Moroi I could see that each of them wore silver cuff bracelets as well. I recalled my first meeting with her when Guardian Michaels came in with a box of cuffs and talking about charms being infused by her elements.

The way she dressed for this training was very different than she did when she was young. She used to drive me wild with extremely short shorts and sports bras. Tonight she wore a long sleeve black unitard. Even though everything was covered I have to say she was damn sexy. Her body was even nicer than I could have imagined it. Her muscles are toned and defined as ever and it is obvious she does Pilates or Yoga so that she maintains long graceful looking muscles instead of the tight muscles that one might get as a weightlifter or a guardian.

I had only been there for no more than a minute, half hidden by the door. I marveled at Rose. Right now she was My Rose. I could still see the base of my training in her movements but yet she was different. She had her eyes closed most of the time and instead of trying to keep a certain amount of distance between her and her opponent she seemed to try to keep him near. It closely resembled the way Annemarie had showed me on our first training.

Yuri did a good job of protecting his heart but what surprised me was that with her eyes closed and using the palm of her hand, she pressed it to his torso. He fell back as I had done when Annemarie did the same thing to me. At some unheard signal everyone stopped and Rose reached down to examine Yuri. She toughed his chest and he sat up gasping.

"Damn it Rosemarie, you hurt me with that one, WTF! You actually knocked the breath out of me!"

"Sorry Yuri, I got distracted." She helped him up. Everyone in the room turned to her and nodded before turning and talking or getting water. She turned in my direction.

"Damn it Belikov! What the fuck are you doing here? Get back to your dorm and go to bed. Stop interfering with my Pack practice." She stormed over to me. Adrian followed her touching her right shoulder in a calming gesture. Rose turned her face to the left side. It looked as if she was listening to someone but there was no one there. Then she answered the nothing.

"No! Hell No! I don't need to have him here!"

"What does he want you to do Rose?" Adrian asked.

"He said that I need to work through any distractions including him." She gritted her teeth then shouted back at the nothing. " Ya know! Last time was just an anomaly. I don't want him here and I don't need him here."

"Rosemarie, I know how good a fighter you are but whoever "he" is, he's right you need to be able to stay in the fight no matter the distraction, even me." Rose turned her anger back at me.

"For all you know I am a stark raving, mad, lunatic; in the middle of a delusion, and there is no one there."

"I know logically that you are a well-respected Guardian with whom a lot of responsibility has been given, if you were insane than you would not be in the position of esteem you are in. If you were unstable they would not trust you with the care of 7 children. I believe that there is more going on here then I am able to perceive. As I said a moment ago I agree with your unseen advisor, no matter how good a fighter you are, you could still die if you are distracted. Please Rosemarie; let me stay so you can work through distraction."

"Fine, you win, you can stay." She practically snarled at me. She turned and pointed to her unseen adviser. "You're so lucky you're dead Ashford, cuz right now …." She shook her head at him and let her voice tail off. Out loud to the gym full of people she called out. "All right people break's over. Dimitri is joining us. (I was secretly thrilled to hear her say my first name.) Alberta he's yours. Pack, in formation now, and elements I need you to step it up a notch, I know it is late but come on!"

"Yes Huntress." Every Moroi in the room said in unison.

Alberta gave me a black headband and a quick rundown of the plan and the battle began. There were one to three "Strigoi" fighting against each of the Guardians and Moroi on the Pack team. As soon as each of the pack was engaged in a battle I weaved my way to Rose. She was going against Celeste. I joined into the fray and for a moment Rose fought us both, with her eyes closed.

Adrian tried to distract me from Rose. I was surprised at the level of his skill. Before I could get the upper hand on him Yuri began to attack him. I turned my attention back to Rose and Celeste. Rose had her hand pressed to the side of Celeste's waist. Celeste had a peaceful smile on her face as she fell back. She got up a moment later and gave Rose a small bow then walked away.

Rose turned to me eyes open and a sexy smirk on her face. She crooked her finger at me beckoning me forward. We circled for a short amount of time. She closed her eyes and waited for me to launch my attack. I have kept up my training and I have taken advantage of the variety of trainers that Tasha has had teaching in her studio. I started with a kick to her side and a punch to the other side. She easily side stepped both moves without ever opening her eyes.

I can't say I have ever had a longer spar in my life. With her beautiful eyes close she blocked and counter acted almost all of my hits. Even with my eyes open I took as many of her hits as she did mine. I had to fight my body's reaction to hers. Even when I was her teacher, the energy that would run through our bodies at even the most casual touch, always made its presence known during practice. I smiled internally as I thought of the make out sessions this sometimes led too.

My momentary lapse caused me to lose focus. Rose shot her palm out and pressed me square in the chest. She sent energy to me and it didn't hurt as I thought it would. I felt warmth and love in this energy, but it was still strong enough to force me off my feet.

Before I could stand she pounced on me holding me down. Our breath was rapid and the heat of battle still raged in our veins. Her hair fell down her shoulder and her braid brushed against my cheek. How I longed to run my fingers through her hair once more. She looked into my eyes and I could feel and see lust from her. She brought her knees up so that she was now straddling me. My body reacted of its own accord and I could feel my already aroused member grow even harder. Judging by the man eater smile she wore I would say she felt him press against her.

She released my hands so that she could run one of hers through my hair. I instantly brought my hands to her face. She pressed her lips to mine and I was lost in her kiss. Forgetting everything and everyone else I kissed her, pouring all my love into this one act. She reached for the hem of my shirt and I suddenly remembered where we were and everything that has happened.

"Roza we shouldn't." She moved on to kiss my exposed chest. But in my head I heard her voice.

"Belikov, call me Rosemarie, don't worry I sent everyone home while we were still sparring. We are alone now."

I felt like ice cold water had been splashed on me. Her voice was just as breathy and husky as if she had spoken out loud but her words… she rebuffed me for calling her Roza and she used my last name.

"This is wrong. We can't do this." She jumped off of me but sat near holding her knees up to her chest.

"We can't do this? WE CAN'T DO THIS? You think this is wrong, now? Maybe you should have thought about that seven years ago; you know when I was still a Minor and you were my Teacher!"

I reached out to her and she flinched from my touch and buried her face in her arms and knees. Her shoulders shook in silent sobs.

"Rosemarie, seven years ago we were madly in love. What we had was not perfect but it was as close as I could imagine being. Our love is what made it right. I destroyed it when I left you. I regretted my decision from the moment I made it. I still love you more than words can say but can you honestly tell me you love and trust me the way that you once did? Until I earn your love and trust sex is just sex, it is just fucking. I will not fuck you. If we are ever truly able to have a real relationship again; then and only then, I will make love to you because I love you."

She cried for a little while longer then she stood up with her guardian mask back into place. She didn't spare me a glance. She walked away. In my head I heard her tell me to lock up before I left.

I grabbed my gym bag and pulled out the bottle of water in the side. I locked up then drank down the water. I had to hold my gym bag in front of my body to hide the raging erection that tented my sweat pants. It was late enough that only the guardians on patrol would be out but I didn't want anyone to see. It throbbed painfully as if punishing me for not taking the opportunity I had. This problem would not go away on its own; with a sigh I realized I would be taking matters into my own hand yet again.

Back in my dorm I shed my clothing and set the shower for slightly cooler than tepid. I looked down at my body. I am very well endowed and in the past it was a source of embarrassment. In school when we had to use communal showers I would hear things from the other guys. Of all the things that I had heard the one that bothered me the most was "Damn I feel sorry for any virgin he pops. She is going to feel it for days."

Ivan Zeklos had a reputation for being a bit of a womanizer. He was handsome and charismatic, the ladies loved him. The difference between him and other Zeklos men was that he may sleep with a lot of girls but he wasn't a jerk about it. He let them know he was not serious about anyone and if they were still interested in him for fun then he went for it and if not he still treated her with respect for saying no. He was my best friend and I knew I could ask him anything.

One day I asked him what it was like to have sex with a virgin. I asked how I could do it without hurting her.

"D that is a tough one. If a girl is a virgin it is going to hurt no matter what. But it will hurt her less if she is really horny for you so make sure you get her very aroused and wet. Go slow and gentle especially with the monster you're packing. When you feel her inner barrier use firm even pressure to break her; when you have broken her, give her a moment to adjust then go slow and pay attention to her signals." I had kept his advice in my head wondering if I would ever need it.

Shaking off the thought I got into the shower; washing everything quickly. With the residual conditioner on my hand from what I put in my hair; I let my hand wander to my still hard member and I let my mind wander to Roza and the first time we made love.

**Nice Gooey Hot Chocolate lava cake Flashback**

I held Roza pinned to the bed afraid to let her up. I feared for her, she was holding so much of Lissa's darkness and anger. The beating she gave Jessie Zeklos was worse than any beating I have ever given anyone. I hope that Lissa can heal him before any Moroi sees what she has done. If he dies she will be held on trial and there is a possibility that she will be executed. Without Lissa's help I am sure he would not live through the night.

She struggled harder and nearly bucking me off but I pushed her down pressing all my weight down on her. I catch her gaze and plead with her.

"This isn't you, Roza, let it go. This isn't you. Please fight this, it isn't you, it isn't you."

Her body began to tremble and her eyes began to clear then glazed over with tears. She was back I couldn't hold my relief back. I buried my face in her neck and she did the same. We cried for a few moments before pulling back to look into each other's eyes. It was then that the switch was pulled. I knew I could deny my feelings for her no more. I pressed my lips to hers so softly and before I pulled away she responded. Her hand found my hair and she knotted her fingers in the back pulling me closer. I responded by deepening the kiss she moaned which only turned me on more. I ran my tongue across her lips wanting to taste her. She opened her lips and granted me entrance.

We have kissed and even made out with her before but something about this was different, this was more. I put my heart and soul into this kiss. I ran my hand along her body feeling her every curve. She shivered and arched her back pushing her body into mine. Her fingers found their way under my shirt where they explored my back and sides. She pulled my shirt up and I left her lips long enough for her to pull it all the way up.

I sat up bringing her with me. I continued kissing her and exploring her body with my hands. I began to undo the buttons on her blouse. She wiggled out of it leaving her upper body bare except for her bra. In the fire light her tan skin glowed.

"Roza are you sure you want to do this? You said before that you are a virgin, I warn you that it will hurt, a lot." I thought back to the comments I had gotten when I was in school.

"I am a virgin, when you brought us back here they made me have a well woman exam and Dr Olendzki warned me I have a thick hymen. She explained to me it will hurt when I get 'de-flowered'; but even if it hurts I want this with you. I want to be yours."

We began kissing and caressing again slowly and passionately. Before I knew it our clothes were on the floor and we were completely naked in each other's arms. I suddenly felt nervous. I have never told Roza that I am a virgin too. She has always assumed that I had lost my virginity years ago. I hope she doesn't realize how inexperienced I am. I pray she is not left unsatisfied.

I roll her from her side to her back and position myself over her. I can feel her wetness as the tip of my cock grazes her. I resist the urge to enter and instead I use my hand to change the angle so that I can run along her outer folds bringing her to even more excitement. Her juices begin to flow lubricating me.

"Comrade I need you, make us one." She bucked her hips up for emphasis.

Slowly I entered her and we both gasped from the sensation. I only went as far as her barrier and back several times. When Rose breathed out the command "take me Comrade" I knew she was asking me to break her. I kissed her tenderly as I began to push into her. She gave a painful moan and I nearly stopped but she locked her legs around me keeping me in place and adding more pressure. Her hands grasped me around my back pulling me closer.

It only took a few moments but with the combined pressure of both me and Roza's legs when she finally broke I was shoved all the way in hitting the end of her tunnel. She cried out loudly and dug into my back with her nails while her inner walls clapped down on my cock locking me in place, I wouldn't have moved anyway. I looked into her eyes and I was horrified to see tears. I buried my head in the crook of her neck.

"Oh Roza, my Roza I am so sorry, please forgive me, I'm so sorry I hurt you." She stroked my hair lovingly.

"Comrade, I am not mad, I am happy. From this moment on I am yours forever. I don't want any other man to touch me the way that you have." I looked up to see her smile and her tears.

"Roza, I am yours too. I have never been with another woman nor do I ever want to." Her smile grew as she brought our lips together. Soon we were moving in sync together slowly bringing ourselves to a climax. I don't know when it happened but our love making went from slow and gentle building to fast and hard. Her inner walls began to convulse around me and her back arched up. A primal growl rose from my chest as I felt my own body join her summit.

We lay together in the afterglow for as long as we dared. Then we slowly got dressed to go find out what was going to happen to her for beating up a Royal Moroi. There were many things that happened after that which obscured the incident with Jessie. That was the day that the school was attacked.

The thing that was and still is most important to me about that night is that Roza gave me two of the three most precious gifts that a woman can give. She gave me her love, her love is beyond compare. She gave me her virtue. Now that is a gift that can only be given once and I know without a doubt that she gave it to me. The third gift is no guarantee in any relationship but for two Dhampirs it is impossible. The third gift is a child; a baby who is made from your love and who is half you and half the person you love.

**End of yummy chocolaty flashback**

I got out of the shower after rinsing my hand and my hair. I didn't bother with clothing but slipped in to my warm bed. I thought about the third gift and how I had let the importance of it cloud my vision seven years ago. Back then I refused the idea of children with Roza because they wouldn't be half mine biologically. Biology doesn't make a family, love does. I am the biological son of Nathan Ivashkov but I don't think of him as my father. Hell that mobster guy who ran my town was more of a father to me and I don't even like him, even if he is the one who convinced Nathan not to press charges against me when I beat him up, and he told him never to come back again. I never trusted his motives when he came by with gifts of money or food for my family. I don't care if he was one of Yeva's fortune telling clients. His nick name was enough to give me pause; (uch) Zmay, it still brings a chill down my spine.

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Ok I know I have some of you confused with the number of Rose's children. NO SHE DID NOT HAVE ANY KIDS WITH ADRIAN, nor did she have children with anyone but Dimitri. But she does have three children and only one is Dimitri's. To a certain extent I am purposefully being misleading because I want you to be Almost as confused as Dimitri is because this is his POV.

**Please review** and also feel free to **ask questions**. If I can I will answer them.

POP QUIZ

1. Did anyone pick up on Annemarie's Freudian slip about her siblings and mom? We all know that the Mom is Rose; who are her brother and sister. Hint 1: They are both Hathaway and keep in mind Biology isn't the only thing that makes a person your family. Hint 2: The sister is mentioned in chapter six, and she in the last ten chapters or so of So what now.

2. What is happening when Dimitri sees Rose talk to the nothing at her left side?

3. Why are Guardians at the Pack practice, who Dimitri had heard were awakened?

4. Why do all the Moroi in the Pack have stakes too?

5. Did Dimitri Do the right thing by refusing to get physical with Rose?

6. What do you think will happen tomorrow?

**Please show me some love and Review.**

**Suzanna**


	11. Driving Home

May 15 2011

Sorry that it has been so long since I have posted. Work has become more stressful as the number of children in my class has grown to a full roster. My class is integrated 2 1/2 -4 yr olds and it is very tiring to have children of different developmental and academic stages in the same class. Added to the stress from work is my father's health. He is doing better and is sometimes walking with the help of a walker.

The the thing that has hindered my writing possess the most is my lack of imagination and inspiration. Please bear with me and I will try to post to all of these stories as fast as I can. by the way I am nearly half way done on a story I will be posting as soon as I have So what Now finished.

I own only what comes from my imagination that which is original cannon comes from Rachael Mead.

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**Chapter 11: The Drive Home**

As soon as I fell asleep I began dreaming. I found myself in the kitchen of a mansion. I have been to many home and mansions over the years to know that a kitchen this size with all the finest appliances, flawless granite counters with matching center island; could only be found in a mansion. I was seated at the island with a really nice looking sandwich served in front of me. There was another plate set next to me as if I was waiting on someone.

I had the sensation of déjà vu again. I know I have never been to this place before but for some reason it felt so familiar in a way. I really felt like I was here and not in my room asleep. The afternoon sun glistened off a lake outside. There was a forest beyond the lake and I could see birds flying about in the trees. I could hear the sound of the breeze outside, and a fire crackling in a fireplace in another room and the sound of someone walking around in the pantry. The pantry door opened and Adrian walked out holding a bag of Sun Chips multigrain crisps.

"There you are; I was wondering if you were ever going to fall asleep. I don't have much time to chat because Rosemarie will be looking for me soon. Her guitar and she have been blowing off steam for a while already and she should be done soon." He tossed the crisps to me and moved to the refrigerator; pulling a pitcher of tea. He set out two glasses then sat next to me.

"Why does this feel so real?" I

mumbled to myself.

"Duh, I am a spirit wielder. You are in a dream walk with me." Adrian rolled his eyes as if I had asked him and not myself. He continued to explain what a dream walk is. "I can use spirit to bring other people's minds into a place of my own creation, or to a place I know in real life. I can also let your mind crate the place but after what you just went through with Rose I don't want to know where your mind might be. Anyway everything in a dream walk feels as real as if you were really there. Right now you are in my home near Court."

"The place isn't familiar but I feel like I have been here before but not; here, here, just here. Oh God I sound insane." I took a bite of my sandwich and couldn't help but moan. Damn this thing was good; I might have to ask him what is in it.

"Good huh? I never understood how Guardians could eat the way they do and look so good but since I have been working with Rose I figured it out. So anyway about the dream feeling so familiar well once you have dream walked even once before you mind will remember the feel of it."

"I can assure you I have never been dream walked before." When I said this he huffed and gave me a look that said 'I wouldn't bet on it.'

"Hey I think Rose is going to be looking for me soon so I am going to send you back but I just wanted to tell you that I know what happened and I think you did the right thing. If you had given in and had sex she would have shipped you back to Tasha within the week. I am glad, brother that you will be around for a while."

"Hey do you think she will still be ok with the cookout with the kids?"

"Yeah, you better keep your promise to those kids. If you disappoint them by backing out; she will be pissed."

I was surrounded by darkness of my own mind. Damn I forgot to ask him if it is ok for me to take part in Josh's life; that is assuming that Rose will let me back into hers. I slept the rest of the night comforted in the fact that Adrian also believes I did the right thing by not letting things with Rose get physical.

~~*O*~~

I was still tired when I woke up but I pulled myself out of bed looking forward to the day. As bad as things had gone yesterday and last night, I have walked away from yesterday with two things. First, there is hope for me to find my way back into Roza's heart. She still desires me and as much as I would have liked to give in to that desire I will hold out till I have earned back her trust and respect. Second I got reaffirmation from Adrian that I made the right decision to wait.

I took a cool shower to try to wake myself up and well after falling asleep with wet hair I have some seriously wild bedhead. After making myself presentable I headed out to the dining hall. As satisfying as Adrian's dream-walk, sandwich had felt last night; I needed real food now. I grabbed some spinach and cheese omelet, English sausage, toast and a mug of coffee.

When I met up with Annemarie for her classes she looked at me with a bit of concern and asked if I felt better today than yesterday. I assured her that I did but she gave me a dubious side glance. She set her book bag down and wrapped her arms around me. Again I felt as if I was surrounded with love and friendship. Her hug was quick as one would give to greet a friend. She picked up her bag and we continued walking along to her *English *class.

_***AN**__[In America English class is part reading, and writing. This is also the class that teaches spelling, vocabulary and sentence structure. As you might have guessed though I was good at reading the spelling and sentence structure were never my strong suits.]__*****_

I thought about how she was able to make me feel comforted and loved by her touch. This made me think about how Rose always had that ability. Though I must say that the love from Annemarie is like what I feel for Connor or for Lissa's girls.

Annemarie's classes flew by and soon it was time for our training session. Instead of heading off ahead of her I waited for her because Guardian Tanner was working on something for Rosemarie today. I have been thinking of making adjustments to Annemarie's training and I decided to show her that I believe she has matured by discussing the changes with her.

"Ladybug, I have noticed that you seem ready to go father in your training. I know you are only 11 but what do you say if we increase the number of laps you do so we can increase your stamina? You usually do 12 laps but I know you can do more."

"12 laps are 3 miles, what if we go for 3 ½ miles now and work up to 4 by the end of the year? My M.. other mentor says that I should push myself hard because it isn't just my life but the lives of others that will be in my hands. She says that even if I don't follow in the path of becoming a huntress like Bridget Donnelley, I will still have to protect my charge; and for that I have to be the best I can. Maybe I should also increase the amount of weights I do too."

"Perhaps we should. Let's start with the running first." I was internally surprised by the way she easily accepted the idea of increasing the intensity of her training. Rose would have first whined then done her best to prove to me she could do it. In some ways she reminds me of Rose but at times like this she is the complete opposite. In fact sometimes she reminded me of my nephew Paul. Heck, even some of the faces she makes remind me of him and his little sister, Zoya.

Annemarie did well with her 14 lap run and kept up with me easily. We also did some weight training and I added 2 ½ pounds to each set. After her workout, we did cool down stretches. The whole time she told me all about the latest book she was reading. I found it fascinating even if it was a kid's book. It was called Rachel's Journal; A story of a pioneer girl. It was funny that a little girl shares my passion for the old west.

Our book discussion lasted till lunch hour when it was time for me to help her with her homework. She is very smart and I can see why she was 1-3 years ahead of other kids her age. When working with her I felt more like a sounding board than a tutor. Most often she would figure out the answers for herself by talking it through to herself with very little guidance from me. The rest of her day went quickly and we met with Guardian Tanner who would continue guarding her for the rest of the day.

I went to Rosemarie's office hoping to find her there but her door was locked and there was no light coming from under the door. I turned to leave and bumped into Alberta.

"Can I help you with something Dimitri?" Over the last two and a half months Alberta has warmed up to me a little, but not much.

"Yes, I was looking for Rosemarie. I wanted to ask permission to leave campus for a shopping trip and to ask if I may borrow a car."

"I don't see why not. Let me get a key for you." She went to her office and returned with a Nissan key.

"Thanks Alberta, is there anything I can get for you while I am out?" She nodded and I waited while she wrote a short list and gave me some money.

I looked at her list while I walked to dinner. Her list only consisted of a specific brand and scent of shampoo and conditioner. The school has a supply store that has the basics of hygiene and sanitary supplies but they don't carry a lot of different brands so if you want something specific you have to go out and get it yourself.

Before I left seven years ago; I almost never left campus to go shopping and when I did I would buy enough so that I wouldn't have to leave again for a few months. I have only been back for 2 ½ months but I have gone out five other times. I guess living the last seven years with Tasha has changed me. Tasha is a bundle of energy; she likes to spend her time running about. As her Guardian I went everywhere with her but I never felt like I was working. Guarding her had been like Guarding Ivan; two friends hanging out and going places.

I decided to leave right after dinner. In the car park I noticed that the one vehicle that stands out from all the others was not there. There are a number of Black SUVs most are new thought there are some older ones as well. And there are the school vans five in all and all in a bland shade of steel blue. But the one vehicle that caught my eye the first time I laid eyes on it was a Dodge Durango. It would have stood out in any car park or lot but here amongst a sea of dark blue and black, it was a beacon of defiance. The Durango was a deep amethyst color with silver speckles. There was a moonstone hanging from the mirror and all windows but the windshield were tinted. There was another feature of the SUV that caught my attention; the gage of the tires told me that this was no ordinary Durango, it has been altered into an armored vehicle. Tasha and I once watched a documentary on a company that will convert almost any car into an armored vehicle and the price is not cheap.

I pressed the button on the key and an Xterra flashed its lights. It's a nice new SUV and it sure beats the Honda Pilot they had me using when I had to take Rose for her ill-fated qualifier; but, all truth be told, I miss my Jeep Grand Cherokee.

I had never had my own car before because well most guardians don't; what is the point when you always have to follow your charge around and dive them around in their cars. Working for Tasha paid more than working at the academy, and I had free room and board so I ended up saving most of my earnings as I had done when I worked for Ivan. A few Years ago Tasha had convinced me to spurge on myself and buy a car. The Jeep is my first car. I even had it custom painted a beautiful shade of emerald green.

I've grown accustomed to the freedom of owning my own form of transportation. I hate having to ask to borrow a car from the school. I understand that at an academy, all staff has to have permission to leave campus even on our time off. But it is a bit degrading to have to ask to borrow a car; it makes me feel like a kid asking mommy for the keys. The good news is that when Tasha comes at Christmas they are driving my car to me along with the rest of my belongings. I can't wait till I have my Jeep back.

My four hour drive to Missoula went by quickly I enjoyed the scenery as the morning sun colored everything in vivid color. I tuned the radio into some oldies and sang along till I reached the Super Target store.

The store is huge and I decided to get some Christmas shopping done as well as getting supplies for the cookout with the kids. I started off with things for the kids since the grownups will be harder to choose for. I am surprised how many children there are to buy things for.

My sisters Karolena and Sonya have two each Paul is 15 so a new MP3 player is what Karolena said he wanted, and Zoya wanted an E-book pad. Sonya's daughter, Nadia, is 8, and takes after her babushka. She loves to sit with my mother and watch her sew with the machine or by hand. For her I found a little beginner's sewing machine and for her brother, Matvei, who is 4 I bought a big box of Legos.

Conner would be getting a two wheel bicycle and I was going to be the one to teach him how to ride it. I have bought the helmet wrapped it with a letter explaining that he and I will be going to pick out the bike of his choice and then I will teach him to ride. Tasha thinks this is a perfect Christmas gift from his daddy.

Lissa's daughters know me as uncle because that is what Tasha had told them to call me since I am their cousin's Daddy. I think of them as my nieces and it has been hard to be so close to them and yet not interact with them. I know that Lissa and Christian have always resented me for leaving Rose and they prefer that I don't interact with their girls often. I have only bumped into them a few times when they were out and about on campus with Chris or Lissa. For Rachel who is almost 5, I bought a doll with a blue dress, for Jennifer who is 3 I found a big stuffed dolphin.

Next, were the children at the Cottage house, for Aiden and Brian I bought sets of Hot Wheels cars with a little big rig shaped carrier. The Dashkov twins looked like they like pretty things so I bought them some pretty dress up clothes. Aiden's sister was the easiest to choose for. Remembering her worn out, well-loved looking doll; I bought a set of toys that looked like real baby things, a doll swing, a little play pen and a little stroller.

Annemarie mentioned that Josh loves the stars. Most of the time Moroi and Dhampirs don't pay much attention to the stars because we see them every day; but she says that Josh loves to look at the stars and he sits outside after school looking up. For him I found a child's book on astronomy and a telescope.

I was a little stumped on what to give to Annemarie; her file says she is much younger than she looks and her sweetness and innocents as well as her bouts of immaturity seem to be proof. Yet in some ways she is much more mature then an 11 yr. old would be. I think she has outgrown things like dolls and play clothes. Yet she is not ready for the things one might buy for a teenager.

Wondering around the store I came across the jewelry counter. I spotted a solitaire diamond on a delicate chain. Thinking how much I would love to clasp a necklace around Rose's neck; I let myself fantasize about it. She would hold her hair up for me and I would kiss her neck when I was done.

"Can I help you Sir?" A peppy girl asked. I don't know what made me do it, but before I realized what I was doing, I did it.

"Yes I would like to buy that one." She pulled out the necklace and let me examine it a bit closer.

"It's a beautiful choice. We don't usually carry anything this big but with Christmas coming we have gotten some really nice pieces. This one is a half carat diamond on a platinum setting on an eighteen inch platinum chain."

"It is almost as perfect as she is. I was wondering if you would have anything appropriate for a little girl." She sales clerk nodded happily and brought me over to another section of the counter.

"How old is your daughter?" Her expression was friendly and curious? Rather than correct her I decided to just go along with it. After all I would like nothing more than to be her father.

"My Ladybug is eleven almost 12." When I said this she smiled with all her teeth and her eyes sparked.

"I have the perfect thing for you. We aren't supposed to put them out till Friday but let me see if I can get my manager to let me sell it to you a few days early."

As she spoke she brought out a necklace box. When I opened it my breath caught in my throat. Against the satin lining lay a ladybug pendent. It was a little larger than life size; gold with red enamel with small black crystals for the spots. I loved it; it wasn't cartoonish like you might give to a small child.

"I'll take them both."

After a brief discussion with her manager she wrung me up for the jewelry and the other gifts too. I took my bags out to the car and came back for the things for the cook out. I bought franks and buns for hot dogs, Juice, baked multigrain chips (I know that sounds gross but they are actually tasty and even Conner loves them), and the fixings for smores. I also got some bubble tubes with the giant wands, and some glow in the dark balls. Last but not least I made sure to get Alberta's shampoo.

With all my shopping done and my packages all in the back I headed to St. Vlad's. I was ten minutes out of the city when my phone rang. Since I forgot my earpiece I had to pull over to answer.

"Belikov"

"Dimitri, its Alberta. I need you to pick up something for me."

"Ok what do you need?"

"Rose is stuck at the mall due to car trouble. I need you to pick up both her and Princess Vasilisa, and bring them back before dark."

"No problem, where are they waiting?"

"The south west end of the parking lot, near the Nordstrom's."

"Ok I am on my way."

I hung up and made my way back to Missoula. Once back at the mall I noticed that the parking lot was packed. I decided to try something. I concentrated on Rosemarie and soon I felt a tug to the left. I let the familiar tugging feeling lead me strait to her. Funny how we were always able to find each other even in the most crowded of places; and it still worked after all these years.

I stopped near the Purple Durango. I should have known that there is just enough rebel left in Rose, that she would be the owner of it. Rose hopped out and so did Eddie and Mia. Rose went to the back passenger door and helped Lissa out and gently set her on the ground. Lissa looked back at me and blushed with her hand over her belly. I remember how careful I was of Tasha when she was carrying Conner. I smiled at Lissa with understanding.

I opened the back hatch and began moving my bags to one side. Eddie and Mia began to bring the bags for Rose's car to this one. I noticed that Eddie and Mia both had a tattoo of a full moon on the nape of their necks; just below the hairline. It was made with iridescent blue ink, and reminded me of the Alchemists and the gold Lily they wear. They also had a number of smaller Crescent Moon and Sun tattoos. When Eddie brought the last bags he whispered to me.

"It's a long drive Belikov, good luck."

Rose had already gotten Lissa into the back seat and was waiving to a tow truck driver. I watched as she pulled the Durango out of the parking stall and into the side of the lot. I soon realized what the problem with her car was. All four of her tires had been slashed. A chill went down my spine because I have the feeling this was not random vandalism.

Rose left the tow driver to get her car on the flat bed and she jogged back to us. She hopped in and rolled down her window.

"Eddie, are you sure you and Mia want to stay with the Purple Monster? I don't like leaving you here."

"We will be fine, it's still bright out and we are heading to a hotel with wards. If any Strigoi come looking for us the Paca mark will alert us. We have our stakes, both kinds; we will be fine."

"Ok I will have subs cover your classes till Friday. Dad is shipping some tires to the shop and it might take a couple days. Dive back during the daylight."

Mia and Eddie both nodded and walked back to the tow truck. I started the SUV and turned back towards the Highway. Looking in the rearview mirror I could see how tired Lissa looked. Being out in the sun must have tired her out. I could tell by the look of their faces that Lissa and Rose were talking through the bond so I stayed quiet and listened to the radio that was still playing softly.

After about half an hour I noticed Lissa was sleeping and Rosemarie turned to look out the window. Years ago I would have felt completely comfortable with the silence but it felt awkward; judging by her stiff posture she feels it too. We sat quietly letting Lissa's soft snores and the radio as the only noise. Soon a song came one the radio that seemed to express exactly how I feel. I started to sing softly with the song.

_I'm not a perfect person__  
__There's many things I wish I didn't do__  
__But I continue learning__  
__I never meant to do those things to you__  
__And so I have to say before I go__  
__That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me__  
__To change who I used to be__  
__A reason to start over new__  
__And the reason is you_

I really am sorry for having left her. I should have talked things over with her and made decisions with her. Perhaps we would have decided to look into other means of conception. Perhaps we would have waited a few years. I wish I was more, open minded about raising her child. I love Conner and I don't regret being his father but I do regret that it took so much for me to realize I could love any child that Roza and I cared for.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you__  
__It's something I must live with every day__  
__And all the pain I put you through__  
__I wish that I could take it all away__  
__And be the one who catches all your tears__  
__That's why I need you to hear_

Honestly not a day has gone by that I didn't think about her and wonder if she got over me and what I did. I missed her and longed for her arms every day since the day I left. Now that I am back and I see the damage I caused I live with the knowledge that I am the one who caused her pain.

_I've found a reason for me__  
__To change who I used to be__  
__A reason to start over new__  
__And the reason is you_

_And the reason is you__  
__And the reason is you__  
__And the reason is you_

I understand now that I was so ridged and close minded and reality doesn't always follow the black and white ideas I have had for so long. Last night showed me that even if I don't see something doesn't mean it isn't real. I am willing to open up to new possibilities. I am willing try to see all the colors of the world that has created the beautiful woman sitting beside me.

_I'm not a perfect person__  
__I never meant to do those things to you__  
__And so I have to say before I go__  
__That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me__  
__To change who I used to be__  
__A reason to start over new__  
__And the reason is you_

_I've found a reason to show__  
__A side of me you didn't know__  
__A reason for all that I do__  
__And the reason is you__  
_

Rose kept her gaze firmly on the passing scenery but I could tell by the way that her head was cocked that she had been listening. The silence continued for a while a song that came out before Rose was even born came on her voice softly joined the radio. I felt her sorrow as she sang.

The flowers you gave me are just about to die  
When I think about what could've been  
Makes me want to cry  
The sweet words you whispered  
Didn't mean a thing  
I guess our song is over  
As we begin to sing

Could've been so beautiful  
Could've been so right  
Could've been my lover every day of my life  
Could've been so beautiful  
Could've been so right  
I'll never hold what could've been  
on a cold and lonely night...

The memories of our lovin' still linger in the air  
Like the faded scent of your roses  
Stay with me everywhere  
Every time I get my hopes up  
They always seem to fall  
Still what could've been is better than  
What could never be at all...

Could've been so beautiful  
Could've been so right  
Could've been my lover every day of my life  
Could've been so beautiful  
Could've been so right  
You can't hold what could've been  
on a cold and lonely night...

Could've been so beautiful  
Could've been so right  
You can't hold what could have been  
on a cold and lonely night  
No, how can't you hold what could've been  
on a cold and lonely night...

"Roza I am so sorry for what I did to you. I …"

"Dimitri I don't have time to live in the past. What 's done is done and nothing can undo it."

"Still I regret the pain I have cause to both of us. I am happy for you that you and Adrian had Joshua; he really is a beautiful boy."

"Adrian is not Josh's Father."

"Annemarie said that his uncle Bobby was Adrian's brother."

"Adrian's parents adopted Bobby. Bobby's parents died in a boating accident."

"Oh then who is Josh's father? Why is he not with you?"

"Justin Harrison. He was taken and turned before anyone even knew Josh was on the way. He was killed about a month before Josh's birth."

"I am sorry for your loss."

"I never met him before the day he died so I really don't feel any loss. I do miss his mother though, I had a class with her and we grew close when we figured out she was married to one of my mom's Moroi cousins."

"Oh I'm sorry, I thought he was yours. Where is his mother?"

"He is mine. I have been the only mother he has known since he was a week old. Erica suffered from postpartum depression and committed suicide. She was Robert's legal guardian after their parents died. Justin had worked for Daniella Ivashkov, Daniella took pity on Erica and Bobby; she continued to pay Erica what Justin would have been earning if he was still around and she promised her his job in her gallery after her baby was born. She paid for Bobby to go to tutoring at court so he could help his sister with her baby. Bobby came home from tutoring one day, the baby was alone crying and Erica was in the bathroom lying on the floor surrounded by shards of mirror and a pool of her own blood. Bobby grabbed Josh and ran to Lissa's apartment. Adrian and Lissa both tried to bring her back but she had been dead too long."

"You were so young, why did you adopt him?"

"Because first and foremost it was what Erica wanted and because I was the only one at court who was willing and honestly I was the best fit. He isn't the only child I have adopted. I also have a nineteen year old daughter, her name is Emma. You may be seeing her when she comes at Christmas. She might be spending more time around St. Vlad's this spring." Rose suddenly looked faraway and a bit sad.

"What happened to having a child of your own? I once asked Alberta if you ever did have a baby but all she said is that things didn't go as you would have hoped." When I said this her hand went to her stomach and she closed her eyes with a pained expression on her face.

I reached over and took her hand from her belly. I held it for a moment lost in the feeling of electricity that flowed between us.

"Roza, if this is something that hurts too much to talk about I won't push you but know that I am willing to listen if you ever need me to."

I gave her hand a squeeze then set it on the center console resting mine near her. A few minutes later I felt her hand move so that it rested with our skin touching but not holding hands. Then I had a very strange sensation; it was like a gentle bush inside my head. I opened my self to it willingly. I don't know what she was doing but I knew it was Rose. I opened myself farther to her willing her to know the truth of anything she asked of me. I felt myself thinking of memories just brief snippets of images and as they passed I felt as if she was probing my feelings about these memories. The memories didn't follow a clear timeline and they ranged from my childhood till the present time. They lingered a bit longer on memories of my time with Roza and how I felt about returning. And then there were my memories of my son. Rose abruptly pulled her hand away resting it in her lap.

"I am sorry, I shouldn't have done that; it was a horrible invasion of privacy."

"I don't mind, I want to gain your trust again." I wanted to know what the hell she did but I opted to wait for her to tell me.

"Dimitri, tell me about Connor."

"What do you want to know?"

"Why, why were you willing to raise her son as your own?"

"That is a hard question to answer, but I will try. When I left you I realized I had done the unforgivable and I truly believed that there would be no way you would ever take me back. I still worry about that. Anyway Tasha wanted a child and so did I. If you're wondering there was only one attempt at intimacy and we realized it wasn't working for us long before any clothing came off. Tasha was the one to bring up a procedure called In vitro fertilization, I had heard of it when I was in med school with Ivan but it was far from our field of interest so I honestly didn't remember it till she brought it up. We went to a doctor she knew and at first it seemed that everything was going to work out but when It came time to create an embryo my sperm wouldn't work. She ended up going with donor sperm."

"I understand what IVF is but what I want to know is WHY you were willing to raise him as your own?"

"At first I just thought of him as a nephew or a cousin. When she was pregnant he was just my friend's baby. It wasn't till after he was born that I fell in love with him. Tasha is nothing more than a friend to me and I guess the idea of her having a child that was not mine didn't bother me like it had when I thought of you having someone else's baby. Then again I wasn't thinking IVF; I was thinking you would have to be intimate with a Moroi."

We lapsed into silence for the rest of the drive but this time it was not quite so awkward. Rose spoke to the Guardian at the gate for a moment, she is a captain of the Guardians so that was not odd, what was odd was that she spoke to him in fluent Russian. Even her accent sounded natural. We moved on through to the carport where Christian and Alberta waited for us.

Rose picked Lissa up from the back seat holding her bridal style. She must have offered to take her back to their room but he shook his head and opened his arms for her. Rose handed her friend over and Lissa snuggled into his chest with a contented sigh.

Alberta came over while I was taking Rose and Lissa's things out of the back and Rose joined us.

"Which things are Lissa's I will take them to their apartment for her?" Alberta said to Rose.

"All of these except for this one." Rose set aside a Victoria's Secret intimate apparel

bag but handed Alberta the handles to about 12 other bags. Somehow I was not surprised that Lissa had bought so much, it was typical Lissa.

"Dimitri, are those for the cookout? If you like I could take it back to my home so it will be there already on Saturday."

"Sure but I insist on carrying it for you and walking you home."

She nodded. I closed the hatch and left the key in the lock. I knew it would be perfectly safe. Rose took a few bags and I took the rest. I knew if she could carry Lissa as effortlessly as she did then she would have no problem carrying all of the bags herself but thankfully she was going to let me be a gentleman to her. As we passed Guardian Abrahams she gave him a polite order.

"Stephan, please take the rest of Guardian Belikov's things to his dorm for him."

"Yes Ma'am." He reached his hand out his hand for my key.

"Just leave it on the hook by the door and leave it unlocked. I will be there in a few minutes." Abrahams nodded as he took my key and walked back to the car. We walked a few minutes before she broke the silence.

"Thank you, Dimitri, for keeping your promise to the children."

"I was hoping that you wouldn't be mad that I still wanted to have the cookout. I love kids and I miss playing with Conner and his friends. I know you love all of the children in your care and I want to get to know them. And I have to admit that I would jump at any reason to get to know my little ladybug outside of the mentor roll." Her eyes suddenly focused on mine.

"What did you just call her?"

"Um, Ladybug, it's my nickna…."

"No you called her My Little Ladybug." She cut me off and gave me that pleading look that sometimes crosses her beautiful face. She put her hands up to cup my face and hold my eye contact. (Not that I would have looked away from her beautiful brown eyes.) I felt the same sensation that I had during our drive and I opened my mind to her. Memories of my time with Annemarie flooded through and Rose gasped.

"Why do you feel that way for her? She is just a student you have only known for two and a half months."

"I am sorry if you are offended by it, she is special and she reminds me so much of a little you. I couldn't help but wish she was mine, ours. I know she is your little sister or cousin or something like that but I just feel so connected to her." When I mentioned the fact that they are related Rose's face fell momentarily. There was a flash of disappointment then hope.

"You have my permission to feel fatherly towards her. But remember, the girl has enough father figures; nothing could ever replace the real one. Please keep trying to figure out the answers to your questions. I won't give you any answers nor will I lie to you." She took the bags from my hands and walked inside closing the door behind her.

In my mind I heard her. "_You have had a long couple days. Take tomorrow off and I will make sure to have someone cover her training tomorrow."_

I walked down to the lake just down the hill from the cottage. Sitting on the pier I looked out at the reflection of the late afternoon sky on the glassy water. A fat Siamese cat walked up and brushed against me. I've never had a cat approach me unless it was to attack me. I tentatively reached out to pet it. The fur was soft and silky. I looked at the collar and the tag read Mocha latte. I continued to pet Annemarie's cat. Gentle cords drifted down from the hill and I remembered how, Rose, and I used to play her guitar to each other. Her voice drifted on the breeze; soft and reedy.

It's one hundred and nine degrees in this crowded room  
No room to breathe with walls as cold as a gallery  
This is no place for me  
Such hard faces in smoke  
The smell lingers in my clothes  
It's a bad night to be alone  
But that's the way it goes

And I think of you whenever life gets me down  
I think of you whenever you're not around  
And you rest your bones  
Somewhere far from my own  
Yeah, but you still pull me home

I thought I had it figured out in a brand new life  
With a great big house  
And green initials on the towels  
I should be happy now  
Well, you got yourself a family  
And you planted roots down by the sea  
I saw you once on the street  
You didn't notice me

But I think of you whenever life gets me down  
I think of you whenever you're not around  
You rest your bones  
Somewhere far from my own  
Yeah, but you still pull me home

Just to put your mind at ease  
You don't owe me anything  
You paid me well in memories

And I think of you whenever life gets me down  
I think of you whenever you're not around  
And you rest your bones  
Somewhere far from my own  
Yeah, but you still pull me home  
You still pull me home  
You still pull me home

Footfalls on the soft ground alerted me that I was not alone. I knew without even looking that whoever was approaching wanted me to hear them. I turned to see a tall dark haired guardian that I have never seen before.

"I'm sorry but you cannot be here. School Guardians are supposed to leave this area to us." His Russian accent was even stronger than mine.

"My apologies, I don't do rounds and I was not aware of the new boundaries. I walked Guardian Hathaway home and decided to come here for a few moments to think. I will be going now."

I set Mocha down and gave him a polite bow. It took me only minutes to get back to my room. The bags of things I had bought were set near the closet door and the key was on the hook. I locked my door and headed for my room taking off clothing as I went. I set my alarm for a later hour and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

* * *

songs for the chapter were

Radio songs:

The Reason by Hoobstank

Could have Been by Tiffany

The one I am preteneding Rose wrote:

Think of you by A Fine Frenzy

Pop Quiz

1. What was it that Rose did when she brushed Dimitri's mind?

2. Could she clearly see his memories?

3. Do you think Dimitri is getting closer to realizing the truth?

4. what were your thoughts.

I know this chapter was long and full of filler, sorry.

Suzanna


	12. Difficult Memories

June 6, 2011

If you have stuck with me this long Thank You. It has been hard to write lately because my voices are mad at me. I give a shout out to RangaRose for being my beta. Her story Life Changes Sometimes is great and you guys should really give it a read and send her some love.

I do not own VA but that which the voices give me I can claim. (Yes I know I am insane. That is what happens when you willingly surround yourself with 2-5 year olds every day for over ten years.)

* * *

**_Chapter 12: Difficult Memories._**

I wish I could say that I had a deep and peaceful sleep; no I dreamed of the day I had nearly watched my Roza die. It had been nearly a month since we had given ourselves to each other for the first time. We had told only those who needed to know about our relationship; Kirkova, Alberta, Janine, my family, and Rose's close friends. The Guardians had been made aware so that they would know not to draw attention to us if they caught us.

It was amazing how much we were accepted and supported by those who knew. We were not spared the lectures about how scandalous this would be to the greater Moroi world but at the same time they could see how much in love we were. It was mentioned how well we worked as a team (with Christian too) on the night of the Attack. Alberta told us that a love as pure as ours should not be stopped. Janine told me that she knew what it was like to be as in love as Rose was with me, then she threatened to rip off my (and Rose's) favorite appendage if I ever hurt her; she also told me that if Rose ever gave the word to her mother she would have her father take me out. I don't know who her father is but I felt a chill run down my spine.

We were given permission to date as long as the general school populous didn't find out till the day of graduation. Also since Rose's 18th birthday was just the week after the Attack we were given permission to leave campus for the weekends. We were supposed to use the time training in survival skills. I was given training in survival skills at St Basils on request from Ivan's father. Ivan was one for adventure and his father wanted to know I would be able to handle it if things got hairy. I wanted to teach these things to my Roza.

On Fridays after school we would leave campus in that damned Honda Pilot and head for some where new to camp. Rose took to it much easier than I would have expected. Not once did I hear her complain about the lack of a plug for her hairdryer. I taught her how to hunt small game. She did complain about skinning a rabbit she kept saying it wasn't right to skin Thumper. I taught her how to fish in a stream and how to cook over a fire. She learned how to pitch a tent and how to make a Lean-to.

Our camping trips were more than just training. We would make love for hours in our lean-to and dream about our future. For the four years that Lissa would be attending Lehigh I would transfer to court while Rose Guarded Lissa. When Lissa was done with school I would transfer to be Christian's guardian. After the way we fought during the attack, both working to keep Chris safe and doing our duty; I am not so afraid that we would leave our charge unprotected to protect each other.

The only part of our daydreams about the future that was uncomfortable was when we would talk about children. I have always wanted to be a father and I knew that choosing Rose meant choosing a childless life. She knew how I felt and though she didn't want kids till she was at least 25 maybe 30 she felt bad that we would never be able to have a baby. I would assure her that I was ok with not having a baby but she would cry because she felt broken.

Those training weekends stand out in my memory as some of my happiest moments. But the dream I saw materialize was one of the worst.

I was observing with Jean in the senior's Improvised weapons class. I was evaluating Rose to see what I might need to help her improve on. In this class the students take turns playing Guardian or Strigoi. They don protective gear and use common items to fend off the 'Strigoi'.

It was Roza's turn at playing offensive against James Barns. He was holding on to a chair with a broken leg and was using it to keep her at bay. I knew what she was doing! She was lulling him into thinking it was working. I could see her plan just a millisecond before she implemented it.

Roza ran towards him. She would kick the chair out of his hand and get him defenseless. The only flaw in her plan was that there was water on the floor from a broken vase of flowers. She skidded into the water and was not able to control her movement, nor could she get the balance needed to kick the chair out of her way. I began running to her but could not get there in time to stop it. She ran body first into the broken chair leg. Her protective gear faltered and she was impaled. Barns not knowing better pulled the chair away from her body leaving a gaping wound.

I caught her as she was falling and laid her on the floor. She tried to say my name as her eyes fluttered and closed. She was sweaty from her workout but I couldn't rule out shock. I heard running but paid little attention to it. I took off my duster and rolled it to put under her feet. I was thankful that the novices are taught basic first aid. Someone came running up and handed me a pile of clean towels from the locker room. I used some to cover her legs. I had to remove the protective gear so I used the sharp tip of my stake to cut the straps. Her sports bra was restricting her breathing and without giving it a second thought I cut that to; right between her breasts and covered her chest with another towel.

Jean handed me a med kit and I searched it for some alcohol and a scalpel. I used the alcohol to sterilize my hands and her wound. I opened the sterile packaging of the scalpel. I decided not to use gloves because I needed to be able to feel the shards of wood; I couldn't chance missing even one.

"I need someone to keep track of her heart rate and breathing. Jean I have to go in and take out the shards and splinters. I need you to match them up with the chair so I know if I got them all."

Jean took the chair from James who had not moved an inch and was holding the chair with a look of horror still plastered on his face. Another student took him by the shoulders and led him away. Meredith, one of the few female novices knelt by Roza's head and placed her hand on her neck.

With the scalpel I made four incisions to widen the hole and allow my hand access. I felt her organs first trying to make sure none were severely harmed. Feeling around for the shards of wood I found three all of which were fairly large but thankfully none had perforated her intestine. A perforated intestine or bowel could set the stage for a severe infection. When I could find no more pieces of wood I looked to Jean. She had the other half of the chair leg and was double checking that it was all there. She nodded to me. I then noticed that another student was kneeling beside me and I could smell the alcohol as he sterilized his hands and began opening the gauze packets and handed them to me. I thought of stitching her up but decided Dr Olendzki might want to open her up to check things for herself. I tried my best to pull her skin back together and covered her wound with the gauze. I applied pressure wondering where the hell Dr Olendzki was.

"Her heart rate is getting erratic! I think she is going into cardiac arrest!" Meredith cried.

"I have to keep pressure on the wound; you have to start doing compressions on her!"

I heard the gym door open and the sound of people running towards us. Lissa knelt beside me and placed her hands over mine. I could feel her healing spirit flow though my hands and I wishfully added my love into the flow. For those few moments I felt as if the three of us were connected and I felt as if my love was being pulled through by Lissa's magic into my Roza; helping to heal her. A few moments later Lissa slumped against me. I pulled back the gauze to reveal completely closed skin. I looked at Lissa to thank her but immediately I sensed something was wrong.

"Lissa?"

"She was almost gone, half way to the other side. I was practicing with Adrian earlier, too much spirit." She closed her eyes as she spoke.

I remember when Lissa had been kidnaped and Rose and Christian helped save her. Chris had been attacked by a psy hound and Lissa was too week to save him. Rose offered her neck to Lissa; giving her the strength to heal him. If I offered her my blood now it would be the least I could do to thank her for saving my Roza.

"Lissa, look at me, you need blood! Take it from me."

She tried to shake her head but I over powered her and angled her body and mine so that she had only to open her mouth and bite. It took only a second for her need to outweigh her objections. She bit in and though I could feel her endorphins, with the adrenaline rushing though my veins, I couldn't feel the high. Then I heard the students begin to talk and I remembered that we were in front of a class full of students, but I really didn't care what they thought.

"Wow man now that is friendship. No way my friends would do that for me, bastards."  
"Damn! He is brave, I don't think I would let anyone bite me, not even for a friend."  
"I'd do it but only for someone I love."

"This does not leave this room. We will never mention it again. And if any of you do, so help me I will kill you." Eddie said with a deadly voice.

"No way, I will take this one to my grave."  
"I agree. Creepy as it is this is too personal a thing to share."  
"Secret is safe with me and I'm with Eddie if anyone says anything I will beat you!" Meredith exclaimed.

"SO THIS STAYS HERE, AGREED?" Eddie spoke again but this time with authority.

"AGREED!" Everyone said.

Lissa pulled her face away from my neck and turned it the other way but she held on to me crying. The doors flew open again and Dr Olendzki and a few nurses came running in with a gurney. I laid Roza on the gurney.

"Dimitri Alberta wants to see you in her office immediately." The doctor told me.

I walked her out as far as I could before I had to turn in the other direction and head to Alberta's office. All I wanted to do was run back to my Roza but I knew I had to see my captain first. Alberta's door was open and she was leaning in the door frame waiting for me. The moment I stepped through the door she signaled me to sit and she closed the door.

She didn't speak but came over and hugged me in a motherly way. It wasn't until that moment that I began to tremble. Now with the crisis over my mind allowed my emotions to leak and my body could not contain it. Before I could stop myself the first sob of many, forced its way out accompanied by tears.

"Shh, Dimitri she will be alright." She patted my back as she spoke and though part of me was embarrassed by my weakness I was glad for her motherly support. She held me until I could take control of my emotions. Then she sat in the chair beside me rather than her chair on the other side of her desk.

"Dimitri, I hope you don't mind my asking but well… Jean said that you handled the situation with skill that was way beyond your training. I know that your file says that you are a qualified medic, but what Jean described sounded like surgery."

"It wasn't beyond my training. Our Guardian files don't hold any information that doesn't pertain to our efficiency as a Guardian. If you dig deep into my academic files you would find out that I have an extremely high IQ, I was paired in school with a Moroi named Ivan Zeklos. Ivan was a genius and I was the only kid who was able to keep up with him. We helped each other learn and we finished our academics several years ahead of the rest. His father arranged for us to be tutored in college level courses well staying in the safety of the wards till I received my promise mark.

Ivan wanted to go into medicine and since I was going to be his guardian his father wanted me to be educated with him. We went to a Moroi Collage in Romania where his father bribed the administrators to let me in as a student. I studied with Ivan all the way through; he was planning on becoming a surgeon. We spent a lot of time in the lab working on cadavers. He and I were top of our class. I lost him a few days before we were to start residency. His father wanted me to complete my training and work for him but the Moroi council was against it, and I felt it would remind me to much of Ivan; so I didn't push the issue. What I did in there was well within my training."

"I have known you for 3 yrs now and I never knew you were practically a doctor. Rose was lucky you were there."

"She is also lucky that Eddie thought to run and get Lissa. What took Maria so long getting to us? It was at least twenty minutes before she came with the gurney."

"Apparently one of the small children on the elementary campus swallowed some strong magnates and managed to need surgery. The nurse who took the call didn't realize the seriousness of the injury. From what I heard Maria Olendzki was madder than anyone has ever seen her; she fired the nurse on the spot."

Alberta's phone rang. I waited, hoping it was news about my Roza. I almost lost my Roza and I cannot imagine a world without her in it. I would give anything as long as she can live a long healthy and happy life. I want her to have everything she desires.

"Dimitri, they are done with the CT scan and ultrasound; it looks like you have gotten everything out. She is sedated but you can go see her now." I jumped up and ran out the door.

I stayed with Roza for the rest of the night. I slept by her side on the bed. In the morning I woke up and just looked at her face until Maria came to check on her, bringing with her breakfast for me. I sat on the chair eating while she drew blood and took her vitals.

"I have stopped sedating her so she should be waking up in a few hours. I am going to run tests and once I am sure she has no infection she will be free to go. I am thinking she will be released sometime after dinner and she can go back to class with light training tomorrow if she feels up to it. I don't even see a need to keep her from survival training; just take it easy on her ok." I blushed at the last comment.

"Thank you Doctor."

"I should be calling you Doctor. Alberta explained to me how you knew what to do. It is a shame to waste your skill and training. If you would like I could make a petition on your behalf to the council."

"It would remind me to much of the friend that I lost. Honestly though I seem like the loner kind of guy I couldn't bear to leave the people I care for and be on my own for a few years, and it would separate me from Rose and Lissa. I think my place is in Guardianship."

I still love medicine but I know I would never be accepted by the Moroi as anything other than a Guardian. I still keep up on some things through medical journals such as JAMMA. Ivan's father who is a family practitioner sends me books and articles every few months; hoping I will change my mind. The fact that leaving for medical school would take me away from Rose just reaffirmed the decision I made long ago.

Rose woke up just as school was letting out. Her friends came to keep her company while I went on shift. Alberta had given me time off while Rose was unconscious because she felt I would not be able to focus till I knew she was awake and doing well. She gave me a half shift this afternoon and a full one both Wednesday and Thursday observing classes. (All of them happened to be ones Roza is in.)

I swung by the dining hall to pick up my dinner and a treat for Roza. Lissa had text me earlier to tell me Adrian was bringing food for Rose and the gang so I didn't worry about bringing her anything else but two Chocolate glazed, Devil's food, cake doughnuts and making her some hot chocolate.

When I walked in the door she was happy and laughing at Christian. She turned to me and I could see her eyes light up.

"I missed you Comrade." She held her arms out for me and I set my tray down and held her close. Before pulling away I kissed her sweet lips.

"Finish your dinner Roza, I brought you dessert." I pulled the napkin off the doughnuts and set the chocolate on her table. We ate and laughed for some time.

"Comrade, Dr. Olendzki said I should be able to go this weekend." She said brightly.

"Wouldn't want to miss training now would you little Dhampir." Adrian wagged his eyes at her. I swallowed off a growl, but he smirked at me knowing he was getting my goat. "If you haven't learned how to do whatever you guys train to do out there, maybe you need a better teacher. I could help." This time I did growl. I wonder if I told him that he and I are brothers would he back off? Nah, probably not. Eddie looked over at me as if to say 'Don't attack him, he's just an idiot.

"Adrian, not even in your dreams, and stay out of mine; or I will keep that promise I made to you last time." Adrian paled; I have to remember to ask her what she promised, doesn't look like he wants her to keep her promise.

"Could we please not talk about special training?" Lissa groaned. Rose concentrated on Lissa for a moment then began laughing.

"Oh no wonder sparky seems a bit frustrated today. Don't worry Liss I am two and a half weeks behind you."

I didn't catch on to what she was saying and by the confused looks I would say Adrian and Eddie didn't get it ether. Chris apparently got it without skipping a beat.

"Rose if you are correct that means you are fertile this weekend guess your campout won't be as O Natural as you might like. Someone is gonna have to wrap it up." He sing/songed the last part.

Adrian and I both paled, dear lord they were talking about menstrual cycles and condoms in mixed company. Eddie closed his eyes. His face did pale a bit but what struck me was the pained look he tried to hide. He was the only other person in this room who could understand how this innocent comment could actually hurt. Rose got a bit red in the face as she narrowed her eyes at Christian.

"I knew you were listening in, you jack ass. For your information Dhampirs can't have babies together remember. That means we never have to worry, unlike you who always has to wrap it up." Her voice and face were full of classic Rose sarcasm; but I could see a bit of sadness and longing pass through her eyes. I think Lissa and Adrian saw it in her aura because things turned a bit serious after that.

"Well it is almost curfew I think we should go and let Rose get some rest." Christian came up to Rose and gave her a hug. I heard him whisper, "Sorry for what I said. I guess I wasn't thinking." She nodded and let him out of the hug.

"Glad you're better Rose. See you in class." Eddie gave her a hug.

"Thank you for getting Lissa for me. It sounds like I might have not made it if Dimitri and Lissa hadn't taken care of me."

"Anytime." He walked out with a wave to the rest of us. I know that after losing Mason the thought that he had almost lost Rose had been a lot for him to handle.

"Night Rose." Lissa hugged her as well and I could tell that Lissa was healing Rose a bit more, by the look of joy on both of them. "You should be good as new." She kissed her cheek and walked out with Chris.

Adrian was next to say good night and he rested one hand on her flat stomach while hugging her with one arm. He held the hug a bit too long and when he pulled away Rose asked.

"What was that for? Lissa already healed me; twice."

"Just a little reassurance; I heard Dhampirs can get a bit… aggressive and this way you won't have to worry if you don't feel like taking it easy." He kissed her head quickly and tried to dodge out of the door before Rose threw her pillow at him. She pegged him in the doorway, hard. He rubbed his head and chuckled as the door closed. I can't believe how casually these people talk about our sex life. I was about to say something to Rose about it when Dr Olendzki walked in with a clipboard in hand.

"Rose the test came back negative for infection so I will take you off the IV but I still want you to take antibiotic pills for 10 days. Let me unhook the IV from you and you are free to go."

"Thank God. No offense Doctor but I can't wait to get the hell outta here!"

Once free of the IV Rose hopped off the bed, slipped into her slippers, grabbed the bag of clothes Lissa had brought and took my hand.

"Roza, aren't you going to change into real clothes before you leave?"

"No, it's after curfew already, and this nighty you bought me covers more than my workout clothes."

She pulled on my hand and led me out. I looked at her in her nighty and shook my head. It was one of three I bought for her birthday. All were silk button down shirts with short sleeves and matching shorts. They did indeed cover her better than what she wore to our workouts. There was nothing inherently sexy about them but that is what made them sexy as hell on her. My pants got a little tighter as I watched her bottom move under the silk shorts.

We reached her room where she asked me to sit and wait while she took a quick shower. While I waited I pulled her guitar out from under her bed and began to strum it. When I heard her opening the door I began to play, You Are So Beautiful by Joe Crocker.

_You are so beautiful to me__  
__You are so beautiful to me__  
__Can't you see__  
__Your everything I hoped for__  
__Your everything I need__  
__You are so beautiful to me_

It is such a simple song but it fits everything I want to say to her right now. She sat on the bed next to me and listened with a smile on her face. When I was done she took the guitar from me and pulled me to her. Our kiss started out soft and gentle. I began to run my hand along her body over her silk robe. Her nipples were already hard. She pulled my shirt off breaking our kiss only to pull it over my head. I loved when she undressed me. Before long she had me completely naked. The way her robe felt as it brushed my skin sent shivers of pleasure through my body.

Once again I thanked whoever was responsible for building the dorm with nearly soundproof rooms. The fact that there were very few female novices was also a blessing. The dorms surrounding hers were all vacant. Though we were not crazy loud I was glad that we could express ourselves vocally if we wanted.

I sat on Roza's bed with her straddling me. I opened the top of her robe to bare her beautiful breasts. I caressed them both gently as she smiled at me. When I took one into my mouth and began to nip and suck on it she rewarded me with a soft moan. I knew she was ready for me; I could feel the sweet moisture as her body brushed against my manhood. I untied her robe and let it fall to the ground revealing her beautiful body. In a swift move I turned us and lay her down on the bed. I hovered over her kissing my lips to her neck and down to the other breast. She ran her fingers through my hair then using it she guided me back up. I kissed her secret spot just under and behind her ear. I will never take her without first knowing I had her permission.

"Comrade I need you." She whispered into my ear.

"Yes my Roza."

I entered her gently knowing that though she had been healed she might still be tender. She responded to my movements and soon we were building speed and intensity. Her moans spurred me on and I suspect mine did the same to her. Her back arched; and I could tell by the change in her tone and volume that she was close to her first climax. Her inner walls tightened until finally they began to convulse. I slowed my movements so that I could enjoy the way her body quivered. We rode out her orgasm but soon we were moving together again. I could feel my own internal spring tighten. I pushed myself deeper into her and she wrapped her legs around me bringing me in farther still. Together our bodies began to quiver. She bit into my shoulder as I called out her name.

I held her against me, enjoying the moments before sleep took us over. Roza turned so she was facing me. In the dim light that filtered in through the edges of her curtains she looked into my eyes ready to read them. I knew she was about to talk about something that was bothering her.

"Dimitri, if science ever figured out how to make Dhampir's have babies together, would you want to try?"

This was a hard question to answer. Not because I was uncertain but because I already knew my answer and I know she wouldn't like it. I sighed deeply knowing that we needed to talk about this.

"Remember when I told you that I understand a lot about how the body works because of my friend studying to be a doctor. Well though he wanted to be a surgeon he also had an interest in the Dhampir infertility issue. We did a lot of research and to tell you the truth there have been some attempts by science. There have been three cases where a researcher was able to manipulate the DNA of a Dhampir Ovum to make it accept a Dhampir sperm. They then implanted it back into the Woman who donated the Ovum. In one of the experiments the fetus died at 24 weeks and one was still born and the one who did make it full term was deformed and sickly. It only survived a few weeks before it too died.

It could be a long time before they figure out how to get it right and there is no way I would intentionally put you in a position where you would have to risk miscarriage or giving birth to a child who might or might not live; and if it did, would stand a good chance of being sickly. No I would not try."

"I know you want to be a father. I don't want kids right now because I am still getting my life started but in a few years I would love to raise a baby with you."

"Roza, I knew that we would never have children but when I chose you I decided that you are enough for me. I don't need a child to make us complete. I know I never want another woman so there is no chance of me fathering a child with a Moroi and I can't bear the thought of you with anyone else even if it is for the purpose of having a child."

"Thank you for your honesty." She turned around again so that her back was pressed up against my chest. I know she was hiding tears from me but I was not sure how to comfort her other than to hold her and hum to her the Russian lullaby my mother used to hum to me.

**~o~*End dream*~o~**

My alarm woke me up. My eyes felt as if they were glued shut. I decided to reset the alarm for just before Ladybug's training; I will be damned if I let them torcher her with Stan for a substitute. I lay back down and fell instantly back to sleep another dream came to me but this one started out much sweeter.

**~o~*Second Dream*~o~**

It was the same week of Rose's accident in class. After class on Thursday Alberta came into Rose's afterschool training to tell us we were being given permission to leave at dawn instead of after classes tomorrow. Friday was supposed to be a heavy day for senior novices. They were getting evaluated in every novice class and they would be fighting against up to three guardians in a row. We already knew that Roza could do that because she did that tenfold during the attack on the school. Rose was still on light duty and she resented it. Alberta was afraid Rose would push the issue if she was here for evaluations so she talked Ellen into letting us leave early.

Since Roza and I were already packed we decided to go to the cabin and nap together for a few hours. I loved this cabin, sometimes when we had a few hours alone we would sneak off together and come here. We called it our home; sometimes it bothered me that as guardians we would never be able to have our own home together, we would forever have to live with our charge.

At five am we had dinner with Lissa, Chris, Eddie and Adrian, then set off for our training weekend. The drive from the academy was pleasant as always. Rose and I took turns choosing songs to listen to. We were exposing each other to our tastes in music and finding that though each preferred their own we found some of the other's choices nice as well, but I don't she will ever stop teasing me.

We found a creek and decided to follow it. I drove the pilot as far as I could then we took our back packs and followed it by foot. We had to hike up a wash; Roza climbed up over boulders and fallen logs like a mountain goat. The creek slowly seemed to widen to a tumbling stream. We came across a somewhat flat clearing that seemed perfect for camping. There the stream stalled a little into a pool of water headed by a short series of waterfalls.

A quick check showed us that there was fish in the pools so Roza pulled a hand net from her back pack and set to fishing while I gathered rocks for a fire pit and wood for a fire. By the time I was done she caught three fish of about nine inches. I personally love fish but Roza really isn't fond of it; however when you are in a survival situation you eat what you could find. A few weeks ago when we didn't find any game I taught her that as gross as it may be grubs will sustain you. She was a trooper and ate her 'Grub' but she wouldn't stop calling me bug breath for a week.

Rose pulled a bag of loose herbs and seasoning out of her pack. I raised my brow at her. She ignored me and proceeded to season the fish she had just cleaned and filleted. When she was done she looked up at me with a smug look.

"What I can eat it plain if I had too but seeing as I spoke to the head cook we don't have to." She walked over to the water and washed her hands. I followed her and took her into my arms kissing her with all the passion in me.

"Lunch can wait. Right now there is something else I hunger for Roza." I barely gave her time to wrap the fish is a towel before sweeping her up and carrying her to the sleeping bags in our lean-to.

Two hours later we emerged to make our lunch. When we finally ate I have to admit that the fish was much better with the seasoning that Roza got from the school's cook. It's not common knowledge but Rose is a pretty good cook. She had made a meal for me twice in the cabin. From what she and Lissa told me they learned to cook while they were on the run for two years.

Roza and I went out to hunt for our dinner. We set several snare traps for small game and used our hand guns for hunting. I was so proud of Roza when shot a small raccoon. Along the way back we found wild blueberries so while I skinned and gutted the raccoon she picked berries for dessert. During dinner she asked me a question that I wasn't expecting.

"Dimitri, how come you say your grandmother is crazy?"

"It's not so much that she is crazy but she is very fanciful. She believes in the paranormal and well I guess we butt heads on the subject. I used to believe her nonsense when I was young but I got older and began to see things for what they are."

"What happened to make you stop believing?"

"Oh a lot of things…" I said with a deep breath. "I guess the first thing was my dad. You see Yeva is a Provadist a seer, a fortune teller, people used to pay her to tell them what is going to happen in the future. When I was young I began to wonder if she could see the future why she would allow her only daughter to have a relationship with my father. He was nice for a while but shortly after my little sister was born he changed into this monster. If she knew what he would end up being like; why let my mom suffer that way. I ended up coming to the conclusion that she was just full of it."

"Maybe she couldn't stop it because it was supposed to be. What if bad things are supposed to happen sometimes because something good is supposed to come from it?"

"I can't believe that my mother was supposed to suffer that way."

"If she didn't go through what she did, you would never have been born. You would never have come to find Lissa and me. I remember Alberta talking with Yuri about a Strigoi attacking some Oregon State students not far from the house we were living at, just 3 days after you brought us back. And if you didn't bring us back I would never have met you." Oh Rose logic, she is definitely knows how to use it.

"There were other things over the years that have just gone to prove to me that she really doesn't know what she is talking about."

"Like what?"

"When I was first pared to work with Ivan, Yeva told me that we would be friends for life. And I guess we were but well his life was cut short at the tender age of 23. She also told me that he would be by my side helping me and protecting me; she said it as if I was the Moroi and he was the Guardian."

While I was saying this her eyes glanced over to something just beyond my right shoulder. She did that every once in a while but when I would look there was never anything there. She saw that I noticed and quickly gave me her full attention. She looked uncertain for a moment but began to speak.

"What if she was talking about his spirit? If she believes in ghosts she might have been referring to that. Maybe it is possible for some people to see things other people don't."

"Like I said she is fanciful, but I love her anyways even if I don't believe the things she said. You should be happy that I don't believe her or I would never have given us a chance."

"Why do you say that?" She looked a bit upset.

"When I was young she used to tell me that I was going to fall in love with an extraordinary woman and this wonderful woman would bare me many extraordinary children. I have found my extraordinary woman but for us there will be no children."

When I said this Rose turned her gaze away. I saw a tear trace down her cheek. I couldn't stand to see her tears. I stood taking her in my arms and leading her to the lean-to. I wanted to show her how much I love her and that it could only be her in my heart forever. We kissed sweetly as we pulled our clothes off of each other. I lay with her for a long time kissing and caressing her. Her tears kept flowing and I kept holding her.

"Comrade, I wish one day I could give you at least one child and nothing would make me happier than to give you many."

"Oh, Roza, I love you just the way you are. I know you are a bit fanciful like my Yeva and I love that about you. I love how protective you are over Lissa and even Christian. I take you as you are and everything you will be."

"I love you to Dimitri, as you are. I know you don't always think the same but I love you and take you as you are, and everything you will be."

We made love and I can honestly say I had never felt as close to her before, as I did that night. It was like we were connecting heart body and soul. I fell asleep that night wishing the impossible. I had a dream that night of her, round with my baby. The thought was so beautiful that I ended up in tears knowing it was never going to be.

The next morning I woke with a start when Roza jumped up and ran to the rushing water of the stream. I ran after her and got there in time to hold her hair out of the water as she voided her stomach. I helped steady her as she used her hands to wash her face and rinse her mouth out. I held her for a while till she began shivering. It was then that I realized we were both still naked from last night's activities.

I carried her back to bed and covered us with the blankets. She kept insisting she is fine but that the raccoon must not have agreed with her. I wanted to take her back to school and have her looked over but well she would have none of that. We ate the chocolate glazed devil's-food cake doughnuts that I snuck in my pack for breakfast. After breakfast Rose seemed to be full of energy. We hiked for a while before checking our snare traps and bringing our rabbit back to camp.

The sun was high and it was unseasonably warm for this time of year. After lunch Roza pulled off her tee-shirt off and jumped into the pool of water. She looked so radiant and beautiful that I had to take some pictures of her. I got several of her swimming and even some of her posing but my favorite was the one of her under the waterfall with the cascade running down her back and her smiling at me. I set my camera down and joined her in the water. We ended up pressed against the rock wall behind the waterfall; making love.

We enjoyed another blissful night before having to leave our little safe haven and go back to the school.

**The Dream fast forwards.**

I thought about that weekend a lot over the last seven years. It was the last time we had gone on our camp outs. The following week she had gotten a bit too cheeky with Stan and he put her on suspension meaning she had to stay in her room all weekend. It didn't stop me from sneaking in though. The week after that Stan called for a test on Monday for which she had to study. The next week she got another case of food poisoning so I decided it was best for her to take a weekend to rest. Also that week Ivashkov started to pay a lot of attention to her and I began to get a bit jealous.

Lissa Rose and Adrian started to act strange and the whole question about children kept coming up. The day before I made the decision to leave Lissa had come up to me and asked.

"If Rose didn't cheat on you, but got pregnant would you be happy?"

I had forgotten about such things as IVF and to be quite honest I was upset by the question. I was hurt and angry by it and I raised my voice to the princess.

"If Rose turned up pregnant I would know she cheated because there is no way for us to have a child together; safely!"

I realized I had spoken too rough when her eyes grew wide and tears welled up.

"Rose would never cheat on you! She loves you so much that sometimes I am jealous of how much she loves you."

She turned and ran away after that. Later that night I snuck into Roza's room. Her mind seemed to be elsewhere and when I tried to initiate some passion, she kissed me and her actions told me she wanted to be with me but her eyes told me that she was dealing with something emotional. I decided that I would rather hold her and comfort her than make love to her when she really needed support.

I held her through her tears and watched over her while she fell into a fitful sleep. That night she mumbled a lot in her sleep. Most of it was indecipherable but a few things came out loud and clear. One was when she said she loved me. All in all she called my name and nick name out at least a dozen times and she said the word baby at least twice as many. It was then that I realized she wanted a baby and I knew I couldn't give her one.

The day that she got injured and I almost lost her I realized I would do anything to give her what she wanted. If that meant stepping aside and letting her find love with someone who could give her a child I would do it; even if it broke me to leave. I knew I would survive if I knew she was alive and happy somewhere in this world. I could never live in a world where she did not exist. When I made the decision to leave I did so with the full realization that I would never be able to be part of her life again, no matter how much I loved her.

******~o~*End dream*~o~**

I was still tired but I forced myself to get up and dress quickly. I pried myself on always looking my best but right now I was late for Ladybug's training and I didn't want to leave her with Stan a moment longer than necessary. Though he seems nicer to Annemarie than he ever was to Rose, I still don't want to take a chance of him yelling at her. I quickly combed my hair and tied it with the band. I didn't have time to shave today I would have to be a bit scraggly in the face.

I jogged to the gym just in time to see….

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**_POP QUIZ_**

1. In Dimitri's dream, he and Rose talk about Yeva and her fanciful visions. What significance do these have?

2. Dimitri talks about how making love to Rose was different this time than any time before. Why do you think that was?

3. Remember the picture that Dimitri had in his leather binder of Rose in chapter six. She reached out and touched the stomach on the picture. What was the significance in her action?

4. Based on Dimitri's knowledge of medical science and his lack of belief in the supernatural do you understand why he made the choice to leave?

5. I tried to give you some insight on why Dimitri chose to leave Rose in the first place. there was more to it than just not wanting her to have a baby with anyone else. Did I achieve my goal?

6. What are your overall thoughts on this chapter?

Please review. This chapter was hard to get out and I need the encouragement.  
Suzanna AKA SnowGoose


	13. Languages

June 19, 2011

Hey guys I hope you enjoy this chapter. It is not been read over by my beta because I had a headache and didn't send it to her with enough time to get it back when I wanted it. Sorry RangaRose, you are an awesome Beta and I will try to get next chapter to you in time.

Dimitri is getting closer to the truth, and soon he is going to have a chance to prove himself to Rose.

I do not own VA but that which comes from my deranged mind I will happily share with you.

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**_Chapter 13: Languages_**

I could hear voices coming from the gym I recognized one to belong to Roz….Rosemarie. The other belonged to my lady bug. But I couldn't understand the language that they were speaking. Somehow in the last seven years Rose has become a linguist and apparently so is Annemarie. I stayed in the shadows of the door watching and listening to the conversation wishing I could understand what they were saying.

They were sparring as Rose had during her 'pack' training session. Rose was offence and Annemarie on the defense. I noticed that Rosemarie seemed to be a bit tired looking and her reflexes were not as sharp as they usually are. Still she was magnificent. The expression on her face changed and she began talking with her student with a tone that denoted she was about to discuss something serious and upsetting. They stopped and sat on the mat.

"Is féidir le Mo ceann beag, orainn a chur le sos ar feadh tamaill, ní mór dom rud éigin a phlé leat." **(My little one, can we take a break for a while, I need to discuss something with you.)**

"Sea Máthair." (**Yes Mother**.) Annemarie started to look apprehensive.

"Do dheirfiúr agus a pacáiste go bhfuil dul chun teacht anseo a bheith ag obair le mo pacáiste ar feadh tamaill; Tá a fhios agam uirthi cheana féin, is dócha a dúirt tú faoi sin trí do bhanna. In earrach Tá mé ag dul chun dul áit éigin a bheith ag obair ar rud éigin tábhachtach. Beidh mé imithe le fada an fhéidir fiú ar feadh cúpla mí." (**Your sister and her pack are going to come here to work with my pack for a while; I know she probably already told you about that through your bond. In the spring I am going to go somewhere to work on something important. I will be gone for a long time, maybe even a few months.**) I could see Rose was trying to put a brave face on whatever it was she was telling the girl. Annemarie looked upset and interrupted.

"Ach cad faoi mo…." (**But what about my….**)

"Do thuismitheoirí mhór ag dul chun fanacht leat agus mé imithe. Beidh Mhamó aire a thabhairt dó, tá sí roimh agus gach rud a bhí fíneáilDo thuismitheoirí mhór ag dul chun fanacht leat agus mé imithe. Beidh Mhamó aire a thabhairt dó, tá sí roimh agus gach rud a bhí fíneáil" (**Your grandparents are going to stay with you while I am gone. Grandma will take care of it, she has before and everything was fine**.) Rose wrapped her arms around Annemarie, who seemed so vulnerable almost like a small child.

"Ní dóigh liom gur mian leat a fhágáil dom mam, le do thoil rá go mbeidh tú ag fanacht liom, le do thoil?" (**I don't want you to leave me mommy, please say you will stay with me, please**?)

Annemarie cried into Rose's shoulder for a while as Rose whispered comfortingly into her ear. Then Rose did something that astonished me. She began to sing the Russian lullaby that I used to sing to her when she was upset and in need of comfort. Rose herself still looked upset and I just wanted to rush in and take them both into my arms. I knew it would not be welcome if I did so instead I stayed in the shadows and watched.

Rose fixed a softer version of her guardian mask on and spoke again; this time in Turkish. Finally I could understand what was being said.

"Benim küçük bir, müzik işine geri dönelim. Belki bu beni yerine tutturulmuş alma olsun bir gün olacak." (**M****y little one, let's get back to work. Maybe this will be the day you get me instead of getting pinned**.)

"Seni değiştirmek durumunda ne yapılacak?" (**What do I get if I change you?)**

"Ah sen ne istiyorsun tamam, bir bahis ha yapmak istiyorum?" (**Oh you want to make a bet huh, ok what do you want?**)

"Ben, Guardian Belikov davet etmek istediğiniz oğlu Noel için üzerine Lady Ozera." (**I want to invite Guardian Belikov, his son, and Lady Ozera over for Christmas.**)

"Tamam, bu bir anlaşma." (**All right, it's a deal**.)

I couldn't believe that Rosemarie would so easily give in to such an idea. I wanted to ask if I could introduce Connor to Annemarie but part of me was expecting to be told no. Surely she will not give a little and let herself be pinned. I watched them spar as my heart raced. I know there are many who would wonder why I would want to introduce them so badly; I love them both as my own and in my fantasies they become good friends.

They sparred for five minutes in silence before ladybug broke it, this time speaking in English. The sparring never stopped as they talked.

"Remember what you asked me at breakfast? I think I have an answer for you. If I was born a Moroi and I didn't have to become The Wielder of Life and Death; I would want to dance in a ballet company and I want to become a writer."

"I will call your Grandfather and ask him about setting up a private dance teacher. There is a Royal Moroi Dance Company at court that you could apply to next year. I don't know how we will set up recitals to keep you safe but I am sure he could handle it. As for writing I will buy you your own laptop with the best writing programs on it. Start working on it and if your stories are as good as those short ones you post online then I think you might have a future."

"I don't have time for it. As much as I would love to have a normal life I know my duty."

"You're my little one, I love you and I want you to feel some normalcy in your life. Perhaps being a dancer is a stretch but even as a Guardian or a Wielder you can be a Writer too. Starting in January you will be giving up two of your afternoon sessions with me so you can devote the time to what you want." It surprised me to hear Rose talk like that. I wonder what has brought that on. It didn't skip my attention when Rose called her My Little one.

They sparred for a few more minutes in silence. A few times Rosemarie stopped to demonstrate how to improve a kick or a move. Annemarie went for the final blow but was blocked and pinned by Rose using a moderately complex combination of moves. Once Rosemarie pinned her she kissed her cheek to indicate the killing bite but then she proceeded to tickle her mercilessly

"S s st op Ma St o op. I gi ive u up. Sto oo oop!" Annemarie screamed out between giggles. Rosemarie stopped tickling her and swooped her up in her arms like a child. Her mask was completely gone and the love she had for Ladybug shone in her whole being. Again I felt the desire to run out and envelop them in my arms.

"You did well; you can still invite Guardian Belikov and his family for Christmas. It would be good for you to know them." The softer version of her guardian mask slipped back on her face but I could see pain and worry in her eyes.

"I can invite them, really! Hey do you think I might stand a chance sparring with Lady Ozera? She is a Moroi after all but I hear she is a good fighter. I don't think I will ever win you like I did with Woody."

In a split second everything changed. Both of them paled. Rosemarie set her down and knelt at her level to look at her intently. Annemarie stiffened and tears formed in her eyes.

It was then that I realized what Annemarie's slip up was. On our first day of training she had shown me how training with Rose, differed. She succeeded in… well I don't know how to describe what she did but she begged me not to tell on her because it was supposed to be a secret.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have but I showed him how I train with you." Marie's lip quivered when she spoke.

"When did this happen?" Rose looked very intently into her student's eyes.

"On our first training." Tears rolled down her soft cheeks

"Annemarie how could you be so careless?" Disappointment, worry and frustration covered her face as she admonished the child. Annemarie dropped her head and her shoulders shook. I could take no more. I stepped out of the shadows.

"Roza don't be angry at her I kept asking her questions that day. I promise I won't divulge your secrets." She jumped to her feet.

"Dimitri how long have you been there." She was clearly surprised that she hadn't sensed me there, frankly so was I.

"I haven't been here long but I heard her confess to showing me how you train her. Please don't punish her, I was asking her a lot of questions about you that day."

"Dimitri, she has to understand the seriousness of her actions. She was lucky that it was you, what if she told someone else. I know it is hard to keep so many secrets but she knows that there are lives at stake. That first day she didn't know you and she had no reason to trust you."

"Yes I did, Emma told me he was safe. She was the one who suggested that I show him. Was she wrong?" Annemarie defended herself.

Rose again knelt down to her level. She lovingly tucked some loose hair behind her ear. "No she wasn't wrong, you can trust Woody. He might not understand or believe you on everything but if you tell him not to tell anyone he won't tell. I just worry; you know you have to be careful not to tell outsiders too much."

Rose slipped into Turkish. "Babanın Strigoi onun kim olduğunu öğrendim eğer olacağını ne kadar tehlike biliyorum.O, kendisi ve ailesini koruma sağlayabiliriz sonra hakkında bilmek hazır demektir. O zamana kadar Büyükbaba ona ve ailesine üzerinde seyretti yaşıyor." (**You know how much danger your father would be in if the Strigoi found out who he is. When he is ready to know about you then he can make sure he and his family are protected. Until then Grandpa is having him and his family watched over.**)

Annemarie nodded as Rose wiped her eyes. A look of longing etched her little face. She seemed to pick up courage to ask something.

"Onunla temasa, biz tekrar deneyin bulunamadı. Ben sabırlı olmalı ama ben onu gerçekten tanışmak istiyorum. Seni Anne seviyorum ama ben de babamı hiç tanımadımdiliyorum." (**Could we try again; to contact him. I know I should be patient but I really want to meet him. I love you mom but I wish I knew my father too.**) She looked up at Roza with hope. I saw Rose glance at me for a brief second.

"Şimdi zaman o bile Onu yakında yüzleşmek zorunda alacaktır hazır değilse, ama benimkızım değil." (**Now isn't the time my daughter but even if he isn't ready I will have to confront him soon.) **Annemare smilled at Rose's answer.

My mind went reeling. Annemarie had called Rose Ma while she was getting tickled and mom just right now in Turkish. Rose has called her My Little One and My Daughter in Turkish. How could this be? I have to figure it out. She didn't have a child before I brought them back; she was a virgin the first time we were together for God's sake. How old is this girl really? Who is her father? I know my guardian mask was faltering but whether or not Rose noticed she did not acknowledge it.

Annemarie broke me of my thoughts when she asked if I could join them for lunch. I nodded dumbly and said something about skipping breakfast. Happy to be invited to spent time with them I happily waited for them to shower and change. I spent the time trying to figure out if it could even be possible for Annemarie to be less than six yrs. old. I couldn't see how it is possible but I did come to the realization that perhaps I am going to have to have to give myself over to the impossible.

After all if I hadn't known Oksana since she moved to Baia at the tender age of 18 with her older guardian I would never have known about spirit till I met Rose and the princess. It was because I recognized the similarities between them, and Mark and Oksana that I knew they had a bond. If I hadn't had my broken arm fixed by her I wouldn't know spirit can heal. If I had not seen those things I would have thought Rose and Lissa were nuts.

I heard Annemarie chatting away before they came out of the locker room. I decided to push all my questions to the back of my mind so I could enjoy this rare moment with them. She was chatting about now beautiful the sky was today and how she wanted to eat outside rather in the student or staff dining halls.

"It's too cold out there tonight, sweetie."

"But M.. Guardian Hathaway please it is so pretty out and I rarely ever get to eat with you. I don't want to have a bunch people coming up to talk to you."

"If you don't mind I think I have a suggestion. How about the solarium in the guardian building? It is still hardly ever used and we will get a great view of the sky without being out in the elements."

"Good thinking, Dimitri." Rose said. I love hearing her use my name.

"How about you take her there and I will run and get us some lunch?"

She nodded in agreement and I ran to get us some food. I asked the cook for to go containers and filled them with salad, spaghetti bolognaise, and garlic bread. I made three hot chocolates and grabbed 3 bottled waters. I spied some chocolate cake and decided to bring some of that too. I had to put the waters in my duster pockets and left with my tray piled high. By the time I got back Rose and Marie had wiped the dusty tables and chairs waiting patiently for me.

"Here we are; I hope you like my choices." I set everything out. I was just about to start eating when Rose cleared her throat. She looked pointedly at Marie.

"I do pray; I just do it silently because I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable." Marie said defensively. I had noticed her pausing a moment before eating, I always thought she was trying not to shove her face at lightning speed as Rose used to do.

"Well I would like for us to pray together." Rose said in a motherly tone.

"OK, ok." Marie looked at me as she folded her hands. I did the same. Together they began to pray in Russian. "Bog velik. Bog blag . Davaĭte poblagodaritʹ yego za pishchu . Amin." (**God is Great. God is Good. Let us thank him for our food. Amen.**) Ladybug flushed red and turned her eyes down to her food. We ate in silence for a short time.

"Rose I have to ask; have you really become religious? I have seen you at church with the kids when you are not off working. At first I thought you were just doing the same thing I do, sitting and reflecting about the lives I have had to take. But the other day I saw you taking communion, and now you are praying before meals."

"I have learned a lot over the years, I know God exists and is active in our lives." It looked like she was going to explain herself but her phone rang. The ring tone made me chuckle because it was the English song God Save The Queen played in a minor key; making it sound slightly sinister. Sorry I have to get this. She took her phone and walked away from the table.

"The ghosts told her about an attack that is getting planned and she has been planning a counter attack."

"Ghosts?"

"Yes she can see and talk to them. Her friend Mason is her helper. He tells her what the Strigoi are up to so she can stop them." I thought about the night of her "pack" training. Trying to keep an open mind I questioned her.

"Do you believe in ghosts?"

"Yes, I don't see many though; just Mason and well there are some little girls I see sometimes. My grandmother Yevette told me that I see the ghosts because I am supposed to be a wielder. But while I am young I will only see ghosts that belong to someone close to me, like family."

"What do the girls look like?"

"I guess they look kina like me but one of them has really pretty chocolate brown eyes and the other ones have very green eyes. I don't want to talk about it because it makes me sad." She paused for a second and looked over my shoulder. "Did you know you have a ghost friend?"

"Oh I do? What does it look like?" I felt the hairs on my neck prick but I ignored it.

"Yes He is a tall Moroi and his hair is what auntie Lissa calls sandy blond. He has very pretty eyes; you know the color of the water in pictures of islands that is the color of his eyes. He wants me to tell you something but it is in a language I have never heard before."

"What does he want you to tell me?"

"tammoH Dung 'ej 'Ij" I choked on my food and she scrunched her face. "What language is that and what did I just say. He is laughing at me." Rose came back to the table but focused at the same spot behind me that Annemarie was.

"You just spoke Klingon, it is a made up language from an old TV show I used to watch with a friend of mine. You just told me to 'Shut Up and Listen.'" Her little face went beat read and Rose's Eyes narrowed at the spot behind me.

"I am so sorry! I swear I didn't know what he was telling me to say." She buried her face in her arms.

"It's Ok; I am not offended, just very surprised."

"Zeklos, I don't appreciate you taunting her. You were not funny seven years ago and you are not funny now." Rose spoke to the nothing over my shoulder. I remembered back to how she used to look over my shoulder often; it always happened when we were outside of the wards.

She had called him Zeklos; could it be Ivan? Is this for real or did they set me up. No Rosemarie lacks the humor that Roza had for practical jokes; and she didn't know that Ivan made me learn Klingon with him so we could use it as a secret form of communication. The dream last night reminded me that my grandmother said he would always be by my side.

"How long has he been with me?" I looked to Rose, astonished that I was so willing to believe. I think she was just as surprised as me.

"He never left you; he has been by your side since the moment of his death." She said solemnly.

"You used to see him when we were outside the wards didn't you?" She nodded then wiped a tear from her eye.

"Seeing Ghosts is a shadowkissed side effect. It happens if we make a kill after having been bonded. After Spokane I started to see Mason. It wasn't till I started to become The Wielder of Life and Death that I gained the ability to communicate with him." Again her phone went off and she stepped away from the table.

"What is a Wielder of Life and Death?" I asked myself without realizing I said it out loud.

"A Huntress. She has the ability to transform a Strigoi back into whatever it was in life, or grant it peace so it can die and go to heaven. She is the first one in over 400 yrs."

"And you are supposed to become one too? Are there others?"

"I am not one yet but my sister is. My Aunts might become Huntress's too."

"What happens to the ones who get changed? How come I haven't heard about this before?"

"Duh, do you think Auntie Tati wants it out there? The hunting packs work in secret and only a handful of people at court know. The ones who get turned back stay at the compound with their families till they are over the trauma and then after they get a cover story they reintegrate with Moroi society. The Humans don't get to go back to their lives though; but they understand and would rather stay behind wards protected by guardians anyway."

"So Guardian Hathaway and your sister transform all of the Strigoi? What do the hunting packs do?"

"That is a bit harder to answer." Rose said as she came back to the table. I was amazed that she seemed willing to allow Annemarie to tell me so much and that she is so forthcoming herself. "You see there are three ways to transform a Strigoi. The first is the way I do. I take elemental energy from the Moroi in my pack and I use it to strengthen my ability. I have to pray for the forgiveness of the soul and I exorcize the demon that inhabits the body. The soul is able then to choose life or afterlife.

The second way is if a spirit wielder charms a stake with healing spirit and stakes the Strigoi in the heart. I have under my command 5 packs with combined Moroi and Dhampir lead by a spirit wielder under my command and Annemarie's sister has five too. The problem with this form is that the soul does not get to choose and is forced to life even if they don't wish it. It is the huntress's job to help them heal and come to terms with being brought back and living with the guilt.

All the Moroi and Dhampir in every pack carry a stake that has been charmed with all five elements as well as my element. These stakes will give the soul a connection to the body and allow the pack time to get the Strigoi to me for transformation."

"What is the third way?"

"The third way is one I have not had to use in this lifetime and I truly pray I never have too." She looked me in the eye when she spoke and for a very brief moment I saw worry, and love. Something caught her attention and her face changed to the cool professional mask. Annemarie also looked at the same spot in midair that Rose did. Instead of a Guardian mask Annemarie's face fell into a 'brave face' but in her eyes I could see sadness and frustration. Rose turned her attention to the child.

"I am sorry little one. I have to go but I will be back as soon as I can. Come with me to my office and I will walk you to class before I leave. Guardian Belikov will meet you there." Her mask was completely gone and in its place was love and concern for the child sitting next to her. She turned to me and gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry Dimitri, I have to go on a mission. Mason just told me that one of my top priority, Strigoi has managed to plan something big without me finding out. I need to stop her from taking down an academy and I need to try to return her to her family."

Annemarie and Rose walked out taking the remainder of their lunch with them. My head felt full. In the last hour and a half I have learned so much and it all challenges my core beliefs. 1. Rose transforms Strigoi. I remember seeing Guardians in Rose's pack who I had previously thought had been taken and turned by Strigoi. They must have been some of her transformations. 2. Ghosts are real and Rose and Marie can see them. 3. Ivan is a ghost and he has always been with me. 4. Yeva told me the truth, on that at least. 5. Rose could be Annemarie's biological mother but who is her father. He must be a spirit wielder, how else could she be so special. Or maybe he was one of the transformed Moroi, perhaps that explains her uniqueness.

I finished my lunch and went to wait for Annemarie and Rose. Ten minutes after her class started they walked up with Alberta. I watched as Rose and Ladybug hugged goodbye. Without another word to me or Alberta Rose turned and walked away in the direction of the airstrip.

Ladybug stood there for a minute watching her walk away before Alberta placed a hand on her shoulder; guiding her into class. I noticed that although her expression was sad there was a soft glow to Ladybug's face and her cheeks were slightly pinker, it reminded me of when a Moroi just finishes with a feeder.

Later that evening I sat there reflecting on what I saw during the training session between Rose and Annemarie. Although the thought that Rose could be Annemarie's should be preposterous I have to admit that I really do believe she is. They look so much alike, they have so many of the same mannerisms, Rose is a huntress and Annemarie is supposed to become one, and my heart tells me that it is true.

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**FYI **  
In chapter seven we learn that Dimitri learned many languages while studying with Ivan Zeklos. He is fairly fluent in Greek, Italian, Turkish, French and Romanian; along with Klingon which they learned just for fun. Rose didn't know about all the languages; she is only aware that other than his native Russian and English, Dimitri also knew Greek. Because of her work as the Wielder of Life and Death she was given the ability to learn the native language of every Strigoi she transforms and she is able to pass this knowledge to Annemarie. The language spoken when Dimitri first walks in is ether Gaelic or Celtic, I can't quite remember.

POP QUIZ

1. Why does Rose look a bit tired and slightly off to Dimitri?

2. What is Annemarie worried about when Rose tells her she will be away for an extended amount of time.

3. What is it that her Grandmother will take care of for her?

4. Why is Rose so upset that Annemarie showed Dimitri how they train; after all she has already shown him herself by this point in time?

5. What did Rose mean when she told Ivan that he was not funny 7 yrs ago and he is not funny now. What do you think he did seven yrs ago that she didn't find funny?

6. What was with the pink flush on Annemarie's cheeks?

Please review because lets face it I am addicted

Suzanna


	14. Blood

June 26, 2011

Hello every one, well the school year is almost over for me. The pre K classes graduated on Friday and we have one more week of school. I get a week off then we have summer school for 6 weeks.

I really hope you like this chapter. It is an important one because it sets up things for Dimitri. I thank my beta who is so good and even though she was not able to pre-read this for me she is awesome.

A few of you have asked me if I have some special tie to Ireland. Yes and No. I have never been there but I would love to go one day. I love Irish accents and was raised hearing them. I went to a private Catholic school and most of the Nuns and Priests were Irish. The school I use in So What Now is named after my childhood school. It will show up in other stories from time to time.

I do not own VA but that which comes from my deranged mind I happily share with you.

* * *

**Chapter 14: Blood**

Though I wanted clarification for my biggest questions I didn't feel right questioning my Ladybug. Usually when Rose leaves with her Pack Annemarie seems a bit somber but this time she was sad and downright distracted. Tomorrow would be Thursday, Thanksgiving Day and I could only imagine that she was upset that her mother would be gone for the holiday.

The next day I found out that Mikhail had gone with Rose, leaving Alberta to guard her with me. Mikhail once mentioned that he has guarded Annemarie since she was just two yrs. Old, if she is indeed as young as I suspect she is then he has been a constant in her life for at least 3 yrs. The fact that he is usually there for her when Rose is off hunting Strigoi probably makes it that much harder for her not to have him here. Realizing this I got a sudden pang of jealousy.

Friday was a special fun training day but even though we were on a playground and she always has fun challenging me to things like swinging competitions or monkey bar races; she barely spoke and didn't smile once. I decided to stop training and talk to her.

"Ok ladybug, spill; what has you so upset?"

"It's nothing, Woody, I'm fine." She lied to me. I shook my head and sighed. I knelt in front of her and looked her in the eyes.

"Did your M..Mentor, ever tell you that I am a human lie detector? I can smell a lie like a fly smells a cow patty. So let's try this again; with the truth."

"Guardian Hathaway gave me some … vitamin juice to put away in the refrigerator before she left. I was so upset about her going that I forgot; now it has gone bad." She began to cry; I took her small hand in mine.

"That isn't such a big deal, tell me the name of it and I will go out and get you some more."

"You can't, she doesn't buy it she makes it. I am supposed to drink one ounce every other day."

"Well in the time I have been here she has never been gone more than four days so she should be back today or tomorrow. I think you should be fine till then."

"I hope so."

~~*o*~~

Saturday afternoon I set out to pick up some wood that I had gathered and stashed close to the cottage house. When I got there I noticed the same guardian from the other night along with one I hadn't yet met. They were in the process of picking up the wood I stashed. It was more than the two could carry so I took the last of it.

"Good afternoon Guardian Belikov, I am sorry that I didn't formally introduce myself to you the other night. I am Nikolai Lenin and this is my Guarding partner, Ivan Korev."

"It's nice to finally meet you; Annemarie speaks highly of both of you."

"As she does, you." Nicolai said no more and I got the distinct feeling that if it were not for the cookout I would not be at all welcome here.

We set the wood by the fire pit along with several other stacks that I am assuming they collected. Guardian Korev began building a pyre while Guardian Lenin motioned for me to follow him. Twenty feet away, two foldout tables leaned against a tree. Together we unfolded them and set them down, making sure they were as steady and level as possible.

The back door of the cottage house opened and motherly looking Dhampir stepped out holding a stack of covered bowls. Behind her was a young Human woman holding a tray containing long skewers, the Hotdog franks and buns. Next came another human but by the slightly glazed look in her eye I could tell she was a feeder. The feeder brought a jug of juice and a bucket of ice. All three of us men run up to help them.

We helped them set up the food the men ran back in and brought out several of the bags I had left with Rose. I took the bag with the balls and bubbles and stashed it under the table then set out the cups plates and plastic utensils.

From somewhere in the house I heard a chorus of children shouting. "I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM! I DO NOT LIKE THEM SAM I AM!" The Dhampir woman chuckled when she saw that it had grabbed my attention.

"Annemarie is keeping the children occupied. They love it when she reads to them. Green Eggs and Ham was one of her favorite books when she was younger. Her Grandfather used to read it to her and make her shout out parts of it with him; so now when she reads to the children she does the same thing."

Once the tables were set we waited for Annemarie to finish reading. The Dhampir woman gave me a warm and friendly smile. She offered her hand and I shook it.

"You are Guardian Belikov am I correct?" I nodded affirmative. "It is nice to finally meet you. My name is Helen McManus; I help out around here from time to time. This young lady is Tonya Reader and she is the new cook for the family."

"Well I will be the cook once I learn how to cook." She mumbled under her breath. I almost asked what a human was doing working for vampires and half vampires but then I remembered that Annemarie told me that the Humans who are transformed are not allowed to go back to the human world. It is sad but it makes logical sense. What if the told someone who ended up trying to find a Strigoi in hope of eternal life; or if someone tried to expose us for what we are.

"This is Amy Heart, she is the resident feeder for the Moroi children and visiting Moroi." Helen Pointed to the feeder who looked at me for a moment but once she realized I was not a hungry Moroi she lost interest in the conversation. She wandered away followed by Tanya. Helen whispered to me. "Poor dear was kept as a sex slave and feeder by her high school sweetheart. He was taken and turned after taking her home from prom. A week later he kidnapped her and her best friend. Apparently they had made love on prom night. She was pregnant and her 'boyfriend' didn't care to provide her proper healthcare. He took blood from her with no regard to the needs of their child. When he was with her he was rough and careless. By the time Rose saved her she was hopelessly addicted, high as a kite with a dying baby in a box, in the corner of her room. Rose and the Spirit Wielders tried to save the baby but there was nothing they could do. Amy asked if she could be a feeder but we have to keep her away from the school. She will offer her body to any Moroi willing to bite her. We once found her in the middle of small group of royal boys."

"What happened to her boyfriend?" I was horrified by the story.

"He refused forgiveness and chose death and eternal damnation. He couldn't deal with the guilt." She said sadly. "Perhaps if he had chosen to live and try to heal; they could have healed together. She is lost without him. But at least she has Tanya; they were best friends and were taken together. It was another Strigoi who decided to turn Tanya." She paused and looked to Tanya who was trying to engage Amy in conversation.

"Tanya is a very special kind of person. Once in a while there are souls so good and kind that they are strong enough to hold the smallest amount of control over the body despite the fact that it is being possessed by a powerful demon. They can't stop the demon but they can force it to choose the lesser of two evils, and in Tanya's case she was able to make it have some compassion for her friend. She brought her food and water, every couple of days and brought her blankets for the baby. She understands that none of this was her fault but she still lives with a lot of guilt. She asked that she be allowed to stay with Amy wherever she go."

"That is amazing."

"It is," she nodded, "I see the same spirit in you. Despite what others may be saying and despite how you feel about yourself, I know you are a good and kind soul." She patted me on my arm and walked off. I wish I had the confidence in myself that she seems to have in me. After all the pain I have caused in Roza's life I find it hard to believe that I am all that good or kind.

"I told you hate isn't a good emotion. Who are you mad at?"

I jumped when Ladybug popped out in front of me. She held Karalin in her arms and in turn Karalin held her scruffy doll. I looked around me and realized that all the children were out and we had other guests as well. Lissa was talking to Guardian Korev while her Five year old Rachael and her two and a half year old Jennifer were running around with Sarah and Suzan, the Dashkov twins. Guardian Alto was tending to the fire with Guardian Lenin.

I suddenly felt very out of place. If I had stayed with Rose then I would be part of this picture; instead I feel like an intruder.

"Feeling lonely isn't much better." Marie set Karalin down and took me by the hand. Come sit by the fire with me. She sat down pulling me with her. She wrapped one arm around mine and leaned on me. How ironic that her mother and I would often sit like this by our campfires. I could only imagine that in a perfect world she would be my daughter and her mother, My Roza would be on my other arm. I feel like someone is watching me so I turn and see Lissa looking at me with almost the same look Rosemarie often gives me; as if she is begging me for something. When our eyes met she gives me a sad smile. I dragged myself out of my mood; my reason for suggesting this was so I could get to know the children that are important to Rose.

"Come on, let get out the bubbles." I whispered to Ladybug. Her eyes widened and I have to laugh. She reminds me of my niece Zoya sometimes with the facial expressions she makes. We brought out the bubble wands and also smaller jars of bubbles. It was funny to watch the little ones chasing bubble or trying to blow them. Joshua has quick reflexes and had more fun popping bubbles than he did blowing them. Aiden blew bubbles only for his little sister Karalin because she was too shy to chase with the other kids. Brian kept blowing them for Rachael; I think he has a crush on her. We must have played with the bubbles for almost an hour.

Helen produced some kerchiefs and we used them as blind folds on Stan and me. The kids called to us and we had to try to catch them. It was kind of like the pool game, Marco Polo only not in the water.

We didn't even get a chance to play with the balls before the kids started to talk about food. While we had been playing Helen and Tanya were cooking hot dogs over the fire. Over part of the fire pit stood an iron grill. It had four legs and stood six inches above the fire. I remember telling Rose once that I wished I knew how to weld because I wanted to make something similar for us. I wonder if she took my idea and had one made. Barbeque ribs were cooking on the grill and my stomach knotted with hunger. Rose knew I loved Ribs; I wonder if she had planned on having them especially for me, probably not.

I helped get the kids plates dished out. The three large bowls that Helen brought out were salads. One was leafy greens, another was pasta and the last was fruit in a cream cheese sauce. She brought out some corn on the cob quarters already covered in butter. I haven't had home cooked food since I left Tasha's. I have a kitchenette in my room but I find no joy in cooking for myself. Once the kids all had a plate the adults got to serve themselves. I have to admit that I had a bit of everything. The ribs, by God the ribs, they had my favorite sauce on them, Sweet Baby Ray's, could she possibly remembered it was my favorite.

After dinner I brought out the smore's fixings. The adults helped the little ones roast the marshmallows and sandwich them with the chocolate squares and graham crackers. Lissa and I both laughed when Jennifer started to suck on her sticky sweet fingers.

While making one last Smore for Josh I burned my thumb on the metal skewer and got melted marshmallow stuck on the same spot I burned on the metal. I held back the Russian obscenities and quickly dunked my thumb in my cup of cold juice. Without saying a word Annemarie reached for my hand and pulled it out of my cup. I was about to pull it away but resisted when I saw the concern on her face. She bent her head and kissed the blistered red skin. I felt love wrap around me and the sting eased substantially. When she released my hand I could see that it was still blistered but instead of the angry red it was now slightly pink and the blister was smaller. Lissa watched on with pride radiating from her. Now I understand why she insists on checking wounds and bruises that her classmates get. She is trying to heal them. How is it that a Dhampir has the ability to heal? It isn't the complete healing Lissa does but it is enough to ease the pain and speed up the process.

Lissa whispered to Marie who ran into the house. When she reappeared she held Rose's guitar. I've been told that you know how to play. Auntie Lissa told me you have permission to use this. She handed me the guitar. I played several camp songs but as the sun began to rise I started to play some mellow songs. Annemarie knelt down close to me laid her head on my knee. Soon I could tell she was asleep. I picked her up wanting to put her to bed and kiss her forehead goodnight but Nicolai opened his arms for her. I could see the order in his eye that I was to hand her over to him. Reluctantly I kissed her forehead in front of everyone before passing her to her guardian.

After helping to clean up I headed to my room with a large plate of leftovers that Helen insisted on giving me. I guess when I saw the ribs I stopped fighting her. I took the plate and thanked her. I slept well that night with dreams of Rose, the children and me, together as a family.

The next day I went to church with a smile on my face. I may not feel very close to God but today I am thankful that he gave me time with the children, I just wish Rose had been with us. I looked up at the altar and paid attention to the service today. It wasn't till service was over and I saw Tanya and the children with Guardians Lenin and Korev. Annemarie looked very tired, the other children were a bit tired looking as well but still I was a bit worried that my ladybug should be so tired. Dhampirs have a high tolerance for fatigue; it is one of the things that make us such good guards.

Monday Alberta sent word to me that she had been called to court and I was guarding Annemarie on my own. I had a bad feeling that something went wrong with Rose's mission. I held my worries in as much as I could. As soon as I saw Annemarie in her class I found something else to worry about. Annemarie looked horrible. Her face was pale, slightly yellow and she had a shadow under her eyes. Her posture was droopy and she seemed sluggish. She had trouble keeping up in her classes. I noticed that the long walk from the lower campus to the upper one caused her heart to speed it's pace.

During fourth hour I took her to the clinic instead of having training. Annemarie protested but in the end she gave in.

"Good Morning, what can we do for you?" The front desk assistant asked.

"I need to see Dr Olendzki." Annemarie said.

"I am sorry Miss but I don't recall your name."

"Annemarie B. Donnelley."

"I am afraid she has been called away from the school but Dr. Rowen is here. Have a seat in the exam room and he will be right with you."

"No I need Dr Olendzki. She is my Doctor." Annemarie looked panicked."

"She will see Dr. Rowen." I took her arm and pulled her to the exam room. She began to cry silent tears and her body trembled. I sat on the exam table and held her in my lap. She cried into my chest. About 15 minutes later a short Moroi walked into the room.

"It seems that we cannot find Miss Donnelley's file. I would call Dr Olendzki but we have strict instructions not to call unless there is an emergency. So let's just play it by ear. What seems to be the problem?" He addressed me since Annemarie was still crying into my chest but also appeared to be falling asleep.

"She is on some kind of homemade liquid vitamin regiment and has missed several doses. I don't know what the mix is but from my observations she is showing signs of anemia. I am not a doctor but I have had extensive training in the past so please don't disregard my assessment."

He looked me in the eye and nodded. Ok let me do a quick blood test and I think that we should give her some supplemental shots. Annemarie was asleep and didn't even wake up when he drew a small vial of blood. He did a few quick tests and confirmed my assessment.

"Well Guardian what do you think we should give her?"

"I think a Multivitamin shot with an extra dose of B12 would be good but the Minerals should be given with an IV, do to the fact that she is so severely anemic we should boost the Iron by no more than 2 mgs."

"Very good, I agree with you, you really should consider furthering your training." I watched him get the shots together and administer them, Annemarie winced but stayed sleeping. I gently stood up and set her on the bed so he could put in her IV. I wanted to call Rose but if I did and she is in battle the phone could be a deadly distraction. And if my previous worry was correct and something went wrong on her mission she might not be able to deal with this. Instead I opted to care for her myself and deal with Roza later.

It took a half hour for the IV to drip into her bloodstream I held her little hand and watched as her face slowly gained more color. She missed lunch and her next two classes but when she woke she looked much better. Dr Rowen brought us some sandwiches and orange juice. We ate lunch in silence.

She was dismissed from her afternoon classes and was sent home to rest for the remainder of the day. I walked her to her front door and watched as she got safely inside. I went to Lissa's quarters but found out that Lissa and the children had left on Sunday to visit a friend. This only made me more worried.

Tuesday Annemarie looked better but not all the way well yet. I thought of taking her back to see Dr Rowen but she insisted she was fine and wanted to train. Rather than argue with her I agreed to a light training session. We had just come in from a slow jog doing only four of her fourteen laps, under the lights of the gym I could see what I missed in the dark outside. Her face had gone greenish and I noticed how clammy she looked. She looked like she was going to faint.

I grabbed my earpiece and made a call to the clinic. I asked the nurse to tell Dr Rowen to prepare another IV and vitamin shot for Miss Donnelley. I started to pull her to the door but she fought me. We were wasting precious time so I picked her up and cradled her in my arms. I could feel her energy fading as I held her.

Just as we got to the gym door Rose ran in. She looked pale and tired but her focus was on the girl in my arms. She took Annemarie in her arms and leaned against the wall allowing it to guide her down. She pulled her turtleneck sweater off and with it the necklace she wore fell off with it. I was shocked by what I saw; her face and body had many scars on them. They looked like the scars that Annemarie has from her tragic birth. The scars on her hands and arms looked like defensive wounds. There was one that looked like it went from one side of her neck to the other. There were so many scars on her stomach. Her hair was dull and thinner than it had appeared just moments before. Despite all the scars to me she was still so beautiful; if not more so, those scars were the evidence of her fight to keep her unborn baby safe. They were a badge of Courage.

The next thing she did surprised me. Rose helped Annemarie sit up and guided her daughter's lips to her neck. Annemarie didn't hesitate in taking the bite. Rose hummed our Russian lullaby to her while she drank. It was almost a minute and a half before Annemarie pulled away. They either forgot my presence or they didn't care.

"What happened baby?" Rose asked softly.

"I am sorry mommy, I forgot to put it in the refrigerator and it went bad. I tried to use Amy but it made me sick, I couldn't even hold it down. Yesterday woody took me to the clinic when I was sick and they gave me some medicine that helped. This morning I tried to go to Amy again and I managed to keep some blood down so I thought today I might be ok but I was wrong. Woody was going to take me back to the clinic when you came."

Rose looked up at me. I was half expecting her to yell at me but I she didn't. Instead I heard her voice in my head.

"_Why didn't you call me_?" She whispered. I couldn't help but notice that she looked so drained. I kneeled down to her and whispered back so I wouldn't wake Annemarie who had fallen asleep against Rose's chest. I tried not to think of the fact that rose sat in front of me shirtless.

"I was afraid that something had happened on your mission and that you wouldn't have been able to leave there." She only nodded at me. I offered my arms for Annemarie so she could get dressed. When she realized the necklace was off her she quickly turned away from me. She put the necklace on then her sweater. She still didn't turn around. Instead she rested her head against the wall and covered her face. The scars on her hand were blurry but I could still see them.

"Roza, please turn around."

"Dimitri, don't look at me, just take her home for me please."

"No, Roza, turn around." She sighed and slowly turned. Like with the scars on her hand I could still see the scars on her face. It occurred to me that her necklace held a charm which obscured her scars from view. I guess now that I know they are there I can no longer be fooled by the magic.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. I know this happened when you fought to save your unborn baby girl. You are more beautiful now that I know how truly brave you are." I leaned down and kissed the edge of her eye where it was twisted by a scar that ran from her hairline to her chin, and then I kissed the side of her face where the scar marred the edge of her lips.

"Thank you, could you help me get her home?" She asked, again I noticed how worn out she looked. I nodded and readjusted Annemarie so that she was sitting up with her head lying on my shoulder and I could hold her with one arm. With the other I wrapped an arm around Roza; to my surprise she not only allowed the gesture but she leaned on me and used my strength as we walked to the cottage house.

She allowed me inside and when Guardian Korev appeared and tried to take my ladybug from my arms she shooed him away. Inside her home were so many pictures of children but the ones that drew me the most were the ones of Annemarie. On the way up the stars I counted six birthday pictures and in the first five of them she seemed to have grown two years for every one year. She led me to a room that had a sign with Annemarie's name on it. I set her one her bed and took off her shoes and socks. I covered her up and kissed her cheek. As I turned to walk away the fat Siamese cat jumped down from an open dresser drawer and jumped up to cuddle with my sleeping Ladybug.

"I guess you have some questions?" Roza asked. I nodded but when I looked at her I knew I was not going to get any answered from her any time soon. She began to sway and I reached out and caught her just as she fainted.

* * *

**POP QUIZ**

1. Why did Mikhail go with Rose this time when he never has before?

2. Did you catch Dimitri's Freudian slip?

3. Why didn't Annemarie want to see Dr Rowen?

4. Why couldn't they find her chart?

5. Do you think Rose was embarrassed or ashamed of her scars?

6. Why is it that Annemarie is not able to use a feeder?

7. What is wrong with Rose? (Hint in chapter 55 of So What Now)

8. What is the deal with Guardians Korev and Lenin, and their behavior towards Dimitri?

Please review. I didn't get that many last time and I really miss the feedback. Dimitri loves it when you Review. If you send a really long review Adrian might dreamwalk with you. :)

Suzanna


	15. Sick

Sunday July 10, 2011

Well I have another chapter done here and I am working on the next chapter of So What Now. As a treat I posted the next chapter of The Love Wielder's Journey.

On a personal note I am asking for Prayers for my school. I work for a private school and our enrollment is very low both in my preschool and in the elementary school. There is a real threat that the church my close us down if we don't have enough kids to make payroll.

I would like to send a thank you to RangaRose for being such a good beta, and a great gal.

* * *

**Chapter 15: Sick**

**DIMITRI POV**

When Rose passed out in my arms I did the first thing I could think of; I called out for Guardian Korev. He came up running when and when he saw us he clicked on his earpiece and motioned for me to follow him as he spoke in quick Russian. I was too focused on Roza to register more than that he was speaking Russian and telling someone that Rose was sick. Together we ran to the clinic where Dr Olendzki was waiting with a bed and IVs. I tried to stay in the room with her but Korev took my arm and pulled me out with him.

"You have no business in there with her unless she asks for you."

He spoke to me in a low tone. Then he took a guarding stance in front of her door. I wanted to protest but the truth is that for all the pain I put her through I have no right to think I can just take my place at her side. But just because I couldn't be in there with her didn't mean I had to leave. I took a seat across the hall letting him know I would wait for her permission; but none the less I would still be there for her.

Lissa arrived and went straight in as did Adrian and several others. They stayed in there for over an hour and when they came back out they all looked spent. Lissa and Adrian spotted me sitting in the hall and came up to me.

"Dimitri why are you out here? I was expecting you to be by her side." Adrian asked.

"She hasn't asked for me." I said and looked at Guardian Korev, who was still blocking the door.

"She wouldn't need to say it even if she could. She is in a very deep sleep right now and she will be out for several days but I know she could use your touch. Sit with her, hold her hand; lay with her even just let her know you are there for her no matter what." As Lissa spoke to me she motioned to Korev and he reluctantly stepped aside.

I walked into her room cautiously and Lissa followed me. I sat on her bed and without realizing it my hand went to her the scar on her face. I caressed it tenderly. Lissa saw this and gasped.

"You can see them." She whispered.

"Her necklace fell off when she pulled her turtleneck off. I guess you charmed it for her?"

"Yes she hides them from everyone. Only those of us who were there when it happened know about them. She won't even let her father see them."

"Lissa, Janine's file said that she had to stake her own nephew and her brother while saving a pregnant Guardian. Was that …." I let my words fall off but she understood me and nodded.

"Joshua's father Justin was her nephew, Janine felt so guilty when she found out that Justin's wife was pregnant and that he was going to grow up without a father. Rose and Erica were friends and they had gone through parenting classes and birthing classes together. When Erica died Janine wanted to adopt him but well since Rose was already nursing a baby who needed blood it made sense that she be the one to take him."

"Is Annemarie a Moroi?" I asked, my hand was still caressing Rose but half my attention was on the conversation.

"She is not an even mix like a normal Dhampir she is ¾ Moroi and only ¼ Human. She will be able to use magic like her mother. And she does need blood but for some reason she can only take it from Rose." Lissa said and she looked down to Rose with a sad expression.

"What about Annemarie, with Rose here she is going to be alone, well I know she won't be alone but well she has had a very difficult week, she is sick and needs a parent. Where is her father, he should be here with her."

"He left when Rose was pregnant." This is the answer I half expected but still I was so upset thinking that some Moroi ass used her and left her with no regard.

"Can they bring her here; I will care for both of them."

"I will talk to Dr Olendzki." Lissa paused then spoke very quietly. "Dimitri I know you love her and you thought you were doing the right thing when you left. She accepted your decision and acted on what she thought was right. I hope you have the patience and understanding to accept what her decisions have been since then. Rose is going to be facing a very difficult road ahead. She is going to need to know you will be there for her; and her children."

"It hurt me so much to leave her the first time. Even if it was the right thing to do, I know I couldn't leave her again; I just don't have the strength to do it. Princess I am here; even if she doesn't want me as a lover ever again, even if she won't be my friend, if she will just let me stay I will be by her side for the rest of my life." As soon as I was done speaking Lissa looked at Rose and I could only assume she was communicating through the bond.

"She knows you here and she is comforted by it. I have to talk with Dr. Olendzki." I turn my attention back to Roza. I remembered that Lissa said I could lay with her even; so long as I was there for her. Cautiously I lay down next to her I slipped my arm under her head and wrapped her in my embrace.

"I am not going anywhere Roza. No matter what roll you want me to play please let me stay." I whispered in her ear. I couldn't help the wave of worry I had for her. She looked so weak and vulnerable. No one has told me what is wrong with her but I have the feeling it isn't something new. Tears formed in my eyes and I let them fall freely. Soon emotional and physical exhaustion pulled me into a deep sleep.

**~~*O*~~**

**ROSE POV**

I am stubborn and there was no way I was flying home wearing a hospital gown. All five of the spirit wielders from my beta packs and Lissa and Adrian had spent time the last couple days trying to heal the wounds from my latest encounter.

We had spent three days hiking to the cave that the Strigoi were holed up in. It wasn't actually far from St Gerard's Academy but the Terrain was treacherous. Mason guided us to them and we had them trapped. We camped nearby enough to be close but far enough that they wouldn't smell or hear us.

That night I watched Dimitri's cookout with the kids through Lissa's eyes. Watching him interact with Annemarie I decided that I had to let down my walls just a little. I had to encourage him to bond with her; after all, she was going to need him more than ever soon. I told Lissa to have my daughter ask him to play my guitar for her. I also made sure he got to take home some ribs; they were for him after all.

The mission was successful in that we prevented the attack on the Canadian academy. Our attack on the Strigoi stronghold was set to begin just after sunrise. Something about the scenario kept nagging at me, I couldn't figure out what it was so I tried to set it out of my mind so I could concentrate on what I had to do.

There were going to be a lot of Strigoi in there. Almost as many as had banded together to attack St Vladimir's when I was still in school. I wasn't even sure I was up to this. Ever since the incident in September, I can feel my body decline. I know my disease is advancing and soon it is going to take over.

Sonya Carp is amongst the Strigoi. I had to transform her, for Mikhail. Back when I lived at Court I met Mikhail when I had to fetch my personal file from the archive and have the computer file altered. He worked in the filing room or what he and I affectionately called the Dungeon. I vaguely remembered him from my younger years at the academy. I also remembered him from the conversation that Dimitri and I had about him and Sonya during the ride to Missoula. Apparently he was sentenced to working the Dungeon as punishment for doing the very thing I promised I would do if Dimitri was ever turned.

I asked Tatiana to assign him to Annemarie. At the time I was just learning about my fate as the Wielder of Life and Death. I made a promise to myself and him that I would find his lost love and transform her back for him. This was the first time I had any knowledge of her location. I knew it was now or never so I vowed that I would not fail.

Once we started our attack things got intense. Within the first hour I had transformed ten Strigoi and I am sure my pack had stalled at least fifteen or twenty. That is when I saw her. She looked right at me then to Mikhail and the funny thing is that she almost seemed to flash relief in her eye for a brief second. Then her eyes grew cold again and she attacked me. In the nine years since she turned she must have learned to fight. I could almost see the war going on between her soul and the demon. Her eyes dashed to him once more and he hands went up exposing to me her chest. I dashed my hand out and pressed it close to her heart. A bubble of protective light (only myself and the Strigoi in the bubble with me can see it but it keeps other Strigoi from being able to stop me from transforming) formed around us and I recited the prayer of transformation, only this prayer was different from the one I use for all Strigoi; this one was just for her.

"Sonya Karp, the God who created you and gave you the gift of Spirit loves you and forgives you for the mistake you have made by choosing to turn. He has given me the power to cast out the demon that is controlling your body. He wishes for you to return to life with the knowledge that you will no longer suffer for your gift. Will you accept his gift of life?"

"Yes" She mouthed with no sound coming out and tears in her eyes.

"Then with the power that God has given me I cast out the demon and set you free to live the life that you Creator meant for you to have." As the words left my mouth the darkest shadow was forcefully pulled from her body by the light surrounding us. It was pulled into the ground and swallowed up. Sonya collapsed sobbing. Mikhail so tenderly knelt beside her and enveloped her in his arms.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw something that had stunned me. A blond Strigoi had Adrian in a hold and he was feeding off of him. He was not just any Strigoi; he was the one who had made a threat on Lissa during the battle at St Vlads. I realized what it was about the attack on the cave that had been nagging at me. In the book of prophesies and alternate events something similar had happened in a different time line. In that timeline I lost Dimitri to this very Strigoi. I was frozen in place.

Mia must have seen the same thing I did. She ran up and knocked the Strigoi, surprising him with her strength while Eddie pulled Adrian away. A millisecond later another pack member joined Mia in the fight. I had only been distracted a second before I felt something hit me over my head. Blackness engulfed me.

I woke in the hospital at Court with no memory of the events that followed the hit that knocked me out. It was Adrian who explained to me what happened. Apparently word has gotten out to the Strigoi that the scars are making me sick and as I receive new ones I get sicker and sicker.

The leader of this band of Strigoi was using it as a trap to get me. He was hoping to kill me or at least force my retirement by making me too sick to work. While everyone was busy fighting he took his chance to knock me out and take me to a secluded chamber of the cave. There he took a stake that he had previously taken from a victim and let it burn his hand. Then he used it to cut several long wounds on my arms and legs. He made sure to get as much of his blood into the wounds as possible. He even slit my throat and his wrist and bled into that wound.

"It didn't take long for my people to find me and with my five beta packs there were five Spirit wielders to stabilize me. They managed to get me and call on the Alchemists to use a military chopper to airlift me out of the forest to the school. From there they got me on the jet and back to court. By Sunday morning Lissa, Alberta Petrov and Maria Olendzki were at the hospital.

Sasha and Maria tried to use blood transfusions and Dialysis to keep the Strigoi blood from doing damage to my own blood supply. It took nearly two days for the Spirit wielders to heal the wounds as far as are possible. The problem with getting Strigoi blood in a wound is that it hiders the healing process and since the blood will not dissipate it stays in the tissue and mutates.

So far we have been lucky the disease seems to affect only the tissue where the Strigoi blood has invaded but they are afraid that one day it will affect my blood. If that happens I may have to send my baby to live with my mom and dad because I won't be able to provide her the blood she needs.

Sasha has been our doctor since my fist appointment to verify my pregnancy. She is one of only two doctors who know my whole story. Adrian trusted her with my secret because she is his cousin. She and I are close friends and she even refers to me as if I was Moroi with the term Cousin.

Sasha brought up the fact that maybe I should confront Dimitri with the truth. Perhaps he would be willing to take up the responsibility of meeting his daughter's need for blood. This is something I have begun to consider already but I feel that he needs to come to the truth on his own.

Once I was stable enough to go back home we left but I refused to wear a hospital gown. I know I am supposed to be admitted to the clinic at St Vlad's immediately upon arrival but still the last thing I want is one of those damn gowns. Lissa compelled me to sleep so that I wouldn't talk to Mason. She is afraid that I will try to find more work. I may be dedicated but I am not stupid; I know I am in no shape to fight right now.

I woke just after we landed. During the short drive to the clinic I felt the nagging feeling of a ghost trying to break through my walls. As soon as I was left alone in a room I let my walls fall and Ivan, Dimitri's friend appeared. At first I thought he was going to bug and tease me the way he has been since Dimitri's appeared. At first I thought he was here to tease me but one look at his face told me it was something serious. He didn't wait for me to ask what was wrong.

"She didn't refrigerate the blood. She is too week to hear me or her sisters we have been trying to tell her to bite Dimitri, I have been shouting at him and trying to send him messages in his dreams but the most I could get was to make him wish he was her father but that was no big feat because he already does. He has tried to take care of her but he doesn't know what to do."

"Where?"

"The Gym."

I had to get to her. If she has gone this long without blood, who knows how sick she will get; the last time she went too long without blood she was in hospital for a week and the Strigoi blood in her scars was able to begin to mutate. Sasha and Maria were able to stall the tumor before it could metastasize. Unfortunately the chemo doses that were needed to slow down the cancer was too much and nearly killed her. They have tried to cut out the scar tissue but apparently it forms a root system in the surrounding tissue that prevents a surgeon from being able to get it all and in recovery period it grows and roots in farther.

I snuck past the nurse's station where Dr Olendzki and Dr Isham (Sasha) were discussing my treatment. As soon as I got out the back door I made a dash for the gym. It took me twice as long as it should because I am so weak but I forced myself to push on. I half burst half fell into the gym and thankfully Dimitri had his daughter in his arms and was just a few feet from me. I took her in my arms and had to prop myself against the wall. I had intended on getting to the bleachers but instead I just slid down the wall.

I don't care if Dimitri sees this or not, it is about time he is forced to see some of my reality. I pulled my sweater off and had to help Annemarie by positioning her for the bite. She needed no farther incentive, her need took over and she bit in hard. I could feel her fear and confusion so I hummed to her the song I have sung to her since I was pregnant. She took so much more then she normally would but I knew she needed it. When she was done I wiped her lips and held her.

Though I knew what happened I wanted her to confess it and when she did she called me Mommy, she must not have remembered that Dimitri was here. It kills me that she is not allowed to call me mommy in front of others. She knows the reason for the secrecy is to protect her father. For the most part the Strigoi don't know who my child is who her father is. How much longer am I going to have to wait to hear him call her our daughter?

Once Dimitri knows she is his and knows the danger he is in for being her father then he will know to be vigilant. As soon as I knew that he was in danger I asked my dad to put him under his protection. Dad really wanted to kill him himself but instead he has had him and his family watched over for the last five years.

Tasha and Dimitri don't know it but Jonathan is one of Abe's guardians. His original assignment was to befriend Dimitri. Somehow he and Tasha fell in love and the plan was changed. It was through Jonathan that I found out the truth about Tasha's non-relationship with Dimitri and Conner's paternity; when Dimitri and I had our talk in the car I already knew the truth.

I turned to him and asked why he didn't contact me. Fortunately for him his explanation was reasonable.

My princess fell asleep almost immediately. Dimitri took her into his arms giving me the chance to redress. I reached for my sweater only to find my necklace on the floor too. The moonstone was a gift from Bridget Donnelley though I still don't know how it followed me to the waking world from a dream walk with a centuries old ghost.

The Chain though has been charmed like the rest of my silver jewelry. It has been charmed by seven spirit wielders as well as all four of the other elements to hide my scars. Even cameras and video can't capture them when I am wearing my silver charms.

If my necklace has been off then that means he can see what I really look like. Oh God please I never wanted him to see me like this. I have scars all over. My face; neck, hands, arms, legs, torso, even my private areas have been mutilated. He must be so ashamed of me. Four times I have been over taken by Strigoi.

The first time was the day Annemarie was born. I know I was heavily pregnant, in labor and in shock from the car crash that the Strigoi staged; but I still blame myself for not being strong enough. Instead I was too weak to fight and as a result Annemarie is scared and doomed to a shortened life. I was made weaker from my scars and the Strigoi now know how weaken me farther. But the thing I blame myself for the most is the Marianne never survived. I should have two daughters but I was not good enough to protect them.

The second time was a little over two years after Annemarie was born. I had gone one my first long mission and we didn't know Annemarie couldn't tolerate the blood of just anyone. After 4 days I got called back and found out she was sick. I left blood for her after that but I was so nervous about leaving her that my head wasn't where it should have been and I got over taken and pulled away from my pack. (It was also early on and we were still learning to work as a pack.) Thankfully my pack found me and saved me.

The third time was just a few months ago; the day Dimitri started working with Annemarie. I was preoccupied with worry over his arrival and when the Strigoi surprise attacked our camp I was off by myself away from my pack and my stakes. Thankfully I only received one scar. I was able to get my head out of the clouds and transform the Strigoi before he could hurt me more than that. Though a couple of my Dhampir have also gotten scared with Strigoi blood; I am afraid now the Strigoi know how to hurt us.

Dimitri is the one who taught me how to fight he must be so disappointed in me. I was taught by the best and when I see my scars I feel like I didn't live up to his training. I also don't want him to see me as I really am because I remember how he used to look at me. When we dated I was pretty but he made me feel beautiful in his eyes. Now I am hideous; I feel like some sort of monster from a horror film.

I couldn't bear to face him I quickly threw my sweater back on and replaced my necklace. I hid myself against the wall. Though the charms on my silver are powerful once the spell is broken and a person sees my true form they cannot be fooled by it again.

"Roza, please turn around." I was afraid to face him; to see the look of disgust and disappointment that I knew would be there.

"Dimitri, don't look at me. Just take her home please."

"No Roza, turn around." His voice was soft but firm. Knowing I had to face him sometime I stood and turned to him. The look is eyes held surprised me; there was no disgust or disappointment. His eyes held the same wonderment that used to make me feel so beautiful. There was pride, love and acceptance in his eyes too.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. I know this happened when you fought to save your unborn baby girl. You are more beautiful now that I know how truly brave you are." I was stunned. Then he bent down and kissed me the edge of my eye and lip where a scar runs the length of my face; twisting my features.

No one who knows what I look like has ever been able to fully accept my scars, even Adrian; who still tells me I am beautiful has a hint of pity in his eyes. There was nothing but true sincerity in his eyes and in this moment I knew; Dimitri loves me. I never stopped loving him but wouldn't it be cruel to let him get close to me when I know I am dying. I need him to be close to his daughter; to take care of her after I am gone. But should I allow him to watch me die. I guess that, that is a decision I will have to make once he knows about his daughter. But for taking care of her and for showing me his love and acceptance I am so grateful.

"Thank you, could you help me get her home?"

Dimitri nodded and readjusted her in his arms so he only needed one arm. The other arm he wrapped around me and I leaned into him. For one thing I really am feeling so very weak that I probably couldn't take her home alone especially because she is asleep in her father's arms. I realize also that I need him, I need his strength but most of all I need him. I need his love so much and though it is selfish I need to be his again. He is the husband of my heart; I am his wife and have been since the night we first made love. Our bond was never fully formed because we were both holding back part of ourselves from the other but none the less we were bonded.

Emma is a stronger wielder because she is fully bonded to her Husband Ben. Because of this bond she is invulnerable to the Strigoi blood. Perhaps by letting Dimitri in we can fully form our bond and I will be able to fight off this illness. If I can fight this then maybe there will be hope for Annemarie, Dimitri and I to be a family.

As we walked up the three flights of stairs to Annemarie's room I watched Dimitri as he noted each of our little girl's birthday pictures and how much she grew between pictures; two years growth for every year but the last. By all accounts she looks like an 11 year old but in reality she is only 6. I showed him to her room where he laid her down on her bed and tenderly kissed her head. Mocha Latté jumped from the drawer that my kiz always leaves open for her and settled next to Annemarie.

My head was swimming with dizziness but I know it was only fair to give Dimitri some answers.

"I guess you have some questions?" I asked but before he could answer me; I felt myself lose consciousness. The last thing I felt was a pair of strong arms catching me and holding me to a strong chest.

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**POP QUIZ**

1. Remember when Dimitri first spoke to Lissa after his return to the academy, she told him not to try to woo Rose. Now she is telling him to be with her and be there for her. Why the change?

2. Why was Rose frozen by the sight of Adrian being bit by Nathan?

3. Now that Sonya has been transformed how do you think this is going to change things at the cottage house?

4. Who are the sisters that Ivan mentions when he is telling Rose that Annemarie was too week to hear him or her sisters telling her to bite Dimitri? (Hint I listed one in the chapter. They were all mentioned during lunch with our happy little family a few chapters ago. Also Rose has never had sex with anyone other than Dimitri. Another hint during the drive home Rose mentions that she knows what IVF is.

5. Jonathan is one of Zmey's Guardians, he does genuinely love Tasha but how do you think it will go over with Tasha when she finds out he was hired to guard Dimitri, Her and Connor?

6. How will Dimitri feel about the scar's when he finds out that they are killing her?

**Please! Please Review. I am having trouble getting into my writing and I hate to admit it need the encouragement.**

**Suzanna**


	16. To Tell or Not To Tell

August 2, 2011

Summer is half over I look forward to a new year and having a class full of kids again. I need 6 more students to have a full class so I hope we get them in the next 4 weeks.

Thank You to my beta RangaRose, you are awesome Ranga.

I will also be posting a chapter of The Love Wielder's Journey as a treat to myself for getting this chapter done. I am working on the next chapter of The Truth Gets in the Way and hopefully I will have it done soon. Rose will be waking up after have her memory scrambled.

I hope you enjoy this chapter. I do not own VA but that which is of my own imagination I share with you.

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**Chapter 16: To Tell or Not To Tell**

**Lissa POV**

Ever since Rose had the encounter with the Strigoi in September, I have been weary of letting Dimitri get to close to her. I was afraid of the distraction that he is to her. Funny thing is I was one of the people who had conspired to get him reassigned here. He needs to know the truth and Rose should have pushed him years ago but she didn't want to take him from the family he formed with Tasha. Even after learning from Jonathan that there was no more than a friendship between Tasha and Dimitri she refused to 'Break up' his happy family. After Jonathan told us that he wanted to propose to Tasha; Adrian and I decided that it was time to give Rose a bit of a push.

She hadn't seen Dimitri since three years ago when she had to go to Maine and stop a group of Strigoi that were targeting humans near Dimitri and Tasha's home in Great Pond. That was the first time I actually got sucked into her head.

She and I were communicating through the bond as she was running to meet up with her pack for lunch before leaving for home, after neutralizing the threat. Suddenly I was sucked into her head and found myself watching a happy couple walking on the other side of the street. The woman had black hair and she was laughing as the tall brown haired man next to her had tickled the child in his arms. They were sharing a moment as a family and from all outside appearances it was perfect. I could feel Rose's anguish. Part of her wanted so badly to run up to him and tell him that he has a daughter who would love to be held and tickled by her father. Part of her heart broke farther when she saw how happy he is with Tasha and what Rose at the time believed was their son. To this day Rose does not know that I got sucked in that day. I also know that was the inspiration for her song Think of You. She plays it often. I wonder if Dimitri would realize what it meant if he heard it. Part of her lyrics even say; ("Well, you got yourself a family. And you planted roots down by the sea. I saw you once on the street; you didn't notice me.")

Annemarie has been asking about him since she was one. Rose will tell her very little about him because she is afraid that Annie might tell other people. Little Annie isn't good at keeping secrets, every year she manages to spill the beans about what she has given Chris or the girls for Christmas or birthdays. All Rose has told her about her father was that he has brown hair and eyes, he is tall and that they loved each other very much. Annie thinks he is a Moroi and she knows he has a family with a Moroi woman. Other than that she doesn't know enough to figure out his identity.

It was Adrian's idea really but I jumped in wholeheartedly. We figured that if Dimitri was brought back into her life that she would have to tell him eventually. That or even if she still insists that he figure it out for himself well how could he figure things out if he wasn't given the opportunity to do so. I am still weary; I am afraid he will hurt her but well I guess I am taking a leap of faith here.

Emma is Rose's adopted daughter and she is also related to Rose on her mother's side which meant that under the right circumstances Emma had the ability to become a Wielder of Life and Death. Everything fell into place and she had followed in Rose's footsteps. Emma is also the newest providets in the family. A providets is Russian for seer. Becoming a providest was something that only happened to Emma after she began to transform into a Wielder. Dimitri's grandmother is the one who saw this and she gave Emma a very special gift to help her on her own journey.

I spoke to Emma about the bringing Dimitri here and she said that it was the only way to save Rose. Rose has not told her children or her parents about the fact that she is slowly dying of a disease that acts a lot like cancer. Emma herself is the one who came to me and told me that she knew. When she said that Dimitri was the key to saving Rose well I don't know how but I have to trust her.

I got a call from Emma when Rose was in the hospital at Court. She told me that I have to encourage Dimitri to reestablish his bond with Rose. She told me to tell Rose that Dimitri needs to know the truth about her illness and to allow the doctors to speak with him about her medical history.

I was going to talk to Rose about this but when I went to the room she was going to be staying at in the clinic… well let's just say she did one of her famous Hathaway disappearing acts. About 45 minutes later Dimitri brought her in and she was in such terrible shape that it took me, Adrian, and all five Spirit wielders from her beta packs to stabilize her.

When I came out of her room and saw Dimitri sitting there waiting to be allowed in; I knew then that somehow Emma is right. Dimitri needs to reestablish the bond between them. I sent him in there and told him to stay with her and let her know that he is going to be there for her. I told him he could even lie next to her so long as she knows he is with her.

I was surprised to see that not only was he able to see her scars but he caressed them lovingly. I hate them, not only because they mar her beauty but because they are killing her. He sees them as a badge of courage that makes her even more beautiful in his eyes. I guess I have never seen them that way. Before I did see them as something that disfigured her once stunningly beautiful face; then when we found out that they were killing her I could barely stand to look at them.

Rose knows this and I am afraid that it has caused a bit of a drift between us. She tries to keep most of our communication between us to the bond. When she does have to spend time with me she uses scarves and makeup to hide them. I feel so guilty that I have made her feel so bad when I should have seen them the way Dimitri does. I can see from her aura that it is soothing to her that he is not afraid to touch them.

I left them alone and went to talk to the doctors. I knew I would find Sasha and Maria both in Maria's office. I knocked on the door.

"Come in." Maria said.

"Dr. Olendzki, Dr. Isham; I wanted to talk to you about both Rose and Annemarie."

"Yes dear, we have already checked on Little Marie and she is stable and will sleep for a few days. Well it is going to take a while to find out how her scars will react this time but we are looking into a different type of Chemotherapy than last time."

"Dimitri asked that she be moved into the room with Rose. He wants to stay with them and help care for them. I haven't gotten permission from Rose yet, but Emma said that he should be told about her medical history. He might not know it but they are married through the bond of the Marriage of the Heart. I think we should at least let him know about everything from the date she gave birth to now. I know Rose would kill us if we let him see her maternity records. Unfortunately I think we have to keep the IVF records in there because that is partly how we found out she is dying." I told them hoping that they would see things my way.

"Lissa without Rose's permission we can't do that." Sasha began to say but Maria cut her off.

"Sasha, the secrets have gone on long enough. I have told you that the man has a medical background. After he did emergency surgery on Rose years ago I looked into his med school records. He was in the top Five percent of his class in the Human University and he was the top of his class in the Moroi School; even higher than his charge Ivan. In University he showed interest in Oncology, and surgery but opted for general medicine. He might be able to help us he is truly brilliant, when he isn't being a blooming, blind idiot that is."

"Do you really believe he could add anything?" Sasha asked both of us.

"I don't know about his medial expertise but I know Emma believes he can. That is good enough for me." I answered truthfully.

"I am willing to give it a try after all we have been trying to fight this thing for more than five years. It is more than just Rose's, life at stake here. Annemarie is also in peril even if she is not nearly half as sick as her mother." Maria chimed in.

"OK. Tonight we move Annemarie into the room with her mother and tomorrow we begin talking to "Doctor" Belikov about our patients." Sasha chimed.

Dimitri POV

I woke up feeling refreshed and happier than I have felt in years. Before I even opened my eyes I was aware of her next to me. She must have moved in the night. When I laid next to her last night she was lying flat on her back but now she was spooned against me with her back to my chest and her hand laced in mine; holding it firmly to her. The fact that she was snuggled against me made my heart soar. I nuzzled my nose into her hair and breathed deeply.

A soft thrilling sound caught my attention and I opened my eyes to see where it was coming from. I cannot express how amazed I was to see a small bluish grey cat nestled on Roza's hip. It peered at me through blue gray eyes that reminded me of the winter sky in Russia. The cat trilled again and this time it reached a paw out to me and opened and closed it as if to say hello and good morning. I reached out and scratched behind its ears. I remembered that Annemarie mentioned that Rose had another cat named Misty Blue.

I continued to pet her and she began to gently need on Roza's hip in turn as she purred. It was then that I heard another trill and then felt something jump onto my hip from behind. My guardian training would have me knock it off because any unknown is a threat; but something told me to stay still. A second later I was met with the piercing sapphire eyes of mocha latte. She walked along my side then butted my face affectionately.

"Now brother I never thought I would ever see you playing with cats." I turned to Adrian's chuckling voice.

"Since when do they allow cats in here? It's not sanitary you know." The medic in me seemed to rear his head.

"There is no keeping Misty or Mocha from their mistresses; especially when they are upset or ill. They are part of what keeps Rose and Marie balanced. They filter the darkness and right now neither of them can deal with it on their own. They need the cats."

Mocha jumped back to the previous perch on the bed behind me. I sat up to look behind me and realized that Ladybug was sleeping in the next bed. I got out of bed and checked the readings on her monitor, then looked for her chart at the end of the bed but it wasn't there. I couldn't help but let out a frustrated sigh.

"Dimitri, I know you want to help them; and maybe you can. Last night Lissa talked to Dr. Olendzki and Dr. Isham and convinced them to let you see the medical histories. You will be given access to almost all of it except anything that will give any hints as to who Annemarie's father is. Rose was conscious enough for me to check with her through a dreamwalk. I wanted to let her know we were going to do this no matter what she wanted but she gave us permission. So if it is ok with you I will watch over your little family while you go meet with the other Doctors."

It took me a moment to process what he was saying. They were going to let me in, let me try to help my Roza and my ladybug. I leaned over ladybug and kissed her head and gave Mocha a pat. Then I did the same for Rose and Misty. As I walked out of the room I couldn't help the words that came out of my mouth.

"Adrian I swear, whoever the fucked up Moroi sperm donor was who left Rose when she was pregnant; has no clue what he gave up. If I could have five minutes with him…. He would never be able to walk away from anything again."

"I would be careful what I say about him if I were you. Rose seems to think he had his reasons for leaving when he did. I don't know how she did it but she forgives him." Adrian said in a dry voice.

"She might forgive him but I don't."

"I am sure you will never forgive him for what he did and didn't do. But Rose would want you to. Now go; be Doctor Belikov." Adrian turned from me and sat at the edge of Rose's bed; taking her hand in his. I closed the door behind me and walked to Dr. Olendzki's office.

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**POP QUIZ**

1. Dimitri and Lissa have very different thoughts about the scars. How do you think Dimitri will feel about them after he learns that the scars are killing her?

2. Rose has tried IVF how do you think Dimitri will feel about this and who do you think the donor was?

3. Adrian tells Dimitri to be careful of what he says about Annemarie's father. How do you think Dimitri will feel about the things he said when he finds out he was the 'sperm donor' who abandoned Rose when she was pregnant.

4. Do you think Dimitri will be able to help them? How?

**Please Review. Reviews make me happy.**

Think of You is a song by A Fine Frenzy.


	17. Reading the Files

August 12, 2011

Hello and thank you for reading. I am making the effort to post more often and I know I fall short but I thank you all for staying with me. I have noticed that this seems to be the most popular of all my stories so I will concentrate on this one most but I will not abandon the others. They are all important to me.

Thank you to RangaRose for being a great beta. Any mistakes you find are probably do to the fact that I added several things including a conversation or two after she edited.

I do not own VA but that which comes from my nutty nut I will willingly share with you.

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Chapter: 17.** Reading the Files**

**Dimitri POV**

At the door I paused for a moment before knocking. The door was ajar and there was only the sound of papers shuffling and quiet conversation. I knocked lightly on the door. Both women looked through the opening in the door and waved me in.

"Dr. Olendzki, I have been told by Lord Ivashkov that you and Dr. Isham-Ivashkov have consented to let me in the know?" Suddenly I felt very nervous but I shoved those thoughts aside.

"Yes Dimitri, we have. It wasn't our idea but I think that with your medical background you might be able to bring a new prospective to this." She replied using her professional tone. "And please, call me Maria."

"Cousin Dimitri, I must admit I am a bit more skeptical, it has been 8 almost 9 years since you last practiced, has it not? I read in your files that you only just finished your internship and never got to even begin your residency. I am sure you are well educated but well, it has been a long time." Dr. Isham- Ivashkov's comments didn't offend me. Instead it showed me how much she truly wants the best for Rose. I almost questioned why she used the Moroi term of Cousin but then I realized she might just be acknowledging the fact that I am her cousin's brother.

"Cousin Sasha, I understand and appreciate your concern. Though it has been a long time I can assure you that I have a near photographic memory; I remember almost everything that I have been taught. Also I have been keeping up with, as best I can, with what is new through reading medical Journals and even new text books. Dr. Ivan Zeklos Sr. convinced me to start volunteering with a colleague of his who runs a Moroi/Human clinic a few towns away from where I lived in Maine. I had only been volunteering for a few months before being reassigned but I have no problem with letting you talk to Dr. Battersea."

"Well, Cousin I truly hope you can bring a fresh prospective into this. We could honestly use all the help we can get but due to the need for security we have not been able to ask for much outside help. Come, sit down and let's get you caught up on their medical files."

I took the third seat and settled in. I made a mental note to myself to call Tasha and ask her to send me all my books and journals.

"Dimitri, before you walk into this blindly I want to warn you that, well, they are both suffering from the same thing. They are suffering from some unknown type of cancer or cancer like illness. A few years back we tried using chemotherapy but it took some very strong dosages to even make the tumors shrink and go dormant but well it almost killed them. We have also tried surgery with no success."

Tears instantly formed in my eyes. I closed them and tried to keep from hyperventilating. I would not be able to help them if I let my emotions take over; but this is My Roza and her little girl we are talking about. I feel like someone just told me that my wife and child are dying. Even with my eyes closed the tears still made their way down my cheeks. I didn't even realize that I was trembling till I felt two sets of arms wrap around me. I felt no shame when a sob made its way out of my chest. My emotions were raw but I knew I had to acknowledge them before I could set them in some other part of my brain and be able to focus on healing my girls. I already know that I will do anything to save them. They are my life.

I must have cried in the arms of both women for an hour but it felt like days. I felt drained but I set my weariness aside as best I could along with the raw emotions. I didn't even realize that Maria had gotten up and poured me a cup of coffee. She set it down in front of me and I took it gratefully. After a few minutes of sitting quietly drinking the coffee and calming myself down; I was able to take one last deep breath and get my focus together.

"OK. I am ready to get started. I am sorry you had to see that but well I am sure you understand."

"Yes we do." They both said quietly.

Sasha handed me one of the two files on the round table we were seated at. The name on the tab read Hathaway, Annemarie Christine B-. Christine, her middle name is Christine; she must have been named in honor of Christian. I opened the folder; the first document was a description of the incident of her birth. It was actually a copy of a guardian report that was filed by the guardians because it was during a Strigoi attack that she was born.

February 24, 2011

I was filling in the position of near guard for Princess Vasilisa Dragomir; because, her near guard (and best friend) Guardian Rosemarie Hathaway, was on maternity leave. During Lissa's last class at Lehigh University she received a call from Lord Adrian Ivashkov stating that Rose was in labor. We returned to the off-campus home that Lissa shares with Christian Ozera to pick up Rose, Adrian and Christian to take Rose to the hospital at court.

We were approximately 30 min from our destination when our car was boxed in by four others. Guardian Hathaway began informing us that there were Strigoi present. We realized that this was another ambush. Guardian Edison Castile, Rose and I all pulled out our stakes and prepared ourselves to defend our Moroi. Christian pulled out his phone and made the call to Guardian Croft.

The four cars maneuvered us and forced us off the road and into a ditch. Before we could even assess any injuries, the doors were ripped from the car and each of us pulled from the car. There was a total of 8 male Strigoi. I lost track of Rose and realized that they must have taken her from the scene. The Strigoi appeared to be only holding the Moroi and keeping them from helping us. Christian was able to use his element of fire to kill three of the Strigoi and he helped both Guardian Castile and I by lighting the heads of several of ours.

Once all 8 Strigoi were dispatched we went searching for Rose. Lissa began to head to a path that led into the forest. We found two Strigoi bodies along the path. We followed it and found Rose. She was unconscious on the forest floor; she was naked. There were two Strigoi near her. One was holding the limp body of the first twin to his mouth. The other had his hands inside of an opening that was cut into her abdomen. He was just extracting the second twin when two flames shot past me and enveloped his head and the head of the other Strigoi. Guardian Castile ran to take the babies from them and I wasted no time lunging and staking them. Lissa went straight to Rose and proceeded to heal her injuries. Adrian attempted to revive the first twin to no avail. I took the surviving baby and held her inside of my clothing against my skin to keep her warm.

Lissa and Adrian were still trying to heal Rose's wounds when the guardians from court arrived.

Guardian Janine Iris Hathaway  
February 25 2011.

I had to stop myself from reacting emotionally to this report. I already knew some of the facts regarding Annemarie's birth from Alberta and from ladybug herself but to read this report was just heart wrenching. It also brought up more questions.

"February 25 was her real birthday. Why does her student file say the 18th?"

"You do have a good memory Cousin. The date was changed to help protect her Identity and the fact that she was a twin was hidden. She doesn't know she had a sister."

"What happened to the other baby?"

"I did the autopsy on Marianne myself. She would have been the larger of the two and she also took the most injury from the stake cutting into Rose. She had a laceration across her back that had severed her spinal cord. A small stab into her chest but it was enough to damage her lungs. It also appeared that they snapped her neck prior to draining her. Grandmother Tati insisted that she be buried in the Ivashkov family plot at court. That was the first kind thing she ever did for Rose."

"Dimitri there is something that isn't in the report that I think you should know." Maria said.

"What is that?"

"How we learned that Annemarie needs blood. It was very cold that winter and they didn't have anything to wrap the baby in. Janine had used her own body heat to keep her grandchild warm by putting baby under her shirts and jacket; up against her bare skin. Well due to an incident that happened a few days before she had a large abrasion on her back that made wearing a bra uncomfortable. The baby attempted to nurse; Janine didn't stop her because she wanted to comfort her. She figured that even though she had no milk to offer; the baby would take comfort in suckling; like with a pacifier. After the baby latched on she bit Janine. When they got to the infirmary Janine checked and found two very small fang marks on her breast and Annemarie had two tiny little fangs nestled along her gums. It wasn't till after I got Rose stitched up and stable that she told me. It was decided after that, that even though Rose was unconscious we would help her breastfeed so that Annemarie would get the blood and milk she needed from her mother."

I picked the file up again and read about the lacerations Annemarie had that correspond to the scars I have seen during our water combat classes. Even with the help of Adrian and Lissa it took two days for them to close up and the scars would not go away. There were five other incident reports showing that Rose and Annemarie were the intended targets. Each received injuries but nothing that was not able to be healed by a spirit wielder.

"Is this why Annemarie is not allowed passed the wards?" I asked.

"She hasn't been out of wards except for plane rides since she was just about one and a half years."

"What about normal childhood experiences; camping, shopping, movies, Disneyland?" Connor is a year and a half younger than her and he has gotten to all this and more.

"It is not safe for her to do those things in person. Rose, Emma, Lissa and Adrian take her to do what they can via dream walk. They really do try to give her some normalcy. Tatiana has a carnival brought in for the kid's birthdays so she gets a taste of that at court as well as shopping at the court mall."

"Poor thing she lives such a sheltered life. Do Emma's children get attacked too?" I ask.

"Somehow the fact that Emma is fully bonded to Ben has made a lot of things easier for her. Somehow her bond provides her children some kind of protection. It is almost as if the Strigoi can smell Rose and Annemarie; they can tell that they are vulnerable." Hearing this made me boil over with anger.

"We have to find this Asshole that Rose is supposed to be married to and make him understand how much she needs him."

"Be careful what you wish for cousin." Sasha said wryly.

"I know it sounds hypocritical of me because I love her and I have been hoping to win her heart again; and I know it will kill me to step aside for any man. My body might live but my heart and soul belong to her and won't ever move on. But if he is what she needs to be complete I would do anything for her."

Sasha looked like she wanted to say something more but Maria made a sharp sound and gave her a very pointed look while shaking her head. Sasha took a moment to calm herself and then tapped on the folder. I brought my attention back to the folder in front of me.

There were her routine check-ups which documented her accelerated growth and development. Now I really understand why she sometimes seemed so immature. Poor thing is only six and she is treated like an eleven year old.

The next few pages were quite informative and difficult. When she was almost two years old Rose went on assignment for a week. During that time she was assigned a feeder. Around the same time the flu was going around in the human world and some Dhampir and Moroi were also catching it. Annemarie threw up once every day and it was assumed that she had a touch of the flu.

It was Helen, Adrian's cook who realized she was only throwing up after going to the feeder. She alerted Dr. Isham and they tried several other feeders. When it became obvious that Annemarie couldn't take blood from an ordinary feeder Rose was recalled from her mission.

After a week of receiving blood from her mother she seemed better but her scars began to grow in height and thickness. A biopsy showed that the cells were multiplying at an alarming rate. A Human surgeon was hired and compelled to remove the malignancies. He removed as much as he could but he told them that there were fibrous roots that couldn't be removed without taking so much of the surrounding tissue that Annemarie would probably loose full use of her affected limbs.

The decision was made to try chemotherapy. They did research and chose Vemurafenib; this is a drug that I have heard a lot about in the journals. There has been a lot of positive feedback about it. I myself would have thought it was a good choice. It is not a Chemo drug but it has been hailed as very effective. Unfortunately in this case it was not working fast enough and the decision was made to add Chemo to the mix. They started with small doses of Dacarbazine but it didn't have much effect at the low dose. They increased the dosage and it finally stopped the progression of the growth but unfortunately it made Annemarie so sick that they were afraid to increase it farther to try to shrink the growths. The end result is that Annemarie still has her scars and they are still a threat to her.

"You are anticipating that her scars are going to begin to grow again because she went too long without her mother's blood; aren't you." It was a statement more than a question. The looks on their faces told me all I needed to know. The rest of her file consisted of her regular check-up leading up to the last one dated just before the start of school.

"I wonder; has Annemarie ever had blood from her father."

"No she has had from her grandmother on several occasions when Rose would be gone for extended periods of time. We have also tried blood from her father's half-brother and she tolerated it better than donor blood but it still was not sufficient enough to be a viable alternative. Rose always draws her own blood for Annemarie to keep in a small refrigerator in her bedroom when she leaves on missions. It isn't as good as living blood but it will do for a weekend." Sasha informed.

"The day after Rose left, Annemarie was upset because she had forgotten to put some 'vitamin juice' in the fridge and it had gone bad. I understand now why she said I couldn't buy more."

"The interesting thing is that Emma's children don't have the same issue with blood as Annemarie." She continued.

"Emma has children? I thought she was only nineteen. Isn't she a bit young to be a mother?" I didn't mean to sound judgmental but still it was hard to believe someone so young might have one child let alone more.

"Rose was only 18 when she conceived and had Annemarie. I prefer to let her explain things better but I will only say that it is both the gift and the blessing that a Wielder of Life and Death is called to be a mother. In fact it is the miracle of meeting their other half that begins the transformation into the wielder. Due to the way things turned out for Rose, fate called Emma early." Maria explained and I heard a bit of anger in her voice. They must care for Emma as they do for Rose and Annemarie.

"What is your theory, why is it that her children can use a feeder yet Annemarie can't?"

"Well according to the journals that Rose has from the previous Wielder, all wielders have a blood bond to their spouses. Since Rose is well, I guess single is the best way to describe her situation; we think that she is blood bound to her daughter."

"That sounds as good a reason as any; but I still wonder if she would be able to tolerate the blood of her father? You said that she was almost tolerant to the blood of her half-uncle."

There was a knock on the door. When Maria answered it Lissa and Christian stood at the door each holding trays of food. I hadn't even thought about food and quite frankly after reading Annemarie's file I felt too upset to eat. I think the look on my face must have said as much.

"I know how must be feeling right now Dimitri, I have been dealing with this since the beginning and it still bothers me; but you know your brain needs food to be able to think straight. Just try to eat something."

I nodded, Lissa was right. I missed dinner last night and I skipped breakfast this morning. The only thing I have consumed today was the cup of coffee that Maria gave me earlier. She set for us cream of broccoli soup, Caesar salad, and large turkey sandwiches. She brought us all large cups of Ice tea. Christian also set out three large chocolate cupcakes; on top of the chocolate frosting was some type of brownish red stuff.

"Christian is that bacon crumbled on top of the cupcakes?"

"Yeah Dimitri it is. I saw the recipe on food network a few years ago. Rose never eats junk food anymore but the rest of the pack loves them. Try them; I am sure you will like them too."

I did my best to eat and after a while I realized how hungry I truly was. As we ate we talked about some other cancer meds and alternative treatments that are being talked about in the journals. They told me that they suspect that it was Strigoi blood that gets into the wounds that causes the scaring and subsequent malignancy.

They told me that since they first diagnosed the cancer, Rose has completely changed the way she and her children eat. They consume a diet high in fiber and antioxidants. There is a small subsistence farm about five miles from the school that is worked by volunteers; some of the formerly Strigoi. There are humans who won't be able to integrate with the human world again along with Dhampir and Moroi who are not ready to integrate or who have been "dead" to long to be accepted into our world. Sasha explained that the Moroi are learning to use their magic to work the soil and make it flourish. They also raise some animals such as cows; pigs, chickens, and turkeys. Everything is organic because Rose doesn't want to eat foods grown with pesticides.

Most of Rose's food comes from the farm and what she buys is carefully selected. I remember that Ladybug rarely chose the junk food offered for lunch. She usually ate salads, pastas, and things that had lots more veggies than any other kid I have ever known; though she did tend to like to indulge doughnuts or chocolate cake and other sweets when she could. I once asked her about it and she told me that her "M Mentor said it was important to put good things in your body if you expect it to do good things for you." No wonder why the kids at the barbeque were nuts over the hot dogs and S'mores; they probably never get to eat things like that.

I was surprised that I eventually finished all of my food and even ate my cupcake with another cup of coffee. Christian was right; the salty, crunchy, crumbled bacon was actually really good with the sweet chocolate.

After lunch we decided to check on Rose and Annemarie. (I don't feel comfortable calling her Marie anymore because the other baby was Marianne. I think I will stick to my nickname of Ladybug. And if I need to I will use Anne.) Christian was with them when we entered. He told us that both of them had woken up long enough to drink the soup but went back to sleep soon after. We checked their vitals again for ourselves and drew some blood. Well actually they had me do everything. I think they were checking to see if I still remembered how to be a doctor. I am glad for the short time that I had spent volunteering for Dr. Battersea.

In her lab, Maria prepped the blood samples and placed a drop on the slides. After prepping them she slid them under an electron microscope. It took an image that she then sent via email to some lab for analyses. She did this with both samples. I couldn't help but be nervous because I was afraid of what the white count would tell us.

I was surprised to see such expensive equipment in a school infirmary but Maria explained to me that Rose's father is very wealthy and he insisted on purchasing the best equipment so that his daughter and granddaughter would not have to leave and go to a human hospital for treatment. He has also made sure that Sasha has everything she would need at court as well. It makes me wonder who her father is.

"Dimitri, are you ready to tackle the second file are do you want to wait till tomorrow?" Sasha asked me.

"I am afraid to read it but I would rather do it now so that we can move forward tomorrow." She nodded and led the way back to the office. Our dishes were cleared and the table was ready for us.

Maria handed me the other file. The label read, Hathaway M- B-, Rosemarie. Hmm I wonder what the M and the B stand for. Her student file didn't have either of those initials to it. I opened it up and the first page was Eddie's Incident Report on the February 25.

I read it through and it corresponded very well with Janine's but his went into more detail about the positions that the Strigoi were in when they first spotted them. The one who was draining the baby was kneeling at her left side. The Strigoi who was taking the babies out of Rose was kneeling between her legs. Another thing he noted was that Rose's Stake was on the floor next to her right thigh. He told of how there was so much blood; on Rose, on the floor, on the stake and on the hands of the Strigoi between her legs. He listed the bruises and cuts he saw prior to Lissa and Adrian trying to heal her. Clipped to the back of the page was a picture he had taken with is phone. I burst out crying silently; the photo looked like a CSI photo of a murder scene.

It took all my control to set my emotions aside and focus on the here and now. There is nothing I could do about the past but I can help her in the here and now. That is what I plan to do for my Roza; help her and ladybug.

The next page was Dr. Isham's report explaining her injuries upon arriving at the court's clinic. She had made a diagram marking all the wounds she sustained during the attack. I remember seeing her back, stomach, neck, arms and face. She has many more scars now, than there are listed on the diagram. The diagram showed 5 defensive wounds on her arms, 3 bite marks and a large incision across her lower abdomen and 4 smaller ones along the same general area.

I found that this whole section of her file was dedicated to Incident reports and subsequent injuries she sustained in each. On the diagram each wound that led to a scar was re-marked over in blue while the ones did not were left red.

The second attack was the most sadistic. According to the report which was filed by Guardian en Paca Mia Rinaldi- Castile (I recently learned that the Moroi who join the packs must pass a qualifier and trial just like a novice. They must also pass an elemental trial to show that they can fight with their element as well as with physical combat. If they successfully pass all tests they are given the title of Guardian en Paca.) Rose was separated from the pack and it was later found that she was knocked out and that is the reason she didn't call for help.

The pack had to stall and stake all the Strigoi before they could go in search of her. When they found her she was stripped naked and she had red lines covering her legs and torso. She was bitten and there was also evidence that he had used her stake to sexually abuse her. This made me sick to my stomach. It took all the control I had not to throw up.

I looked at the looked at the diagram and counted 28 different purple marks all together; (red covered by blue) 12 defensive marks on her arms and hands, one that ran the length of her face, 6 on her torso, 2 on her legs from her ankles up working in a spiral and deepening on the flesh of her thighs, and 7 on or in her genitalia.

I didn't realize that I was reacting to the report till calming hands covered my arms and hands. The paper shook violently in my hands. How could he do that to my Roza? I let this happen. By the mere fact that I was not with her to protect her I allowed this to happen.

I don't know how long I was sitting there trembling but at some point the woman left me and another person sat in front of me. They placed their hands on my shoulders. Emerald green eyes bore into me. I could feel him compelling me to calm down. The trembling slowed and my breathing began to stabilize. It was then that I understood that I must have had some kind of anxiety attack.

"I know this is hard Dimitri. You love her and cannot bear to know what she has suffered. I know the guilt you are already laying on yourself and I wish I could tell you that it will get better; it won't. What I can tell you is that no matter what Dimitri, I will be here for you. I love you brother and I know you are a good and strong man. If you need someone to lean on you can count on me. She needs you to be strong. If ever there was a time to fight for her it is now and I believe you will win."

He then embraced me; for the first time I really felt like his brother. His hug held the love I would have gotten from my mother and sisters and his words gave me the strength I would have gotten from Yeva. I hugged him back taking from him the strength he offered.

"Thank you, Brother."

The ladies came back with a bottle of Russian vodka and poured some in my coffee cup. I drank it down and let the heat burn through me. Maria indicated that she would pour another if I needed but I declined.

"If my Roza was brave enough to live through this, the least I can do is read about it."

"Well I am going back to watch over your little family while you stay and work. If you need me, brother, you know where to find me." He gave a nod to Maria and gave Sasha a kiss on her forehead. "Thank you Cousin, for getting me; this has been hard on him you should have seen his aura." He whispered to her. He then looked down passed my chest to my lap. "Come on Mocha, you did your part now let him work." At that moment I realized that there was Ladybug's fat Siamese sitting on my lap. She looked at me with her sapphire blue eyes as if to ask if she should stay. I gave her a scratch behind the ears and she jumped down to follow Adrian.

I turned the page to the next incident. This time it was written by Rose. She had wandered away from her camp so that she could talk with Lissa through the bond. Rose was in Lissa's head and not paying attention to her surroundings; a Strigoi caught her off guard. The Strigoi was only able to get her once using the same stake she had used to break the wards around Rose's camp. Rose reached out and transformed her. The Strigoi happened to have been a very young female novice. As soon as she was transformed she joined Rose and the pack in fighting the other Strigoi who had invaded. The girl nearly lost her life but Guardian en Paca Christian Ozera saved her by surrounding her with fire and burning the Strigoi who was about to break her neck.

I looked at the date and time of this incident and realized that it corresponds to my first day back when I was having breakfast with Guardian Tanner. I wonder if that is why Lissa was sucked into Rose's head. I bet it is part of the reason she had warned me not to try to get back with her. I believe Lissa has changed her mind now but I could understand her worry. My sudden appearance must have been a distraction to Rose.

I read the last incident report. This one was written by Guardian Mikhail Tanner. I couldn't figure out what would have caused Rose to freeze like he had described. He explained that when they found her she was in a gruesome state. Her throat was slit but not enough to kill her. She had lots of smaller cuts on her torso and breasts and even a tic tac toe game on each leg. With this attack she received 24 scars.

When you combine all of her incidents she has 62 scars from head to toe. Though I hate that the scars contain Strigoi blood which is making her sick; I still see those scars as a badge of courage. She is so much stronger and braver than I ever knew. I wish I could show her just how beautiful she is; inside and out.

I had just finished looking through the incident reports; well all the pertinent ones, the next few pages were various other reports. But the ladies explained that all injuries she received had been healed by her spirit wielders before she came back in.

Maria got a text from the lab concerning the blood tests so she went to check the results. The news wasn't good. Both my girls have raised white blood cell counts. We went to check on the girls. I noted the size and color of their scars seem to have changed ever so slightly. Before leaving I gave each a kiss on the forehead. When I was bending over Roza I brushed my lips along the scar on her face.

"You are even more beautiful to me now. I love you and I will fight for you. Would you mind if I slept with you again tonight. I don't know if I can be away from you." I turned to Adrian who was sitting between the beds. He was analyzing her aura. He looked up at me and smiled with a nod. "I will be back in a few hours. I am still looking through the med files and I want to check on the children at the cottage house before bed." I kissed her cheek then headed back to the office.

I know it must be boring for Maria and Sasha to sit with me the whole day just going over the files but it has been very helpful to have them there to answer my questions and to give me support when I get emotional.

I reopened the file and turned to the next section. What I found there really threw me for a loop. Rose tried to have another baby. She used IVF and got pregnant twice. The first time was about the time that Lissa got married, and a few months before the second incident with the Strigoi. She used sperm donated by the half-brother of Annemarie's father. After 8 attempts she succeeded to fall pregnant but lost the baby in the 4th month.

The second attempt was a year and a half later. This time she used a donation from Annemarie's biological father himself. She fell pregnant on the first try. She carried this baby almost all the way through the second trimester but lost it just before reaching the seventh month. The theory regarding the cause of the miscarriages was that once the placenta grew over one of the internal scars the baby would grow sickly and die. This brought up some questions.

"Sasha, I don't understand why you would agree to do In vitro fertilization on a patient with cancer? By the second attempt you definitely already knew that the scars held cancer or something very much like it. Don't you think that is very irresponsible?" I was beginning to doubt my "cousin's" moral code.

"Farther more, why would Annemarie's father give a sperm donation; when he doesn't even recognize his own daughter?"

"Dimitri there are some things you will have to ask Rose about. Suffice to say, the first time she was trying to complete the most important part of her task as The Wielder of Life and Death. The second time she had that and the added stress of trying to keep fate from calling on her elder daughter Emma. I hear that Emma is helping out with the Strigoi who need to be transformed and helping to council and heal those who are transformed. I think she plans on paying a visit to you soon. Perhaps she will be able to shed some light on your questions."

"I don't like that it happened, but I know from the scans and everything that the cancer has not ventured past the scars as of yet so there was reason to believe it wouldn't transfer to the babies; but the fact that she lost them and to suffer though yet more pain and grief upsets me." I looked at the clock and it was almost 6 am. Just then there was a knock on the door and Maria called for them to enter.

Lissa and Christian again came in with food. This time they brought sliced turkey breast, vegetable medley and pumpkin ravioli. I wasn't very hungry but I would make myself eat anyway.

"Oh Dimitri, Adrian told me that you wanted to check on the children so I called ahead and told Tanya, Helen and the Guardians you will be by to read them a story. They go to bed at 8:00 so I would be there about 7:30, it takes a while to get them settled but once they are ready they are gold." Lissa told me.

"Ok I will be there then." She nodded and left us to eat dinner. I have to admit that the food was good and much better than what they normally serve in the dining hall. When I said as much Maria informed me it was probably made either by Christian Ozera or Helen McManus; and they probably used the food from Rose's farm.

After dinner I made some calls. I asked Tasha to send me my med books and journals. I called Ivan's father to ask him to send me everything he can about cancer. He agreed and didn't even ask why. I think Ivan Sr. is just happy that I have a renewed interest in Medicine.

~~*O*~~

Spending time with the children was very soothing to me. I got so many hugs from each of them and they gave me handmade cards to give to their "Mama Rose" and "Sister Annie." (I think Rose has problems calling her Marie too but she doesn't stop Mikhail or others from using it.) The second level of the house has two very large rooms with four beds each that serve as nurseries, one for girls and one for boys. There are also three smaller rooms with two beds each for slightly older children. Joshua's room is one of three on the third floor with Annemarie's.

We gathered all the kids in the boy's nursery after they finished getting ready for bed. I read them Skippy Jon Jones (Conner loves this book.) I also read them Good Night Moon. After tucking them in I kissed them and promised to take care of Mama Rose and Sister Annie. Josh was very worried but I told him I would do anything and everything I could to make them healthy again.

I was so drained of energy that I almost wished I could skip a shower but the thought of not being clean for Rose was unthinkable. I went to my dorm and showered and changed into flannel sleepwear. I packed a bag and went back to the infirmary.

Lissa was in Rose's room sitting on her bed with Misty blue on her lap. She had her eyes closed and I believe she was using the bond to talk to Rose. Adrian was sitting on Annemarie's bed quietly reading her a story. Mocha latte was cuddled up next to Ladybug; fast asleep.

I busied myself with the cards from the kids. I put them up on the tack board where they both will be able to see them when they wake.

Adrian kissed her forehead than Rose's, patted my back and walked out. I took his place by ladybug and told her that I am going to help the doctor's make her and her mommy better. Then I sang my lullaby for her. It was the one my mom sang to me, the one I sang to Rose when we dated and the one I heard Rose sing to her yesterday.

"Night Dimitri, I will see you tomorrow." Lissa whispered on her way out.

I finished my lullaby; kissed her cheek and wished her sweet dreams. I then lay next to Roza and wrapped her in my arms. Misty Blue jumped up on the bed and settled on my hip. I sang my song for my Roza like I used to and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**POP QUIZ**

1. Janine was the first one who Annemarie took blood from. Do you think that Janine felt a bit of the Endorphin Rush that would accompany a Moroi bite? If so do you think Rose feels it too?

2. Annemarie has never been outside of the wards. Do you think Dimitri might try to get Rose to agree to an outing if they bring the pack to help guard and protect Ladybug?

3. Annemarie has had blood and tolerated it much better than feeder blood but it still wasn't right. Why do you think she is able to take blood from Janine with no problem but Adrian is not quite compatible?

4. Now that Dimitri knows that the scars are killing her; how come he still doesn't hate them? If the find a way to heal them and get rid of the scars do you think he will miss them?

5. What did Adrian mean when he was thanking Sasha and Maria for calling him to calm Dimitri; he told them that they should have seen his aura. Why was Mocha Latte in his lap? (Reference to Misty Blue's purpose in So What Now; if you haven't read it then take a guess.)

_**AN**_ I made this chapter extra-long and I hope you all like it. Yes the drugs are real I did some research for ya. _Just so you know this "Cancer" that they have is nothing like what one might find in the human world so even if they could compel a human Oncologist to help them they wouldn't be much help. It is almost like a cross between a random tumor and a skin cancer. So far it only effects the organs it is embedded in. Though that might change._

Please Review and I will try to make the next chapter almost as long.

Suzanna


	18. Who Was He?

September 14, 2011

I know that a lot of you have been wondering if I fell of the face of the earth…. No I didn't. I have though had a very difficult time financially and I have had to give up some things; Internet access and cable was one of the. The Good news is that I should be getting internet back soon which will mean that I can post more regularly.

Another part of the long delay was well depression. Not having the money to take care of my own shit bothers me. Because I was down I didn't feel like writing much. I am sorry if this chapter isn't my best but at times I have had to force myself to work on it. I hope I haven't lost too many readers. Please review and let me know if you are still with me.

I havenot sent this to my beta because I wanted to get it out ASAP. My beta, RangaRose, just finished her story Life Changes sometimes and she will hopefully be starting her squeal. If she does I hope you all will read it and I hope she will ask me to beta for her again.

* * *

**Chapter 18: Who Was He?**

**Rose POV**

The need to pee woke me up I tried to get up but something was holding me down. I looked to see a muscular tan arm wrapped around my waist as well as the silhouette of a leg thrown over my hip. Full realization hit me; I was still in the infirmary, still hooked to IV's and monitors but best yet I was being held in the embrace of the man that I loved more than any other.

My bladder sent another message to my brain and as much as I didn't want to, I had to wake him up. As it is I would have had to call a nurse to help me because of all my hose's and wires; but with him holding in the loving embrace that he did kept me from the thing I needed most.

"Dimitri, wake up, I need to pee. Wake up, Dimitri." I reached over my shoulder to shake his, as I begged him to wake up. He was sleeping so soundly that he wasn't even lightly snoring. I shook him again and this time I added my body into the shake. His reaction was to pull me closer to his body; I could feel his arousal pulsing against my bum. Well I woke up 'thumper'; I laughed internally at the name I had given to his man parts. His arm was pressing my abdomen. Oh God if he didn't wake up soon I was going to wet the bed.

"Dmitriĭ Belikov, prosnutʹsya i vyĭti iz menya, poka ya mokroĭposteli!" I whisper yelled as I tried to pry his arm up. I think my sudden announcement in Russian; that I was going to wet the bed if he didn't wake up, did the trick. He popped up rubbing his eyes.

"Now that you're awake can you unhook me from this crap so I can go pee?" He nodded and quickly tuned off the alarms and took off the leads for the pulse/oxygen and heart monitors. He hooked my IV to a stand then helped me off the bed. I stopped him at the bathroom door. I did what I needed to do, then opened the door to find him waiting for me.

"Do you think I could go outside for a little while? I am not sleepy just yet and I would like some sunlight."

He nodded and kissed my cheek. "Give me a minute to get a chair."

He sat me on the bed and left the room. While I waited the cats came to me for a scratch behind the ears. Mocha Latte creped onto my lap and up to my shoulder; for some strange reason this cat liked to be held like a baby against your chest with her head resting on your shoulder. She was a huge cat; weighing in at nearly 20 pounds, she also had an above average bone structure making her taller and longer than the average Siamese cat. Misty Blue sat on my lap in a tight ball. She is much smaller weighing less than 10 pounds. Their size and weight were a bit of a throwback to the condition they were in when I found and saved them.

Misty was just a tiny kitten when I found her. She was completely emaciated and had literally died in my hands. We found her near the tarmac on our return trip home from confirming that I was indeed pregnant with Dimitri's children. I had seen her fall from a tree and ran to pick her up. I was so devastated that something so young and innocent could die before it ever new love. Lissa and Adrian each placed a hand on my shoulder giving me spirit to try to calm me but I channeled it into the kitten and somehow I revived her. She was my constant companion after that and I really think she helped me keep my sanity after losing Dimitri. Everyone loved her including Kirkova who let me keep her.

Misty I found one year after the first attack. I was walking around the woods by the wards after having spent some time at Marianne's grave. I heard the hissing and growling of a cat and the snarling of some kind of dog. Before I could hone in on the direction of the scuffle; the cat's hisses of warning became cries of pain.

When I got to the scene there I found a psi hound tearing into the cat. Surprisingly the cat was still alive. I had already begun to learn what I am and what I can do so I used my ability to communicate to the hound. I told him that if he didn't let the cat go I would use my stake and do the same thing to him. I heard the laughter of a man behind me but it stopped when his psi hound let go of the cat and walked back to his Moroi master. I picked up the massive cat and turned on the man.

"How did you call off my hound?" He slurred at me.

"Why the hell did you do this to a poor cat?"

"My wife left me just cuz she found out our daughter's nanny was going to have my baby. She took my daughter and the son she is carrying so I took her precious spoiled cat."

I didn't waste any more time on him. The cat was still hanging on so I ran with her as fast as I could to Lissa's where she and Adrian were practicing magic. They helped me by giving me the spirit and allowing me to save the cat. I named her Mocha Latte because of the white stripe on her nose that cut through her mask. It looked like a dollop of whipped cream on one of Lissa's mocha latte drinks. She instantly bonded to Annemarie and they have been close ever since.

Dimitri opened the door and pulled a wheelchair into the room. Sitting on the seat were a stack of blankets. He set the blankets on my bed then helped me into the chair. I didn't want to admit it but I really did need his help. I haven't felt so week since the time I let them use me as a guinea pig for chemo treatments.

The whole guinea pig thing is something I haven't told Maria or Sasha about. Dad found a Moroi Dr who was looking into the very, very rare cases of cancer among Moroi and Dhampir. A year ago I went on what I told everyone was a two month sabbatical. Mom came to stay with Annemarie and for the two months we combined my packs with Emma's. During those two months I let Dr. Zivkovic experiment on me. He was a kind doctor and I could tell he hated the fact that nothing he tried seemed to do much good. I was going to try again this spring. At this point I will be surprised if I make it that far.

Dimitri wrapped me up as best he could with the blankets and rolled me out to the garden near the back exit of the infirmary. This is one of my gardens. Part of my ability as a wielder is that I can also make plants grow healthy and strong. It was midmorning and the birds were chattering about. The rest of the campus was quiet. It was our nighttime and I could feel the love from several couples as they tangle in an intimate embrace. Emma and Ben were nearby; I smiled knowing that my Daughter and grandchildren were close and I would be seeing them again soon.

"You know Roza, I don't remember there ever being so many birds on campus before. Normally they shy away because of the numerous amount of Dhampir." Dimitri said as he watched a few birds bath in the fountain; just feet away from us.

"It's a perk of having a Love Wielder on campus. Right now there are two in close proximity. My Emma is nearby working with the transformed. You will probably meet her soon. She is fully come into her abilities and is firmly bonded to her mate. I don't know if Annie will ever get to grow up and become a wielder but she already shows some innate abilities already. She is very good at taming animals and bugs. You should have seen the tantrum she threw when I told her the field mouse family she invited into her room had to go back to the field they came from."

Dimitri sat on a bench next to me. I could feel his stress level go up a notch. He has seen me give blood to our daughter. He has heard her call me mommy. He has read my med files and he knows now beyond a doubt that I am Annie's mother. I know he has questions and some of them I cannot answer for him, as much as I want to tell him he needs to figure it out.

"Roza I need to find Annemarie's father. It hurts me to admit it but she needs him, you both do."

"Dimitri, he doesn't know about her. I tried to tell him but he didn't believe me."

Who was he Roza, he was here when I was. Your med file said that you were almost full term on February 25th. That would mean you conceived while I was still here. I never thought you would have done that but it is over and done with. I won't lie. The realization that you were not faithful hurt me so much but I love you so much that it doesn't matter. I love you Roza and if you need this man in your life to help keep you and your child safe than all I want is to be your friend."

"If you really believe that then the time is still not right." I mumbled more to myself than to him. "Look Dimitri, I loved him and I thought he loved me enough to stay. I left to meet Adrian's cousin Sasha so she could confirm that I was pregnant but when I got home he was gone. A lot has happened since then and he has a family now. I won't break up his family."

"Roza, damn it; if you don't want me to find him and talk to him myself then you do it. God, I thought you were smarter than this. I pictured you would have found a man who would stick around, I thought you would end up with Adrian. I knew you wanted a kid but I didn't think you would just sleep with any Moroi." He was angry and I could feel his emotions. The connection between us had always been like that.

"I didn't sleep with some Moroi. The father of my girls was someone I loved and still love. I will always love him. I will always want him. He had his reasons for leaving and I didn't like it but I understand him better than anyone else ever will. Why can't you understand that he had his reasons for leaving me; YOU LEFT." Instantly I felt his guilt as I reminded him that he left me.

"Fine he left but I don't understand why you didn't go after him and tell him that you were carrying his child."

"I did. I went to him three times and he wasn't ready to believe it. The last time I went to him he told me that he was starting a family with a Moroi woman. After that I decided it was best to just leave him and his family in peace."

"Roza, what about your little family?" His voice was calmer now.

"My little family was broken before it even began. I didn't see the point in breaking two families. I saw them once. His family was in danger because a group of Strigoi was forming a clan in his town. My pack and I went to do what we do. We transformed the group of Strigoi and we would be leaving town in but I needed to hire protection for him and his family before I left. I was walking from the meeting with the guardian to meet with my pack when I saw them. I heard his rich laughter and looked up. He was holding his son in his arms and tickling him. The mother was looking at them with so much happiness and love. It hurt me so much to see him happy with a child that wasn't mine. Part of me wanted to run to him and tell him that he had a daughter who was at home asking me where he was. But I saw the love he had for this boy and I couldn't do it. I couldn't take him from them.

"That is bull Roza, who cares about this other family of his. You don't need to care about them."

"I do. I do care about them. I couldn't take him away from his son. That little boy loves him. Would you have been happy to have someone come in and take you away from Connor?"

"No I wouldn't but things can always be worked through. I am living half a continent away from my son right now. His mother is about to get married to another man. I'm not there with him and it is hard but I am still a part of his life and he is part of mine. I call and talk to him very often. Tasha and Jonathan are going to be moving to Missoula and in another year he will be starting school here. Things can be worked through."

"Maybe you're right I should have kept trying to get him to listen to me. He made his mistakes by leaving me and I made my mistakes by not pushing him harder. He wasn't ready to believe at the time but if I kept pushing maybe he would have accepted it sooner. We were both in the wrong."

"I think it is time we get you back in bed."

He rolled me back into my room and helped me back in bed. He was about to settle down on the chair instead of in my bed with me. I felt lost.

"Dimitri, you can come lay with me." I patted the space behind me.

"I LOVE YOU, and I want nothing more than to take my place beside you, my Roza, but I realize that you have a bond with someone else and I should not be taking his place. It doesn't mean that I won't fight to keep you and my lady bug alive and in my life."

"Please Dimitri; the truth is that you are the one I need. I want and need you by my side." I couldn't keep the tears from sliding down my eyes. He stood up and slid in next to me and I turned so that I was facing him. He lay on his back and I wrapped myself around him with my head on his chest. I fell asleep listening to the strong beat of his heart.

**Dimitri POV**

I didn't get as much sleep after my conversation with Rose. I know she doesn't want me to pry into her past but I feel that it is paramount that I find the father of her children. Part of me hated this man to my very core. He shares a bond with her that I will never know. But he doesn't care about this precious bond or the children he created. Yet here I am plotting ways to bring this man back into their lives. My only reason for wanting him here is to save Rose and Annemarie.

I looked down at Rose who is still asleep on my chest with her arm and leg wrapped around me. I am still dumbfounded by the fact that she had to have cheated on me when we were together. We used to spend so much time together that I don't even see how she pulled it off. She claims that I am the one she loves and needs; I wish I could believe that. I know that even with her infidelity she is the one I love and need.

I gently moved her so that I could get up and get ready for my day. She whimpered when I got off the bed but I gave her my pillow to hold and she buried her face in it and sighed. I went to the bathroom to take a shower and changed into fresh clothing. When I came out Lissa was sitting in the chair between the two beds. Lissa's eyes were closed and she held her hand over her baby bump.

"Hey Lissa, how is the baby?"

She smiled without opening her eyes. "They are just fine. We are having twins. I don't know what they are yet but my guess is two boys. Rachel wants more sisters but Jen would rather be daddy's littlest girl."

"Wow twins that is rare for a Moroi. Then again it is rare that you are on a third pregnancy in just over 5 yrs."

"That would be Rose. A side effect of her magic is fertility. Just being around her makes the couples close to her more 'affectionate' so to say; and it makes them more fertile." She turned to look at Rose. I decided that even if this was not a good time, I had to broach the subject of Annemarie's father. If anyone would know who he was it would be Lissa.

"Um Lissa, I have been thinking that we need to inform Annemarie's father that she is sick. I was hoping that we could get some bone marrow from him to use for her."

"And you expect me to just tell you his name… Honestly Dimitri you already know, you just don't want to see it. All the clues are right underneath your nose."

"Damn it Lissa, this is serious. I am sick of riddles and making lists of clues. As much as I don't want to acknowledge the fact that she cheated on me; I need the bastard's help to save his daughter. And I have a hunch that fixing the bond between him and Rose will help me save her too."

Lissa rose from her seat. She strode over to me in two steps and slapped me hard.

"Guardian Belikov; you accuse her of cheating when _You_ left _Her_ and started a family with another woman!" She slapped me again and stormed out of the room before I could even respond. It hurt to admit but she is right. I am just as guilty as she is. I might not have ever actually slept with Tasha but we did try once.

~~*O*~~  
4 hours later.

I was sitting with Ladybug who was in pre op. We decided to try taking a few biopsies and experimenting on the samples rather than on Annemarie herself. There are a few different radiation therapies I wanted to try but I want to see how the cells react first. Sasha was going to be doing the biopsies but I was going to be keeping Annemarie occupied and calm until it was time to sedate her.

"Dimitri, Guardian Hathaway said that you know the truth about her being my mommy." She stated.

"Yes ladybug I do. Really I should have guessed it sooner because you look so much like her." When I said this she looked at me wryly. I wanted to laugh when her eyebrow went up. That is a trick that her mother just recently learned and still can barely do.

"Lots of people say that; even people who think we are cousins or sisters. Mommy said sometimes I am the spitting image of my father."

"Do you wish you knew your father?" I asked her.

"No and Yes."

"Why Not?"

"Woody he doesn't want me. Mommy tried to tell him about me but he won't listen to her."

"How do you know that?"

"I just know." She looked frustrated like she was trying to decide how to explain it to me. "Mommy took me and Addy into his dreams one night when I was really little. She brought my father to my favorite park and Addy played with me on the playground so that she could talk to him. I couldn't hear much of what they were saying but I know he didn't want to come help her. I wasn't supposed to but I looked back at him to see what he looked like."

"What did he look like?" Maybe I can recognize his description.

"I couldn't see him very well because the sun was in my eyes and most of the time his face was in shadow but I remember he had very short hair and I think he had a beard. Addy was surprised by the way he looked."

"I want to find him and ask him to help me make you better would you want to meet him?"

"Maybe, I guess I do because I want to know who he is. Do you know who he is? Uncle Chris once said you should know because you were there when God put me in Mommy's belly."

"I was here at the school but I wasn't with your mom all the time. I had shifts to do and she had classes to take. I will try to find him though; for you." I held her hand and smiled at her. I didn't want her to know that the mere idea of finding her father and bringing him back together with Rose hurt me to the core.

Maria came into the room to take her to the OR. She injected the anesthesia through IV push. As she was wheeling her gurney out Annemarie pulled my sleeve and gave me a sleepy grin.

"Woody I remember she said his name. She called him Comrade." Her eyes closed shut as mine widened.

My body began to tremble. Maria caught my eye as she rounded the corner and nodded to me sadly. I had to get out of there. I ran to the only place I could think of. Once in the church I fell into a pew and broke down.

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In the interest of posting this while I am able to piggyback on one of my neighbor's unprotected wireless signals; I will forgo the pop quiz. I still really want to know what you think so please feel free to make up your own questions ether about the chapter or for me about the story and if I can I will get back to you.

Suzanna AKA SnowGoose.


	19. Admission of Guilt

October 9, 2011

Thank you so much for sticking with me. I have discovered part of the reason for my writers block. Though part of it has to do with the stress and interference of Real Life, there is another part and that has to do with the voices going quiet.

I have realized that over the last year I have not gotten much opportunity to just talk to someone who is interested in listening to my plots and twists. My best friend has lost interest because first of all she is not a reader and has not read any of the VA books let alone my fictions. But also her Real Life has gotten more complicated over the last year as well.

Without having this outside source to share ideas with my imagination is growing quiet. Without the voices helping me fill in the conversations that make a story, a story I feel like I am left with only outlines. I am hoping to find readers who are willing to let me use their ears. I am happy to use Yahoo messenger or even better someone who would be willing to talk on the phone. I live in southern California so that would be Pacific Standard Time. I am often online or up at late hours so if you are interested and you are old enough to read my M scenes please let me know.

Suzanna

As of the last time I checked I do not own VA but I am owned by my voices.

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**Chapter 19: Admission of Guilt**

**Dimitri POV**

_Pain. Guilt. Resentment. Self-loathing. Joy._

It was an overload that eclipsed all other events in my life. In the moment that my beautiful lady bug had said that her mommy called her daddy, Comrade; everything began to hit me at once. It was the truth; I didn't know how it was possible but there wasn't a doubt in my mind. Adrenaline rushed through me causing a fight or flight mode. I ran; I ran to the only place that could give me comfort.

The silence of the church was broken by sobs. How could this be? It's the truth; I can feel it in my very soul but how? How could I have not seen it from the beginning? When I looked at her all I saw was Rose but now when I think of her I see myself too. They never told me… no that isn't true Yeva tried the day I came home with Tasha and Connor for a visit. **"Love has made you a father; your child is waiting for your love."** But Rose never made an attempt to tell me…. just one phone call to tell me that I was a father…. No I would never have believed it. Oh God she did try to tell me… Somehow she used a dream walk. She did it twice to tell me about the pregnancy and then gave it one last try… even begged me to come help her… My God she begged for help but I denied her. If I had come back after the first time she came to my dreams then none of this would have happened. Our other baby would still be alive and I wouldn't be facing the loss of Rose and Annemarie.

Soon I was hyperventilating. I tried to calm my breathing with no success. I felt my head hit the seat as I passed out in the pew. Darkness held me in a cold embrace but even in this state that should have given me a reprieve from my feeling, I found no peace. My heart pounded in an irregular beat, my chest was burning with remorse and I felt as if a million pounds were weighing on it. I could hear the keening sound of my own sobs. My close-mindedness has caused so much pain to the woman I love. I am responsible for the death of my infant daughter and if I cannot find the cure for this dreadful cancer I will be the cause of the death of both her twin and their mother. For all intents and purposes; I might as well have been the one to use a stake against them and inject them with deadly Strigoi blood.

My jumbled memories began to find order and as painful as it was I relived it; memories from the beginning when I first laid eyes on Rose in Portland to the moment when my daughter revealed the truth to me. I relived all of it with renewed eyes. I understood now how different Rose was from other people. I saw that the clues to her extraordinary nature, they were there all along. Through my memories I even pinpointed the day that we conceived our beautiful babies. The three dream walks came to me with sharp clarity and my mind lingered on the crestfallen look on my baby girl's face as she looked back at me thinking I had rejected her. Every clue both vague and blatant that had been given to me since I was reassigned to the school came to me and I felt so ashamed.

I found myself wondering about this Bond that Rose and I are supposed to have and my mind brought me back to a point in my past long before I had ever met my Roza. I found myself seated on the floor next to my babushka's rocking chair as she knit by the fire. She was spinning tails to me about her great- great-grandmother who had a love so great that it allowed her to have a family with a man who was a Dhampir like herself. She described it as a Marriage of the Heart. I understood now how Rose and I had conceived together.

My feelings now sorted; I felt marginally better. I still felt the pain and guilt of having been so blind and so callous to not have seen things for what they were. Guilt for leaving when I should have stayed and more for the consequences that Rose and my children have had to face. The burning in my chest has eased as did the pressure. My heart no longer felt like it was going to implode. I was exhausted but with a feeling of love and peace like I have felt from one of Annemarie's special hugs the darkness that enveloped me morphed into a deep slumber.

~~*~O~*~~

I woke sometime later. The room was dim but there was a light on in the corner of the room. I turned to the light and saw a young man sitting in a rocking chair, reading a book. I watched him for a few moments wondering who he was and where I was.

"Ex…Excuse me." oh my throat burns. The young man lifted his head and turned in my direction. I swallowed hard and tried again. "Where? Who?" I hoped that he would be able to understand my questions.

"Your awake, you have been asleep for quite some time. My name is Benjamin Strathmore, Emma, Rose's daughter; is my wife. You are in our home at the compound outside of the Academy. Yesterday when you passed out we found you and brought you here."

He walked over to my night stand and poured me a glass of water from a pitcher and put a straw in it. He handed it to me and sat on the edge of the bed next to me. The water was cool and refreshing to my burning throat. As I drank I examined the man more closely. He could barely be called a man I would say he couldn't have been more than twenty. He was built like a Dhampir and moved with the grace of one. His hair color was a light brown and even in the dim light I could see the intense color of his green eyes.

I didn't dwell on thought of the here and now for long. By the time I finished my water my mind was already thinking about Roza and our girl. I had wasted too much time; I have to head back to the hospital. I need to face Roza and I need to throw myself into saving my family. I tried to get up but the man pushed me down.

"Not so fast. My wife needs to talk to you but she is still asleep. She spent almost 20 hours healing you and helping you work through your shock. In her condition she shouldn't be expending so much energy but she did because you are important. The least you could do is wait and talk to her."

I nodded in agreement. As much as I am itching to get back to Roza the thought has accrued to me that if I am married to Rose; albeit through an ancient magic bond and not a traditional marriage; and Emma is Rose's adopted daughter then she is also mine. I need to meet her and get to know her too. On some level I have wanted to meet her and know her since I found out that Rose had adopted her. When I have daydreamed of being part of Roza's family I have pictured Emma and Josh as part of the picture.

There was a soft knock on the door; Ben got up to answer it. He spoke to a stout woman for a moment before asking me if I felt up to eating breakfast with him and his children. I get to meet my 'Grandchildren' I thought to myself as I stood up. He led me downstairs to a cozy dining room.

The stout woman, a Human, was helping one of two identical little boys into a booster seat. There was a little girl already seated, she smiled at me shyly. Ben lifted the other boy in the air and kissed his cheek before setting him in the other booster.

The food was set out buffet style and he motioned to me to serve myself. After every one was served and seated he began some introductions.

"Mrs. Crain here is our Nanny. She used to work for one of England's Royals and she proudly gave her life defending the children in her care. We are proud to have her with us."

"It's Nice to meet you Mrs. Crain."

"Just call me Nanny; it has been well over a hundred years since I have had a husband. Most transformed who have been around as long as I have would have chosen to accept death and forgiveness but I missed taking care of little ones so I chose forgiveness and life. Yes Nanny suits me just fine." She patted one of the boys on the head as she nodded.

"My little princess here is Amanda, she is 2yrs three months, but as you know a Wielder's children grow  
much faster so that is why she might look about four and a half." Amanda gave me another shy wave.

"My boys are Jacob and John. At almost 17.5 months they are at about three plus years of development."

"Daddy says we grow like weeds." Amanda piped in.

"And this one is going on 7 months in the oven." A female voice chimed in behind me. Ben smiled at her as if he had just seen perfection. She walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the lips as he gave her round belly a rub.

I looked on as they greeted each other. There was so much love in the way that they looked at each other. They seemed so mature yet the truth was also so evident; they were young. Ben looked like he could just barely pass for twenty but Emma; Emma looked like she should still be in high school. Somehow I know that this too is my fault.

Even though Emma spent so much time helping me deal with all my memories and emotions using her Healing Love as Annemarie had once explained to me; I felt my thoughts tailspin. Before I knew what was happening I was beginning to hyperventilate again. Amanda jumped off her seat and ran to me; climbing up and into my lap so she could hug me.

"Don't cry Grandpa, don't cry. Mommy said that she was going to help you make everything better. Don't cry." She patted my back and I could feel her own tears on my shoulder.

I could feel warmth and love from her hug and I held her close to me. I guess I hadn't even heard myself crying but holding her to me calmed me just enough, I began to sob quietly. I have ruined so much; and missed out on so many things. I had a whole family just waiting for me to get my head out of my ass. Who knows how many children Rose and I would have had by now if I had never left. I am sure that we would still have adopted Emma and even Joshua if we met them; and I would know my grandchildren. Seven years; I threw away seven years and now I stand to lose so much more than time; I could lose my wife and daughter.

Emma joined in on the hug. She whispered to me soothingly.

"She is right dad; I think I know how to help you but it will take a huge sacrifice on your part."

"I will do anything, I will give anything, and I will risk anything to save them."

"OK, as much as I want to get into it right now it isn't an appropriate conversation in front of the kids and I really need to feed little Erica here." She took my hand and placed it on her belly. I felt a lump in the shape of a little hand press my palm then recede. "You need to eat too but after breakfast we will talk."

She kissed my forehead then headed for the food. Amanda refused to let me go so I sat her in my lap and we shared a plate. After breakfast she kissed my cheek then went with Nanny Crain and her brothers.

Ben retrieved a book for Emma and sat with us at the table. I recognized the book. It belonged to my grandmother and she claimed it had been handed down in her family for over five hundred years. She let me look at it once but the words were nothing but gibberish. Yeva said that it could only be read when it was supposed to be read. This was one of the things that had made me think Yeva was nothing but an old nut. I am sure that whatever I used to believe about Yeva and her book was completely WRONG.

* * *

**The Big Questions**

1. What information do you think Emma might have that will help Dimitri save his family?

2. What's with the book of Gibberish?

3. What huge sacrifice might Dimitri have to give to save his family?

Sorry for such a short Chapter but at least I am posting.

**Please Review**

Suzanna


	20. The Sacrifice

December 12, 2011

This is the longest chapter in a while. There are a lot of ties between this story and the first of my alternate timeline stories; So What Now. I hope that this chapter is everything you guys all have hoped for. There is some sweet Dessert between Rose and Dimitri that is not an old flashback from before he left. This one is a new event. I feel this story coming to a close soon; a few more chapters at most. I will also be finishing So What Now soon I hope. A chapter of the Love Wielders Journey will be on its way later this week. I hope you are all still with me.

Now on to the chapter.

* * *

**The Sacrifice**

**Dimitri POV  
Late January.**

I served up a small bowl of tomato soup and a half of a grilled cheese sandwich on the tray and added a class of apple juice then walked up the stairs to her room. The sound of her heartbeat grew louder as I neared her. I set the tray on the bedside table and sat next to her on the bed.

Her skin had lost so much of its color and was now so similar to inside of the seashells that Connor gave me for Christmas. I miss her almond skin; I miss having her healthy and strong. Seeing her like this just kills me. (Figuratively peaking that is since I am already dead or undead I guess.) I really hope that my sacrifice is worthy of her life.

I reach out and stroke her hair and run my finger along her sallow cheek.

"Roza, my love, wake up. Its lunch time, you have to eat. Today is the big day, remember?"

Her eyes flutter open and I help her sit up then I place the tray on her lap. She is so weak that when I begin to feed her she barely protests. She never takes her eyes off me. They are filled with so many emotions; love, worry and fear. I know she isn't afraid of me but for me. I have no fear for myself but I share her worry. If this doesn't work our children will be orphaned.

We sit in silence as she eats. Her appetite has decreased so much. I can remember when she could have consumed a huge burger, fries, a salad, and several bottles of juice and still want more; now I could tell that she was forcing herself to finish the paltry amount I served her. When she is done I cleared the dishes and came back to lay with her as she naps. I listen to her body assessing her health. Her heartbeat is not as strong as I want it to be but it isn't as weak as it was before Oksana came for a visit this morning.

I pulled her closer and rest my nose against her neck. I can smell her blood so strongly even though Oksana healed the skin over my bites. This is part of the sacrifice that really bothers me. Emma insists that I feed from Rose because it is essential to the bond. Honestly if my Roza was in good health I might find the pleasure that Ben claims the blood bond brings; but seeing how weak she already is, I loath to make her weaker by taking her blood.

As I lay with her my mind wondered back to the day Emma told me her plan.

**~*~Flashback~*~  
Late November**

"Dimitri do you recognize this book?" Emma held up Yeva's old book. I remember looking at the book when I was a boy but I never could read it. Yeva told me it was a very special book and it could only be read by a very special person. I was told that this book had been handed down for more generations then anyone remembers; given from mother to eldest daughter till was time to give it to the daughter of the son. She said it was magic and would tell this special reader only what she needed to know when she needed to know it. I was reminded of it when I took Tasha to see the play, _Wicked,_ there was a spell book called the Grimmerie. The Grimmerie was only able to be read by the witch Elphaba.

"It looks like my grandmother's book." She nodded and passed it to me. I opened it up hoping that now that I have learned to speak and read so many languages I might now understand it. I was just as hopelessly lost as I was as a child. I looked up inquisitively.

"The day mom adopted me, I met Yeva. She came to the Ceremony and kissed me on both cheeks and called me her great-granddaughter. She told me that now that I was adopted by Rose that I was your daughter too. She said it was time to pass on a gift that should go to your oldest daughter. I remember arguing that Annie was your firstborn and that since you didn't even know about her or me that I was not worthy to receive a family heirloom." She shook her head at the memory. "She can get pretty feisty for such an old lady. In the end I gave in and she explained to me about the book. I have to say it is the most intriguing and precious gift I have ever been given."

I looked at the book again. For the first time I realized that it was made entirely of animal skins. The pages were sewn to the binder. The skin of the pages was soft and thin but looked to be very strong despite its supposed age. The writing was all hand written and done in painstakingly small neat print; in some foreign language I am not familiar with. Emma's voice pulled me out of my inspection.

"It's written in some form of ancient language similar to Gaelic or Celtic. I know this because the night I received the book I also got a visit from the writer in a dream. He told me his story and in doing so he explained how Bridgette became the Wielder of Life and Death, or Love Wielder as he liked to call her.

His name was Maolcholm and he was the husband of Bridgette Donnelley and together they had guarded their best friend, a spirit wielder by the name of Eoghan they grew up together and when they were still barely teenagers Brid (pronounced breed which is a nickname for Bridgette) was thrown from a horse and Eoghan healed her. They didn't realize she died and he brought her back. She became shadow kissed. Later when she was supposed to be given as a concubine to a Royal Moroi for the purpose of propagation; Eoghan intervened using the bond as an excuse to keep her from that fate.

Eoghan new that Bridgette loved Maolcholm and on the night of her 14th birthday he gave her his blessing to live as a wife to Maolcholm. Very shortly after they realized that Bridgette had fallen pregnant but the only man she had ever been with was Maolcholm. Eoghan promised them that he would keep their union a secret because even then marriage between Dhampir wasn't accepted. He publicly claimed each child as his own. Eoghan's young wife loved Brid and Maolcholm as siblings she too kept the secret and claimed that it had been Eoghan who fathered Brid's babies.

While Bridgette was pregnant with her first child she began to have dreams of another woman who called herself The Wielder of Life and Death. She explained to Brid that she was ready to step down and that it was Brid's calling to continue.

Strigoi would never be fully eliminated but the previous wielders had been successful in bringing the numbers down significantly. Bridgette Donnelly was the last one to be called; and she knew it would be many years till the wielders would be called back to service. Though dreams with some heavenly counsel she was told to have her mate write a book to help lead future wielders. He wrote of all there experiences, and of the dreams he himself had.

When the time came for Bridgette to step down and allow herself and her pack to age and die away; Maolcholm was instructed to give the book to the eldest daughter of their dear friend Eoghan, her name was Lindsay. She was to give the book to her eldest daughter and so on. Now this is where it gets a bit strange. The book would be passed down till her family line crossed itself with that of her twin brother, Logan, and then crossed with the bloodline of The Wielder herself. Your mother is a descendent of Lindsay and your father is the descendant of Logan; both are the children of Eoghan. Rose is the descendant of Bridgette Donnelly and Maolsholm. "

"But I am Russian and those people are from Ireland."

"Dimitri they were born like 600 years ago. People traveled even back then. Don't you think that it is possible that they might have migrated over time and even changed their last names in the process?"

"I guess a lot can happen in 600 yrs and perhaps it is possible that it could have happened."

"Your father was the son of a son of a son going back to Eoghan himself; which means that all your brothers are also potential match for the daughters of the daughters of Bridgette and Maolcholm."

"Rose is from this bloodline?" I asked

"Yes as am I. I am afraid that there are less of us left, but grandma Janine and grandpa Abe are working on that and from what I understand so is your father." I cringed at that thought. I have heard that Nathan Ivashkov had changed significantly since I beat the shit out of him but still the mere idea of him fathering more children disturbed me.

"Ben?" I just realized what she is implying. This time he answered my question.

"Yes, not only am I your son in law but I am also your younger half-brother like Adrian." I sat there looking at ben closely. Though I am sure he inherited most of his traits from his mother I can see some of the telltale Ivashkov traits; most notably the ears.

"Do we have many other siblings out there?" I couldn't help but wonder how many progeny Nathan Ivashkov has.

"Um yes", Ben said as he cleared his throat. "All together Dad has 14 children. The boys ages are 37 (Nathan jr), 32 (you) 28(Adrian), 25 (Xavier), 19(me) 5 (Taylor) 4 (Henry) 3 (Tristan) and 2 year old (Oscar) The girls are 35(Karolena) 34(Sonya) 23(Victoria) 7 (Nora) 4(Seraphina and Cynthia).

Nathan Jr. was from some Moroi girl he went to academy with. He didn't know about him until a few years ago. Xavier came as a surprise too; his mother was a Moroi he had a one night stand with. He didn't know who his father was till he found one of his mother's old journals. Of course you know Adrian is from his wife Daniella, Daniella divorced him shortly after you beat the tar out of him; but has since gotten back together with him and she is the mother of Tristan and Oscar. Your sisters and you are his largest family. Taylor and Nora share a mother and so do Henry and the twins Seraphina and Cynthia; both women are Dhampirs who have worked for him."

"And you, Ben who was your mother?"

My mom was a Dhampir that he befriended when she was fresh out of the academy. Martha Strathmore, was very innocent and naïve when they met. They met in England and she really didn't know much about him. When she fell pregnant with me he became very possessive of her. I guess he was afraid of losing another child. Mom had a feeling that he wasn't honest with her about who he really was so she went looking. She found out that he had a history of abuse and she decided that she was not going to let him hurt me or her so she ran. She left the whole Moroi world and hid among humans. Eventually he found us and begged for a chance to get to know me and after some consideration she agreed under her own terms. So from age 11 on I have known him but it wasn't until my mother died in a Strigoi attack while I was at boarding school that I really spent time with him. I was 15 when she died and he moved me to live at court with him and Daniella. Shortly after that I met Rose and Emma."

I had so many other questions for my son in law; but I realized we had gotten off track so I turned my attention back to Emma.

"Emma what does the history of the book or our lineage have to do with saving your mother and sister?"

"You need to understand how special this book is. You need to be able to trust it as I do."

"OK I am willing to try anything my only goal is to save them."

"Good, then first I am going to explain how I use the book and then how it has guided me. Every morning I open the book to the very first page. Sometimes there is a page number that seems darker than the others; if so I turn to that page and read what it says. I have tried to learn ancient Gaelic and Celtic but no matter how fluent I have become I can only read the part I am guided to and no more.

Sometimes, what I read is a prophecy written by Maolcholm after waking from a dream. These prophecies are rare but I have come across a couple. Unfortunately I don't usually understand them till after they have happened.

Most of the time, if I am let to a passage it pertains to a parallel timeline. You see for every decision we make there is multiple outcomes. As outlandish as it seems we exist on more than one timeline. There are some events that happen on more than one timeline. By reading about these events I am guided by them to choose an action or a path that will help me with a particular predicament I find myself or my family in.

If I have a dream that feels prophetic or if an event happens that I think should be documented it is my responsibility as holder of the book, to chronicle it for both the future and for the ME's in the other timelines. Now the kicker is that when I am writing in the book everything I write comes out in the same language and size of the original work only you could tell it is my penmanship."

Emma paused to let me absorb what she has told me so far. I agree that it sounds outlandish but at this point I don't give a shit; I just want to save my girls. Rose has shown me that nothing is truly impossible.

"I am listening, Emma, please continue."

"Dimitri, I think I should tell you the next part." Ben cut in.

"When I met Emma; Rose knew that we were meant for one another. She accepted our relationship but asked that we try to wait till we were older before we became intimate. For Emma's 16th birthday she put us out of our misery and gave us permission to marry. She even sent us on a honeymoon to Lissa' family home in California. Our honey moon was cut short when Emma began to show signs of pregnancy. While we were on our way back we were attacked by Strigoi and I was taken and awakened. Rose, Christian, Lissa and Adrian helped Emma find me. You would have thought that they were going to transform me like Rose does to Strigoi but Emma had found something in the book about you having been awakened and that Rose healed you but in a way that was different than the transformations."

"You were Strigoi, I was Strigoi?" I shivered.

"Yes Dimitri, but she saved you; and because the Emma in that timeline wrote it in her book I had the knowledge to save my Ben when it happened to him." Emma said as gazed lovingly at her husband. Ben kissed her temple before turning to me and adding to his story.

"Dimitri like I said it is different than the Transformed. They go back to their original state whether Human, Dhampir or Moroi; they revert to their origin. Their strength, reflexes, senses and physical attributes; it all reverts back. Being healed by a Love Wielder is different. We retain most of those things we gained as a Strigoi. I am almost as fast and strong as I was. My senses, reflexes are nearly as good too. I don't burn up in the sun but it wears me out a bit but not as much as a Moroi. I can go on to hallowed ground because the Demon has been extricated and banished to hell as they are with the Transformed. My DNA has been changed; I am now 2/3 Moroi and I have to take blood."

Emma put her hand on his cheek then turned to me.

"Mine is the only blood he can tolerate and I am happy to give it. The Blood bond has become part of our bond of the marriage of the heart. My children need blood too just like Annemarie does but they are able to take blood from a feeder. Because the children are ¾ Moroi they are able to wield magic like the Moroi and so is Ben.

"I am a spirit wielder now. I have tried to heal Rose but I am not a very strong wielder and I just don't know how to do it the way she needs me to." Ben told me. I could see disappointment in his face.

"Dimitri, a few days ago I was guided to a story in the book. I guess in the other timeline you also became a Spirit Wilder because what I read said that Tasha and her Husband came to you and asked you to heal her. She had scars that were like Mom's and Annemarie's. According to what I read you were able to use your medical knowledge and your spirit magic to do what you called Micro surgery. You cured her cancer."

My body had just as quick a response as my mind did; I began to tremble and took in a shaky breath.

"How; what do I have to do? I will do and give anything to save her even if it means that I have to give up my soul and become something vile."

Emma leaped into my lap and hugged me. It is strange how natural it felt holding her as she cried into my shoulder. It was as if my heart already knew her as my daughter for years.

"I knew you were brave enough. I knew you would love her enough. Daddy I won't lie to you; this is going to be dangerous. I can make sure you have control over the demon but since you are choosing this of your own will I can't guaranty that this will work the way it did in the other timeline. Also in the other timeline you lived as a Strigoi for almost a whole year before mom figured out how to heal you; Ben was only Strigoi a week before I found him. I don't know if the fact that he wasn't Strigoi for long is the reason he isn't a strong Spirit Wielder. We have to try to put off changing you as long as we can and I think mom has to be the one to do it; there is the risk that she won't be strong enough."

"Emma I will do anything for my family. I need to talk to a few people first but I want to do this as soon as possible."

"Dad, I think you are just as great at the other Emma's have described you to be." Emma hugged me. "I love you Dad."

I spent a few hours in the church with Father Andrew after I left The Transformed Compound. I confessed all the sins that I could remember committing and told him what I planned to do to save my wife and daughter. After giving me absolution for my sins he gave me Last Rites and communion.

After leaving the church, I called Emma and Ben, and asked them go with me to talk with Maria and Sasha. We had to explain to them about Emma's idea. Thankfully they were familiar with Ben's circumstance and this gave them a base of understanding.

"The next time I hunt, I will ask for a volunteer from the Strigoi and see if one of them will help us. Once we get a volunteer we will have them awaken Dimitri and I will be right there with the Stalling stake so that he doesn't go feral on us."

"Wait…." I interrupted. "What is this stalling stake?"

"The day you were born Yeva had a dream about a special stake that could inject charmed silver bolls onto a Strigoi. She went to a silver smith and had him make one for her along with the silver pellets for it. After Mom had Annemarie Yeva found her and told her that she knew Rose was the wielder of Life and death and that she was supposed to give her this stake. Mom didn't know what to do with it till after I was given the book. It was the first entry I read. She was to have each member of her pack and herself charm the stake and the pellets with healing energy from their elements. By staking a Strigoi anywhere in the fleshy part of the body (arms and legs are best but anywhere that would not be fatal to a non-strigoi) will give the soul control over the body and give us time to get the Strigoi to a wielder."

"I think I remember Roza mentioning this to me when I drove her home from Missoula. She didn't elaborate and frankly I was not too focused on that part of the conversation. I wonder how many secrets my grandmother has kept from me."

"I am sure that now that you are ready for the truth, she won't hold her tongue if she has anything to tell you, Dad. She's sometimes cryptic but she always puts it out there." I had to agree with Emma's assessment of Yeva.

We were all quiet while we contemplated the steps we would have to take for me to turn Strigoi. A thought occurred to me.

"Emma who will I be taking blood from while I am Strigoi?"

"Well from mom; you should form the bloodbond with her as soon as possible."

"But she already gives blood to Annemarie; I don't think she should even be doing that."

"Well we could call Grandma Janine and ask her to come and take care of Annemarie till Rose is better."

"I have an Idea that might work. Since it may take a while to find a Strigoi volunteer and even when we do he will have to drain me anyway why don't we try my blood? If it works then I can take over till it's time to awaken me. When you find a volunteer we can collect most of my blood in donor bags for Annemarie; leaving just enough for the Strigoi to do what he needs to."

"That is a good idea Dimitri, Annemarie hasn't fed yet and we could try it today if you are game."

"I need to tell her that I am her father first. After we tell her we will ask her how she feels about feeding from me. If she is bothered by it we can extract it for her."

We discussed some more how we would handle my awakening and what I could expect. We talked about contingency plans in case this didn't work. It scares me that this could all backfire on us. I can only pray that it will work and I can save them. I understand that there is a real chance that Rose might not be able to heal me and make me 2/3 Moroi. There is even a chance that I wouldn't be able to be transformed back into a Dhampir. Even if healing me works there is no guaranty that I will be a strong Spirit Wielder like I am in the other timeline. No matter the risk it is worth it to me to try.

**..~*~..**

With the meeting finished Emma, Ben and I went to visit Rose and Ladybug. Ladybug was asleep so I decided I would ask Rose to go for a walk with me. It was frightening how tired she looked but she smiled at me when we walked in. Emma went to her and hugged her. Despite only having five years difference in age I could see and feel the mother daughter relationship between them. Rose tenderly rubbed Emma's belly and asked how her grandbaby was. Rose greeted Ben warmly and it was easy to see the affection they had for one another. Rose met my gaze and I felt as if she could read my silent question. When we were together there were times when we only needed to look into each other's eyes and we would know what the other was thinking. I really missed the connection.

"Emma, Ben, could you sit with Annemarie, I would like to take a walk with Dimitri. I think we have a lot to discuss."

They agreed and I went off to get a wheel chair and some blankets to keep her warm with. She allowed me to help her to the chair and tuck the covers around her. On our way out she asked to swing by Maria's office.

"Maria, I need to get out of here for a while so I am going home for a few hours but we will be back in time to give Annemarie a feeding before bed." Dr. Olendzki nodded but said nothing. She knew that we would have a lot to talk about and it would be best if Rose was somewhere she felt comfortable talking.

I already know she isn't going to like Emma's plan. Emma talked to her about it when she first read the pages and Rose had been very vocal about her feelings. She felt that it was too big of a risk and she tried to forbid her from mentioning it to me. Lucky for me this is one of the few times Emma has chosen to disregard her mother's wishes.

It will be easier if she goes along with the plan but I have decided that I will go through with it even if she asks me not to. I know she wouldn't leave me in a Strigoi state and even if she did then Emma said she would try to heal me before reverting to preforming a Transformation in the attempt to save me; though she honestly believes that Rose is supposed to do it since she is my wife of my heart.

I carefully pushed Rose's chair towards her home. We didn't talk but our silence wasn't uncomfortable. When we reached her Cottage she told me to go around to the back. I noticed that the wood on this side looked older as if it was part of the cabin that originally stood here. There was a door there.

"Do you still have the key to our Cabin?" She asked softly. I wonder if she was afraid that I kept it or afraid I didn't.

"Yes I couldn't bear to part with it."

"The lock is the same, open it." She whispered. With trembling hands I took my keys and found the one that I had engraved a heart on. The lock was a bit stuck at first but with a little jiggle it unlocked and I opened the door. What I saw astounded me. This was our cabin; she had the rest of the cottage built around it. The twin bed was gone and in its place was a king but I recognized the old parts of the head and foot boards were used to construct the new headboard. I recognized the R and D that I had carved the morning after she gave me her virginity. I had a sense of coming home after a very long time.

I turned to Roza and saw the hesitation in her face. When she saw my smile she visibly relaxed and smiled shyly back. I lifted her bridal style and carried her over the threshold. Gently I laid her on her bed before retrieving her chair and closing the door. Rose propped herself up and arranged the covers around her. I took a moment to start a fire in the fireplace. She asked me to get her a glass of water and pointed to one of the three other doors in the room. It only took me a moment to find my way to the kitchen.

Helen and Tanya were in the kitchen working on some soup. Tanya was surprised to see me but Helen almost seemed to have expected me.

"The soup is done would you like to take some to Miss Rose?" She asked as she took down two bowls before I could even reply. She filled the bowls with large servings of creamy chicken noodle. As she did this Tonya took out two tumblers and filled them with a dark liquid. She placed two glasses of water and the glasses of dark liquid on to a tray. Helen placed the two bowls on the tray along with a plate of buttered black bread.

"Thank you I am sure she will like this, so will I." I took the tray back to her room. She was still seated in the middle of her bed and on her lap was a photo album. She set it aside when she saw the tray in my hands. We sat quietly sharing the meal together. It felt so good to feel her warmth beside me. When we finished eating I took the tray to the kitchen and set it on the counter.

When I returned Rose was looking at the photo album again but this time she waited for me. It was an album of our relationship when she was at school. Even in the early pictures that had been taken to document her training; before we admitted our feelings, you can see the love we had for each other. How we managed to keep our secret from the general populous is beyond me. The last picture was a slightly grainy one that she had taken of us using her phone. I recognized it as a picture of our last campout. The caption under the picture took my breath away. "Our First Family Photo!" I had suspected that was the weekend of conception but this only confirmed it.

"Rose I am so sorry. I …" She put her hand up and covered my lips.

"I understand; I have always understood. I admit it hurt me so much but I knew you were not ready and when I learned about my fate to be the Wielder; I knew there was no way you were ready for all the supernatural. I knew you would have to come to this on your own. I lost hope though when you had Conner. It was Lissa and Adrian who convinced Tatiana to have you reassigned."

"I will never leave your side again."

"Dimitri, you can't go along with Emma's crazy plan. I need you to stay Dhampir and work on this the way you do best. Annemarie has time. I know you will figure it out and save our little girl. She needs you right now. If you go with the plan she could end up losing both of us. I am ready to go home to God. My body is shot and quite frankly I am so tired. Please let me go and concentrate on our girl. Take care of my children and show them that they are loved."

I didn't know that the tears were flowing down my face till she wiped them away. "Don't cry Dimitri, I have lived a full life. I will always love you and be with you. But in this life I am too broken; I could only be a burden to you."

"Roza you could never be a burden to me. I can't conceive living without you. The burden would be living every day without the other half of my heart. The past 7 years I felt like half a man. With you I am complete. Now that I know what was missing I can't go back to my half-life. I know in my bones that if I don't take this chance I will regret it."

"There is no changing your mind?" She looked deeply into my eyes.

"No, Roza there is no changing my mind. You are my wife and I will Do anything, Risk anything and Give anything to have you by my side for the rest of my life."

"Ok then, I have one condition. I know that I will just continue to get sicker from here on out and there is a very good chance this won't work so I ask that you make love to me one last time."

Part of me wanted to protest, she is so sick and week already but one look into her eyes and I could deny her nothing. In her eyes I didn't see any blame or resentment; just love and longing. She wanted to reconnect with her husband as much as I wanted to be united with my wife, body and soul.

**..~*~.. Sweet light chocolate Mousse..~*~..**

I turned to face her fully and traced my fingers over the scars on her face and neck.

"Roza, I can't tell you how magnificently beautiful you are. I thought you were beautiful at 18 but now I realize that I didn't know what true beauty was." I leaned down to press my lips to hers. So soft and warm; they held sweetness from the blueberry Ice tea we drank. Her hands wrapped around my neck and brought me closer to her. Our kiss deepened but remained slow and gentle.

She was the first to tug at my shirt. I pulled away to give her the chance to pull it off. I took my pants and boxers off for her then helped her out of her hospital gown. Her scars may have marred her skin but they couldn't hide her beauty from me. I ghosted kisses along every scar from head to toe.

I am sure she wanted to explore my body too but she settled for soft touches while allowing me to worship her body. I held my tears when I encountered the scars on her stomach and those nearest her sex. Such a strange paradox; I see the scars as part of her beauty and strength but at the same time I hate them for the loss and trauma they are also the evidence of.

"Come join me up here husband I want to kiss you and become one with you." Rose gently tugged on my hair. I made my way back up her body kissing her navel and each nipple on my way. She cradled my hips between her legs. I was already poised against her entrance and I could feel the heat and wetness against me. We kissed till we had to part for air. I nuzzled my lips against her neck reveled in the silkiness of her skin.

I entered her as slowly and gently as I could. It has been a really long time since we have been together and I know that even without the scar tissue inside she would have needed time to adjust to my size. She groaned but locked her legs around me so that I wouldn't withdraw from her. I took my time; treating her body with care for the delicate vessel it is.

I could feel the marital connection between us strengthen beyond what it had been years ago. It was like a physical presence wrapping us in ribbons of love and joy. We were both in tears when we fell over the edge of ecstasy together.

**..~*~..Dessert is finished..~*~..**

I rolled us over so that she was on top of me so that she could relax without having to pull myself out of her just yet. She rested her head over my heart as I ran my fingers through her hair. We lay together in our post coital bliss for some time. I know that we will have to talk about all the things that happened in my absence. Rose may forgive me but I don't know if I could ever forgive myself. Furthermore I wonder if my ladybug will be able to forgive me. I know that the full extent of the damage my absence has caused has probably been kept from her. And I could only imagine that even if she accepts and forgives me now there will be times in the future when she learns more about the situation she will resent me.

"I think we should bring my photo album with us to talk to our daughter. Perhaps it will help her understand our history if she can see the pictures of us as a couple. I have never let her see it before because I couldn't let her know who her father was till you knew about her. I didn't want her to ever tell anyone. There were already enough people who figured it out and I worried for your safety."

"Are Tasha and Conner safe?"

"Yes my father has a team of Guardians watching out for them. You were always under our protection whether or not you knew it. One the Guardians actually has a very intense need to protect her. Jonathan Conta is one of ours. He fell in love with Tasha and as you could imagine he will let nothing hurt her or her son."

"Wow I never knew you were protecting us."

"Yes, In fact I once protected you myself. There was a plan to attack your town in Maine and my pack came in and transformed the Strigoi before anyone got hurt. I remember seeing the three of you and you looked so happy." Her fingers didn't stop tracing patterns on my chest but I took in a sharp breath and held her closer. I could only imagine the pain she must have felt at the sight of me playing happy family with Tasha.

"Oh Rose….. I cannot believe you could be so loving and forgiving after everything I have put you through."

"I know what was in your heart when you left. I felt your pain when we said goodbye at the tarmac. I know what you have felt coming home. I know the depth of your love and your regret. If this works and we both come out of it healthy and alive then we will have a whole lot of years together. Part of the gift of living and working with a Love Wielder is that as long as we are preforming our duty everyone in our households and our packs are graced with health and youth. I plan on dedicating many years to helping those trapped as Strigoi. In turn we will be given many years to make up for our past."

She pulled away from me and sat on her bed. "Let's get going back to our girl."

**~*~ End Flashback~*~  
Back to Late January**

So much has happened in the last two months. Annemarie and I have much more difficult relationship than we did before. She has bouts of temper were she seems to want to punish me for not being in her life when she was young. Then there are times when she is happy to have me as her father.

A week after telling me about her plan Emma found a volunteer Strigoi and I was awakened. I can feel the demon fighting me for control but I am stronger than he is; Rose's blood seems to give me even more strength than the silver pellets do.

Rose, Annemarie, Josh and I have moved into a small cottage on the Transformed Compound as soon as I was awakened. Emma is well enough to go to school but she is only in Moroi classes right now; no training. Drinking my blood has improved her health greatly but still I can't wait till I can heal her and Rose of the cancer.

At Christmas My family came to visit as did Rose's. Tasha came with Conner and Jonathan. Annemarie got to meet her Russian cousins for the first time and she accepted Conner as a brother. I found out that Abe Mazur is my father in law. I am amazed that he had me protected all these years. If I were him I would have put a hit on the man who left my daughter pregnant.

I sigh as I look at the angel sleeping in my arms. She will need her rest for what is going to happen tonight. Tonight we are going to try to heal me of the Strigoi. I have spent every sleepless night of the last two months reading everything I can get my hands on regarding cancer and microsurgery. The change the Strigoi has made to my brain has enhanced my memory and recall. Once I am healed I will have to hope and pray that I form the ability to wield Spirit and that I can wield it well enough to heal my family. Emma thinks it will be another two months before I will be able to try to heal Rose. I just hope she can last that long.

"Dear Lord, please give her the strength to hold on. I also ask you lord to grant me the power to wield Spirit and heal not only my wife and daughter but to help others out there that are suffering of the Strigoi blood cancer."

I held Rose close to me and closed my red-ringed eyes. Strigoi don't sleep but I can still enjoy having my wife sleep in my arms. For now I have her safely in my arms. For now this is what I will live for.

* * *

**Comments and POP QUIZ**

Well Rose and Dimitri are back together and working on being a family. I hope you are not disappointed that Rose has fully forgiven Dimitri but she realizes that holding resentment will be pointless and counterproductive.

What do you think of Rose's request to make love one last time while she still has the strength and Dimitri is still Dhampir?

How long do you think it will take for Annemarie to forgive her father?

Do you think that the plan will work and do you think Rose will live long enough for Dimitri to learn how to use spirit if he even forms the ability to wield Spirit?

Hmm, not a lot of questions for such a long Chapter; oh well it is 1:39 and I work tomorrow with kids that are going to be stuck inside due to rain. Please give me some feedback even though I know I don't really deserve it for making you all wait so long.

Suzanna AKA SNOWGOOSE


	21. Wakanda

January 14, 2012

Well everyone here is chapter 21. It is a bit short but there is a lot in it. Those of you who have read So What Now will recognize the parts from the 'other' timeline that Dimitri mentions. This chapter is one of the major tie-ins to SWN which is the first of my Alternate Time-line stories.

I hope everyone had a safe and happy New Year. I am happy to tell you that as of a week ago I am not 40 yrs. old. For my birthday I went on a cruise with my friend Mike. It was a blast but I think I would have had more fun with a gal pal. Mike is a great buddy but I was soooooooo happy to give him back to his wife. She just laughed when I text her to tell her I wanted to toss him overboard.

If you ever get a chance to go on a cruise I say go for it. I had a load of fun; I ate lots of good food and hung out with my friend of 25 years. The only thing that would have been better is if I had gotten to meet a hot man. (Going with a man buddy is not conducive to flirting.) I did get kissed by two hot drunk collage age guys who were kissing every woman they passed.

Anyway on to the story  
Suzanna

* * *

**Chapter 21: Wakanda**

**Sometime in the 1500's to Late November of current time.**

I was born in the Sioux Indian Nation at a time when the few Moroi born to us lived in harmony with our Human brothers. Strigoi were almost unheard of amongst us and the white man was just barely beginning to come across the great waters to live in this land. I was born with the ability I would later know as Spirit. My name itself means she who possesses Magical Power. As soon as my magic made itself known I began training with the Shaman. As a Shaman I would use my magic to heal and help my tribe and the tribes around me.

When I was in my fourteenth summer my father offered me to the son of the chief. Takota was two summers older than I and we had always been friends. The chief agreed to our union and we were wed within a one moon. Takota was always good to me but in all truth our love was not that of a husband and wife. He lay with me only for the sake of bringing forth a son. Unfortunately for us I gave him two daughters before baring him a son in our fifth winter together.

While I was still waiting for the birth of my son I had many dreams of a young maiden from a tribe far away. She had lost her people in a wild grass fire. She was strong and determined to survive even if she must do so on her own. I envisioned her crossing our path in six moons. This was the woman who was meant to be Takota's wife. I found it strange that I should dream of her but still I found peace that one day Takota would find true love.

One night I began to have terrible visions of people with dead pale skin and red ringed eyes. I knew it was my destiny to fall prey to these walking dead. But I saw a glimmer of hope. Though I would become one of the living dead, I didn't have to live as they did; killing people, causing destruction and pain. My spirit guide came to me in the form of a she wolf and explained to me how I would be able to retain my core self. The she wolf told me that I was being called on for the strength of my magic. It would be my task to pass on my magic to the spouse of the next Great She Wolf.

Moons passed and I prepared myself to do the things the she wolf had told me to do. I waited knowing that she would tell me when the time was right. Two summers later the she wolf came to me again but this time she transformed into a woman. Her hair was red as the setting sun; her skin was a soft white like the shell of a bird egg and her gentle eyes, green as the new moss. She told me that my time had come to prepare.

My dreams told me to take new silver and pound it into small thin sheets. I called on all blood drinking brothers and sisters from neighboring tribes, and asked them to pray over the silver with me; the Fire talkers, Wind talkers, Rain talkers and Earth talkers; each prayed that the silver would keep my inner spirit safe. A shaman from a sister tribe cut open my chest and laid the silver alongside of my heart. Once the silver had been lined around my still beating heart shielding all but the vesicles running with blood, the earth talker meld the sheets together forming a solid shield. The Shaman pressed her hand over my wound and sealed it so that it could not be removed from me.

I knew that I had to leave my people or they would suffer for the curse that was about to befall me. It was now that I realized why I dreamt of, Chilaili, the maiden that joined our tribe eighteen moons ago. A day before my departure I sat down with Takota and Chilaili. I explained to them that I was being sent on a long quest and would not be returning to the tribe. I explained that though I know that Takota had never been unfaithful to me that I could see the love that had grown between them. I was not hurt or upset by it at all. The knowledge that Takota would be well loved and so would my children, gave me peace. Chilaili promised me that she would care for my family and always remember me to them. I kissed my family goodbye and walked away from my people.

I walked for many days before finding the place from my dream. I stayed and waited through three moons. The spirit wolf kept me company and gave me farther instruction on what to expect once I became one of the dead ones. One of my greatest sorrows was that I would not be able to sleep; thus I would not be able to dream. She told me that I would be able to use vision ceremonies to but only if I remained strong and fought the evil.

On the darkest night of the third moon cycle my wait was over. The dead one spoke with a cold tone but his words were incomprehensible. In a flash he took me in his arms and pulled my head to the side; exposing my neck to feed. My life faded; it was time to give my soul to the Great Spirit and beg that he would continue to guide me even when I couldn't hear his voice.

I awoke later in a cave. The dead one was there waiting for me. He was young like me but his eyes looked much older. When he spoke he no longer sounded cold. I felt thirst as I never had before. Having left my people and having not had anyone to offer me blood I had taken to drinking from the dear and rabbits. I wanted to hunt but when I tried to leave the cave he wouldn't let me. I wanted to fight him but instead I trusted him. Once the dim sunlight that had shown at the entrance of the cave had vanished and darkness fell he took my hand and let me out. I pounced on the first creature I saw, it was a moose. He followed my example and pounced on another.

As soon as I had my fill of animal blood I began a vision ceremony. My guide came to me again as the white woman. To my surprise she showed herself to both me and the dead one with me. She said a prayer over us and gave us the ability to communicate with each other. We learned that because my blood was charmed with the silver that protects my heart; the dead one regained the connection and control over his body. So long as neither of us takes a human life we were protected and would keep our control but if we should ever take a life then we would be lost to the evil forever.

Levi, the other dead one, a Strigoi; and I became friends and companions. We vowed to help each other stay strong and fight the inner monsters that wanted the evil to prevail. We continued to exist on the blood of animals for fear of tempting the inner monster. We stayed near enough to the white man's settlements so that we could stay current on the changes of the world around us but far enough away that we would be able to hide from them. After the seasons had made over a hundred full successions Levi and I realized that we had feelings of genuine love for one another. This fact surprised Levi because he had lived many hundreds of seasons or years, more than I had. In all his time as a Strigoi he had never felt any kind feelings for anyone; let alone feelings of love.

We've been together for more than five hundred years. We mostly lived in seclusion staying in cabins or caves. The last five years we have maintained a cabin close to the Hay River Indian Reservation in the Northern Territories of Canada. Finally, my spirit guide told me to leave our place of hiding and travel to where the Great She wolf waited. She instructed me to follow the Raven that would come to us at night. True to her word a raven appeared on our porch railing that very night. He lead us due south for many nights. Before dawn he would lead us to a safe shelter such as a cave or abandoned dwelling where we would be safe from the sun till nightfall.

We arrived at the gate of protecting a small community. Meeting us at the gate was a small young woman with dark yellow hair and eyes that have a combination of brown, blue and green. She seems so young but the roundness of her belly tells me that she is more woman than girl. This young woman The Raven lands on the gate and nods its head to the girl. She walks towards us with no trepidation and held out her hand to me.

"My name is Emma; Raven tells me that you are here to help me heal my mother."

**..~*~..**

**Levi POV**

We have waited for so many years to be called into service. Though I cannot say that the wait was insufferable because I have had my beautiful Andi (Wikanda) at my side; but at times I felt it was interminable. In my mortal life I was once a man of science. I had a respect for religion because for me the wonders of science only proved to me that there had to be some greater power guiding all my 'science' along. I believe in an afterlife and I wanted it. The demon that has possessed me, has kept me from that sweet peace for nearly one millennia. My sweet Andi has been my salvation in many ways. Her blood gave my soul strength to fight the monster within me; her company has kept me happy and her love has given me hope.

They young lady at the gate took us into her home and explained that her 'Ghost Guide' had informed her of our quest. She was told to wait for the messenger to deliver us to her. Once confirming our purpose; she set things in motion.

Emma further explained the situation to us. Her mother was fatally ill from the damage done to her by Strigoi. Her father is said to be the only one who could save her mother but he lacked spirit magic with which to heal her with. The belief is that if they are able to awaken him and later transform him back he will then gain spirit ability.

The man was called but before allowing Andi to awaken him a doctor drained almost all his blood into many small bags. Once he was drained to within a hairs breath of life he took hold of his wife's hand and tilted his head to offer the last of his life's essence to my Wikanda. His gaze never left his wife. She cried as his life left his eyes. Wikanda offered me her wrist so that I might bite into her flesh and open her veins. As I bit into her wrist I prayed to God that this man's sacrifice was not in vain. Wikanda placed her open wound to his lips; at first nothing happened. Five, nearly incessant minutes later his lips and tongue began to move and pull in the flow of thick, dark Strigoi blood.

Emma's husband stood close by holding a peculiar stake ready should the man not have control over the monster that was taking root within him. The process of awakening takes nearly a full day whole time his wife stayed by his side keeping a constant vigil. When he finally awakened he took her into his arms in the gentlest manner I have ever seen from a Strigoi. He cradled her and wept with her.

With our first task completed Emma pressed her hand to Wikanda's heart and recited a prayer of forgiveness to her. Though I couldn't see the demon; I knew when it had left her body. For a moment her shoulders slumped as if she was being pulled to the ground but then lifted back up as if she had let go of a heavy weight. Her face glowed with peace and joy. When it was my turn and I was given the choice to take my forgiveness and enter into the gates of heaven or stay here on earth with the knowledge of forgiveness and life; I chose life. I know that I have longed for the afterlife but I could not bear to leave my Andi.

I embraced my Andi and asked her to give me her hand in marriage. Emma and her husband Ben brought us to a church and asked the priest to bless our union. They offered as a small cottage on their compound. I know that most people would take some kind of trip away with their bride but for Andi and I our cottage was the only place we wanted to go. For the first time in all our years together came together and consummated our love.

**..~*~..**

**Dimitri POV**  
**The night of Dimitri's Transformation**

I lay next to Roza as she rested. She does a lot of that now. She is so weak that I could only pray that she has the strength to transform me back and wait till I develop the spirit ability that I am hoping to get. Every day she gets visited by at least two of the two dozen Spirit wielders around here. Many of these Spirit wielders are former Strigoi that she herself has transformed. Ten of them are leaders of both Roza's and Emma's Beta Packs. Three of them are people she considers family Lissa, Adrian and Oksana. The Native American woman who awakened me comes quite often. Though none of them can cure her they are able to help her hang on.

I am quite amazed at her Magic. From what I Adrian has told me she is the most powerful Spirit Wielder he has ever encountered. So far that we know every Spirit wielder is strongest in one aspect or another. Lissa is a wonder at healing whereas Adrian and Oksana can heal fairly well, they are nothing compared to her. Oksana is more proficient when it comes to mental things; she can read minds and is very empathic. Adrian is fair with empathy but his best skill is with Dream Walking. He can also locate people he dream walks with if given enough time in the dream to connect with them. There are others who are best at working with plants and animals. An Earth Wielder may be a good gardener but a Spirit wielder can take a seed and make it grow into a fully grown plant already ripe with fruit within hours. All Spirit Wielders are very charismatic and can compel others almost effortlessly. From what Adrian tells me about Wakanda; she is equally strong in all areas. And yet still she cannot cure my Roza or my daughter.

Roza mumbled in her sleep again and moved her hand to rest on her lower abdomen. This is another thing she does a lot; I can only guess that she is experiencing pain there. I know she is in a lot of pain but she never complains especially to me. I rest my hand lightly over hers and pray for her pain to be lessened. In her sleep she smiled and pulled her hand out from under mine only to quickly place it over mine and press it to her body.

As we lay together I thought back to everything I have been studying over the last two months. I have studied everything that I could get my hands on about cancer, cellular biology and Micro surgery. Emma and I have been pouring over The Book of Prophecy and Alternate Timelines. There isn't much to go on but what we found had a description from the other Dimitri; he compared the way he healed his Tasha's cancer to doing Micro Surgery. I have spoken to the other Spirit Wielders and from their description of healing; they do things differently, for them it is more a matter of picturing the outcome. Emma feels that the reason that I will be the only one to be able to heal this kind of cancer is because of my medical education.

Another thing I have learned from Emma's book is the timing of events. The other Dimitri had been Strigoi for almost a year. The last three months of that time he had the silver pellets and other silver charms helping his soul keep control over the demon. He became shadow kissed to Adrian (Who incidentally had married Rose to help protect her and our child from me as a Strigoi.) Adrian taught him how to use spirit over a matter of a year before Adrian succumbed to Hemometabolic Dysfunction. Upon his death Adrian somehow gave Dimitri the rest of his spirit ability. It was nearly two years later that Dimitri healed Tasha of her cancer.

It was very strange reading about events that happened to our parallel selves. The oddity of the parallel aside I was worried about the timeline. I was also worried about the fact that I might end up shadow kissed to someone. Though I am not as close to Adrian as the parallel me was, I would not want him to die for me to have his spirit ability. Also in the other timeline it took three years from the time that Dimitri first became part Moroi after his transformation and the time he healed Tasha. My Roza has so little time left. I can only pray that I can develop Spirit and learn how to use it in time to save her.

In her Sleep Roza pressed my hand down on her lower abdomen again and sighed. I think the pressure helps her pain. Every day she tries to eat and she throws up almost everything. She gets most of her nutrition via IV and even receives a daily vitamin complex in her IV. I am proud of her for fighting so hard. I remember how she had told me she was ready to die but once we made love it was like a switch was turned. I don't know what changed but I thank God for it. I pray every day that she will have the strength to pull through.

* * *

**POP QUIZ**

1. What are your thoughts about Wakanda and her history?

2. Who is the Great Spirit Wolf who guided her?

3. Levi and Andi (Wakanda) have spent about five hundred years together as Strigoi. Now that Wakanda is Moroi again and Levi is once again Human how do you think things might go for them?

4. Dimitri is very worried about how he will develop and learn to use spirit. Do you think things will happen the same way as they did in the other time-line?

5. Who do you think will be most instrumental in teaching Dimitri how to heal? What might it cost them?

6. What triggered the change in Rose that made her start to fight to live rather than being ok with death?

Please review. It would make a wonderful Birthday Gift.

Suzanna


	22. Chapter 22

July31, 2012

Hello Dear Readers. Yes I have more or less fallen of the face of the earth so to say. As you all know my voices are not talking to me like they used to. I don't know if it is because of the stress that has been surrounding my preschool or if my mind decided to finally grow up and get old. I really love writing and I miss my voices. I used to take long walks at night with my best friend and tell her about all the plots and twist and turns in my stories. She has moved just far enough that we don't go for our nightly walks anymore. She isn't a reader anyway and was never really interested anyway. I have tried using the phone as a way to talk to some of you and see if it brings my voices back but I guess I don't talk on the phone enough. So now I am thinking of borrowing an Idea from some of the authors in the Twi-fandom. I have started a Facebook group for my stories. This will give you an additional way for you to nag me to get my bottom in gear and write. It will also be a way that you can ask me questions about plots or twists. If you are not a fan fiction member I will post when my stories are updated so that you will know. The group can be found under- www. facebook groups / 451506234880745 / close the spaces and it should work.

**Chapter 22: A Matter of Time**

Emma POV  
January 28th

Tomorrow is Dimitri's transformation day. I know what we need to do because I have had to do it before for my own husband; also I have the book which told how it happened the first time. Wikanda insists that we take time to consult with her spirit guide; The Great She-Wolf. Part of me wishes she would just back off and let us handle it but Ben; ever the voice of reason; suggested we listen to her. He has let her use our back yard and helped her set things up. She has invited Auntie Lissa and Uncles Chris and Adrian along with Dr. Olendzki and Cousin Sasha. A fire pit was set up outside and all the guests were already sitting around it. I was still inside trying to let go of my frustration.

"Babe, come on give it a chance." Ben cooed to me while holding me in his arms.

"Honey I just don't understand what more we need to know. Mom will touch him while all the Spirit Wielders send her Spirit. She will channel the spirit energy with her healing love and heal his soul's connection to his body and his soul will exercise the demon from his body. It's not like we haven't done this before. I kind of feel like Wikanda is disregarding our experience."

"Emma you, yourself have told me; on more than one occasion, that the book can be cryptic and confusing at times. I know that in almost every timeline you are the historian but what if you were not there at the time. If you didn't come into the family till after Dimitri had been healed; who knows how long it was till you made the entry in the book. If it was a second hand explanation then there could be something missing."

"But we did it before with you and it worked. How can this be so different?" I pulled out of his embrace and turned to look out the back window. Ben turned me and held my eyes in a loving but firm gaze.

"Emma Susan Hathaway Belikova Strathmore, yes we have done this before but perhaps we missed a step. Yes, I did survive; yes, I am 2/3 Moroi and yes, I am a Spirit Wielder; but I am not a very powerful Wielder. Even if I had the medical knowledge that Dimitri has I wouldn't have the power to heal anything; I can barely heal a broken bone. Maybe the information was enough to show you how to heal me and give me whatever Spirit I will need for the purposes in your mission. Maybe Dimitri needs the extra steps."

"Ok your right." I squared my shoulders and allowed Ben to lead me to the coat rack by the French doors. I didn't want to admit it but what Ben said had struck a chord with me. In fact it reminded me of what I read in the Book of Prophesies and Alternate Timelines. Yesterday morning when I did my daily check with the book I was shocked with what I was given. Most mornings if I am led to read anything it is usually just a short passage; nothing more than a page or two. This morning I was given so much more than I could ever imagine. More than two hundred pages of small script were made coherent for me to read. Over the last few weeks I had been going over the book with Dimitri and for some reason there were passages in this area of the book that he had been able to decipher but I had not. I didn't ask him at the time what it said because I knew it wasn't for me to know and I can only wonder if I will be given that knowledge now or not. I asked Nanny to mind the children for the day and requested that I not be disturbed while I stayed in the study reading.

I don't know very much about the different timelines. I have never been able to piece together what event happened in a particular timeline. The reason for this is because I am never given much but this time I had been given an almost complete account of one specific timeline; from the time Mom (or more correctly Uncle Adrian) realized that she was pregnant till the point that I became a wielder myself. I thought about that timeline and everything I read.

The (Me), who wrote the entry, mentioned the attack of St Vladimir's and that the bond of The Marriage of the Heart had been formed just hours before the attack. She wrote about Dimitri being taken by Strigoi and how Rose went in search of him. Thinking she killed him she returned home where she found that Uncle Adrian loved her and wished to date her and she soon learned that Dimitri was not dead. Within weeks of Rose's return Adrian realized that she was carrying Dimitri's child and he recognized the fact that if Dimitri knew of his child he would stop at nothing to possess Rose and the baby.

The Account went on to tell how Adrian and Rose hid the truth of the baby's paternity by pretending to be in an intimate relationship. After Graduation they were married and in time Rose grew to love Adrian. However Despite her love for Adrian she never stopped loving Dimitri and neither of them gave up on the idea of saving him from his Strigoi state. They only had one second hand account of a person being brought back from the state of Strigoi. Together with the help of the whole family they researched archives and private libraries but never found the cure. They did however find a journal which led Rose to learn that all the changes that she had been experiencing were part of her new place as the Wielder of Life and Death.

When Rose was nearly full term she learned that Dimitri was planning an attack. With the help of her family and her ghost guides they trapped Dimitri and stalled him with the stalling stake and some charmed jewelry. For three months he lived in a cabin on the property. Rose allowed him to interact with their daughter Theresa. Rose and Adrian had an oddly loving but respectful relationship with Dimitri during this time.

I came to the passage I have read before explaining how to heal a Strigoi it was exactly as I had read it before. Rose used the spirit from both Adrian and Lissa and channeled it though her healing love.

What was different was the fact that Rose, Dimitri and Adrian all went unconscious for several days. Auntie Lissa though fatigued never suffered the extent the others had. Adrian and Dimitri became bonded as Rose was to Aunt Lissa. These facts are different from what happened when we healed my Ben. Though everyone was a felt a bit fatigued; no one lost consciousness. Also, Ben isn't bonded to anyone but me and it is the Marriage bond not a spirit bond.

I was very surprised to read that after healing Dimitri Adrian and Rose invited him to live in the home with them. Adrian fully accepted Dimitri as having a valid Marriage with Rose and Dimitri felt the same. Rose was the one to decide how to proceed; with Adrian she had a traditional marriage with all the physical benefits. With Dimitri it was somewhat different; instead of making love in a traditional sense they shared their love though the blood bond. This surprised me to some extent because for me and Ben the blood bond has been part of our physical bond since the beginning. I can't imagine having to keep the two facets of love separate, let alone the thought of sharing one with one man while sharing the other with another man.

I have to admit to being a bit weirded out by the idea of mom being married to UNCLE ADRIAN. In our timeline they have always been close and I do know that there was a time long ago that he fancied her, but mom has never had eyes for anyone but Dimitri. Part of Mom's Role as the Prime Alpha Wielder is that she is supposed to have many children and they are supposed to become future wielders and pack members. When she learned this she didn't know what to do because Dimitri had left and was already raising a family with Tasha. She tried dating other guys but never felt a spark. She tried Artificial Insemination when Yeva suggested she might have some success with a donation from Adrian; and she did get pregnant but the baby died due to her scaring. She tried again when she found out Dimitri and donated for Tasha. (Leave it to Grandpa Abe to steal Dimitri's swimmers for Rose.) She gave up when both pregnancies ended in miscarriage.

The book went on to tell how they had two years of a happy marriage with each man fully accepting the other's place in Rose's heart. After bearing Dimitri's daughter Rose conceived a son for Adrian and twins soon followed. Adrian died of a very rare Moroi disease; Hemometabolic dysfunction while Rose was still pregnant with the twins. Dimitri and Rose both mourned the loss. Adrian's soul stayed with them as a guide. It was sometime during her pregnancy that I was introduced into the family. (Thus proving that the (me) in that timeline was not there to write a first-hand account) It was though me that Adrian's soul was able to be with Rose in a physical way, when she gave birth to the twins.

There was an explanation of how I became bonded to Theresa and how we were very close. In our time line right now I am close to Annemarie but it isn't as close as I think the relationship Theresa shared with her Emma. Because of our abilities as wielders we both, Annie, and I can communicate telepathically and feel each other's emotions as we would with others around us. Theresa and her Emma seemed to understand each other despite the age difference. It made me wish I was closer to my little sister.

There were some incomprehensible passages that I could not read but then I found the last of what I was going to be allowed to read this time. The book was given to the Emma of that timeline as a wedding gift from Dimitri. She was 15 when she met her Ben and though they began to bond soon after they never consummated the bond till after they were married in the church on her 18th birthday. She began chronicling first by recounting what had happened from the time her parents had first bonded to her present time when she was given the book. Then she would continue to record the events of the future.

I didn't know why I was given such a detailed account of that timeline but I know that I was given it for a reason. I also hate to admit it but Ben is right; whatever Wikanda's spirit guide has to tell us might make a difference. I cuddled into the sweater Ben held out for me, and then allowed him to lead me out to the back yard where everyone waited for me.

Winter was still upon us but the between the bonfire in the pit, and Uncle Chris's using his magic the seating area was warm. Wikanda smiled tenderly at me; it kinda made me feel bad for resenting her earlier. Once we were seated Levi passed out cups of ceremonial tea to all the men. Taking from a second container of a different color he poured some for Lissa, the doctors and me. This caused me to give him a questioning look.

"The teas are not the same. Your brew has a few less ingredients for the safety of you, and your unborn children. Doctor Ivashkov-Isham and Doctor Olendzki may not be currently with child but Wikanda was told not to take chances. All the women get the gentler brew. It is just strong enough to allow you to enter into a vision though it might be a bit hazy. "

He gave us a nod like bow and stepped away. I turned my attention to the others around me as they sniffed at the noxious smelling tea. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw him disappear behind some shrubs with a cup of tea and return empty handed. He took his place at Wikanda's side.

"Please, everyone take a moment to relax and clear your mind. Once you are ready -drink down your tea; it will be quite bitter but please finish it as it will aid you in our vision quest." She said.

I looked all around me and saw that everyone else seemed to be following instructions without reservation. Taking a cleansing breath I set my own prejudgment aside; doing as I was asked. The tea was indeed bitter; I could barely force myself to swallow it. Looking around I could tell that I was not the only one wearing a look of total disgust.

Standing tall and looking very much like a Native American medicine woman in her ceremonial clothing; Wikanda lit her bundle of sage and other sacred plants. She began chanting prayers to the Great Spirit. Levi sat down next to a large handmade drum. First with just his fingers he tapped the drum lightly calling fourth a heartbeat; as the pulse grew Wikanda danced to the rhythm.

My head began to feel funny and my vision blurred for a moment. I closed my eyes and fought against a wave of nausea. When I opened them again a snow white wolf walked into the center of the grouping. Turning its back to the fire and sitting tall, it looked up to the full moon and howled. Wikanda kneeled down till her forehead rested on the ground inches from the wolf.

"Great She-Wolf, please reveal yourself to us in your human form."

The wolf grew brighter as if her fur itself held light. It became so bright we had to look away momentarily and when we turned back I saw a woman I recognized; both from her portrait that hangs in the dining hall at St. Columban's Academy in Ireland, and from my the few times she has come to me in dreams. Bridgette Donnelley knelt beside Wikanda bidding her to rise. It was at that moment I realized I was wrong. We could not do this my way; it had to be done exactly as we were about to be told. Bridgette stood and turned to us, her voice was as soft and warm as it had been in my dreams.

"My dear ones, I have been given permission by the Counsel of the Pure to show you the events as they happened in another place and time. It may take a few moments for us all to reach into the place in your mind where you can see but rest assured we will wait till everyone has joined us. Once there you will be able to move around and explore the vision from every angle. When I feel it necessary I may take a moment to examine an aspect of the vision so that we are all certain of how to proceed tomorrow."

I felt myself relax further as the drumbeat softened to the pulse of a heart at rest. I closed my eyes and when I opened them I found myself in the cabin at Cherry Hill. Cherry Hill was the mansion that Adrian owned near court; it was where Rose and Adrian lived in that timeline. In our timeline Mom has never lived with Uncle Adrian there or anywhere but when she has business at court she often stays at the House on Cherry Hill. I had spent a few weekends there during my first year with mom. I explored the grounds and had found the cabin once; it was dusty and abandoned. In the vision it was clean and homey looking. Wikanda, Lissa and Adrian were there already. I wasn't surprised by this because they are all Spirit Wielders but what did surprise me was when I saw that Bridgette was holding Annemarie's hand.

"Annie, what are you doing here?" This was no place for her to be. She was supposed to be with Abe and Janine. I bet she snuck off again. She has always had a habit of evading her guardians and sneaking off. Mom made her promise to stop in exchange she could go to school like all the other kids. She did stop for a long time and I thought she had outgrown it but apparently not.

Annemarie stood tall and squared her shoulders. "I have every right to be here."

"Annie you are just a little girl; not even seven yet. This is grown up stuff that you have no business seeing. You have to go home and get back with your guardians.

"Emma, I'm not a baby. I may be young chronologically but biologically, mentally and emotionally I am much older. I will be a Wielder of Love soon and I need to be here to learn just as much as you do."

"No you don't. You won't be expected to take your place as wielder for at least another five years maybe even nine if you are lucky. You still have plenty of time to be a kid before you have to worry about any of this. When your time comes Mom and I will be there to help you through it. Till then go home; be a kid."

It scares me that she had grown so fast. I look at her and I think about Amanda, Jacob and John. My children age quickly, just like her and it makes me cringe to think that she is already preparing to take her place. She was just about to argue with me when Bridgette placed her hand on each of us. I felt her wield love and peace to us.

"Enough arguing, daughters, we have little time to waist. Emma, your sister is here not only of her free will but at my request as well. Annemarie is brave beyond expectation; when her time comes to earn her moonstone she will be as great a wielder as her mother. She is right to want this knowledge firsthand."

I gave one last rueful glance at my little sister before diverting my attention to the center of the room. Uncle Christian, Cousin Sasha, Maria Olendzki and Ben have finally appeared. Bridgette stood in the center of the room, right behind the small couch and raised her hand and bowed her head for a moment. Without noise she called us all to attention.

With a wave of her hand over the couch; Dimitri appeared. He was sitting down and staring at a framed picture that was set on a coffee table directly in front of him. His face was a mask of turmoil. He raised one arm; brining his wrist to his mouth. With one ferocious bite he tore into his wrist, blood spurted from the exposed veins. He did the same on the other wrist. Not once did he take his eyes off picture of mom and him during her Academy days.

"NO, not yet I am still too dangerous. The monster is so strong." He whispered to himself.

"Go away Rose. GO AWAY!" It was then that I heard banging of fists on the door. Looking to the door I saw that a chair had been placed under the door knob preventing the door from opening.

"Like Hell Dimitri let us in!" The door handle jingled as she tried to open the door. She pounded on it again.

"GO AWAY!"

I could hear her smash her body against the door again and again. The third time the lock and chair gave way. Mom ran into the room and flew to Dimitri's side; in her hand she held a stake with a golden hilt. I recognized this stake as a stalling stake. The one that Grandma Yeva designed to implant charmed silver pellets into Strigoi to help their souls control the demon till mom or I can transform them.

"Please kill me. Release me from this monster before he makes me kill you." He pleaded with her as she knelt before him. She plunged the stake but not in his heart like he wanted but into his thigh. Dimitri's head bent over her and bit into the curve of her neck hard. She cried out three words.

"Give me spirit."

Adrian who was already headed towards them put one hand on her shoulder and one on Dimitri's chest as if to try to tear her away from Dimitri. Yet instead of pulling her way his face glazed over with the look Spirit wielders get when using their magic. Love could be felt all around us and I knew it was the love mom had for dad; it was the most amazing thing to feel the fullness of their love. I myself know and understand the intensity of the love that a Wielder of life and Death has with her husband of her heart. (They don't call us Love Wielders for nothing.) I looked over at Annemarie; she didn't seem surprised by it as I would have thought but the look of total peace in her smile almost surprised me. I would have thought she was too young to understand it.

Dimitri's wounds closed up and he lifted his bloody mouth off of mom's neck. She gazed at him with so such a loving look that it caused most of us to gasp. By this point Adrian had already passed out and mom's eyes began to close. Before Dimitri lost consciousness himself you could see a look of total devastation crossed his face. He must have thought he had killed her.  
~*~

Bridgette turned to me "Emma, how does this scene differ from what you have read or from how you healed your own husband?"

"Um well first of all there was no mention in the book of anyone touching Dimitri except Rose. I was the only one to touch Ben. The book mentions mom pulling spirit from both Adrian and Lissa but I only see Adrian here not Lissa. When I healed Ben I pulled Spirit from both of them remotely as I do from my pack when I transform a Strigoi. And also in Ben's healing; no one lost consciousness."

"I wasn't wounded to begin with, other than the puncture from the stalling stake that is. Dimitri had bit though his wrists and had already lost a lot of blood before they even got into the cabin let alone by the time he was healed." Ben interjected with a detail I had missed.

"Very good, let us look at these issues and see if we can come up with a plan to heal your Dimitri and give him the full benefit of Spirit.

**~~*~O~*~~**

Dimitri POV  
January 29th.

Roza is still lying in my arms as we wait for the others. She pressed my hand against her lower abdomen, her eyes were closed but she was not sleeping. I try not to think about it but I believe there is a tumor in her uterus. I pray that if I am able to saver her I will also be able to save her reproductive organs. She wants more children and I would love nothing more than to see her round with my child. In an effort to distract myself and calm both our nerves I began to hum the Russian lullaby that I used to sing to her. The pressure of her hand over mine increased just a little and she began humming with me. Her eyes opened and she smiled at me serenely.

I heard the others gathering down stairs as Roza and I lay cuddling on our bed. I kissed her cheek. "Their coming; are you ready?" I asked her.

"As ready as I ever will be Comrade." She tried to pull herself into a sitting position but couldn't do it on her own. Thankfully she doesn't have a problem letting me help her sit up. I heard them ascend the stairs before there was a tap on the door.

"Come in" we called out together.

Emma entered first along with Lissa, Adrian and Wikanda and Levi. Dr. Olendzki and Dr. Isham followed and were the last to enter. Downstairs I could hear and smell the members of Emma's pack. Her pack was here as back up; to lend her the power of her elements if she needed to transform me at the last minute. Abe and Janine took Joshua and Annemarie to court so that they would not be here if things went wrong.

"Well we have waited as long as I think we can. It's time to change you back dad; are you ready?"

"Yes but first let's say a prayer." Every one nodded at my request. To my surprise it was Adrian who began the prayer. The rest of us bowed our heads.

"Dear God, we ask you to grant us through your mercy; the power to remove the demon from my brother, Dimitri without taking from him the special changes that would make him mostly Moroi. We ask you to grant him the power of Spirit Magic; that he may in turn use it to heal his family and others. We thank you God for giving us the knowledge through your servant Bridgette Donnelley and for sending Wikanda to help us; the sacrifice that she and her husband Levi are making will be remembered with gratitude for many generations to come. Amen."

After the prayer we stayed quiet each having our own moment with God. I wondered how it was that the last Wielder who loved over 600 years ago had given them the knowledge. Furthermore I wondered what Wikanda and Levi were going to sacrifice to help me. A few moments later, Emma cleared her throat.

"Ehm, ok I think it is time now, Doctors your up first. Dimitri I know that you read in the Book how this was done in the other time line but the account was incomplete. Wikanda took us on a vision quest where Bridgette Donnelley showed us how it really happened and helped us formulate this plan. Please trust us."

Sasha and Maria both came up to me and asked me to lie in the center of the bed. Each held a stake and a basin. They took my hands and placed them in the basins. Then holding a washcloth over each wrist with one hand and the stake in the other they cut into my wrists deeply quickly covering the wounds before the blood spurting from my arteries could splash everywhere. They cut again when my Strigoi physiology began to heal the wounds.

The demon in me was raging and fighting to kill them but I fought him. I knew I could not let him harm anyone in this room. I lifted my eyes heavenward and prayed for strength. I felt the loss of blood begin to weaken both me and the demon so I welcomed it while still praying to keep control of the demon. As soon as the doctors were satisfied that I had lost enough blood they moved away.

Wikanda sat on the side of the bed opposite to Roza. She reached over me and took Roza's hand in hers and held it to my chest and with her other hand she held my bicep. "Now Child" She whispered to her. Roza's voice called out

"Give Me Spirit"

I felt Roza's love wrap around me and flow though me at the same time. If it were not for the distracting overload of heat and cold I felt from Spirit flowing through me I would have wept at the magnitude of love. The spirit became overwhelming. I've had had minor cuts and bruises healed before but this was infinitely more powerful than anything I had ever experienced. Colors burst before my eyes in a kaleidoscope. I could feel my brain shutting off; protecting itself from the overload. Black nothingness engulfed me.

* * *

NO Pop Quiz, just food for thought.

Why was Annemarie really there? Her mother and sister could have shared with her how the change was done when she was older. Could there be more going on with Annemarie than people know?

Again the facebook group is www. facebook groups / 451506234880745 /

Also for anyone interested I am free to Beta stories for other authers.

Please Please Review. I know I don't deserve it but I really want to know if anyone is still with me.


	23. Just a note to you

Just a Note to my Readers.

I have just posted a chapter for She Called Him Comrade in it I added a link to my new facebook group.  
This group is dedicated to my stories of FF but also to you my readers. I borrowed the Idea from some of the authors is the Twi Fandom. The group give you a way to contact me without using the PM. You can ask me question about the stories plots, or twists, give me input and suggestions or just tell me to get my butt in gear.

Here is the link since the one in the chapter got thwarted by FFN Edit the spaces and as in a Dot **.** and a Com it should work. I am also adding the link to my FFN Profile.

w w w . facebook groups / 451506234880745 / permalink / 451674688197233 /

If you are in need of a beta I am free to help with a story or two.


	24. Trapped

August 12, 2012

Dear Readers

As you all know I have been having trouble getting my voices back. I have tried getting in touch with some of you via Email or phone to talk VA and try to stimulate the voices but I found that I am not as much of a talker as I thought I was. Recently I started a Facebook group and though I only have 16 members so far I am happy to say that it is working. I'm starting to hear my voices again.

Right now it is Annemarie who is talking the most and I am surprised by her assertiveness. She is more like her mother then I thought. She is taking this story in a direction I had not planned. It isn't far off from what I planned but for now I am on for the right like the rest of you.

I invite you all to join my group and help me work though the writer's block that has plagued me. I welcome other authors too.

Snowgoose

* * *

23: **Trapped**

**Annemarie POV**

It has been a week since they healed dad. I haven't gotten a chance to see him or mom yet. Emma won't tell me anything other than that they are alive and resting. Emma and Grandma Janine both don't want me 'worrying' about grown up issues. They don't get it. I am not a baby anymore!

Ever since the day I joined in on the vision quest Grandma Janine has kept me in her sights at all times; she has even taken to sleeping in my room with me. The only time she is away from me is when she is in the restroom or taking care of Abby and Loren, my little aunts; even then she has Guardians; Lenin and Korev to cover for her. I think I would have gone mad if not for Grandpa Abe. He is planning a huge costume party for my birthday and he insisted that I have my costume fittings privately. Lily the clothing designer - dressmaker has been bringing her own guardians to our fittings and promising to keep me safe and in her sight when I am with her. I am still under lock and key but at least I get a break from Grandma.

The only get a little information from eavesdropping. Most of what I know I get from Uncle Addy when he dream-walks with me. From what Addy has told me things are not good. They did heal Dad but somehow he was given an overload of spirit. Addy thinks that mom wasn't able to control the amount of spirit she pulled and from whom. There were the three spirit wielders in the room with mom at the time but there were six more on the compound. Somehow mom pulled not only spirit from Wikanda, Auntie Liss and from Addy as she was supposed to; but without realizing it she pulled some from the six others on the compound too. Uncle Addy said that the amount of Spirit is too much and Daddy can't handle it. Every time daddy begins to wake up his brain shuts off to protect itself. Addy says that daddy has so much spirit in him that he gets a headache every time he even looks at my dad.

Mom is hanging in there he says. She is getting a lot of her nurturance though IVs and she sleeps most of the time but she is not really any sicker than she was before healing daddy. Addy thinks she is sleeping so that she can conserve her energy. When she is awake she takes daddy's hand and puts it on her tummy; Addy said that he can see an exchange of love and spirit when she does this.

I am not allowed to visit with Wikanda anymore because she is the one who helped me sneak into the vision quest. They don't know that she had taken me on a few vision quests over the previous two months. Through the visions I met Bridgette Donnelley and eventually I even got to meet with the Counsel of the Pure so that I could plead my request to them for myself. I closed my eyes and thought back to that particular vision.

~o~O~o~

_Bridgette held my hand and told me to close my eyes. When I was told to open them I found myself in a beautiful sunlit circular room. Bridgette and I stood in the center of the room that looked like a big amphitheater. Our audience was dressed creamy white robes, they were of varying ages but all had serene faces._

"_We know what you have come to ask us; we have heard your prayers but we ask you why? Speak Child, do not fear Us." A woman said to me._

"_I know it doesn't make sense for me to want this but I am ready to take my place and become a wielder of Love. I didn't want it before and I used to pray for a way out of it but well my feelings have changed. I know my heart is ready I ask that you help me by making my body and mind ready."_

"_Your time would come before the mark of five more years, is that not soon enough for you?"_

"_I will wait if you say I must but I know I am ready now and most important I am willing to make the sacrifice. I want to help the souls who are trapped; I need to help them."_

"_What has changed? We feel your conviction but we do not understand where it came from."_

"_All my life I have felt incredible love from my mother. Her love for me; for her friends and family and for those she heals. It was always such a beautiful thing but it felt a little incomplete and there was always a hint of loneliness. I never really knew why it was but that loneliness always bothered me. From Emma I never felt the loneliness but from her I have always sensed a little bit of fear and even resentment. I thought that it was being a Wielder of life and death that caused them to have these negative feelings._

_When I was given a new mentor Mom grew even sadder and lonelier. I didn't know that he is my Daddy and she was sad because he didn't know about the bond or me. A few weeks ago he finally figured it out and he talked with mommy. Now he and mommy are complete and though he has a lot of guilty feelings he is working through they are happy. Mommy is sick and daddy had made a big sacrifice to help her. The love that flows from them is so beautiful it would make you cry._

_I heard Emma talking a few weeks ago and I understand her feelings now too. She is worried about her children. She doesn't like that her children are growing so fast and that Amanda will probably be called to become a wielder between the ages of ten and fifteen._

_I used to be scared by the Idea of being a Wielder of Life and Death but I am not anymore. I understand now. It isn't life and death we wield. It is love and I am not afraid of love."_

"_In years, you are soon to reach seven and in physical maturity, you have reached early pubescence. Becoming a Love Wielder requires that you form a bond with the husband of your heart and part of that bond is the consummation of the marriage. Are you truly ready for Marriage?" The woman's tone was kind and not condescending. I was thankful that she and the others in the counsel were treating me and my request with respect. _

"_That part does scare me quite a bit but I feel the call to help. It is if I can hear the souls of those trapped by a demon pleading for me to find them and free them. Yes the idea of getting married and especially the possibility of having a baby scares me but the call of the helpless is stronger than the fear." _

"_You are brave and the love you have for those that are in need, is indeed great, perhaps even greatest of any wielder we have seen since the very first woman asked to be granted the power to heal and transform Strigoi. Let Us confer, and we will call you when we have made our decision."_

~o~O~o~

"Annie it's time to get ready for bed." Grandma Janine called to me pulling me out of my thoughts. Little Loren was asleep in her arms. Guardian Lenin was still stationed in a chair by my door.

"Yes ma'am." I pulled a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt out of my drawer and took them to my private bathroom. Thank God mom gave me my own bathroom. If I had to change in my room she would see that my body is changing faster than it should. After the counsel made their decision about my request my body began to change. I took a look in the mirror once I had stripped off all my clothes. I haven't grown much taller but I think I will be short like Grandma Janine. My hips are bigger and so is my chest. My tummy is slimmer and I don't look like a kid anymore. It is getting harder to hide the changes but I don't want anyone to know yet. I keep my chest wrapped with an ace bandage so that my new boobs don't show.

Lily knows though and I trust her to keep my secret. She told me I won't be able to hide my body for long and suggested that I let the cat out of the bag on my birthday. I like the idea, and looking at myself right now I think that the costume we designed for my party is going to make the point for me that 'I AM NOT A BABY ANYMORE".

I adjusted my bandage and pulled on my sweat suit. I am glad it is winter because I would never be able to hide my body under bulky clothing in the summer. I finished with my nightly routine of washing my face and brushing my teeth before joining grandma in my room. She already had the trundle bed pulled out and was adjusting her pillow.

"Grandpa misses having you sleep with him you know?" I snarked at her as I climbed into bed; I couldn't help it the teenage hormones are going rampant though my system and she is driving me crazy.

"If you behaved like a normal child I wouldn't have to stay and make sure you don't escape?"

"I am not a normal child. If I were a normal six, almost seven year old I would be 3 ½ feet tall and weigh less than 50 pounds. I am petite for my age cuz I got your tiny genes in me but do I look like a six year old to you. Am I in first grade; learning to write full sentences and not even starting physical training for Guardianship? No I am in classes with kids who are twice my age and I am one of the best in my combat classes with those same kids."

"Just because your body grew fast for the first five years doesn't mean that you are all grown up. Yes you're taller, stronger and smarter than a six year old but you are still biologically only eleven going on twelve. You still have at least four years to be a kid before you have to grow up and become a Wielder. If you're lucky you might even get more time. The innocents' of youth is precious; yet you seem so bound and determined to waste it. People like Wikanda and Adrian are not doing you any favors by indulging your curiosity." The topic was closed as far as she was concerned. She sat up and looked at my face; examining it as only a mother or in this case grandmother could. You need blood again; I can see it in your face.

Grandma reached out her wrist for me and I didn't want to take the blood she offered but I really had no choice. With my body maturing faster again I find that I need more blood than before. I have already gone through the 4 quarts of blood that they took from dad before his awakening. Now that he is no longer Strigoi they might start taking small amounts from him every few days for me but that is not going to be enough. I take grandma's wrist in my hand and carefully sink my fangs in to her artery.

After feeding me Grandma stood and walked carefully to my bathroom to clean and bandage her wound. Grandpa Abe walked in and sat on the edge of my bed. He motioned for Guardian Lenin to leave and told him to go to bed. He chuckled at me my relieved sigh.

"I wish she wouldn't suffocate you like this, I wish there was something I could do to help you." He whispered. I was about to reply to him but he put on finger to my lips and tapped his temple with the other. I understood that he wanted me to use my mind to talk to him. At this point I think I am going to need an ally, Mommy has always trusted him and I think I can too; at least I hope I can.

"Dede is there any way that you can get me some time tomorrow so that I can speak freely with you?"

"Oh my little one I think it has been too long since we spent time together. Would you like to go for a walk with me tomorrow?" Grandma walked in while he was mid-sentence.

"Abe it is still so cold out, don't you think you could do something inside instead. Why don't we all have a movie marathon tomorrow? We can watch Cinderella, and The little Mermaid, and any of the other princess movies. The girls would love it. I am sure that Emma and Amanda woul…."

"Janine, Janine, slow down. I am tired of being cooped up indoors and I believe our little granddaughter feels the same way. For the last month she has gone only to her academic classes and you have kept her from training with the excuse of her delicate health. In short; you have been manipulating her time. This last week has gotten intolerable. I haven't minded taking care of our girls, Joshua and the other children here in the Cottage House, because I love spending time with them but they are beginning to ask where you are most of the time. I think you need to spend more time with Abigail, Loren and the other children and let me spend some time with Annie. Furthermore starting tonight you will sleep in our bed with me."

He bent down and picked her up over his shoulder and carried her to the door. She struggled and protested but he ignored her. He turned to me.

"Annie I will wake you in a few hours so that we could take our walk in the daylight, you can nap for a while after we return." He blew me a kiss and closed my door. I felt giddy with relief. This was the first night in a week that I have been allowed to sleep alone.

I know I have to calm down and get some rest so that I will be able to go for that walk with grandpa. I wonder if he would understand if I wanted to do some 'Exploring' near the wards. I have been feeling the call of the helpless for a while but for the last few days I have been almost hearing the voice of one soul that is close by. Each night it has gotten closer and I wouldn't doubt it if he is close enough for me to find him.

I know Grandma and Emma would think I am stupid to go looking for a Strigoi instead of telling them but he is looking for me, I know he is and somehow…. I know he isn't going to hurt me. I don't know how I know but I know he has some control over the body at least for now. I have a stalling stake that Great Grandma Yeva secretly gave me at Christmas. If I can at least find out where he is tomorrow then I can try to escape from Warden I mean Grandma, then I can go back to him and inject him with charmed pellets. I can take him to Emma or mom for transformation.

I go to sleep thinking about this beautiful soul.

* * *

Pop Quiz

What do you think of how protective Emma and Janine are being of Annemarie? Do you think that they are doing the right thing?

What about Adrian sneaking her information about her parents?

Did Wikanda overstep the line by helping Annemarie make contact with Bridgette Donnelley?

Do you think Abe will be as understanding and helpful as Annemarie hopes?

Why is Annemarie feeling so compelled to help this particular Soul escape from the Strigoi demon that inhabiting his body?

If you would like to join my facebook group; the link is on my profile.

Please, Pass your Quiz to the front by using the Review feature.


	25. Finding Home

October 31, 2012

Thank you to DoB for being my Beta for this chapter. Please read the AN at the bottom

* * *

**Finding Home**

**Lost Soul POV**

I stoked the fire again hoping the wood I gathered will last through the day. The sun is shining bright against the fresh snow and reflecting into the cave. I know that I won't be able to gather more till it gets dark.

I picked at the rabbit leg I had cooked by the fire and blew on the meat to cool it before trying to feed it to the broken Guardian lying next to me. This man though no biological relation to me had been a father to me in every way that was important. His hazel eyes looked into my red ringed blue with such love and concern. He held his hand to mine refusing the food I offered. He licked his chapped lips then spoke in a raspy whisper.

"Aidan, it has been too long since you last fed. I am dying anyway; let me at least buy you more time. I know your control must be weakening. Feeding from me will help you stay strong."

"No Dad, I can't take any more blood from you. As bad as you are injured I don't think you are dying. Taking blood from you while you are so week might just do you in though so please stop asking me. She will come, I know she will. We've gotten as close to her as we can. I know she feels me like I can her. When she finds us she will be able to heal me and then we can take you to the clinic in the academy. Now please eat."

Moroi only take small amounts of blood from their feeders every day. Strigoi usually go a week or so between feedings but they drain and kill their victims. When I became Strigoi I fought the demon inside me, I have never killed anyone. My father (Matvey) Matthew Tanner has been my feeder. Up until recently he has given me small amounts of blood each day. A few weeks ago after his charge died of old age; he dreamt that it was time to bring me here; to St Vladimir's Academy in Montana. On the way we were attacked by a gang of six Strigoi. We managed to fight and kill them all but in the battle Dad got hurt bad. It has been more than a week since I have last fed on Dhampir blood. I thought of stealing human donor blood from the hospital in Missoula but the thought of taking lifesaving blood from people who need it is unbearable. I have tried animal blood but I can feel that it does little to sustain me. In fact for the first time since becoming Strigoi almost seven years ago I am feeling sick.

I closed my eyes and prayed that my living angel will find me soon. In my heart I felt her reply; it was so clear that I could practically here her words. "Hold on. I'm trying."

Dad released my hand and allowed me to continue to feed him. Once he had consumed as much as I could get him to eat, I carefully carried him to the bed of pine needles and wild grass that I prepared a safe distance from the fire. We recited our nightly prayers as we have done since I was a baby even though I don't sleep; not anymore at least.

Once Dad is asleep I let my mind wander to the women of importance to me; dead and alive. First would be my mom, Kara. I really miss my mom. She had a hard life but she never let her past pain ruin her optimism and love of life. Mom never liked to talk about herself but every once in a while she would tell me about her early days with Dad and his Moroi, Talia Swarovski. It was mostly from Dad and Auntie Talia that I know of mom's life.

Kara Jane was abandoned at a fire station by a young woman wearing an oversized hooded pullover that hid her identity from the camera above the safe baby drop zone. Talia explained to me that a safe baby drop zone is a designated spot in places like fire and police departments and hospitals where an unprepared mother can leave an unwanted child rather than leave it in unsafe places like a trashcan or dumpster.

After spending six months in foster care Kara was adopted by her foster family and all was well until she turned 12 and her mother died of breast cancer. Later that year her father died in an accident against a drunk driver. Kara who was also in the car sustained injuries that would affect her fine motor skills for the rest of her life. Because her adoptive parents were both only children there was no family to take Kara in so she ended up in foster care again

Because of her age and her medical issues she was bounced around from one foster home to another. In a four year period alone mom went through 6 different foster homes. When she was 17 she fell in love with a boy in the group home she was residing at the time. He was six months older than her and his plan was to join the Navy when he turned 18 and would no longer be under the foster care system. His plans changed a bit when he fell in love with Kara. He would still join the Navy because he needed a way to build a future for himself and my mom. He was going to send her money every month and she was to save it up till she turned 18 too. She would travel to where ever he was based and they would marry. They were going to be a military family for a few years then he would use his GI bill to get into University, he wanted to be a doctor.

Unfortunately, Sally Barken, the house mother at the group home was an evil one. When he was of age he left for boot camp and promised Kara that he would write her and call her often. Every day after school Kara would ask if she got anything in the mail and every day Ms. Barken would tell her that there was nothing. Mom once told me that she suspected that Ms. Barken kept the letters he sent mom and only pretended to mail mom's letters to him. Just like with the mail, she monitored the phone and didn't let his calls through.

A few weeks after he left mom got sick at school. The school nurse suggested to her Ms. Barken, that she might want to give Kara a pregnancy test. That night after a test confirmed the suspicion my mother was kicked out of the group home with only a backpack full of clothes and me in her belly.

Mom was done with the system. She had less than six months till she turned 18 and she saw no point in calling her social worker; besides she was afraid that they would take her baby from her because she didn't have a home or job to provide for me. She had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. She didn't know how to get a hold of my father. The first few days she stayed up all night and slept during the day inside a church. She ate what she could at a soup kitchen or when she could beg money from someone. Getting enough nutrition for her developing baby was her main concern.

One evening as she was leaving the church to scrounge for food she was approached by a tall muscular man. He rested a hand on her arm to halt her movement. At first she thought he was going to try to proposition her for sex; this was something she had not yet resorted to and it was last on her list behind stealing or dumpster diving for a meal. There was something calming about this man; instead of turning and running away she bravely stood her place, waiting to hear what he had to say.

"I know you have no reason to trust me or anyone else but I know that you and the child you carry need help and I have been sent to offer it. The child you carry will one day be important; it is my duty to protect both of you. Will you trust me?"

"I don't even know your name. How do you know about me and my baby?"

"There is a 24 hour café just down the street here, if you allow me to feed you a good meal I can explain?" He asked.

"Can I order anything I want; even some desert?" (Dad had told me how her eyes had sparkled in that moment.)

Once settled in the café waiting for her 'Hungry Lumberjack Special' with a side of double chocolate brownie topped with blueberry compote, crumbled bacon and French fries; he began his explanation.

"My name is Guardian Matthew Tanner

"What do you mean by Guardian; like a body guard for the President or something?

"Something like that but it is a bit more complicated than that. How should I explain this without telling you more than you need to know right now? … What do you know of the super natural world?

"Super natural; do you mean like Monsters, Fairies and Aliens and such?" To which he gave a noncommittal shrug. So she continued. "My parents used to say that there was more going on in this world then people know about. I don't have any reason to believe in the super natural but I have a strong belief in the paranormal; you know ghosts and stuff. I have always been able to see and talk to spirits. All my foster families have thought I was nuts but my parents; when they were alive never made fun of me. Mom and dad accepted me as I was."

"I don't think you are crazy."

"You're just saying that so I will go with you. How do I know I can trust you?"

"I can't promise you will always be safe but I can promise that I will protect you and your child as I would my charge." He said to her.

"Would you believe me if I told you my parents; the dead ones are telling me to go with you?"

Mom bravely took a leap of faith and came home with Guardian Tanner. She didn't even blink when they explained to her that Talia was a Moroi; a living vampire. She easily accepted the fact that Strigoi and Dhampir also exist. The only thing she was weary of was the fact that Talia was in hiding.

Guardian Tanner was just out of academy when he went to work for Talia Swarovski. He took her into hiding just shy a year later. As it turns out Dad is a bit psychic; he has dreams and it was his dreams that told him to take his charge into hiding after she divorced her younger, royal husband. Talia had noticed that her new guardian seemed to have a way of knowing things; so when he urged her to go into hiding she didn't hesitate. After they were safely hidden they learned that the husband had put a hit out on her life and if she stayed within Moroi society she would be murdered. His dreams didn't always tell him everything but they led him in the best direction.

It was also his dreams that led him to mom; five years after going into hiding he had a dream about a young woman giving birth to a baby in the rectory of a church. Both were much too thin and in his dream neither of us made it. He woke Talia and told her about his dream. Dad once told me that she didn't even have to think about it. "It is obvious that this girl and her child are supposed to be saved. They must be of some importance to the future and it is our duty to step in." Luckily Dad was able to recall details that led him to find our church within a couple of days.

Talia, Guardian Tanner and Edna the feeder made my mom feel welcome and comfortable in their home. Mom was provided with proper health care and nutrition. Despite the nearly 8 year age difference; mom and Guardian Tanner began to have feelings for each other. Dad tried to find my father because he wanted my mom to have the option to go back to him if they still loved each other and also so that I could know him.

Finding my biological father wasn't easy. The house mother at the group home never called anyone by their real last names and it was a running joke among the residence to use dog breeds and substitute them for their real last names. They did this because the house mom's name was Sally Barken. Mom knew my father as Aiden Poodleton the 5th. He knew her as Kara Jane Retriever. The joke was so deeply entrenched that the teachers at the local high school went along with it. Mom didn't know his real last name because he wanted her to see it for the first time on his correspondence letters from the Navy.

Dad had to hack into the computer archives for social services in North Dakota to find a roster of the children living in mom's group home. Then he hacked into the US Navy computers and that took some time to do without being caught. When he found him, my bio- father was out at sea for another 6 months.

By the time Lieutenant Aidan Masters was stateside and my Dad was able to find a way to chat with him I was already two going on three years old. Dad followed him through his finical records, and found out where Lt Masters usually had a drink after work on Fridays. Over the course of a few weeks Dad hung out at the bar and challenged my father to a game of pool. He chatted with Lt. Masters and got him to trust him enough to share histories. As it turns out my father thought my mom kept the money he sent her for six months and never planned on joining him. He was heartbroken and did what many guys did; he sought comfort in the arms of a willing girl. It turned out the girl was a Captain's daughter. She ended up pregnant with twins and he ended up married.

Mom decided that it was best if my father never new about me because in many ways we lived in two different worlds. My father had another family; a human family and would not be able to understand the world mom and I lived in with vampires and half vampires. Dad and mom proclaimed their love for one another and that summer he married her and gave us both his last name. Mom had already given me the English version of his first name as a middle name so from that point on I was named after both my bio father and my dad.

When I was around 8 Edna the feeder died; she had a heart attack. Mom explained to me that before Edna became a feeder she had been a drug addict. Guardian Tanner sought out a recovering addict who would be at high risk of relapse. Edna had no family and she was in her 40s when he met her at a Support meeting. He followed her that night and stopped her from buying a hit in some alley. He told her that there was an alternative to using street drugs. He promised her that if she agreed to go with him then she would be guaranteed to get a high once a day and she would be well cared for. She was desperate for a high but also afraid to go back down the road of poverty that street drugs would lead her to. She agreed to go with him and after one bite she was willing to stay. Unfortunately the many years of prior drug use had weakened her heart.

Even though Edna had no family or friends outside of us Auntie Talia made sure she had a proper funeral and was buried in a nice plot. We even went to visit her grave on the anniversary of her birthdays. Dad had once explained to mom that Moroi and Dhampir's, in general look down to feeders because they are junkies addicted to the vampire endorphins. Still Edna had been treated like a member of the family and not segregated like the feeders are in the Moroi communities.

When Edna died, Mom volunteered to be Talia's feeder. At first Talia and Dad were opposed to the idea but mom convinced them that she wanted to do it; not for the high but because she loved Talia like a grandmother and she would be doing this to keep her grandmother healthy. To hide her bite marks Dad found a Dhampir tattoo artist through the alchemist. The Tattooist inked a bite right over Talia's real one. The tattoo along with some 'love bites' that Dad always made sure to leave did a good job of camouflaging the actual vampire bite. Mom described it as 'hidden in plain sight'.

For some reason mom never got high from the Moroi Endorphins. This was something that everyone was grateful for. Talia said it is rare but there is a small percentage of the human population that is immune to the endorphins and that legend has it that those people are descendants of Moroi. Somehow over the years of breeding with only Humans they lost the Moroi part of the DNA but kept the immunity to the Endorphin high. Dad always thought the legend was full of baloney. It is rare for a Moroi or Dhampir to breed with a human now a days because we they keep to themselves but he had known many Dhampir's who are the product of a union with a feeder. Some of them have been 3rd or 4th generation of a Dhampir with a feeder parent. All of them were 50% human 50% Moroi just like any other Dhampir.

I miss Mom so much it hurts to think of her sometimes. She died when I was 15 from septic shock. It still boggles my mind that a small cut on someone's arm could kill them. In less than a day of getting scratched by something in the closet she had a fever and Talia said her blood smelled wrong. Talia insisted she go to the emergency room and there she was admitted. They tried to save her but her organs failed so fast. Her arm was so swollen that the undertaker had to cut her sweater so it would fit. Dad was beside himself after Mom's death. It was years later that I found out that after 12 years of trying to have another baby mom was 2 months pregnant at the time of her death. Dad lost his wife and second child at the same time. (I was always counted as his first child.)

After Mom died dad became very protective of me; well even more so. He taught me to fight like a guardian. I wasn't as fast or strong as a Dhampir and I certainly didn't have the endurance of one but still he taught me so that I wouldn't be as defenceless as the average human boy.

I took over feeding Talia and I was lucky like my mom because I could feed her without the Endorphin high. Instead of a tattoo to cover my bite mark Talia used a prominent vein on the inside of my arm. With a t-shirt on no one would be able to see it.

It was lonely without mom's physical presence. I still saw her from time to time, like my mother I was able to see and communicate with spirits. It was months before dad was able to work through his grief enough to really get some restful sleep and when he did my mom was able to enter his dreams. For two years I could still talk to her but that ended when I was 17. The worst part of being awakened was that I lost the ability to see and communicate with spirits; I felt like I lost my mom all over again.

Mom's death affected me greatly. I know that the doctors did their best and I had seen how hard they tried to save her. She explained to me that some things are just meant to happen. Seeing the devotion that the doctors had to saving my mom made me want to be a doctor too. I knew that my biological father did eventually become an oncologist; only solidified that desire.

I remember well the day I was awakened. Dad, Talia and I had taken a tour of the biology department at Penn State when I got separated from them. I knew they would head back to the hotel and I was so fascinated with my own private exploration of the school I had been accepted to that I didn't keep track of the time. It was late at night before I started back to our hotel. I heard my mom scream for me to run but I wasn't fast enough; whoever was after me caught me before I could take more than a few steps. The last thing I felt was the pain of a bite in my neck. I could hear Mom telling me to hold on and keep control of my body. She helped me find the connection to another soul; it was so beautiful and pure. I was able to draw strength from the pure soul. It was because of her that I never fully became a monster.

I woke up in a dark room with a female Strigoi standing over me. She told me that she just gave me the gift of immortality. I knew what she was and I had no wish to join her. I saw an axe in the corner of what I then realized was a tool shed. I fought her like Dad had taught me then I used the axe to decapitate her. I then found my phone which had been turned off for the tour, and called dad for help. That was one call I will never forget.

"Aidan, where are you?" Dad shouted into the phone instead of a greeting.

"Dad something really bad happened to me. I don't know how to explain."

"Tell me where you are son and you can explain when we get there."

"No! I mean I don't know if I am safe to be around. I .. I am a.. There was this woman… Oh God, dad I think I have been awakened." I sobbed. There was silence on the line for a moment but I could hear him breathing and crying too.

"Aidan, I need you to listen to me you have been gone for almost 20 hours. It is dark out, can you get outside and look around and tell me what you see?"

I did as he told me and described the surrounding area. He used the GPS on my phone and Google Earth to find my location.

"Son, listen to me, I had Talia compel me to sleep last night and I prayed that your mom would come to me and tell me where you were. She did come to me. She told me what happened to you and she also told me that you are still in control of your body. Somehow by the Grace of God you didn't go evil like all Strigoi. She told us that there is a way to help you. I didn't want to believe it was true; that you were turned, but Talia and I have done what she told us to and we are coming to help you. Hold on."

None of us had ever heard of a soul maintaining control over their body after being awakened. I could feel something evil trying to take over but I kept pushing it back. When Dad and Talia arrived Dad staked me with a wooden stake. When I woke I could feel that even though the Evil was still there it had lost power and it was easier to fight it. Talia was unconscious and Dad was sitting between us holding each of our hands.

Dad looked at me with awe.

"It was amazing; she took my silver stake and with her Earth magic she put the intent of giving your soul strength instead of the intent of killing you. When we got here she waited till I stunned you with the wooden stake. Then she opened your shirt and held my silver stake against your chest. I watched it slowly dissolve into you. There is a little bit of a scar on your chest but other than that there is nothing left of my stake."

"Am I still a monster?" I already knew the answer. I knew because I could feel the difference in my body. The darkness of the room didn't affect my vision at all. I could hear the heartbeats of both Dad and Talia and of the mice in the field outside. I could smell everything.

"You are still Strigoi, yes; but I have reason to believe you are not a danger to others."

"How will I feed? I don't want to kill anyone."

"Just as your mother and you have done for Talia; I will do for you."

We went back home by rental car. I didn't get to go to college but Talia bought me college texts for all the classes I wanted to take and I studied on my own as well as taking online classes when I could. (I never passed those classes though; because I couldn't go to the few class meetings required.) I don't sleep so after nightly prayers with Dad I would study all night.

Talia was old for a Moroi at 154. Moroi and Dhampir live longer life spans than humans do. They age at the same rate though; at least till about 50 then they seem to take twice as long to age. Just a couple of weeks ago Talia died in her sleep. There had been nothing wrong with her but in the middle of the night her heart just stopped. I woke up dad who immediately started CPR but nothing worked. Because Moroi are not human he called an alchemist who took the body while I hid in his room.

A few nights later Mom visited Dad's dreams again. She told him that there was a brave young woman at the Academy in Montana who would have the ability to free me of my Strigoi state without killing me. We sold everything and began the journey here by car. We took back roads to avoid busy highways full of humans. I may have control of the Strigoi Demon but the smell of the blood pumping through so many warm bodies is still hard for me to handle. We couldn't drive straight through because of daylight, dad planned out a path that included caves and cabins for us to stay during the day.

Our trip should have only taken a few days but on our first day we accidently walked in on six Strigoi who were hiding for the day. They were entertaining themselves physically with the body of a young woman; they were not happy to have us bust in on their party.

We killed them all, but the fight had been brutal. When it was all over dad lay in an unconscious heap. I used my extra senses and what little medical knowledge I had to assess his condition. He had several broken bones: left femur, left ankle, and left wrist along with several ribs on his right side. He had been picked up by his left leg and arm and thrown into the wall. It was obvious that he had a concussion as well. I could well imagine that his internal organs were probably bruised. I could feel as well as see some abdominal swelling. From what I could hear and smell he didn't have any internal bleeding.

I tore up the bedding from the cot in the cabin and used branches to splint dad's limbs as best I could. I wrapped his ribs in an effort to make him more comfortable. There was nothing I could do for the poor girl that the Strigoi had violated; she was dead. I took her identification from the wallet I found near her shredded clothing. I wrapped her body in the remaining blanket and buried her in a peaceful spot near a waterfall. The Strigoi bodies I took to the top of a rock formation where the morning sun would disintegrate them.

We stayed at that cabin for two days till he was able to stay conscious for more than a couple of hours. After that we resumed our journey but it has been slow going with my father being so ill. The last part of the journey had to be made on foot. Though he weighs almost nothing to me and I have Strigoi speed; I couldn't risk injuring him further, so I took my time.

The closer I got to the academy the more I have been able to feel the pull of my Angel. The young woman I am looking for is the same pure soul that has helped me all this time. I realized it was her because the closer we got to St Vlad's the more I have felt the connection. I have begun to feel like our souls can communicate on a level that we are not fully aware of.

I closed my eyes and listened with my heart. "Hang on, I'm coming." The connection is growing stronger still and I know she is coming to take me home; my Angel is my Home.

**Annemarie POV**

"Wake up Annie; it's time to go for our walk and I want to leave before your grandmother wakes up. Hurry and dress. I have the feeling that we are going to need as much time as possible today."

My eyes popped open even though I don't think I got much sleep. The first thing I saw was Grandpa Abe's mischievous smile. He already had a stack of clothes ready for me. With a kiss on his cheek I took the stack and dashed to my bathroom. He had chosen thermal underwear and thick jeans, a turtle neck and a sweater. When I got back in my room he had my thick socks in hand. I examined his outfit and realized he too was dressed for a long walk on a very cold day. We saved our boots for last since they were downstairs in the mudroom.

I breathed a sigh of relief once we were out of the house. Grandpa waited till we had made it quite a bit of distance from home before beginning the conversation.

"Well little one, I know you are hiding some things and I think you need some help to sort through this mess. You can confide in me, just like with your mom; I will always be there to help you in any way I can. So tell me how can I help you?"

"I need to see my parents."

"We are on the way right now. Your Grandma and sister had them moved to the clinic because they feel they are better off there. I think that they would be best of at home but at least I convinced them to put them in the same bed."

"I don't know what has gotten into those two. It's like they are afraid of everything right now. They are trying to control everything and really you can't do it."

"Well you have found a way of controlling your aging haven't you little one?"

"Did Lily tell you?" I asked.

"No but she confirmed it when I asked. You see, many years ago I used to go to a fortune teller. Yevette was the one who told me that her grandson and my daughter would one day marry and have many miracles. I went to visit her a few years ago and she told me that I should treasure the time I got to spend with you while you were young because it would go by in much less time than anyone would expect. Now we already knew by then that you were aging at twice the rate and you should stop by 5 years but I had a feeling that somehow you might continue past the 5 years. It seemed as if the last year your aging did slow to normal but it has begun to accelerate again; even faster if I am correct. Can you tell me how this is happening?" He kept his face forward and I wasn't able to read it.

"Are you mad?"

"Concerned yes, but no I am not angry, if this is of your own choosing how can I be angry at you for it?" He looked down at me and this time I could read his face reflecting love and acceptance.

"This is, of my own choosing. I am ready Grandpa. I sought out the beings that are charged with calling the Wielders of love into service. They are the ones who get to make up the rules."

"And how did you do this?"

"Wikanda helped me. Through her vision quests I met Bridget Donnelley and she took me to the counsel of the pure. I had to plead my case but they granted me my request." I shrugged my shoulders. "So now I am aging much faster than I did when I was little. I don't know how I have been able to hide it so far but I plan on revealing the truth on my birthday."

"Yes well I don't know what your costume looks like but I am sure that you will look beautiful and modest. Lily has assured me that though it will be stunning and revealing enough to prove to everyone that "You are Not a Child" anymore; it will still cover you to my satisfaction." He sighed and looked at me as though he was appraising me in a way. "Are you sure you are ready? Being a grown up is hard. I don't doubt that you can do it; but are you sure you want to?"

"Yes Dede, I am ready. To be honest I am scared too but I know in my heart that I am ready, for everything."

"Everything?" he stressed.

"Yes Grandpa, Everything. I know I am going to face Strigoi. I will have to face true evil, I am not afraid of that because I know I have the love of God to protect me. I am not afraid of finding my husband because as strange as it sounds I already love him and I haven't even met him. I am a bit worried about the whole, having babies' thing but at the same time part of me is excited about that. Besides I think most young women tend to be a little unnerved about the first one. It might help though if someone would tell me how to make one. I was supposed to take a Health class that also discussed reproduction this semester but grandma pulled me from it and put me in piano instead."

As we approached the clinic the conversation ended. I think he didn't want anyone to overhear us. The clinic was quiet and the nurse on duty pretended she didn't see us when we came in. Before she turned her back to us she gave me a quick smile and wink. Grandpa led me straight to their room. Mom was shuffling her way back to the bed from the bathroom. She looked so weak. Grandpa helped her walk the rest of the way and covered her up after settling Dad's arm around her.

Her eyes lit up when she saw me. She reached out for me and I rushed to the side of the bed. I didn't even know I was crying till she began patting my back and murmuring soothing sounds to me. I couldn't hold back anymore.

"I missed you so much mommy. I was so worried about you but they wouldn't let me see you. They don't understand; they won't listen to me."

"shh shh shh. Calm down baby; I'm here. Who are, They?"

"Grandma Janine and Emma." I sniffed.

"I should have known. Let me look at you it has been so long since I got to see you." I pulled back to arm's length but didn't let go of her. "Annie you are all grown up. What's going on? Are you getting called into service sooner because I am so sick?"

"Huh"

"Did the counsel of the pure decide that you need to be ready to take my place because I am dying?" Tears flowed from her eyes and she pressed her hand to her belly.

"Oh, no mommy no. I have talked to the counsel and I asked for this. I am ready now; I am not afraid anymore. I want to be like you. I asked and they granted me my request." Mommy's eyes lit with pride and love for me and her love wrapped around us.

"I am so proud of you, I am a little sad that my baby is not a baby anymore. I can see that you are nearly old enough biologically and you sound so grown up so I think that they are helping you mature psychologically as well. Have you found Him yet?"

"Yeah I did but the funny thing is I haven't even seen or met him. Remember how I used to tell you about friend that my heart felt but I knew he wasn't a ghost yet?"

"Yes I remember. I always wondered if he was in a coma somewhere and you could feel him but not see him because he was in a sort of limbo between life and death." She answered.

"He is Strigoi mommy. We are bonded already and I think we have been since he was turned. Somehow he has control of himself. I'm not sure but I think I might be part of the reason he has control. Anyway I can feel him. He came looking for me and he is in some kind of trouble. I have to go to him and I have to heal him. If grandma and Emma find out about him they will stop me. I don't have a pack to pull magic from and if I try to borrow Emma's or yours they will find out."

"Don't worry about them. All you need is spirit for healing him. Call on your dad, I know he is unconscious but if I am right there is a bond between you and him because of biology just like we are connected, you are connected."

"But in the Vision quest I saw that you had to touch a spirit wielder and the wielder had to touch daddy; and it doesn't end well for the spirit wielder in the long run." More tears poured down my cheeks as I looked at my dad. He is still my Woody, my friend; I don't want to harm him.

"Maybe this is the reason I made the mistake of giving him too much; so he can share it with you. He has so much spirit that he can share with two people and if I am right; he has so much that he won't need the physical contact with you or your…. God it is hard for me to say this; Your Husband of your Heart." She caressed my cheek. "My big girl, you grew up while I was sleeping; already almost a woman and not even seven years old yet." She looked up to my grandpa. "Baba, will you help her get to him? I give you permission to take her off campus and even travel with her if you have to but help her find him. Keep her safe for me then bring them home."

"That was my intention, daughter."

"He isn't far mommy. In fact I think he is only a mile or so past the wards; in that direction." I closed my eyes and let my arm point where my heart wanted me to go."

"Then go to him but be safe baby."

"I will and mommy you dad and maybe grandpa Abe are the only people I'll allow to call me by kid names like ladybug and baby from now on."

Grandpa and I left and headed in the direction I had pointed out earlier. Once at the fence grandpa used his earth magic to make a tunnel big enough to crawl through. My heart swelled with happiness knowing my special soul was so close. I grabbed grandpa's hand and ran through the forest towards the caves that had been part the attack of the Academy in another timeline.

"I'm coming love. I'm bringing you home." I said to him in my mind.

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**POP QUIZ**

1. Did anyone pick up on the last name of Aidan's Dad? What Relation do you think he has to the other Guardian with the same last name?

2. Abe is very understanding of Annemarie's feelings. Do you think he is too willing to go with her wishes or do you think he is doing the right thing?

3. What do you think of Annemarie's decision to step up to her role as a Wielder of Love so young? Do you think she is too young?

4. Rose seems ok with the fact that her baby is grown and ready to begin fulfilling her fate but how do you think Dimitri will react?

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It has been done for a while and sent to a beta but she disappeared on me. I asked DoB to do me the honour of betaing the chapter. Thank you again DoB

For anyone interested I have started a Twi Fic. It is titled **_Missing_**. If you are interested in a way to pester me to post or you want to ask me about my plotlines I have a facebook group. Look on my profile for the link.

_**Please Review and let me know you are still with me.**_

Suzanna


	26. Healing

November 18, 2012

Hello my readers.

I would like to say hello to any new readers too. I have recently heard from the beta that had gone MIA. Tiffany has been sick and has not had internet access for some time. I wish her a fast and thorough recovery. Thank you Do'B for betaing this chapter and for all your feedback. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

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_**Chapter 25: Healing**_

**Annemarie POV**

Using my mind I called out to him. "I'm here and I am coming in." the cave opening was a little narrow and low but being as short and relatively thin I had no problem getting through. I could imagine though that it would be a bit uncomfortable for a fully grown man. For the briefest of moments I wondered who I would find. Would he be very young like me or would he be older like mom and Dad. I have felt his presence in my heart since I was very young but since souls are ageless I don't think I would be able to discern his age by the feel of his soul. I know our souls are in love and I suspect the rest of me will love him very soon if not immediately. Perhaps I should trust Fate but I can't help but wonder if he is someone I would have chosen for myself. Mom and Emma are both happy with the men Fate chose for them. Shaking off my worries I set my mind to the task at hand.

About fifty yards in there was a bend in the cave. Beyond that there was a fire burning in a stone lined pit. Nearby lay a sleeping man with handmade splits on his leg and arm. His face was familiar. He was old, like 45 – 50 years old. For a split moment my heart pounded with disappointment. Then I remembered two very important things; first a Strigoi wouldn't be injured and second, he would never sleep. She leaned down and whispered to the broken Guardian. "We will help you I promise." I placed my hands over his splint and sent healing love into him. I know that I can't fix his broken bones but my healing can at least take away his pain for now.

"I know you're here, I can feel you." I called out to the darkness.

"I don't want to scare you." A rich voice called out from the shadows further back. I found myself pulled to him. I followed the direction of his voice till I was almost swallowed by shadows myself.

"I know what you are and I am not afraid of you. I can't heal you unless I can touch you. Come to me please." Slowly he stepped out of the shadows. I froze in place and my breath caught in my throat. He was magnificent. He was tall, maybe almost as tall as my dad. The dim firelight didn't give me a clear idea of what his hair color was but it looked dark and lay neatly on his head despite the fact that he had been camping in a cave for many days. His eyes though ringed with red were a clear blue and kinder than any I had ever seen. His voice was rich and soft. It is a known fact that Strigoi have harsher eyes and voices then before being awakened. Even My dad's voice had changed a little when he was awakened; even though he was in control of his body.

"If you don't mind me saying, Miss, you are much younger than I expected." I couldn't help the feeling of dejection I felt. He must have seen it in my face despite the guardian mask I was desperately trying to erect. "I am glad though." He corrected. "I don't want to sound crazy but I feel…. Very close to you. I, I want to be close to you in a way that would be very awkward if you were in your mid twenty's or older, as I had feared. My guess is that you are a few years younger than I was when I was awakened."

"Um, something like that. It's complicated but I will explain that later. As for your feelings; you aren't crazy. I feel it too. I hope that I don't scare you away with this but well we are destined to be together. There is a very deep magic that has brought us together."

"Like a magically, prearranged marriage?" Instead of looking upset or sceptical he looked as if he was grasping to put a description to his own thoughts. I can't say how much his thoughtfully accepting look relieved me.

"That would be a very fitting description for it. It has a name; it is called a Marriage of the Heart."

"I guess I understand why I have never felt attracted to any other person. I'm seventeen; I thought something was wrong with me. But all this time it was you; my soul knew you already and it didn't want anyone else. What is your name?" He reached out and I gave him my hand.

"Annie, I mean Annemarie Belikova." His hand sent a current through me. It was strong and comforting.

"My name is Aidan Matthew Tanner." He took my other hand in his and brought them to his lips: kissing them before pressing them to his heart. "I, Aidan Tanner, take you as my wife. I promise to love you and only you until time itself come to an end; for even death won't take me from your side. The moment I saw you I knew that I found a home for my heart." The power of our love, a love I could never have imagined to be so strong wrapped around us.

"I Annemarie Belikova, take you as my Husband of My Heart. Forever I will stand beside you and together we will take the journey God has planned for us." Aidan leaned down and kissed my lips softly before wrapping me up in his arms. I snuggled into his chest feeling safe and complete. I couldn't help the giggle that erupted from me. I felt him gazing down at me. I could feel a blush flush over me as I met his red ringed blue eyes.

"Did we really just do what I think we did?" I asked.

"Yes my wife I think we did. We pledged ourselves to each other. I know it isn't official but it is very real to me." He held me tightly and though I know that his Strigoi strength could squeeze the life out of me his hold was strong yet so very gentle.

He held me in silence for a few more moments; then pulling away slightly he asked.

"How does it work; changing me, I mean? How many others have you changed? How come we have never heard of this before?"

"Slow down, first I have to tell you that I have never done this yet. My mom, sister and I are special Dhampirs. We are given the gift and burden to find Strigoi and cast out the demon that inhabits them. By doing this we transform them back into their original state. Most of the Moroi society doesn't yet know about us; and those that do are in on the secret. I have not been ready to take my place yet because I was not mature enough but now I am. What I will do for you is going to be different than what I will do for any other Strigoi I will ever encounter. My sister and my mom have both done this for their Husbands too. I will heal you and cast out the demon but you won't go back to your original state; if you were Dhampir or Human than you will become a Dhampir with a higher Moroi DNA than the norm. You will still need blood and you will take on the ability to wield magic like a Moroi." I still had to address the question of how. I wasn't 100% sure to start with but there was a ghost near us who began to explain to me what I needed to do. I began to blush a bit and I found it hard to look at him.

"And how will you do that?" His voice was patient but curious

"Um, I know how it was done by my mom and sister but they had a helper with them and I don't so I am going to have to … Um." I took a deep calming breath. "I need to make contact with the skin on your chest and torso. Um … The more skin the better." I looked up to be met by Aidan's embarrassed gaze. I felt a little better knowing he was just as embarrassed as I was. I couldn't help but bite my bottom lip.

"Well we have already pledged ourselves to each other so I guess it should be ok if my wife sees me without my shirt." I could feel his nervousness as he pulled away and slowly began to remove his jacket and shirt.

"Aidan we should sit or lay down because if this works; we will most likely lose consciousness."

He nodded and laid his jacket down almost like a pillow than sat down. I was so nervous that I couldn't work the buttons on my coat. After I struggled for a few minutes Aidan took my hands in his and guided me down to his lap.

"Allow me." He whispered. His voice was a bit deeper than it was a few minutes before. All I could do was nod and let my hands rest at my sides. He gently took off my jacket, sweater and thermal shirt. When he got down to what should have been bare skin and a bra he gasped. Fingers that seemed too gentle to belong to a Strigoi traced the bandage that wrapped my chest. "Who broke your ribs?' This time I could hear the hard cold edge in his voice. His eyes held a mixture of concern and contempt. I didn't want to explain this but I know you should have honesty in your marriage; I have no choice but to explain the aging fast thing.

"No one has hurt me. I am more than fine. I keep myself wrapped up because I am hiding the fact that I have developed breasts. I am really much younger than I look. I am the child of a Love Wielder; we age at twice the rate as other kids till we hit 5 then we slow to normal. I begged the beings responsible for us to allow me to mature faster again. My parents have been sick and my grandmother and sister would throw a fit if they knew what I did."

"I am afraid to ask your true age. Is it wrong that I still feel attracted to you and want you for my wife even though you are so young? My mind is telling me that we should hold back a few years. By the way I am willing to wait as long as you need me to."

"I think I will wait a bit before I tell you my true age because I don't want to freak you out. As for it being wrong for us to feel the way we do; no it is not wrong. I am as mature as I look; physically emotionally and mentally. I will continue to mature till well I assume it will slow again once I catch up to you. Fate would not have brought you to me unless I was ready for you. Together we will figure out what we are ready for and when."

"Ok; I trust in God with my whole heart and I believe that he brought me to you. I promise to wait and not pressure you to get physical till we are both ready and willing. Annemarie, I love you already."

I pressed my hand to his heart and wrapped an arm around to his back as he held me close to him. I pulled all my healing power and focused it on him. I called to daddy in my mind and immediately felt spirit come to me. Something wasn't working though at first I thought that it wouldn't work without a Spirit Wielder at my side; but then the ghost woman told me what was wrong. The bandage was blocking me. When a love wielder transforms Strigoi she only has to touch his body on the chest or torso and say her prayer while wielding love. It doesn't matter if there is clothing on them or not but when Mom healed dad in the vision she reached into his shirt to touch him. Adrian had told me every detail of what she did to him in this timeline and dad wasn't wearing a shirt at all. I pulled back and couldn't help but notice the look of pure bliss and serenity in my husband's face morph into one of confusion and disappointment.

"Why did you pull away?"

"It's not working because there isn't enough skin contact. I need to take the bandage off." I unhooked the metal clips then started to unroll the bandage. I could feel his intense gaze but I kept my eyes down. When I was done he gasped again. "So Beautiful" I heard him whisper.

This time I straddled his lap instead of sitting across it. We resumed our embrace and again I called on dad for spirit and focused healing love and healing spirit to him. I could feel it beginning to work. A feeling I could only describe as passion blossomed within me and swirled around us intermingling with the love already wrapping around us.

His soft lips brushed the skin of my ear igniting an electric current within me. I inhaled his sent and it made me feel light headed because he smelled so good. I brought my lips to brush against his and he caught my bottom lip between his; my first real kiss was with my husband on the day we began our bond. It was a tentative sweet kiss and it was something I know I will remember for the rest of my life. We both pulled ourselves from the kiss at the same time.

Aiden looked into my eyes and smiled. I could see that the red was gone. His skin was still pale but not like a Strigoi and he was warm. He pulled me closer into his arms again and laid his head on my shoulder. I know I wasn't done channelling Spirit to him so I continued wielding love and Spirit.

I could feel Aidan's lips on my neck. I felt his desire for my blood and in truth I felt desire for his as well. I tilted my neck to give him more access and I also sought out his neck with my lips. In my mind I whispered to him. "It's ok to drink from me, it is part of the magical bond we have." He needed no more encouragement. Oh God, did it feel good. Not like the pain medication I have had to take when my cancer is bad and I hurt. No this was good like, like … like nothing I have ever felt. I let my own fangs sink into his jugular. He moaned and I swear something inside of me came undone; intense pleasure sent shockwaves to every nerve of my body. Suddenly everything went black.

o~O~o

**Abe POV.**

I sat on that rock for what must have been an hour. I know I should have been worried that my granddaughter was in a cave with a Strigoi. I know my Annemarie is capable of handling this. If she wasn't then the Council of the Pure would not have granted her request to be made ready sooner. Also they wouldn't have allowed her husband to cross her path yet.

For a while I heard the faint muffled sound of voices as they reverberated against the stone walls. I couldn't understand what they said but they had sounded friendly.

I have been around Wielders of Life and Death (or as Rose, prefers to call them Love Wielders) for a long time. I am familiar with the feeling of healing love being wielded near me. I smiled when I felt Healing Love flow around. It was when the feeling of passion infused itself with the healing love that I became concerned.

No man wants to acknowledge even the thought that his daughter or granddaughter may have lost their virginity. But the thought that my little Annie may be discovering the physical aspects of married life at this very moment is very disturbing. Oh my goodness I am going to kill my wife when I get home….. Annie told me not more than two and a half hours ago that Janine took her out of Health class because they were going to cover reproduction.

Poor Annie has had a very sheltered life. The movie's she has watched have all been PG; there are so many little ones in the house that Rose doesn't even watch anything else. Rose doesn't believe in letting the children watch television. So I know that Annie has most likely never been exposed to sex in the media. She has no friends in her classes because she is so different than her classmates. I don't think they know what to make of her so she probably hasn't been exposed to gossip from girlfriends. And my brilliant wife took her out of the class that would have given her some rudimentary instruction and explained that sex is how babies are made.

Yeva was the one to explain to me about the Marriage of the heart. Any Dhampir who is lucky enough to find their true soul mate has the ability to procreate with them even if they are both Dhampir. Rose has explained that all the love wielders of the past have become pregnant upon first coitus. (For some strange reason Rose herself didn't become pregnant for a few months but her theory is that Dimitri and she had held back a bit of themselves from each other and it wasn't till they pledged themselves to each other that she conceived.)

If my poor granddaughter gets impregnated today; before she even knows how babies are made; I am going to kill my wife. How dare she interfere in Annie's education? Especially since Rose herself had to have signed the consent form.

I waited outside. Part of me wanted to rush in and stop whatever might be taking place but the rest of me thought better of it. First of all I know I really don't want to see what I might see. I once walked in on Emma and Ben; Emma may not be my biological Granddaughter but the memory still haunts me two years later. The other reason I didn't interrupt them was because I know that whatever was happening was happening with Annie's full consent.

There was an almost electric charge in the magic being emitted from the cave then it suddenly went quiet. I cringed at the thought of what that could mean. I stayed on the rock for another half hour. Thank God that I had several layers of clothing on as well as the battery operated, heated socks and gloves that Yeva gave me for Christmas. Crazy old bat probably had a vision of me sitting on a rock in the snow for hours.

I figured they should be coming out of the cave soon but when the half hour passed and they still didn't emerge I decided to buck up and go in there. I had to crouch down to get through but I made it without having to crawl. I could see firelight coming from somewhere around the bend. When I got to it I saw a Dhampir man sleeping alone. In the dirt floor I could see footprints leading farther back in the cave. In an area farther back than the light from the fire reached I saw the outline of two bodies lying together on the ground.

I should hope that they would have had enough decency not to have consummated the Marriage Bond when there was an injured man sleeping nearby. I called out to her and received no response. After several more tries I gave up and approached them. To my dismay and relief they were in a state of half dress. Both were bare from the waist up but completely clothed from the belt down to shoes.

Annemarie was laying over him with her legs straddling him in a very intimate way. Her arms were trapped under their bodies and his were wrapped protectively around her. The bandage she had obviously been using to disguise her recently developing body was carelessly flung to the right side. Almost all the other clothing was spread around on the left. The boy's jacket seemed to have been set for a pillow but I could only assume their heads had missed the mark.

I tried to call out to both Annie and the young man but still got no response. I could hear their breathing and hearts beating. There isn't much I can do but wait for help. I know that Janine will probably send out the Guardians when were not home by breakfast. I had to lift them a little so that I could extract Annemarie's forearms and hands out from under him before they lose circulation. I next moved the folded jacket so that it cushioned the boy's head. Then I took her jacket and the sweaters and covered the young couple as best I could.

While trying to carefully extract Little Ones hands From under him I observed that they both had fresh fang marks on the left jugular. Well even if they didn't physically consummate the bond with intercourse they consummated the blood bond. There is no doubt in my mind that this young man and my granddaughter have already made the conscious choice to accept one another as husband and wife.

"Congratulations Little One, he is a handsome young man and if the way that he is holding you is any indication; than he already loves you. And you young man, you have a very special woman in your arms; take care of her and love her or you will be answering to me." I whispered to them before retreating back to the man by the fire. He was still sleeping and there was more than half of a good sized roast rabbet sitting close enough to the fire to keep warm but not enough to burn. I picked off a leg and ate it.

I stayed by the warm fire for a while before realizing I should go back out where My paranoid wife's search party can find me. Wanting something to do I picked up a piece of wood and searched my pockets for a knife to whittle but instead found one of Dimitri's western books. I donned my hat and gloves and went back outside. I don't know how many hours passed but the crunch of boots pulled me out of the book just as I was about to finish the fifth chapter.

o~O~o

**Rose POV**

It wasn't too long after Annemarie left that I heard her voice in my head. "Ok, send me spirit." I felt the energy change coming from Dimitri. I wasn't sure if he would be able to hear her, I have been trying to reach him through Dream Walk but the Spirit overload has kept his brain closed to me. It was a relief to know he could hear her call to him and respond to it. I know that neither one of them is used to channelling Spirit so I used my own ability to channel Spirit energy remotely and helped him channel his Spirit energy to Annemarie. After a moment I heard her in my head telling us to stop. I was worried for a moment but after a few minutes she called to us again asking for Spirit. This time I could feel a change in the flow of energy as if it were flowing freely instead of being pushed.

My daughter has used Healing Love many times; it was one of the first things she did even before walking. I had pricked my finger on her diaper pin on day and when she saw me wince and look at my finger she pulled my finger too her mouth and I thought she just wanted the blood that was dripping from it but when stuck it in her mouth I felt the familiar feeling of healing love swirl around us and the pain from the pinprick lessened. Since then she has been known to kiss many ouches, especially those of fellow novices. Lissa even shared with me the memory of her healing a burn that Dimitri got during his picnic with the kids.

I could only imagine how beautiful the love she is wielding right now feels. Part of me wishes I was there to share this moment with her but I am happy to be here aiding her father as he helps her.

I can already feel my husband come back to me as the excess of Spirit is drained away. His arm which I have been wrapping around myself is now holding me close to him. I can feel him bury his nose into the hair at the nape of my neck. If not for the fact that he was busy focusing on channelling Spirit to our daughter, am certain that he would be initiating more contact.

Once the connection to Annemarie came to an abrupt stop I knew she had done it. She has healed the man who will be the husband of her heart. I can't wait to meet him. If the Council of the Pure think he is good enough for my baby girl I know I he will be just right for her. I am not strong enough to go outside yet but I know Dimitri will soon fix that when he cures me of this cancer. I was distracted from any further thought by the velvety voice of my love.

"Roza" he whispered into my neck as he pulled me closer. "Roza you're really here with me. I thought I have been dreaming of you this whole time. I was worried that I would wake too late and you would be gone."

I rolled over so that I could face him.

"I am here Dimitri and I will stay with you till we are both ready to go home to God." I kissed him softly on his lips.

"Let me heal you now so that we can go see our Lady Bug."

"Dimitri do you know what has been happening?"

"I heard her ask me for spirit. Somehow I knew that even in the state I was in I would be able to send out spirit I just didn't know how to get it to her but I guess you must have helped me with that. Why did she need so much spirit; what did she do with it?"

"Our little girl grew up on us Dimitri. She found a way to communicate with a heavenly body of beings; called the Council of the Pure. They are the ones who oversee the Love Wielders. They make the rules and they are the ones who help us cross paths with our true soul mates. She made a request to the council; she feels she is ready to step up and take her place with her sister and me as a Love Wielder. She has been hiding the fact from Janine and Emma because she knows they are going to flip."

"Less than three months ago I found out I had a 6 year old daughter who; in all practical sense was 11 going on 12. I have missed out on her whole childhood. Now she has decided that she is ready to grow up and somehow found a way to do it. I am never going to get to be a father to her am I?" I cupped his cheek.

"You will always be her father. I didn't find my father until I was 18 and already expecting a baby but I look to him and need him just as much as I would if I had always had him in my life. She is always going to be your 'Ladybug' and you will always be her 'Woody'. Just like I am Abe's 'Little Girl' and he is my 'Old Man'." He mulled the thought over in his mind then his eyes grew large as if a frightening thought occurred to him.

"Roza, you didn't answer the question about needing Spirit. Is she already transforming Strigoi? She isn't out hunting with Emma is she?" His Eyes grew wider. "No. That can't be why because if that was the case she would be drawing energy from a pack and not from just a Spirit Wielder. Roza, did our daughter have a boyfriend that I didn't know about?"

"When Annie was still very little she told me about a soul that she could feel. She couldn't see it so we knew it wasn't a ghost. We thought that it was perhaps someone who was in a vegetative coma somewhere. She has felt the connection ever since. She would sometimes tell me that it must have been a very good person because the soul was so good. Recently the connection has grown stronger and they have been able to communicate on some level. He has come looking for her; he knew she could rid him of the Strigoi Demon that has trapped him."

"Him, this soul is he her hu, h hus husband?" I could only nod in reply. "I have to heal you so we can get to them." I felt bad that he missed out on so much with Annemarie. I could only hope that the secret I held will bring him some happiness. I could almost see him slip into doctor mode as he looked at me appraisingly.

"I can see the cancer; it is a shade of greenish brown." He lifted his hand to my face and began to trace my facial scars. "You're still beautiful to me." He closed his eyes and I could feel spirit energy but instead of feeling it radiate from the point of contact throughout my body, it was concentrated only where his fingers ghosted over my scar. I closed my eyes and lost myself to the beauty of it. He took hold of my hospital gown and tore it open and freed me of it completely.

Despite the serious subject regarding our daughter we talked about earlier or the gravity of my illness; I could feel the effect that my naked body had on Dimitri. After so many years of feeling hideous because of my scars; knowing that I was still able to cause this kind of reaction from Dimitri made me feel as if I am still beautiful. Unfortunately for him I don't think having an erection felt good with the catheter he had. I opened my eyes and caught him wincing and pulling it out. "Sorry Comrade." I reached out to touch him but he stopped me. "I'm not getting frisky, Comrade, just trying to take the pain away with my magic." He submitted but once I was done he made me lay back down so he could continue to heal me.

"Roza, I think you may have a mass in your abdomen. It is a little distended." Dimitri reached to touch my stomach but I put my hand in his way.

"Please my love, can we save the deeper stuff for last. I really want to be rid of all the scars." I knew that once he got a good look at what is going on in my belly he would be distracted and I would hate to have him pull his attention away once he saw my secret for himself. "As you wish." he replied using his favorite quote from the princess bride.

He continued healing the scars on my neck and chest. He then moved to my arms and chest. My legs were next starting from my feet up to the apex of my legs. His hands trembled with anger when he worked on the scars near, on and in my sex.

I could feel my health return to me with inch of healed flesh. I have been sick for so long now that it is almost shocking to feel this good and I know he is not fully finished.

Dimitri took a cleansing breath and placed his hands on my abdomen. I could feel that he worked first on the superficial layers of flesh and progressed deeper. I knew the moment that he realized the true nature of my secret. He pulled his concentration away from his hands and focused on my face.

"Roza?" he breathed softly. I gave him a smile. The next thing I knew he moved up to kiss me before refocusing on healing the scaring from my womb. I watched his face intently as he worked. Different emotions flickered on his face mirrored by the emotions I felt through our marital bond. He went from joyful to concerned, concerned to grieved and then hopeful. It was with the hopeful that I felt an extra boost of healing spirit. When he was done he moved back to kiss my lips tenderly.

"Roza, I have always wanted to be a father. When I was young I realized that it would most likely never happen. I knew that I wanted my children to be made with a woman I could give my whole heart to. Prior to meeting you; no woman ever caught my heart; not even close. When I met you my desire changed. All I wanted was to have you as mine and only mine. As you know that lead me to make the biggest mistake; leaving you pregnant and alone. My stupid mistake cost me time with you, and Annemarie. My not being here for you has cost us to lose Marianne. I don't deserve a second chance. I don't deserve your forgiveness. Whether or not I deserve it you have: forgiven me, taken me back and now I find out that you are giving me more children. Nothing I ever do will be able to show my gratitude but I will try; I will spend the rest of my life devoted to showing you and our children how much I love you."

"Children; I thought there was only one in there? I am happy to have twins again but pregnancy with multiples is hard; even for a Dhampir."

"Roza there are three in there."

**Dimitri POV**

I watch the look of amazement and worry that etch my Roza's eyes and smile. I wish I could tell her that all was well but I cannot lie to her. Two of the embryos were doing fine all on their own. They were identical twins, sharing one placenta but having separate amniotic sacs. Both were about the size of a grape; which is just about right for the number of weeks since Roza and I made love.

It was the third embryo that had me concerned. Its placenta was situated right over one of the scars. The coloring of the placenta itself held the sickening color of Roza's cancer as did the blood and flesh. Despite this the embryo was still alive. It was not as large as its siblings but the level of development was still there.

I didn't know what to do. I healed the scar beneath the placenta but I wasn't sure if I could remove the cancer from the placenta or the baby itself without killing it. I decided to try to heal the placenta but when I did the tiny life began to falter. I decided to let it be for now and vowed to keep an eye on it and heal what I could as the pregnancy continued.

I was thankful that I had taken an interest in foetal development back when Tasha was pregnant with Connor. I wish I had been here for Roza when she was pregnant with the girls but this time she won't be alone in this. I will be by her side for everything. Tasha had her own Gynecologist and gave birth in a hospital and though I had been in the room with her I didn't deliver him. If Roza was willing I want to be the one to take care of her and our babies and I want to be the one to help her bring them into the world.

Overwhelmed with love I kissed her. Sweet kisses opened themselves to more passionate ones. Roza was the one to set the pace; it was on fire with passion, fast and hard with her newfound strength and energy. Though cautious at first I gave as good as I got and in the end I had to smirk at the slightly bow legged gate that Roza used as she walked to the bathroom after.

It would take too much time to get released from the clinic so we just left after Maria Olendzki showed up with some clothing she had the foresight to bring. She told us that she had heard that Janine and Emma were freaking out because Abe and Annemarie had left for a walk at about 7 am and now at 2 in the afternoon they were still gone. Alberta was at the Cottage House trying to calm them down but it was a losing battle. We ran home just in time to tell the guardians to go back to whatever it was they were supposed to be doing. After that Rose turned to confront her mother and daughter.

"Mom, Emma, Dimitri and I know about the walk they took and he has my permission to take her wherever she wanted to go." Roza told them.

"Rose it has been seven hours. Anything could have happened. Emma has tried to reach Annie telepathically and she hasn't gotten any reply." Janine cried.

"Nothing bad has happened. I have been in communication with my daughter and I know they are fine. Honestly if I were her I would ignore the two of you too. From what I hear you both have been suffocating her since we left her in your care two months ago."

"We have to find them before night fall. Emma and I can go with Annie's guardians. Stay here with the kids and rest, Rose; we will take care of everything." Janine said as if she hadn't heard a thing Roza has said.

"ENOUGH!" Roza yelled, "Dimitri, compel them for me." This was the only thing I already knew how to do. Strigoi have no elemental ability but they can use compulsion and Adrian taught me how during my two months as a Strigoi.

"Emma, you will go home with Ben and you will stay there for the next two days." I focused my spirit at Emma and though she refused to look at me I could feel that she had fallen under my influence. Ben took her coat and helped her into it. He gave me a small smile and led her out the door.

"Janine, you will not leave this house nor will you call on anyone else to go searching. Annemarie is mine and Roza's daughter, we gave permission to her grandfather to go on an outing and now that we are feeling well we will be joining them. You will stay here and rest." Though I could feel her resist the compulsion with all her might she to fell victim to the power behind my Spirit. I could see why using it was considered wrong. There was one thing that her conscious mind picked up.

"Rosemarie, Dimitri, how is it that you are out of the clinic. Are you truly both ok?"

"Yes mom we are both very well. I can't explain what happened but just trust that we are good. Now please go to bed mom. Dimitri and I will go meet up with dad and Annie. We might be gone for a few days. I will call you if I need to but other than that I really need you to trust us and stay here so that we can spend some time with our little girl. I have missed her so much."

"Ok Rose. I will stay and take care of the children here. Are you taking Josh too?"

"Not this time. Her birthday is coming so this will be our special time with her I am going to send Dad back as soon as we meet up with them. Dimitri and I will do something special with my little man in March for his birthday."

o~O~o

I called Mikhail and asked him meet me at the carport in twenty minutes. Roza and I packed a bag for each of us and for Ladybug. We could have asked Guardians Lenin and Korev but I know that ladybug likes Mikhail and would be happier to trust him with her secret.

We used the fire access roads to drive around the outside of the school to the location Roza believed Annie would be found. She parked behind a gray Jeep Cherokee. After consulting a map of the area she led the way to the caves that we once suspected were used as the Strigoi lair before the attack on the school. Abe was sitting on a fallen log in front of an opening in the rock face; he was reading one of my books. The relief in his face was almost comical.

"Oh thank God it is you. I was afraid it was your mom and a battalion of Guardians." He chuckled. "I think your Kiz needs her mother, Dimitri can I speak with you for a moment. I stayed outside with him and Mikhail till Rose came out. Meanwhile he informed me of some of the things that have happened or not happened while we were out of commission. Roza would not be happy about what Emma and Janine have done but we are here now and we will help our daughter and her new husband.

* * *

**Quiz. **

How do you think Rose is going to react to the fact that Janine pulled Annemarie out of the sex ed class?

What do you think will happen to the third baby(the one with the contaminated placenta)?

What do you think will happen when Mikhail sees Matthew?

**Please Review. **

Remember that if you want to talk to me about plot points or nudge me about posting you can also reach me at my Face book group. The link is in my profile.

Suzanna


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